13. Decker
“You kick someone’s ass in poker last night or something?”
“Huh?” I look up from my phone, the message from Juniper putting a smile on my face.
“Looks like you slept with a damn hanger in your mouth.”
“Nah, just in a good mood. Excited to go schmooze with a bunch of rich assholes.”
“We’re rich assholes,” my dad grumbles from the driver’s seat of the Range Rover.
“Yeah, we’re rich assholes, but they’re slimy rich assholes. There’s a difference,” I reply as I type out a response to Juniper.
Me: OK, we can absolutely have that talk. I won’t be home till late tonight. You want to come over?
“How has Juney liked taking over for her dad?”
The second Ranger says her name, I see my dad’s eyes flash to me in the rearview mirror. He’s always seen the way she looked at me growing up. Hell, everyone teased her about it, but the older I got and the older she got, the less my dad joked about us. The last time he said anything to me about her was the night of the party—the night I kissed her. He didn’t know about that, but he saw us talking, which was followed by one of his stern reminders not to hurt her, and that her father is his best friend.
“She likes it,” I shrug, acting nonchalant, “at least that’s what I hear.” My phone buzzes with a reply from her.
Juniper: Was that a segue into a booty call, sir?
I laugh, knowing the exact look that was on her face when she typed out that message.
“Shit, now you’re giggling?” Ranger looks over at me and I glance up in the mirror to make sure my dad’s eyes are on the road before I give him a small shake of my head. He gets the message, turning back around and talking to my dad about our meeting.
Me: Wouldn’t dream of it. I’m a gentleman . . . remember?
Me: But speaking of booty, can’t get an image out of my head . . . the one of your naked ass up in the air with my cock stuffed inside you.
The three dancing dots appear then disappear then reappear again. I hope she’s blushing, a pink glow spreading across her chest, her fingers typing furiously beneath her desk as she tries to hide her screen from prying eyes.
“Son,” my dad interrupts my daydream, “I talked to your cousins down in Texas. I think you made the right move coming back, Deck. The boys down there needed a more wild terrain. Something exciting for them to tame. The cowboys here have never been more organized with the pasture repairs and migrations this season.”
“I agree,” Ranger adds, “and now Dolly isn’t threatening to castrate me every night coming home at 10 p.m.”
My phone buzzes again.
Juniper: Great, now my shirt is wet from spitting out my coffee.
I smile. This naughty little game we’re playing is exciting.
Me: More importantly, is your pussy wet? Throbbing? Begging to be filled again?
Fuck me, I know I’m playing too close to the edge with all this. It was only supposed to be one night—fuck, it wasn’t supposed to happen at all, but then I wasn’t going to do it again. But seeing her later, smelling her next to me at the bar, I couldn’t stop myself. I’m not sure I can stop myself now.
“Do that Apple thing where you play the music through the truck.” My dad points toward the radio.
I’ve shown the man half a dozen times how his phone automatically connects and he can control it from the screen, but he has no interest in learning. Instead, I switch it to my phone and select a country mix from back in his day.
“But anyway, Deck, I need you focused today. I know you boys hate this part of the job, but I guarantee you, I hate it more. Taking over for my seat on the board means this kind of stuff—not just the perks with the private jet and the box seats at Avs games. And while I understand that the ranch is far more exciting than an office at the brewery, we all have to do our part.”
“I understand, Dad,” I say with sincerity when I look up from my phone, because even though he’s right and I hate putting on a monkey suit and groveling to people who don’t actually give a shit about my family or our legacy, I can’t fall back on being young and dumb anymore. And more importantly, I don’t want to. “I’m ready for the responsibility.”
The music is interrupted with an alert from my phone and my stomach drops. Thinking with my dick really must scramble my brains, because I completely forgot that my phone was connected to my dad’s truck.
“Text from Juniper Riley.”
“Fuck.” I barely get the word out before she reads Juniper’s response over the speakers in the truck.
“Wet and throbbing but I’m afraid you’ll split me in two.”
I just lean forward, resting my head in my hands. This is gonna be bad.
“Goddammit son, what did I just say to you? You’re far too old to be doing this kind of shit, and you know it.” My dad’s voice booms over Ranger’s laughter.
“Hey, Dad, give him a break. He and Juney are both consenting adults, and if they like each other, then who cares?”
I appreciate Ranger’s effort, but it goes nowhere with my dad. He continues ranting and raving while I just stare out the window—laughing to myself that that just happened.
“You better clean this up and end it before it goes any further and you hurt her or her father finds out.”
“For the record, Dad, I’m a grown-ass man like Ranger said, and while I understand your concern, this is something between Juniper and me.” His eyes stare at me in the mirror. “And I’d appreciate it if you both would not only keep this between us, but also not interfere.”
The truck falls silent. Ranger looks at me then my dad, slowly passing his hand back to fist bump me below our dad’s eye level. It’s hilarious and ridiculous at the same time, like we’re 15 again and getting in trouble for skinny-dipping with girls in our parents’ pool.
“Are you serious about her?”
“Not talking about it, Dad.”
I turn my attention back to my phone, a tinge of guilt in my gut. I have no idea what this is between us. I had no intention of even entertaining the idea of it ever being something serious, but now I don’t know.
Me: Good. I won’t come by tonight since it will be late, but let’s talk tomorrow? I’ll come by around 7.
I put my phone aside, ready to be focused on our meetings today.
“Look, Son,”my dad pulls me aside when we get back to the ranch, “I’m sorry I overstepped a boundary today. I know you’re a grown man.” He squeezes my arm. “I just want you to find the happiness your siblings have found.”
“I know, Dad.”
“Do you want to settle down? Have a family?”
I nod. “Sure, who doesn’t? But I was also never in a rush.”
“I know, and that’s one of my favorite things about you. You do things in your own way, on your own time. Just . . . take it seriously when the time comes. I don’t want to see you go through unnecessary heartache just because something is fun and exciting. That wears off, but love, mutual connection, and ideals don’t.”
“Got it, Dad. Thanks for the talk.”
He gives me a hug and I walk over to my truck, climbing inside to drive back to my house. I drive slowly, letting the night air surround me. I know my dad’s concern is genuine, and I get it. I’m not sure if I’m running from what I left behind in Texas, or if I’m finally running toward what I’ve always wanted. When I pull closer, I see someone sitting on the porch beneath the dim glow of the light. I smile, my heart actually fluttering. I step on the gas to get to her faster, but when I get closer, I realize it’s not Juniper. My stomach drops when she comes into view, her hand lifting in a small wave as she stands from the porch steps.
It’s Camilla.
“Hey.” Her voice is light and airy, just like I remember it. She hugs her sweater around herself a little tighter as I walk up the front steps.
“Hey,” I shove my hands into my pockets, staying two stairs below her. “What are you doing here, Cami?”
She inhales sharply, her smile faltering a bit. “Can we go inside?”
“Yeah, sure.” I realize she must be cold from sitting out here. “How long have you been waiting?” I grab her small suitcase and unlock the front door, ushering her inside.
“Uh, not long.” I know she’s lying to be nice, so I don’t push it.
“Sorry, I had a meeting in Denver with my dad and brother. Had I known you were coming, I would have skipped it.” I place her suitcase down in the entryway. “Come in here; we can talk.” She sits nervously on the edge of the couch, her hands fiddling with the cuffs of her sweater. “So, wha—” I start to say.
“I’m ready to marry you.” She blurts the words out and I feel the color drain from my face.
“What?”
“I was scared when you asked me. I’ve never lived anywhere but Texas and my small hometown. I’ve never really traveled either, so the thought of being away from my family for more than a day or two terrified me . . . but not now.”
I rub my temples, in shock and unsure of what to say. She slides off the edge of the couch and kneels in front of me, reaching her hands out to take mine.
“I’m not saying I need an answer right now, Decker. I just want a second chance—to prove to you that I’m ready.”
I slide my hands from hers slowly, guilt clutching my chest when an image of Juniper laughing in my arms only a few hours ago flashes across my brain.
“What changed?” I stand up and walk toward the mantle, resting my hand on it. “Between when I proposed to you a few months ago and now, what changed so much that would make you uproot your life so quickly and easily?”
Her smile falters again and she stands up. “Nothing specifically, if that’s what you’re asking. No moment I could pinpoint . . . but it’s been weighing on me.” She reaches out her hand and presses it gently against my back. “I’ve missed you.”
“You never reached out.”
“I—I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what?” I know I sound cold, but maybe that’s because I am. I gave Camilla my heart—I didn’t hold part of it back for Juniper or anyone. I was vulnerable with her. I loved her and she never even wanted to consider giving us a chance here.
“I was afraid that you hated me or didn’t want to hear from me. You never reached out either.”
“Because you rejected me, Cami. You didn’t even give me a chance,” I snap, my tone startling her. “I’m sorry . . . sorry.” I shake my head, squeezing my eyes shut as I pinch the bridge of my nose.
“It’s okay, I deserve it.” I turn to tell her otherwise, but she holds out her hand to stop me. “Just let me say a few things.” She takes in a shaky breath. “And I’m not saying this to get pity—I mean it. You’re right, I didn’t even give us a chance; I ran at the first sign of an obstacle. I know it seems like I didn’t love you as much, or maybe I didn’t love you at all since I didn’t even fight for us, but I am now. That’s why I’m here, and that’s what’s changed, Decker. I recognize what I had with you and I want to fight for it—to prove to you that what we had was real and deserves a second chance.”
I stare at her, unblinking, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I feel the anxiety of the situation I’m in clutching at me. I don’t know what to do.
Is she right? Does what we had deserve a second chance, or I am throwing away something with Juney without even giving it a shot?
“Look, it’s late and I’m exhausted, and I’m sure you are too. I don’t know what to say right now, Cami. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk about things further with you, but right now, in this moment, I’m asking for time and understanding while I think through some things.”
“Absolutely.” She says it without hesitation. “I’d expect nothing less after how I treated you.”
I turn back to the fireplace for a second, trying to figure out the best way to handle this.
I have to talk to Juniper tomorrow. I not only owe her the talk she wanted, but now I also need to explain why things between the two of us . . .
I won’t let myself finish that thought.
“Here,” I grab her suitcase, “let me show you to one of the guest rooms.” I walk her down the hall on the main floor, telling myself that keeping her on a different floor will be the safest bet when I have to explain all this to Juney.
“You have a beautiful home. Looks just like the pictures you showed me.” She scans the hallway as we walk through it, her eyes catching on the myriad of family photos that adorn the walls. “And a beautiful family.” Her fingers linger over our last family photo—the one we took when I came home a few months back.
“In here.” I motion into the room, turning on the light and placing her suitcase on the floor. “There’s an attached bathroom that has plenty of towels and probably anything you could need, actually.”
She pokes her head into the bathroom and flips on the light, opening a drawer and then a cabinet. “Does someone else live here with you?”
“No,” I chuckle, “my mom always insists that our guest rooms be stocked in case of unexpected guests . . . something that up until now has actually never happened, so I guess I can’t tease her about it anymore.”
She laughs and it does something to me—almost like it transports me back to a year ago when my life looked completely different . . . back then, I was settled in Texas, surrendered to my plan of staying there. My nights were consistently solo until I met Camilla, and then it was like sunshine entered my gray world.
Her laugh. That’s the first thing I noticed about her. I hadn’t even seen her—just heard it in a crowd at a rodeo one night. When she turned and her eyes met mine, the world felt safe.
“I hope I get to meet her soon.”
My eyes dart to hers and I’m hit with a second reality: Not only do I have to tell Juniper about Camilla and explain to her that she’s staying in my house at the moment, but I also have to tell my family about her.
“Camilla, there’s something . . .” I look up at her, her eyes smiling at me. I can’t do it. Not tonight. I can’t tell her that while I’m acting salty—accusing her of never giving us a chance—I never even told my family about her.
I can’t tell her because I don’t know why I didn’t tell them.
At the time, I had convinced myself it was because I didn’t want their teasing or input. After all, they’d done it to me my entire life when I bounced from woman to woman. They couldn’t see me any other way than that reckless, heartless version of myself who would most likely fuck this relationship up too.
But the real reason—the one I can barely admit to myself—was that I didn’t have faith in myself not to fuck it up. The moment she said “yes,” I’d planned to send them a picture of the two of us with the ring, and explain everything, but I never got the chance. She chose to walk away, so I didn’t owe them our story. But now I can’t escape it.
“Never mind. We’ll talk more tomorrow, if that’s okay. I start the day before sunrise, but I’ll come back around 10 a.m. and we can have coffee if that works?”
She nods her head. “Thank you.” She motions around the room and I know she’s thanking me for more than just giving her a place to stay for the night.
“Good night, Cami.” I close the door behind me and let out one of the longest, heaviest sighs of my life.