6. Chapter Six
Chapter Six
Jamie
“ H e’s insufferable!” I take a sip of my latte, flinching when I burn my mouth. Nine times out of ten these takeaway coffees are lukewarm but it's the one time that always gets me.
I had another delightful run in with the annoying twin yesterday during family lunch. The fact that he showed up seemed like a miracle to me even though he spent the afternoon either silent and forlorn or snapping at his father. The only thing he seemed remotely interested in telling us was about the trip to Spain he and his mum are planning.
I saw the lost, hopeful little boy he keeps hidden as he smiled excitedly, listing off all the plans they have. I didn’t miss the way Cooper and his dad shared a sad glance before plastering on fake smiles, all of us well aware that she’s unlikely to see it through.
“He’s jealous.” Next to me, Sage picks at her blueberry muffin. Autumn is in full swing and by the cold breeze that blows at my bare neck, I’d say winter will be here very soon. Underfoot, we crunch on a rainbow of red, yellow and orange leaves as we make our way from the university coffee shop towards our first classes of the day.
Sage and I both live a few roads over from the engineering building of our university. It’s a good twenty minute walk from where Cooper’s classes are, but I’ve been seeing him at least once a day since classes started back up after summer break. After that first kiss at the party, we’ve been sneaking quiet moments together every chance we get. He called me his boyfriend last week, his pale cheeks had flamed red when the word slipped out and I’d slammed my lips to his with such force, I’d had to grab at his t-shirt to stop him falling over.
Our parents know, though we don’t flaunt it in their faces because I don’t think they want to watch our PDA anymore than I want to witness theirs. I’d feared what they’d say, but Mum and Duncan were genuinely happy for us. Mum said our situation wasn’t unheard of, and it wasn’t like we’d grown up together. We met as strangers and developed into more before we even had a chance to think of each other as brothers.
“Jealous of what? I’m not trying to come between him and Cooper.” I press my tongue to the top of my mouth, feeling a bump where the hot liquid scorched the sensitive skin.
Sage kicks at a pile of leaves and they fly up around us, some of them dancing away in the cold breeze.
“Let’s see,” she starts, speaking around a mouthful of muffin. “His dad has a new wife, his mother has a new boyfriend - again - and his twin is otherwise preoccupied. He is very much the odd one out. You have to see how that would suck, right?”
Sage - because she’s always been the wiser of the two of us - has a point. But in my defense, it’s not like I don’t try to include Caiden in our lives, I try as much as Duncan does. His ‘fuck off and die’ attitude gets a little tiresome though, and I find myself still actively trying to avoid any conflict with him.
Cooper, on the other hand, has all the time in the world for Caiden. And why wouldn’t he? They're brothers, twins, and they love each other.
“You have a point,” I say, pursing my lips while Sage nods emphatically.
“Well, we both know I am always right so…” She trails off with laughter as I shoulder check her. “Why not try to make more of an effort with him? Don’t take his surly attitude so personally and then maybe the two of you could be friends. I think the guy needs friends.”
I think over all the parties we’ve been to the past few months - at Caiden’s insistence - and how at every one he’s hooked up with someone new and how he gravitates to the same group of people he calls his friends but how even then he's more of an outlier. Come to think of it, I don't think I've seen him with any of them outside of these parties.
“Fine. I’ll make more of an effort. He’s dragging Cooper and by extension, me, to some party this weekend. Cooper hates going but he hates letting his brother down even more. Want to tag along?”
Sage scrunches her nose then nods. “Yeah, okay. I could totally do with putting some cocky boy in his place.”
“And where is that? Under you?”
She smirks at me then stuffs her muffin wrapper into her pocket.
We’ve just reached the door to my first class when a familiar dark haired boy appears through a crowd of students heading into the hall. When our eyes meet, my heart somersaults, and I shove my latte at Sage then race forward to pull him into my arms.
“Missed you, baby,” I say, pressing my lips to Cooper’s gloss-covered ones. He tastes like watermelon and something that is so uniquely him. It’s a taste I will never tire of.
“You saw me last night.” Cooper nuzzles his nose against my neck, then gently places a kiss to the tender flesh, making my whole body quake.
“It’s not enough, never enough.” I take a step back reluctantly as I hear the hall doors close. “What are you doing here?”
He points behind him in the direction of the library. “I had to return a book and thought I would sneak in a few moments with you before class. But,” he turns to face the closed doors of my classroom, “I think you have to go already.”
“I’m sorry, I do. But I’ll see you later?”
Cooper nods then kisses my cheek. I begrudgingly walk into class, take a seat at the back and listen to my professor drone on about the history and theory of architecture.
“I never want to stop kissing you,” I say as I lift Cooper and press him against the wall of my bedroom. His legs wrap around me and I kiss him hungrily. Between back to back classes, followed by study groups and a late dinner, it’s been an entire day since I’ve had his mouth on mine. Something I had to rectify before the door was even shut.
He moans as he kisses me, his tongue sweeping in and out of my mouth, and I return the action, tasting sweetness - like the cinnamon and apple pie he ate earlier. He’s delicious, warm and inviting, and I want to both devour him and savour him, move faster and slow down. He makes me want to experience a million different things as I hold him against me.
“You should definitely not stop kissing me. Perk of being my boyfriend,” he mumbles against my lips, rubbing his hands over my shoulders and down my chest, fiddling with the buttons on my shirt. “But maybe, you could do something other than kiss me?”
I still, my hands holding tightly to his firm ass. “Yeah? You’d want that?”
“Um…one thousand percent yes. I mean this,” he gestures down at us, our bodies pressed together, “is amazing but, I want you, Jamie. In every way I can have you.”
I kiss him roughly, kneading the globes of his ass, and he squeals as I turn around and throw him onto my unmade bed. Crawling over his slender form, I kiss a line from below his ear, along his neck and then pull his shirt down and suck a mark onto his collarbone.
“God, I want that. Want you so badly, baby.” Sitting up, I rip off my shirt, my eyes honing in on the blush that rises up along his neck, reddening his ears. He squirms beneath me then sits up to remove his own shirt.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful. Have I told you that before?” I lean down and suck his nipple into my mouth. Cooper’s hands grip my hair and he mewls when I add teeth.
“Tell me again.” His voice is a whisper, a sweet gentle plea as I suck and bite at his now swollen nipple.
“You’re beautiful Cooper, so fucking beautiful. Stunning,” I say, as I sit up and run my hands up and down his naked chest. He trembles beneath my touch and I watch my hands as they dip lower, rubbing over the erection in his jeans. My own dick is rock hard and aching but I’m in no rush to take this any further yet. If I could lie here and map the plains of his body for the next week, I would do it.
“Touch me, Jamie. Please.” His skin flushes a pretty pink and I lean over him and kiss his lips, while my hands work to undo his jeans. I’m just pulling the zip down when his phone rings and he lifts his hips to retrieve it from his back pocket. Frown lines wrinkle his gorgeous face and I turn so I can see the name on his screen.
Caiden.
“Ignore it.” I try to kiss him again but he pushes me back until we’re both sitting up.
“I can’t. He was going to see our mum today. If he’s calling so soon, it means something’s wrong.” My head hangs and I sigh then scoot off and flop down on the bed next to him, throwing my arm over my eyes. “I’m sorry,” Cooper says, placing a sweet kiss on my cheek.
I’m not angry with him, I could never be. Cooper has a big heart, especially where his brother is concerned, and he’d do anything for him. I don’t understand their bond - I’ve never had a sibling let alone a twin - but I accept that it’s important to him.
Cooper answers the phone and I listen as he talks to Caiden, his voice laced with concern.
“Where are you now, Cade?” I can’t make out the answer, the line too muffled for me to hear. “Well why the fuck are you there? Fucking hell, Caiden, when will you stop doing this?” He’s quiet again as he stands and puts his shirt back on. “Just stay there, I’m coming.”
It takes us twenty minutes to reach Bad Bob’s, a bar in the wrong part of town.
We walk in, hand in hand. The air is thick with the smell of beer and fried food, and there’s a murmur of conversation mixing with the crackly beat rumbling through the speakers. Dropping Cooper’s hand, I place it on his lower back and guide him forward, towards the bar.
Before we get to it, a lady dressed in a short leather dress and leather crop top, pushes past a few bikers and comes to stand in front of us.
“You here to pick that drunk up off my restroom floor?” she asks, and Cooper flinches. I take his hand again and squeeze it.
“Afraid so. I’m sorry for any trouble he’s caused,” he says. I wonder how many times he's apologised for his brother's actions.
She shakes her head then points down the hallway. “He’s just down there, get him out of here and tell him not to come back. He’s lucky he didn’t get his ass handed to him when he tried to fight Earl.” She gestures towards an attractive guy sitting on a barstool watching a game of pool. “The shiner was a warning.”
“I really am sorry,” Cooper says again. With his hand tightly gripping mine, we head down the dingy hallway. The dim light flickers and a few people pass us but say nothing when they do. Opening the door, we’re hit with the scent of ammonia and vomit. My eyes scan the poorly lit room, two stalls and three urinals, until they land on Caiden. He’s sitting with his back to the wall, his arms wrapped around his head and he’s visibly shaking. An open bottle of vodka lays dripping on the floor at his feet. I'm pretty sure the bartender didn't sell that to him, which means he brought it along from home.
Cooper darts towards him, sliding onto the dirty floor, ignoring the way liquid that I hope is vodka seeps into his jeans as he pulls Caiden into his arms.
“Hey, shhhh, it’s okay. I’m here. Shhhh.”
Caiden looks up and his bloodshot eyes meet mine. His cheek is swollen, the start of a bruise blossoming beneath the skin. His back stiffens before he looks back at his twin.
“You were with him?”
I stand awkwardly at the door, leaving Cooper to take control of the situation. There is little I can say to appease Caiden when he’s in one of his moods. Only Cooper can reach him.
“I’ve told you already, Jamie is my boyfriend. So yes, I was with him. You don’t need to accept him as a brother, but you do have to accept that he belongs to me and I really fucking like him. Okay?”
My chest is fuzzy with warmth and I can’t help the smile that settles on my face, even if now is not the time to be smiling. He belongs to me. That’s what he said. I’m his. All his.
Caiden nods but he doesn’t look at me again. Instead, he rests his head on Cooper’s shoulder and cries. “She said we’d have dinner here today. She said we could talk about the Spain trip we’ve been planning. But then at the last minute, just as the cab dropped me off, she called to say she had other plans. She’s going away with a new boyfriend. She said ‘maybe we can discuss Spain another time.’” Cooper rubs the back of Caiden’s head as his twin cries harder into his neck. He looks so much younger than his nineteen years and beneath the cold veneer I can see the sad boy who just wants his mother to love him and keep him.
My skin prickles and I grit my teeth against the overwhelming rush of protectiveness that I feel towards Caiden. It's different to how I feel about Cooper. This feeling is softer, less primal, less charged. I don't want to claim him and bury myself in his soul the way I do his brother. But I do want him to stop hurting.
I look around the dingy bathroom and out into the hall, wondering why a mother would suggest this place for a dinner date with her son. Unless of course it has something to do with the new boyfriend, which would make sense.
“I’m such an idiot. Why do I always do this? I always believe that she’ll be different but all she does is let me down.”
“I know,” Cooper says, then kisses the top of his head. “It’s not wrong to want so much more from our mother but I love you Caiden, dad loves you. Maybe one day that will be enough.” It’s not a question. It’s a hope. This isn’t the first time he’s picked up the pieces of his twin. Pieces that their mother left shattered on the ground. I doubt very much it will be the last.
We carry Caiden out. I offer him an arm and though I can feel the tension rolling off him in waves, he accepts. It’s the first time he’s ever leaned on me.
By the time we lug Caiden up the stairs and into his bed, he’s a dead weight and completely out. Cooper removes his shoes, pulls off his jeans and then cleans his face with a damp cloth. It’s when he rolls over onto his back that I see the scars. Short, red and silver scars in lines down his inner thighs. I also notice, for the first time, that he’s thinner than his brother, the ridges of his ribs protruding from beneath his pale skin. Cooper sees me looking and quickly covers his twin with a blanket.
“His thighs,” I say quietly, my brow raised in question even though it's quite clear what caused them.
Cooper sighs, gently taking my arm and pulling me out of the room, shutting the door behind us.
“He told me he stopped but some of those are new. He’s been cutting himself since he was about sixteen. He told me once that it’s the only time he feels in control of his life.”
My eyes move to the closed door then back to Cooper. “Have you told your dad? Maybe Caiden should see someone?”
Downstairs, I hear the front door close and Mum's laughter carry up the stairs before she calls my name, no doubt having seen my car in the driveway.
“Be right down!” I yell, before turning my attention back to Cooper.
He scoffs and lowers his voice, looking to the stairs before he continues. “The first time I told my dad, he yelled and called Caiden irresponsible. My dad's a good guy but he doesn't understand Caiden. He doesn't get that Caiden can't just turn off how he feels. I’ve done my own research on how to care for someone who self-harms and that is not the way. I’ve read thousands of pages online, spoken to support hotlines and done every bit of research I can to try and help him. And I’ve suggested therapy or even just speaking to the doctor, but Caiden’s stubborn and tells me he’ll stop on his own. That it’s not something he does often.”
His eyes water and I pull him into me, so we’re chest to chest, heart to heart. Then, I place a soft kiss on his forehead. “You’re a good brother, you know that?”
He moves to bury his face in the crook of my neck and I shiver when his warm breath hits my skin. “I would be a better brother if I could make him stop hurting himself.”
My sweet, sweet boyfriend with a gentle soul. He takes so much on his shoulders and I want to carry it all for him. I kiss the side of his head and hold him a little tighter.
“I’m sorry about our evening,” he says, his words coming out muffled.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” My hold on him loosens. “Do you want to go downstairs and watch something?”
Cooper’s silent for a long moment before he looks up at me. He’s chewing his bottom lip and his eyes keep darting to the door behind us.
“It’s okay if you just want to go sit with him. He’s your brother and you want to take care of him. I get that.”
“I’m sorry.” He dips his head but I place two fingers under his chin and tilt it so we are eye to eye.
“No more apologising. Not for caring about him, okay?” Placing my lips to his, I let them linger for a little, soaking up a few more seconds of him.
“Okay,” he says when I finally pull away. “I'll try.”