Chapter 9
Savannah
EJ was far too big for my apartment.
He took up the whole living room.
Or maybe that was just because he was all I could see. My focus was locked on him. I did my best to act unaffected, but it was difficult. I was battling with attraction all evening and doing such a good job of hiding it that I was exhausted from the acting job. It had been unbelievably difficult.
What were the chances of something like this happening?
A boy who I had a crush on as a kid was suddenly at my house, giving me compliments, buying me dinner, and being wonderful.
Then he goes and tells me he's famous. I knew him.
I knew his dad. At least I knew of him. Who didn't know Eddie Decker?
That was a household name. So, we added famous to the list. He was genuine, sweet, funny, wonderful, handsome, and famous.
It was almost comical how attractive he was.
The attraction was so real and great that my walls began to crumble several times during the course of our spending time together. I had been thoroughly hurt, and my walls were securely in place, but if any situation… if any person could test the stability of my boundaries, it was EJ.
He was a vision to behold. My blinders had to remain securely in place all evening. I was proud of myself for being so fortified.
I made it to the end of the night with no flirting or other moments of weakness. I had denied EJ further haircuts and done everything I could to keep him from thinking I was attracted to him.
But then at the very end of the night, when we were just about to part ways… he looked me in the eyes and straight up asked for a kiss. I tried to deflect, and then I asked him why he wanted to do it, knowing he couldn't think of a good reason other than us being attracted to each other.
"For old times' sake," he said, taking me completely off guard.
There was nothing I could say to 'for old times' sake'. Who didn't love to do something for that reason? No one. We all did. I was stunned and speechless, and I was so very attracted to him that the tension began to mount.
"You're thinking about it," he said sweetly, hopefully. His voice was quiet and deep, and it felt like velvet to my ears.
I knew my breathing picked up. I could feel it happening. I could feel my pulse begin to race and see my chest rising and falling.
"I mean, now that you've mentioned it, I can't help but think about it," I said, keeping it light. My eyes went to his mouth, and oh my goodness. "EJ, it's a good thing you live in a different state," I said. My voice came out sounding timid, and he took a step closer to me.
"Why?" he asked in a challenging smile. He was so close that I had to stare up at him, and my knees were officially weak. We weren't touching, but we were close.
"Because I misbehave when I'm with you," I said.
Who was I, Betty Boop? Minnie Mouse? Was I flirting now?
I took a deep breath and glanced away from him. "I'm sorry. I don't want to pressure you," he said. As he said it, he took a small step back.
But I was talking over him at the same time, and I said, "I guess if it's for old times' sake," with a shrug.
"What?" EJ said, leaning in.
I smiled and bit my lip, looking down. "I said, I guess if it's for old times' sake," I repeated. I shrugged. "I mean, you came all this way, and I've, uh, already… I could just kiss your cheek."
What was wrong with me? My voice was weak and shaking, and… what was I doing?
"Sure," he said with a nod. He turned to the side a little, and I knew he was offering me his cheek even though I wasn't looking directly at him.
I could sense him and feel his body heat, and the tension was so thick that I could hardly breathe.
I leaned in and softly, gently placed a kiss on his cheek.
I left my mouth there for a soft, long second, feeling all the electricity, before pulling back.
I watched as he gave me a gorgeous half smile and then turned to offer me the other cheek.
I grinned at him as I leaned upward to kiss the other one.
I left my mouth on there a second longer this time.
The warmth of his skin was too good to break away—it was like a magnet to my lips.
I had an aching feeling at the thought of pulling back, but I did it anyway.
I had to make myself. We were staring at each other after that second kiss.
"It's just for old times' sake," I said vulnerably as I stared.
"Yeah," he agreed easily, that half smile absolutely wrecking me.
I wanted to kiss his mouth so badly that there was nothing I could do to stop myself from it.
I leaned in and let my mouth touch his. EJ noticed what I was doing, and he leaned in as well, meeting me, kissing me.
I felt like I might fall, and I held onto his arm.
EJ put his big hand on my back when I did that.
The touch was light, but it was there, and I was warm and gooey with desire for him.
This was not the same twelve-year-old I had kissed. This person was a man, and one of the most perfectly gentlemanly ones I had ever laid eyes on. I wanted him so badly that there was just no way for me to resist him. Our mouths touched lightly for a second or two, and my heart stopped.
He broke the contact just enough to lick his lips.
He was still so close to me that something touched my lip when he did it.
It was either his mouth or his tongue, but something touched me, and I leaned up and let my mouth touch his again.
Once, twice, three times, I kissed him gently before pulling back with a smile.
"It's just for old times' sake," I whispered.
His gaze moved over my face. "This isn't quite how it was back then."
What was he saying? Did he want more, or was he saying we were doing better?
I had to assume he wanted more. I wanted more.
I would not deny him if he kissed me again.
I took a deep breath, my chest expanding.
I could see the rise and fall of his big, solid chest as well.
I felt desperate to touch his lips again, and I gave a little shrug even though my heart was pounding.
"I'm finding it hard to stop," I said, staring at his mouth.
And then he pulled me closer with his hand on my back, and our lips met with more force than last time.
I opened my mouth, and his tongue was there, and there was instant familiarity.
It was perfect in so many ways, and I leaned in, aching to be close to him.
I wanted him in ways I would not let myself ever want a man again.
I wanted him as a friend and so much more.
The kiss made me know I wanted more. The contact felt like such a relief that for several heart-pounding seconds, I forgot where I was.
I gave in to the passion of it all. The feeling was raw and primal, and all that existed in those long seconds was the smooth silkiness of EJ's mouth on mine.
He held me, and I held him back, and we connected with gentle passion.
The kiss was perfection. That moment was full of trust and security, and my innermost being ached for more of it—for more of him.
The physical sensation was so great that I started to feel like maybe, just maybe, I could let my walls down a little.
And just like that, the moment came to a screeching halt.
I jumped back and out of his arms when I heard the sudden pounding noise near my ear.
We were not far from my entryway, and the fist on the exterior of my door was loud and jarring.
I physically jumped and gasped. I glanced at EJ, who was wearing a serious expression.
I smiled, reassuring him when I realized what was going on.
"It's just Nico," I said, smiling though my heart was pounding.
It hit me in that instant that I should not be standing there kissing EJ. I was getting too carried away. I reached out to open the door, knowing Nico would be standing there. I heard EJ's voice from over my shoulder.
"Savannah," he said softly.
I paused and turned, looking into his eyes. I wanted so badly to continue the things that were happening. I wanted other things too. I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to hang out on my couch and watch movies with me.
But then I would start missing him when he wasn't here. That would not be a good thing, and I knew it. It would be too easy to get attached to EJ Decker, and I had to protect myself—I had to protect us both. I could see the way he was looking at me, and I knew we were both in trouble.
I had my hand on the door when Nico pounded again.
"One second, Nicooo!" I called in a sweet tone so that it wouldn’t happen a third time.
"We have to snap out of it," I whispered to EJ, making a silly face after I said it.
"That was good enough for old times' sake.
I don't mess around with guys anymore… not like I did when I was thirteen," I added, laughing a little.
I put my hand on his chest—a sincere touch that I kept brief.
"I had so much fun with you, EJ. It was awesome seeing you.
I honestly never will forget this night.
But it's late, and we've already gotten in more trouble than we should've.
" I smiled at him and looked him in the eyes as I took a deep breath and opened the door. "Thanks for everything," I said to him.
"You didn't come out," Nico said the second I opened the door. I glanced at him to find that he was staring straight at EJ.
"He was just about to," I said easily.
"My friends are already here to pick me up. They're waiting for me downstairs. Ethan and Rebecca brought Sam with them. They're already here, and I wanted to make sure your friend was leaving before we went to jazz night."
"Thank you, Nico. EJ was just leaving right now."
"Okay, good. We'll walk downstairs together," he said, looking at EJ.
I bowed my head and stepped to the side so that EJ could walk past me. I was telling him goodbye, and he understood. It was difficult, but it had to be done. I was already in too much trouble with this guy. If saying goodbye was this hard now, imagine how hard it would be if I prolonged it.
"Is Evie working tomorrow?" Nico asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Uh, yeah. I think. Yeah. She is."
"That's good, I was going to stop by after lunch and let you both know how—I told Evie I would tell her how jazz night went."
"Okay, that's great. See you tomorrow. Thanks, Nico… for walking my friend out. Thanks, EJ for dinner… and the cake."
I smiled my best smile and waved at both of them.
Holding it… holding it... I hated seeing him go.
It was actually painful. I hoped against hope that I got the door closed before EJ could see the tears gathering in my eyes.
I went to the window and watched through blurry, tear-filled eyes as EJ said something to Nico and his friends and then walked to his truck, started it, and left.
I cried that night. It was about hope. I had hope that night, and it left me confused.
EJ had done it to me. Hope felt so nice.
It was warm and cozy. But what was it for?
What was I hoping for? I wanted EJ. I wanted him in ways I could never have him.
I realized that night that I hated hope.
I hated that warm fuzzy feeling because now that I had it, I didn't want it to leave.
It was a fleeting fuzzy feeling, and those were the worst kind.
All night, my thoughts uncontrollably went back to the kiss and how it felt.
I wanted to experience it again, and yet I was mad at myself for letting it happen in the first place.
I cried because I missed him. I cried because I hated hope.
But crying never solved anything, and I wasn't the type to let myself do it for too long.
I had a twelve-hour work day ahead of me, and it was up to me to buck up and prepare myself.
I couldn’t think about the way he made me feel.
I needed to put the kiss behind me.
I needed to put the whole day behind me.