February 11th #3
My dad walks straight up to her and says, “Nicole, you did not deserve this from me. I never cheated on you with another woman, ever, but I did have another love. One that controlled me. And I hope one that will no longer do so.”
“I wish you all the best in that endeavor,” Mom says.
“I saw you got engaged as well. Congratulations. I hope he makes you very happy.”
“Thank you,” Mom says.
“He and Tripp are leaving for Zurich tonight,” Van tells us.
“And I was wondering if there is any chance you would allow me to see my grandchild before I go,” Dad says to me.
Part of me isn’t so sure about this, but Van gives me a subtle nod, so I slide out of the other side of the bed and stand up next to the bassinet that Summer is currently sleeping in and pick her up carefully. Then I walk around the bed and show her to Van and my dad.
“She looks so angelic,” my dad says. “And a lot like you did.”
“Meet Summer Elise,” I say.
“Elise? After my mother?” Dad asks.
“Yes,” I tell him.
He breaks down crying. “She’s so beautiful.” He gently places his hand against her little cheek and says, “I’m going to get better for you. I promise.”
My mom visibly flinches when he says this, and I know it’s because he’s promised her so many times before that he’d quit. That he didn’t have a problem. That he could handle it.
He looks at Mom and says, “Just so you know, I’m making that promise to her instead of to anyone else because she’s the only one here who I’ve never broken a promise to. And I want to keep it that way. Thank you for letting me see her, Ainsley. I really appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome, Dad,” I say. I can’t stop my tears. I want so badly for what he said to be true.
“All right, Rocky, we need to go meet our pilots,” Tripp says.
“Dad, stay in touch this time if you can,” I say. “Or at least update us occasionally.”
He puts his palm on my shoulder and squeezes it. “She’s beautiful, Ainsley. And I will.” He gently kisses Summer’s hand and tells her goodbye, and then he and Tripp leave.
“That wasn’t on my list of things I thought might happen today,” my mom says.
“Mine either,” I agree.
“Mine either,” Sammy says, startling us all.
“Oh my stars,” Mom says loudly, causing the baby to startle.
Thankfully, a few rocks, and she’s back to sleep.
“Sorry, Nicole,” Sammy says. “I didn’t want to interrupt, and I know I shouldn’t have eavesdropped, but I couldn’t pull myself away.”
“Did he really come to you?” Mom asks Van.
“He did,” Van confirms.
“First time for everything, huh?” Mom says, shaking her head in disbelief.
“We certainly hope so. We’ve missed our little brother,” Van says. “Now, Ainsley, can I hold this little bundle of joy, please?”
“Are you not going to the airport with them?” I wonder.
“No, he and Tripp need some time alone. Lots of hard feelings to heal between those two,” he says as he takes a seat.
I hand Summer to him, and he holds her close and looks at her with wonder.
“She’s beautiful. Perfect,” Van says.
“I agree with you on that one,” my mom says at the same time Sammy goes, “Do they serve alcohol at the hospital?”
This causes my mom to laugh even though Sammy is quite serious.
“They don’t,” Van says, “but come here, Sammy.”
Sammy does.
Van puts his chin down and goes, “If you can get the flask out of my breast pocket without waking this baby, you can have it.”
“That’s why you’re my favorite uncle,” he says, gently removing it. He opens the lid, and I expect him to immediately take a slug, but instead, he hands it to my mom. “You probably need this more than me.”
“That I do,” she says, just as Hayes walks in.
“Hey, everyone,” he says, “What’d I miss?”
And we just start laughing.
Obsessed.
Damon
Ainsley is asleep, and I’m holding our daughter in my arms. It’s safe to say I have all sorts of emotions. Mostly, I’m obsessed with her.
I literally can’t stop looking at her. At her little fingers. Her adorable toes. The expressions she makes when she’s dreaming. The way her chest rises and falls. The fact that she seems to favor me.
And I have a fierce need to protect her. Always.
It’s crazy to think that for most of my life, I have been on a singular path, one that drove me to become the best football player I could be. It’s been my goal. My life. My love, in many ways.
And now it’s like whatever version of me that existed before she was born just got replaced. Because now I’m a father. Her father.
I feel like my emotions are colliding. I feel so many things all at once—fear, awe, joy, protectiveness, and pure love.
It used to be all about me.
Now, it’s all about her.
I’m so in love.
I glance over at Ainsley, my other love.
She’s finally resting.
And that means I can finally relax myself.
It was crazy how slowly labor went and then how quickly she was born. It was amazing to witness the wonder of her bringing our child into this world.
Well, that’s not exactly true. I didn’t watch the actual birth. I kept my eyes focused on Ainsley, praying she would be okay. I was freaking out about the fact that her blood pressure was rising higher, even with the epidural.
And I was worried about her after, when her blood pressure didn’t go down right away. The doctor told me it wasn’t going to happen immediately, that they would continue to monitor it closely, and that they would keep her here until it returned to normal.
Which it actually did tonight.
I remember talking to Jennifer in the locker room. Her telling me what was going on.
Best case was a safe delivery and quick recovery.
Worst case …
I swallow hard, even now.
Seizures. Stroke. Losing them both.
I prayed harder on that drive to the airport than I had in my entire life.
Over and over again. No bargaining. No promises. Just … please.
Please let them be okay.
And they are.
Both of them.
As I look down at the baby in my arms and my love sleeping next to us, I realize something important. All my life, I’ve been chasing someday. I’ve always said, someday, I’ll do this, or, someday, I’ll do that.
I always thought someday was something far out in the distance. Something you worked for. Something you earned.
I realize someday isn’t ahead of me anymore. It’s officially arrived.
It’s here.
It’s this moment.
And I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.