Chapter 41
Have you ever watched spellbound as strange flashing lights in the sky twinkled on and off mysteriously?
They’re always just far enough away to give us the odd sensation of watching a saucer-shaped object float way off out there.
And yet close enough for our brains to register UFO while out hearts start that funny pounding—kind of like it’s trying to jump out of our chest and hide under the seat of the car.
Actually, I don’t think we’ve got a thing to worry about. The whole situation is a bit like what my grandmother tried to convince me about the neighbor’s toy Pomeranian—he was as scared of me as I was of him!
My theory is that a long time ago the folks from outer space came off over here on a little howdy-do visit and accidentally picked an empty house to visit.
The people they were going to visit left the TV set running since electricity was cheap then. These little fellows took the TV home with them to another planet.
They’re miles ahead of us on ingenuity so they rigged up a receiving thing-a-ma-bob to get ALL the stations. Then they sat back to watch what us earthlings are really like! After twenty-five years of observation, they certainly are NOT going to get too close to US!!
Just think about what they see! J.R. is trying to prove Sue Ellen is drinking again so he can have her committed, have his son and his freedom all at the same time. Somebody else beats his wife on another soap—and SOAP, itself, was enough to give them enough to think about for centuries.
Then there are the commercials. A sweet-looking grandmotherly type teaches cats to dance when they want a certain kind of food. Another commercial has a cat sing—meow, meow, meow, meow (surely earthlings understand what he is saying or WHY else would they waste their precious time watching him.)
There’s the little man who dresses up like an old lady and spies on people to keep them from squeezing the toilet paper. And a lady who gets excited beyond belief because HER paper towel soaks up more of the clumsy businessman’s spilled coffee than another brand.
Don’t forget the lady who needs Preparation H to make her show her sexy Close-Up teeth in a brilliant smile. Or the one who’s all sad looking until she has some Milk of Magnesia or Ex Lax. Or the other one who can’t’ shower without her very own ZEST!!
There they all sit in a sterile whiter room. Six or eight of them at a time watch for so many hours then another crew comes on for their watch. All the while they take notes and compare them with volumes of other notes taken over the years.
At the end of every year or two they have a council meeting to see if they ought to get closer than so many hundred thousand feet and very years it is the same—No, Siree!!
When they go from one place to the other, they have to pass so close to us that we can see them, but they have been warned not to get too close!
Whatever THOSE earth people have might be contagious.
And besides if they get THAT worked up over which kind of paper towels to use, they’d sure die of heart attacks if visitors from another planet rang their doorbell.
So, we’ll watch their twinkly lights and let them float on past us.
In years to come they will probably disappear altogether for as the soaps and commercials get worse, I’m sure they will decide to keep even further from our atmosphere.
We can rest assured that thy are not going to land—you know, I always was terrified of the toy Pomeranian.