Chapter 14 #2
“Oh, I’m acting out?” she shot back. “You turned off my alarm, threw off my whole morning, and now you wanna lecture me?”
“You talkin’ to everybody like they beneath you,” he looked her upside her head. “Rena didn’t deserve all that.”
Meadow laughed but there was no humor. “Oh, you taking up for her now? Good. I hope she gets the dick then.”
Zaire’s jaw tightened so hard a muscle jumped near his cheek. “You wild as hell. All this because you mad I won’t give you dick.”
“B—Zaire, please,” she snapped, watching that boy word he’d just warned her about. “You’re the one putting your nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“You need to calm down.”
“Do not tell me to calm down.”
Zaire dragged a hand down his face, frustration spilling over. “You doin’ too much, cuh.”
Meadow’s chest rose. “And you don’t get to ruin my routine then talk crazy to me.”
“And you don’t get to disrespect everybody around you because you can’t handle what’s goin’ on in your own chest.”
She glared at him, voice dropping. “Say what you wanna say.”
He stared hard at her like he was deciding if he should say it or swallow it. “You need somethin’ you ain’t gon’ say out loud.”
Meadow just stared at him even though her heart raced with each blink of his eyes,
“Go ahead,” he dared her, grabbing her hand, placing it on his dick. “Blame Rena, blame me, blame the fuckin’ pan… but that ain’t what’s eating you.”
Squeezing her eyes together, she felt his dick. It was soft but growing just a little. “Zaire,” she choked out.
“You walkin’ round here mad about some dick… say it.”
“Please…”
Zaire kissed her forehead. “Hell nah. You done showed your ass and think you get rewarded? Watch out, cuh. He gave her, her hand back. “You mad because you feelin’ some shit you wasn’t ready for.”
Meadow’s breath stuttered. “Zaire—”
“And you don’t know what to do with it.”
“Get out my face.”
He just stared at her like he was reading every thought she tried to bury. “You want me.”
She scoffed, but her voice betrayed her. “You’re arrogant—”
“You want me and you hate that you do.”
Meadow felt heat shoot through her stomach. She tried to step back. Zaire followed.
“You want me so bad you throwing fits at everybody ‘cause you don’t know where to put it,” he challenged. “Not even in your own damn head.”
“Zaire,” she warned.
“Nah.” His nose wrinkled his hypnotized her. “Say it.”
She shook her head.
“Say. It.”
When she stayed silent, Zaire stepped back, running both hands over his head before his temper swallowed him whole. He paced once, twice, cussing under his breath, frustration twisting his whole body. “You a trip, man.” He shook his head. “I swear to God…”
He moved toward the door.
“Where you going?” Meadow asked.
“The fuck from by you,” he barked without looking back. “Before I say some shit I can’t take back.”
He walked out, mumbling curses all the way down the hall.
Meadow was left standing in the middle of her living room, trembling, angry, confused, turned inside out by the truth she didn’t want to name. And a puddle in her panties.
Zaire slammed the guest house door harder than he meant to. Not out of rage toward Meadow, but because his whole body felt too tight to hold anything steady. He paced the small room, hands on his hips, trying to shake off the tension grinding through his nerves.
His phone buzzed.
Zaire dropped onto the edge of the bed and answered. “Aye.”
His father’s voice crackled through the speaker, deep and annoyed. “Bout time you picked up. Been three damn days. You forget you got a daddy?”
Zaire closed his eyes briefly. “Been busy.”
“Busy my ass. You act like I ain’t sittin’ in this box waitin’ on my son to remember I ain’t dead yet.”
Zaire rubbed his forehead. “I hear you.”
“Yeah, well say it louder next time.”
They sat in that heavy silence men share when they miss each other but refuse to say it.
Antwan broke it. “So. What’s up with you?”
Zaire made a noise in his throat. “Nothin’.”
“Bullshit,” his father called bullshit. “Your voice sound all twisted up. You fighting somethin’. The girl?”
Zaire huffed. “Why you assume it’s a woman?”
“Because you sound just like I did when your mama had me losing my damn mind,” Antwan tittered with memories that were the only thing keeping him sane. “So either it’s a woman or you got shot again, and I ain’t heard nothing from the streets.”
Zaire couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his mouth. “You a trip, cuh.”
“I’m right,” Antwan replied proudly. “So spit it out.”
Zaire leaned back on his elbows, staring at the ceiling. “I told her.”
The line went dead silent.
“Told who what?” Antwan asked slowly.
“That story.” Zaire tightened his eyes hating what he was about to say. “Bout the house. The night them dudes ran in. What I—.”
“Shut the fuck up, Zaire!” Antwan’s entire tone changed. “Why the fuck would you do that?”
“It came out.”
“We don’t talk about that,” his father snapped. “We never talk about that shit. Ever.”
“I know, damn.”
“You were five years old,” Antwan reminded him like Zaire didn’t know, “Five… And you carryin’ that like you was grown. I took that weight for you because I was supposed to. That was my job.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Zaire shot back.
“You ain’t supposed to open that wound for nobody,” Antwan lectured. “Not a soul.”
Zaire didn’t respond.
“You hear me?” his father pushed.
Zaire swallowed hard. “I hear you, cuh.”
Antwan exhaled like the conversation aged him. “Women ain’t built for that kind of truth.”
“She asked,” Zaire murmured.
“And you coulda said, ‘I don’t talk about it.’ That’s free. That don’t cost nothin’.”
“She needed to know why I am how I am.”
“No,” Antwan snapped. “You needed to feel understood. That’s different.”
Zaire didn’t argue. His father wasn’t wrong.
“You like her?” Antwan kept his voice down but the seriousness was there.
Zaire dragged a hand across his face, thinking about Meadow’s voice, Meadow’s fire, Meadow’s anger, Meadow’s mouth hovering inches from his. “Yeah.”
Antwan clicked his tongue. “Lord.”
“What?”
“Women like that…” he hummed. “They either lift you out the dirt or bury you deeper.”
Zaire smirked. “Which one Mama did to you?”
“All the above,” his father admitted. “And I still love her stupid ass.”
Zaire let the silence settle again before he breathed out, “I don’t know what I’m doin’, Pops.”
Antwan sighed. “Don’t nobody know what they doin’. Love ain’t somethin’ you plan. It show up at your damn door and you either let it in or you run.”
Zaire closed his eyes. “She don’t even like me like that.”
“Son,” Antwan groaned, “I been locked up for two decades and even I can hear she like you.”
That made Zaire laugh.
“Question is,” Antwan continued, “you gon’ be brave with it or you gon’ be scared?”
Zaire didn’t answer.
But Antwan had one more thing to say before the call ended. “But son… I was gonna end up here anyway. I didn’t love y’all enough to stay out them streets. One more thing and I was gon’ be here or six feet. This ain’t on you, my boy.”