Chapter 18 #2
“You wanted to hear it from me first ‘cause we not just nothin’.”
Her chest rose.
“And you wanted to hear it from me first,” he said softly, “because I fucked the shit outta you and you ain’t been right since.”
Meadow’s mouth parted. “Zaire…”
He took the last step, closing the distance until her back hit the door. “You think you the only one in your feelings?”
Her breath shook. “I don’t have feelings.”
“You got plenty,” he hummed, leaning in until their noses touched. “You just don’t like nobody seein’ ‘em.”
She gripped his shirt without meaning to.
Zaire slid his hands to her hips, pulling her the slightest bit closer. “I ain’t tryin’ to leave you, Meadow. I got work to do. A tournament ain’t a goodbye.”
She whispered it before she could stop herself. “I know.”
He studied her face. “Tell me what’s really wrong.”
She looked away. “I don’t want all of this on me when you leave. Everything’s already heavy.”
Zaire dropped his forehead to hers. “Then stop carryin’ all of it by yourself.”
“I don’t know how.”
“I’ll teach you.”
Her eyes flicked up at him, raw and unsure. “Why you say it like you already in my life?”
Zaire’s nose flared. “Because I am and on my set, I ain’t letting up.”
The sudden silence was thick and charged…borderline sexy as hell.
Meadow’s lips trembled the tiniest bit. “I’m not used to people staying.”
Zaire cupped her jaw with one warm hand. “I’m not them.”
She blinked.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he promised. “Not unless you tell me to. And even then, I might not listen.”
She laughed at that.
Zaire kissed her smile.
Meadow melted into him, finally letting the day slip off her shoulders and into his palms.
When they broke apart, Zaire tugged her waist just enough for her toes to lift off the floor a little. Her hand flew to his shoulder, startled.
He smirked. “You lightweight,” he teased.
“Boy, put me down,” she whispered.
“Nah.” He kissed her again, harder this time, making her toes curl in her shoes. He pressed her fully against the door, his hand sliding to the back of her neck.
Her legs shook.
Zaire caught her - one arm under her thighs, the other gripping her waist like he’d been waiting for her to fall.
She gasped into his mouth.
He pulled back, lips brushing hers, breath warm, voice deep and certain. “Tell me what you need me to do…tell me how you need me to handle it?”
“Zaire, you can go to the tournament…I’m not that pressed,” she tried to make it better with humor.
Zaire peppered kisses down her neck, licking the spots were her pulse thumped hard.
Meadow’s head tilted back, eyes fluttering closed.
“Now take your shoes off,” he said. “We talkin’ and you gon’ stop actin’ like I’m temporary.” He made his way back over to the bed. It wasn’t a king size but the queen would have to do.
Meadow’s heart flipped so violently she had to grab his wrist to steady herself.
Zaire flipped the comforter back and sat against the headboard, legs stretched, back broad and relaxed. Meadow hovered near the foot of the bed, arms wrapped around herself like she wasn’t sure if she deserved to sit there.
Zaire tapped the spot beside him. “Stop playin’. Bring your ass up here.”
Meadow crawled up slowly, settling near him but not touching him yet. He draped an arm behind her, not pulling her in, just giving her space if she wanted it.
For a minute, neither spoke. The room hummed with the soft buzz of crickets outside, the faint tap of the ceiling fan, the muted quiet of the night.
Meadow took a shaky breath. “Zaire…can I ask you something?”
He tilted his head. “Yeah.”
“How you like me so much already?” Her voice wavered. “Barely been a month.”
Zaire sat up a little straighter, eyes fixed on her. “You serious?”
“Yes.”
“You act like I ain’t been here with you every damn day. You act like I don’t see how you move.”
She looked down, nervous and shy.
He slipped his finger under her chin, making her look at him. “Meadow…you think it take a man years to know when he sees something or someone he wants?”
Her throat bobbed, her eyes bouncing around.
“You don’t hide nothin’ from me,” he said. “Even when you try, your face gives you away. You love hard. You fight hard. You’re loyal. You a little crazy…” A small smile tugged his lip. “But it’s the good kind.”
She didn’t laugh with him. Her eyes glossed over instead.
Zaire’s voice softened. “What’s wrong, baby? I hate to see you cry and you’ve been crying all day. Talk to me, cuh.”
Meadow swallowed, blinking fast. “If I put all my tears in a bottle,” she whispered, “I know it’ll be enough to supply a small tribe in Africa for a lifetime.”
Zaire’s chest tightened listening to hear. And it wasn’t the tears that got to him, it was the pain in what she said.
“I cry when Mama don’t know my name,” she counted.
“I cry every time Daddy tries to make jokes like he ain’t exhausted.
I cry when the bills come. I cry when they don’t come ‘cause that means they ‘bout to cut something off. I cry when I wanna call somebody but I don’t ‘cause I don’t wanna be a burden.” Her voice broke.
“And I cry when good things happen too… ‘cause I don’t trust it to last.”
Zaire reached over and cupped her face with both hands. “Com’ere.”
Meadow crawled into his lap unsure, like she was scared her weight would break something fragile inside him. He held her thighs, grounding her, pulling her closer until she settled fully against him. She let out a breath she’d been holding for years.
“This is your time, baby. His time, not yours and not mine. God knows the when, the why, and the how…he knows the right time, the right door, and the right nigga for you. All you gotta do is show up. Even if you’re scared, just show up and I’ll handle the rest…he told me to handle you.”
Meadow’s shoulder shook as her tears fell into his skin, linking them in something so holy, she’d never feel this again.
Zaire looked her in the eyes, daring her to look away. “Give it to me.”
“No,” she cried. “You already have so much.”
“Give it to me, Marai…I will carry you…I will lead you…I will make your life better. Just…” Zaire got choked up wondering if Lesha had had these moments.
When raising him all alone felt like too much, did his Mama break in the dark, yet smile like nothing happened in the light.
“I’m a Black man… I was created to carry you. Let me do what I was created to do.”
Meadow’s gut bubbled as a cry so ancestral ripped through her. “Oh, Zaire.”
Smoothing her hair from her face, Zaire kissed her everywhere…all over her face, her lashes, her nose, her lips, her chin, her brows…anywhere that was kissable.
“You safe here,” he affirmed. “You can cry. You can break down. I’m not goin’ nowhere.”
Her tears soaked into his shirt, but he didn’t move. He didn’t wipe them or shush her. He just held her. Long enough for her breathing to slow down, long enough for her shoulders to relax.
When she finally lifted her head, their faces were close, lips inches apart.
She whispered, “Why you so good to me?”
Zaire stroked her waist. “Because you deserve somebody to be good to you.”
“Show me how to be good to you too…you need someone in your corner, too.”
“Oh, that’s you?” he asked, amused and turned on because outside of his people, no one wanted to be there for him.
Meadow kissed him first this time. For her, there was no more waiting for him to make a move. Zaire was the kind of man you needed to kiss on whenever he was close.
Her kisses were slow at first, but her need to get into his skin made them speed up the more her lips pressed into his.
Her fingers threaded through the back of his hair.
Zaire let her lead for a moment before he flipped her gently onto her back, stretching over her, kissing her like he was trying to memorize every sound she made.
She wrapped her legs around him instinctively, hips lifting into him.
He groaned into her mouth, pulling back just enough to breathe against her lips. “Don’t start.”
She tugged him closer. “Then don’t stop.”
Zaire shook his head, smiling against her skin. “You ain’t learned how to act, yet.”
She whimpered softly, arching and begging him to put her through the mattress. “Zaire…” she sighed.
He kissed all the way down her neck, slow and torturous. “You heard what I said…I ain’t dickin’ you down ‘til you stop runnin’ from what this is.”
Her breath stuttered. “I’m not runnin’.”
He sucked lightly at the base of her throat. “Then prove it.”
Meadow clawed at his shoulders, kissing him again…hotter this time, messier, full of everything she felt but couldn’t say. Zaire kissed her back with the same hunger but kept control of it, refusing to take it further.
When she finally slumped under him, panting, lips swollen, he rested his forehead against her collarbone.
“You good?” he asked.
“No,” she whispered honestly. “I want you.”
“I know,” he said, kissing her once more. “But you gon’ wait. The last time I blessed you, you didn’t talk to me for four days.”
Meadow whined, “I won’t do it again, I promise.” When he shook his head ‘no’, she groaned into his neck, heated and frustrated.
He rolled off of her and sat up, grabbing his phone and handing it to her. “Log in.”
She frowned. “For what?”
“Our bills.”
Her heart dropped. “Zaire.”
“Log…In…” He tilted his head, staring at her like she was refusing water in the desert.
Meadow sighed, grabbed his phone, and typed in her login info for the water company.
Zaire watched her balance pop up, months behind, and his jaw flexed hard. “Pay it,” he said.
She hesitated. “Zaire…”
He leaned forward, thumb brushing her cheek. “Baby… pay it.”
She took a shaky breath and hit Pay Total Balance.
When the confirmation popped up, she felt her eyes burn again.
“Next,” he said, nodding toward the phone again. “All of them…even the ones I don’t know about.”
She went to the electric company’s site and logged in. She paid that too. And the gas bill since that was the one that got her caught up.
Her shoulders dropped with each payment, like bricks sliding off her back one by one.
When she finished, Zaire took the phone from her and set it on the nightstand.
He grabbed her chin gently, making her meet his eyes. “Now breathe.”
Meadow didn’t even try to fight the tears this time. She fell into his years.
Zaire kissed the top of her head. “You ain’t never goin’ back to carryin’ all that by yourself. Not while I’m here.”
She whispered into his neck, voice raw. “I don’t want you to leave in a month.”
Zaire held her tighter. “Then I won’t.”
“But I know you need to.” Her whole body trembled. “I can’t let my fear keep you from your dreams.”
He stayed right there, holding her together while her world finally stopped shaking under her feet.