Chapter 19 #2
“You good?” Zaire looked over at Meadow, reading her face before she replied.
“Yeah,” she said, stretching her legs out. “Kids wore me out today.”
“Did you make them pick the balls up before they left?” He knew that Meadow was a softie sometimes and let them run to their parents before they cleaned up what they messed up.
“Don’t start with me, Mr. Cooks.”
“I told you I would come if I wrapped up my business in time.”
She nodded, sipping her tea. “I know.”
Zaire leaned back. “You look tired.”
“I am,” she admitted, “feels like I been running all day.”
He nudged her knee with his. “Come lean on me, then.”
She looked at him sideways. “Don’t start.”
“I ain’t startin’…I’m suggestin’.” He put his hands up like she was sticking him up.
Meadow sighed like she was annoyed but rested her shoulder against him anyway. His arm slid behind her. Her body answered before her mouth did.
After a minute, he asked, “You talk to your girl today?”
“Tia? Yeah,” she said. “She wants me to come to Emerald City for a few days.”
“Go then.”
Meadow’s lashes lowered. “It’s not that simple.”
“Why not?”
She looked out across the yard, watching Ray flip chicken like he had all the time in the world. “Mama has her moments…and Daddy’s gettin’ older too. I don’t wanna drop all that on him.”
Zaire studied her face, the way her jaw tightened whenever she lied to herself.
“That the only reason?”
She let out a slow breath. “Mostly.”
He didn’t push, just let the silence settle for a beat before he spoke again. “I’ll hire Rena.”
Meadow snapped her head toward him. “Zaire—”
“Before you start,” he said calmly, “listen, cuh.”
“No.” Meadow felt her answer was final. She didn’t want to hear nothing else he had to say. Zaire was already doing too much as far as she was concerned.
“Meadow.”
“I said no!”
“Marai” Zaire pressed
“Zaire Cooks…I said no and I don’t want to argue with you…why you always tryna argue with me?” She tried to use humor to lighten the subject.
He turned fully toward her. “Why?”
“Because you already helped with the bills—”
“And?”
“And I don’t wanna get used to this,” she said, her voice small but firm.
“Used to what?”
“You.” The word dropped out before she could catch it.
Zaire’s whole expression shifted - it softened…tightened…deepened. “Too late.”
Her mouth opened, but her voice didn’t follow because she didn’t have another rebuttal. Especially not when he made everything feel so right.
“You need a break,” he said. “Your friend needs you. You need her. And your Mama’s not gon’ fall apart in two days. Let me cover Rena. She already knows the house and she knows Magnolia. Your Daddy’ll relax if she’s around.”
Meadow shook her head. “Zaire…I can’t just let you fix everything.”
He exhaled, lowering his voice so only she could hear it. “I know you’re strong. I know you’re used to carrying it all.” He pinched her cheek. “you’re not weak for lettin’ me help you. That’s not weakness…that’s me being a man, baby.”
Meadow licked her lips and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her heart thumping in a way she hated and needed at the same time.
She didn’t know what to do with the softness in his tone or the certainty in his eyes.
She was used to people wanting things from her…
her time, her labor, her strength - but not like this.
Not someone wanting to give something back to her.
..not someone wanting to ease her load without making her feel stupid for needing it.
“A man?” She whispered, letting the word linger on her lips like an expensive wine she’d never had. It wasn’t fruity like the rum punches she loved too much.
He tilted his head. “So what is it?”
She didn’t have an answer. Her throat wobbled. Her words didn’t line up right.
All she knew was the truth sat heavy inside her…warm, terrifying, right there on the edge of spilling, but saying it out loud felt like stepping off a cliff. If he changed his mind later, she’d fall too hard. If he didn’t…he didn’t even know what to do with that possibility.
So Meadow stayed quiet, staring at him with all the things she was too scared to admit sitting behind her eyes.
Zaire watched her, his eyes dragging across her mouth, her throat, the rise of her chest. His fingers brushed her knee lightly, just enough to pull a breath from her. “You want me to stop?” he asked.
Meadow shook her head. “No.”
“You want me to fall back?”
“No.”
“You want me to let you drown ‘cause you scared of dependin’ on me…Black women,” he scoffed, shaking his head.
“The fuck?” Meadow sat up so fast the swing rocked under them. Fire burned through her eyes. “What does that even mean?”
Zaire didn’t flinch or stumble on his words because he said what he said.
“It means I know the world ain’t been kind to you,” he said.
“I know people done made you feel like you gotta earn every drop of softness. I know you’ve been taught to hold it together no matter who doesn’t show up.
And I know half the time, when you should’ve been protected, you had to protect yourself instead. ”
Meadow’s mouth opened, then closed. The air between them tightened.
“But listen,” Zaire continued, pointing at his chest, “in the rare moments when a Black man shows up with purpose…not ‘cause he wants something, not ‘cause he’s tryna play you, but because he sees you breakin’ and he wanna be the one to hold you up…you let him.”
Meadow just stared at him, wondering where the hell he’d been for the last twenty-six years of her life.
“That’s what I mean,” his tone went low. “Stop punishin’ me for what the world did to you. I’m right here. I’m tryna love you right now, not the version of you that had to survive everybody else.”
“And if I’m standin’ in front of you with both feet planted,” he added, tapping her knee gently, “you don’t push me back…you pull me in.”
Her eyes filled so fast she didn’t even feel the first tear fall, just the heat behind her nose, the sting creeping up her throat, the way the air suddenly thinned like somebody stole half of it out the sky.
“Zaire…” Meadow’s voice barely pushed his name out as her eyes met his, intensely staring at her .
He just watched her with those steady, patient eyes that made her feel seen in a way she hadn’t felt since childhood.
Meadow tried to breathe, but it came out shaky. Her heart jumped once, hard, like it recognized him before she did. She pressed her palm to her chest. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Talk to me like that,” her voice cracked, “ like you see everything.”
“I do.”
She sucked in a tiny breath, chest trembling. “It ain’t fair.”
“What ain’t?”
“You’re making me…” she paused, wiping her cheek. “You’re making me feel stuff I’m not ready to feel.”
Zaire leaned in, his thumb brushing away the tears she missed. “You scared, baby?”
“I don’t wanna be,” she whispered, the truth stinging her throat, “but yeah.” Her whole body shook…tiny, involuntary shivers, like something inside her finally stopped pretending.
“I want to love you,” she blurted, eyes shining. “And it don’t even make sense because it hasn’t been long enough. It doesn’t feel responsible or logical, but I feel it.” Another tear fell. “And that scares the hell outta me.”
Zaire didn’t interrupt her, just let her say whatever she felt she needed to say.
Meadow looked down, as if ashamed. “I shouldn’t feel like this yet.”
“Why not?” he asked softly.
“Because I don’t know how to do this without losing myself. Because everybody I loved either needed something from me or left me to handle life by myself. Because if I fall for you and you walk away…I’m not built for that kind of heartbreak.”
Zaire reached out, lifting her chin with two fingers. “Look at me.”
She lifted her watery eyes.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he affirmed, tone steady enough to anchor her shaky breath. “You hear me? I’m not every man that failed you. I’m me and I want you. All of your crybaby ass.”
More tears slipped, and she didn’t bother hiding them. When she finally released a long, broken sound, Zaire caught her face in both hands and pressed his forehead to hers, holding her steady while her chest rose and fell like she’d been fighting her own heart for too long.
“Breathe,” he whispered, “ just breathe.”
She did…barely…but she did.
For the first time since he showed up, Meadow wasn’t running.
She wasn’t pretending…she wasn’t holding the world on her back.
She was sitting there on that swing, crying into the hands of a man she might already love, and it terrified her so much she felt her pulse all the way in her fingertips.
Zaire kissed her cheek, then the corner of her mouth “You ain’t fallin’ alone, Meadow… I’m right there with you. I’m gon’ always handle that.”
“I don’t know how to depend on somebody,” she confessed.
He leaned in, lips brushing her ear. “Then let me teach you.”
Her breath left her body.
Before she could fall apart right there on the swing, Ray called out, “Food ready!”
Meadow jumped up. “I’m gonna go fix Mama a plate.”
She escaped inside.
By the time dinner ended and Magnolia was tucked in, Meadow stepped back outside to find Zaire leaned against the railing with the porch light behind him.
He didn’t talk too much at the table, he just let her breathe and she was thankful for that.
His silhouette looked carved, patient, and dangerous in that sweet way only he could pull off.
“You runnin’ again?” he asked, the yellow of the light cutting across the diamond in his ear.
She crossed her arms. “I’m not runnin’…I’m thinkin’.”
“You think too much.”
“And you talk too much.”
Zaire smirked. “C’mon, walk with me.”
She hesitated, but her feet moved anyway.
They walked toward the guest house, warm summer air settling around them. She looked straight ahead, trying not to feel the heat of his hand brushing hers.
When they reached the steps, he stopped her with a gentle tug at her wrist. “Let me take care of Rena,” he said. “Let me give you space to breathe.”