Chapter 5 #3
She supposed it did have to do with trust, because she’d never dared with Ted. What really got her though was his liberal use of the “L” word.
“Am I infuriating sometimes? Yes. Does it make me hot to see you angry? Also yes, but I promise, I listened anyway.”
“You’re saying so many ridiculous things, I can’t keep up.”
“Then how about I get to the point? No, I didn’t want a tree, but the way Ryder sees it helps me to see it differently, too. Now I’m thinking it might be fun. Maybe.”
She huffed another breath.
“It’s tough to get a read on me, I know. Half the time I don’t understand myself, either. All I know is that with you and Ryder, everything looks different, even decorations.” Taking her hand, he led her to sit on the end of the bed.
Joey sensed something big was coming and now she felt horrid for pushing him. She’d gone a long time without sharing her personal trauma, yet she was insisting that he do so on her timetable. How unfair was that?
“Hendrix,” she said, prepared to let him off the hook.
“I was with the Indiana Metropolitan Police Department before I moved here.” Several seconds passed in silence. “It was right before Christmas, and I’d been investigating a murder, talking to everyone in the area.”
A murder, at Christmastime. Her heart lodged in her throat, urging her closer to him. She rested her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry.”
He quieted again, struggling. No wonder Hendrix didn’t open up often.
“One of the women I spoke with seemed nervous. She didn’t want to talk, said she knew nothing about it even though it was her next door neighbor who’d been shot.”
Tension flexed his large hands into fists, then he deliberately relaxed them, spreading them out on his knees. Such big hands, so competent – and yet, so gentle. With her, with Ryder.
“In my gut, I knew something was wrong, but she was living with her mom and dad, both of them elderly, and me being there had them stressed, too. She had three kids, Joey.”
Had?
“The youngest one, only two-years-old, kept crying, even with the grandpa carrying him around. I finally decided I would talk with her again after the holiday.”
Oh, no. Joey could guess where this was going. For herself and for Hendrix, she hugged herself up close to his arm.
“I knew something was wrong. I felt it. My instincts were screaming a warning, but I couldn’t see a threat.
Just a frazzled mom, upset kids, and worried grandparents.
I reasoned that a single woman deserved some peace for the holiday.
” In a precursor to admissions, his chest lifted on a deep breath, his biceps knotting.
He slowly exhaled, braced himself, and said in a measured tone, “Christmas morning, a man broke in and shot her, one of her kids, the grandma and grandpa.”
“Dear God.” Horrified and brokenhearted, she understood that this was the awful memory Hendrix carried, the one that had forever changed his outlook on Christmas.
“Both of the elders died,” he continued, his tone now flat, as if he’d forced away the emotion. “They were trying to protect the others. The woman lost an eye, but she lived.”
The child? Joey was too afraid to ask. Please, please, please let the child be okay.
Suddenly Hendrix hauled her up and into his lap, tucking her against him, his face against her neck. She could feel him trembling and it destroyed her.
“Hendrix,” she whispered, one hand stroking his hair. “I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.” Not for intruding, not now. He needed to talk. He needed to let it out. No man should have to suffer that memory alone. She pressed a kiss to his temple.
“It was touch and go for a while, but the kid survived, too.”
Squeezing him tight, her eyes damp with tears, she nodded. “Thank God.”
“The mom gave them all away. She said it had been hard enough to keep up, but with her parents gone and her injury, she couldn’t do it anymore. She said she wanted to start over.”
Pushing back from him, Joey asked the first thing that came to her mind.
“Together? Or were they separated?” She couldn’t understand the woman’s decision, but she wasn’t in her shoes.
She hadn’t lived her difficult life. Hopefully, she’d be okay, but more than ever, her children deserved love and stability.
“When I left Indiana, the adoption was pending, but it was for all three kids.”
Grateful, Joey briefly closed her eyes. “The man who shot them?”
“I killed him two days later.”
That got her eyes wide-open again.
As if he’d long resigned himself to that death, Hendrix lifted one shoulder. “Officers were called to a domestic disturbance. I was already nearby. The long and short of it is that he shot first, wounding one officer, so I returned fire and killed him.”
“You’re sure it was the same man?”
“I didn’t know it at the time, but others stepped up after he was dead. He’d been on a drinking binge Christmas Eve, bragging to everyone about how he didn’t like loose ends. He specifically mentioned the witness.”
“And no one reported him?” Such a callous, uncaring attitude left her dumbfounded. “They could have kept it all from happening!”
“For a lot of people, Christmas is about decorating, buying gifts, planning visits and cooking treats. But in that neighborhood, it was more about burglary, larceny, domestic disputes, and gun assaults. Nice families trying to make the holiday count are outnumbered by ODs happening on shop steps and alleys.” His mouth firmed. “It’s a different world.”
And Hendrix had seen it all. What an awful contrast it would be when he wanted to celebrate with his own family. “I see.”
After giving her a long look, he nodded. “The bastard I shot had been terrorizing that neighborhood for a while. A lot of people were afraid of him.”
Sometimes you had to confront your fears – although she hadn’t, not until it endangered her son. “Is it awful that I’m glad he’s gone?”
“If so, we’re both awful.” He cradled her face between his palms. “After I walked into that murder scene on Christmas morning, I knew I’d never be the same.
Blood was splattered on the tree and ornaments.
Fallen bodies had crushed the presents. The traumatized kids were huddled in a corner, the oldest one holding the two-year old who’d been shot. ”
Tears burned her eyes but she wouldn’t cry; she wouldn’t add to Hendrix’s burden that way. “Seeing something that awful could destroy anyone.” Thank God it hadn’t destroyed Hendrix.
“I’d left a fun gathering at my parents’ house. We’d just finished a big breakfast and were about to open gifts.” She saw the corded muscles of his forearms tense. “It was like stepping out of heaven and into hell.” With gruff resignation, he said, “Christmas is not the same for everyone.”
“No, of course not. Finances and families are all different. Faiths are different. Circumstances.” She flattened a hand to his heart. “But what we feel in here is what matters the most.”
Hendrix cradled her hand in his own, his gaze searing in intensity. “I know that now, because what I feel with you and Ryder is so different.” He touched his forehead to hers. “Swear to God, Joey, I can handle a tree and hanging lights on the house, and I love it that you two are here.”
Love again. It was too soon for him to love her, but she knew her own feelings. Hendrix had stolen her heart ages ago, though she’d denied for as long as she could.
With a slight smile, she said, “I love being here with you.” But how long would it last?
If it was just her, she’d gladly enjoy him for as long as she could.
What she wouldn’t do was risk breaking her son’s heart.
He’d been through enough already. “When the campground fills up again the second week of January, and the risk is over, what happens then?”
Would Hendrix tell her how much he cared? She waited, a little hopeful.
“The risk won’t be over until Ted is in jail.”
Refusing to be disappointed, Joey gave him a small smile. “What if the car wasn’t Ted? What if the calls weren’t from him? What if I never hear from him again?”
Firm, Hendrix said, “I will never again take those chances.” He gathered her closer, his expression grave and determined. “Babe, a woman lost an eye. Her children lost their mother, and their grandparents.”
Yes, and it was so awful she didn’t know how Hendrix had survived it.
He tipped up her chin. “Don’t ask me to assume the best, when I know in my gut what’s happening here.”
Even divorced from him, Ted was still affecting her life. They both knew she was asking about more than Ted. More than the here and now. “All right. But how long are we talking?”
“That’s up to you, honey.”
Vulnerable one moment, and now maddeningly enigmatic. Well, she knew what she wanted. One way or another she would pull a clue from him on his own preferences.
Sitting prim and proper on his knees, she lifted her brows. “What would you prefer?”
Now that they no longer talked about the past Christmas, he relaxed. Even the corner of his mouth lifted in a small but sexy smile. “I’d prefer to get you settled in here, then get you naked with enough private time to adequately demonstrate how long I’ve wanted you.”
“I’m sure I’ve wanted you longer – and that doesn’t answer my question. Is there a reason you’re dodging?”
With a dramatic sigh, he asked, “I need to go first, huh?”
“I’ve done nothing but impose on you endlessly, so yes, with this, with taking things even further, I insist you go first.”
Something heated in his gaze. “Soon as possible,” he murmured low, “I’ll see that you’re first...in other ways.”
Just like that, Joey looked at his mouth and started envisioning all kinds of things. The future was momentarily forgotten.
“When you look at me like that...” Giving a low growl, Hendrix settled his mouth on hers, warm and hungry, almost desperate.
Onboard, she parted her lips and his tongue licked in for a deeper taste.
She, of course, got carried away, but as always, Hendrix kept his head.
Both their breaths were loud when he said against her throat, “I want you to stay, Joey.” His open mouth teased a path to her ear. “Now, tomorrow, next week and next month. A year.” He lifted his head, capturing her gaze with stormy gray eyes. “Indefinitely.”
Her heart missed a beat.
“But,” he added, as his fingers delved into her hair, cradling her skull, “I don’t want you pressured in any way. You’ve been lacking options, but not with me. You and Ryder are safe here, so for now say you’ll stay. The decision for more doesn’t have to be made right now. Or even this month.”
There couldn’t be a more generous man on the planet. He was the total opposite of Ted, and it caused a drastic shift in her priorities.
Ryder would always be her number one concern. After him, she’d badly wanted total independence, seeing it as the best way to protect them both. She hadn’t wanted to rely on anyone, not in any way.
Now that no longer mattered so much – because she knew she could rely on Hendrix. He was rock steady with a streak of honor a mile wide.
That was only a few of the things she loved about him.
Closing the small space between them, she touched her lips to his once more. “Laying my heart out here, okay?”
His gaze never wavered from hers. “Okay.”
“I want you. Time with you. Sex with you. Conversations and laughs.” She smiled. “More sex.”
He smiled, too.
Then she glanced toward the stairs. “It’ll be dicey though. Ryder will need time to get acclimated.”
“No explanation needed. I want you to feel completely at home here, and I want Ryder to feel the same. Neither of you need to tiptoe around or think of it as my house.”
She bit her lip. “It is your house. Your home.”
Lifting a shoulder, he glanced around, but there really wasn’t much to see in the downstairs bedroom. “It didn’t feel like a home really.”
“More like a refuge?”
“Until you.” This time his smile was teasing. “What do you say we figure it out as we go along? If I need to change something, let me know.”
“Same,” she said quickly. “If we overstep or get too noisy –”
Now he outright laughed. “Fine, okay. If I have a request, I’ll pass it along, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. Speaking of noise though, do you think we need a play space for Ryder?”
Choking on her emotion and love, Joey said, “He was living in the cabin with me. Believe me, right now he’s in awe of all the space.”
Hendrix missed nothing, so he hugged her gently and kissed her forehead. “Thanks to you, he’s a happy boy. I want to keep him that way, so let’s say the timing is on you.”
Groaning dramatically, Joey dropped back in his arms so he had to catch her. “Is everything on me?”
Despite the small, sexy smile on his mouth, his tone was serious when he said, “I’m happy to dig in wherever you need me, but you’re a stellar mom with an instinct about these things, so you can let me know when it’s right.
For the record, I’m ready. I’ve been ready since I first saw you a year ago. ”
If only he’d made a move sooner. Look at all the time they’d wasted. Not that she minded so much. Hendrix deserved patience too after everything he’d seen and how it had impacted him. “I have a feeling you’re more patient than I am.”
He nuzzled her neck, finding a sensitive spot that sent sensation over her like a warm, tingly tide.
“Whenever and wherever.” He opened his mouth on her skin and her stomach bottomed out.
“Early morning or late night, whenever you think he’s sound asleep, feel free to crawl into my bed.
” Returning to her mouth for one more decadent kiss, he stressed, “Doesn’t matter what time it is. ”
After those diabolical kisses and husky words, he’d pretty much guaranteed she wouldn’t be able to sleep.
“So you know, you’re not on a timer.” He stood with her in his arms. “I can wait. Just because you’re here, under the same roof, doesn’t mean you have to figure it out right away.”
She loved that about him, too. “I’m as anxious as you are, so we’ll see how it goes.” When he started up the stairs, she laughed. “I can walk, you know.”
His gray eyes stared into hers. “I like holding you, and I like having you here. You are staying, right?”
Eventually, she’d like a declaration of his feelings. For now, this was more than enough. “With you is where I want to be, and yes, we can sort out any issues as they come.”
At the landing, he set her back on her feet.
Pressing her hand to Hendrix’s chest, she felt the steady beat of his heart. “Will you promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“Please look out for yourself as closely as you look out for everyone else. You matter to me, Hendrix.” She hugged him, loving the solid feel of his body, his innate strength, and the protective way he returned the embrace. “Promise me you’ll do that.”
Near her ear, his hot breath curling her toes, he whispered, “I have you, Joey, so it’s guaranteed I plan to stick around.”