Chapter 15
Adriel
Adriel woke slowly, disoriented by warmth.
Reality seeped in in fragments.
A solid presence behind him. An arm draped across his waist, heavy and real, anchoring him to the bed. Breath against the back of his neck, warm and even. The shape of a body pressed along his spine, fitted against him snugly.
For a split second, panic flared.
The instinctive urge to pull away, to cover himself, to escape before whoever this was could see him in the harsh light of morning.
Then memory rushed in.
Landen pounding on the door. Landen telling him not to lie.
Landen kissing him at the door; desperate and fierce, and then the others, so many others, he'd lost count.
Falling into bed. Landen above him, those dark eyes burning down.
His hand on Adriel's cock, his mouth on Adriel's nipple, his words; pretty, soft, look what you do to me…
I'm not going anywhere.
Landen was still there. Still here. Still in his bed. Still holding him.
Adriel lay frozen. Afraid that moving would break the moment. Afraid that if he shifted even slightly, the spell would shatter and Landen would wake up and remember where he was, who he was with, and leave.
He could feel his breathing at his back. Slow and even. The weight of his arm across his waist was grounding and terrifying all at once.
Eventually, Landen stirred. His arm flexed slightly at Adriel's waist; a small unconscious movement as he surfaced from sleep. His breath changed, deepened, then evened out again. Then he shifted closer. Pressed his lips to the back of Adriel's shoulder.
The kiss was soft. Natural in a way that made something in Adriel's chest ache. Like it was the most ordinary thing in the world. Like he woke up every morning and kissed Adriel's shoulder before he even opened his eyes.
"Morning," Landen murmured. Rough with sleep, low and warm against Adriel's skin.
"Hi," Adriel managed.
Landen's hand moved, the one wrapped around his middle, traveling up slow and lazy until it found his chin. His fingers gripped him gently, turned his head to the side. Then Landen's lips were there, pressing against his.
Adriel's breath stuttered.
His lips lingered, warm and dry and perfect. When he finally pulled back it was barely an inch, just enough to speak against Adriel's mouth.
"Coffee?"
Adriel felt so small. So confused. So utterly unsure of what was happening or what any of this meant. Landen was acting like this was normal. Like waking up in Adriel's bed, kissing him good morning, asking about coffee, like they were any ordinary couple on any ordinary morning.
He couldn't process it. Could only nod. Small. Jerky. A puppet with tangled strings.
Landen smiled, just a curve of his lips that Adriel felt more than saw. He pecked his lips once more before moving away.
The bed shifted as he got up. Adriel watched him. He was still in the same clothes from last night, considerably more rumpled now. His hair a mess, strands falling across his forehead in a way that made him look younger.
He was beautiful.
The thought arrived unbidden, simple and true. Beautiful in his wrinkled clothes and his messy hair and his sleepy eyes. Beautiful in a way that made Adriel's chest hurt.
He walked across the bedroom, his hand brushing the doorframe as he left, a casual touch, and then he was gone.
Eventually Adriel forced himself to move. Sat up slowly, the sheet pooling around his waist. Only then did he register he was completely naked, the events of last night having left him stripped bare in every possible way.
His face flushed hot.
Landen had seen him. Had seen everything. Had touched everything.
He crossed quickly to the dresser, pulled open the drawer, grabbed the first things his hands found, soft worn pajama pants and an old cotton shirt, and pulled them on with shaking hands.
Then he reached for the door. Paused with his hand on the frame and took a few deep breaths. Tried to find some version of himself that could walk into that kitchen and face Landen like this was normal.
He wasn't sure he'd find it. But he stepped through the door anyway.
Landen moved through Adriel's small kitchen like he belonged there.
Adriel watched from the doorway as Landen opened cabinets without hesitation, found the coffee, the cheap stuff Adriel bought because it was on sale, and measured it into the machine like it was the most natural thing in the world.
The domesticity of it hit harder than sex had. Harder than Landen's hands on his body. Harder than his mouth on his skin. Harder than the sounds he'd pulled from him in the dark. Because this was morning. This was after.
And Adriel didn't know what to do with that.
He hovered in the doorway, wrapped in uncertainty. He felt exposed. Like Landen could see right through him; the want and the fear and the desperate hope he was trying so hard to hide.
This felt too much like something real. Something that stayed. Something that would hurt when it ended.
Landen glanced up from the coffee maker. His eyes softened. He set the mug down. Crossed the space between them slowly.
"Hey," he said quietly.
Before Adriel could find words he didn't have, Landen kissed him.
Slow. Unhurried. His hand came up, cupped his jaw, thumb brushing along his cheekbone.
Adriel exhaled shakily against his mouth as Landen deepened the kiss just enough to steal his breath. His tongue traced Adriel's lower lip, asked entrance, slipped inside when Adriel gasped.
Adriel melted despite himself. His hands came up, curled into Landen's shirt, fisted in the wrinkled fabric. His knees went weak. Landen's other hand found his hip, steadied him, held him up.
When Landen finally broke the kiss, it was only because Adriel had started to shake. Small tremors running through him.
They stood like that for a moment, foreheads pressed together, breath mingling, the coffee machine beeping softly in the background, ignored.
Then Landen stepped back. "Coffee's ready. Make sure you eat something. I need to go home and change before the office."
Adriel stared at him. Nodded. Small and jerky, his cheeks pink, the flush spreading down his neck.
Landen smiled and stepped back in. One last kiss, short and soft, a brush of lips, a whisper of contact.
Then he was gone.
∞∞∞
That day at the office was almost unbearable.
Adriel stepped off the elevator at 8:47 and the weight of it hit him immediately. The same floor. The same cubicles. The same pale gray walls and fluorescent lights and the low hum of a publishing house waking up. He'd walked this path a hundred times.
Today, everything was different.
He could feel it in his skin. In the way his nerves fired at every small sound, every approaching footstep. In the way his pulse jumped every time a door opened, every time he caught movement at the corner of his eye.
He made it to his desk. Sat down. Did all the ordinary things he did every morning, while his mind raced somewhere far behind.
The manuscript in front of him was the same one he'd been working on before. He picked up his pen. Tried to focus.
Failed.
The words blurred. He read the same sentence three times and couldn't have said what it was about if his life depended on it.
His eyes kept drifting to Landen's office. Through the glass walls. To the man moving inside; jacket off already, shirtsleeves rolled to the forearm, talking on the phone with that easy confidence that made Adriel's chest ache.
Landen didn't look at him. Not once.
He took his calls. Made notes. Reached for another file. Did everything exactly as he always did.
Adriel watched and wondered.
Had he imagined it? Maybe his mind had constructed it from want. From years of loneliness. From the desperate need to be wanted.
Maybe…
"Adriel?"
He startled. Miriam stood at the edge of his cubicle, a stack of manuscripts in her arms, her expression mildly curious. "You okay? You seemed a million miles away."
"Yeah." His voice came out rough. "Sorry. Just tired. Late night."
She nodded, dropped the manuscripts on his desk. "These need first reads by Friday. Nothing urgent."
"Got it."
She left. Adriel stared at the new stack and tried to remember what he was supposed to be doing.
The morning crawled.
At 10:15 he went to the break room for water. It was empty when he walked in, which was a relief. He filled his water bottle at the cooler. Turned to leave.
John was in the doorway. Alone this time, coffee cup in hand, his eyes landing on Adriel with something that might have been assessment.
Adriel's shoulders tightened. He moved toward the door, intending to slip past, but John didn't move.
"You look okay. Heard you were out sick yesterday."
"Yeah. Just a stomach thing. Fine now."
"Good." John took a sip of his coffee. "I've been meaning to say… what happened, with Chris. I should have shut it down harder."
Adriel blinked. "It's… it's fine."
"It's not fine. He says shit like that all the time. I should have called him on it."
Adriel didn't know what to say. He stood there, water bottle in hand, waiting.
"Anyway." John stepped aside. "Just wanted you to know. Not everyone here thinks like that."
"Thanks."
He slipped out, back into the hallway. His heart beating faster than it should have been.
At 11:30, Landen walked past.
Adriel felt the shift in the air before he looked up. Landen moved through the office the way he always did; confident, unhurried, drawing eyes without seeming to try. His path taking him directly past Adriel's desk.
Adriel held his breath as he drew level with Adriel's desk and kept walking; no pause, no glance, nothing.
Adriel's chest went cold.
He told himself it was fine. Expected. Of course Landen wouldn't acknowledge him at work. That was smart. That was safe.
It still hurt.
The morning bled into early afternoon. Adriel ate a sad desk lunch, answered emails, made notes on a manuscript. Did all the things he was supposed to do while some part of him remained frozen.
At 2:15, Landen stopped by his desk.
Adriel looked up at the shadow falling across his work and saw him standing there, holding a file, looking down at him.
"Buchard revisions," Landen said as he held out the file. Adriel reached for it automatically, his fingers brushing Landen's as the folder changed hands.
Landen's fingers lingered against his for just a fraction of a second more than necessary. Just long enough for Adriel to feel it. Just long enough for warmth to spark and spread.
Then Landen's gaze lifted. Met his.
Dark. Intent. Burning with something that made Adriel's breath catch.
I remember. It was real. I'm thinking about it too.
"Good work," Landen murmured.
Adriel couldn't speak. Could only nod, his throat closed around everything he wanted to say.
Landen held his gaze one more heartbeat. Two. Then he turned and walked away, moving through the office like nothing had happened, like he hadn't just set Adriel's body on fire with a single glance.
Adriel sat frozen. The file was in his hands, but he didn't see it. Didn't see anything except the echo of that look, burning him from the inside out.
Eventually, he turned back to his work, and for the first time all day, the words on the page made sense.
He carried that with him for the rest of the day, through the 4:00 o’clock meeting where Landen sat at the head of the table and never once looked at him directly, through the slow slide toward 5:00, through the gradual emptying of the office.
When he finally stepped into the elevator and the doors closed, he let himself close his eyes.
The glow was still there. Warm and steady.
He carried it home.