Chapter 23 #2
He stumbled, his legs unsteady from hours of disuse, nearly going down before he caught himself on the arm of the couch. His hands started shaking immediately, a fine tremor that he couldn't control.
"Get out!" he shouted. The words tore out of him, raw and desperate. His voice cracked on them, broke apart. He pointed at the door, hand shaking so badly he could barely keep it raised. "Get out of here! Now!"
His eyes found Jenna. The betrayal there was sharp enough to cut; sharp enough to draw blood, if betrayal could bleed.
She had brought him here. She had brought him here, after everything, after Adriel had told her everything, after she'd held him while he cried and told him he was enough, that he deserved better, that he would get through this.
She had brought Landen here.
Jenna stepped closer. Her hands came up, palms out. Her face was calm, but her eyes were urgent.
"Just hear him out," she said. "Please."
Adriel shook his head. Backed up a step. His legs hit the edge of the coffee table and he stumbled, catching himself on the wall.
"It's not what you think," Jenna continued. "Trust me. Just hear him out."
She held out a phone.
His eyes dropped to it; Landen's phone, the same one he'd seen a hundred times, the one with the small crack in the corner of the screen from when he'd dropped it last month. An email exchange was already open.
"Read it," Jenna said. "Please."
Adriel looked between them. Jenna's face, pleading. Landen's face; and that was the thing that made him pause, that made something flicker beneath the rage.
Landen looked wrecked.
Not the composed, polished man from the office.
Not the confident Dom who had taken him apart and put him back together.
This man looked like he hadn't slept in days.
His clothes were rumpled. His hair was disheveled, falling across his forehead in a way that should have been endearing but instead looked desperate.
Dark circles bruised the skin beneath his eyes. His whole body was tense.
He looked like Adriel felt.
Adriel took the phone. His hands were shaking so badly he almost dropped it. He steadied them against his thighs, forced himself to focus on the screen.
Dear Landen,
Thank you again for a wonderful evening on Friday. The event exceeded all my expectations, and I'm so grateful for the work you and your team put into making it happen.
Zach and I had a wonderful time; he said he was very glad to finally meet you. He's heard so much about you from me over the months and was thrilled to put a face to the name.
Looking forward to our next project together.
Best,
Jacob Webb
Adriel read it once. Twice. Three times.
The frown started slowly, creasing his forehead. Then deepened. Confusion bubbled up inside him, pushing against the walls he'd built, the certainty he'd wrapped around himself like armor.
What?
He looked up.
His eyes found Landen. Landen, who was standing there looking like he hadn't eaten or slept or done anything except exist in the same kind of gray hell Adriel had been living in. Landen, who stepped forward now, carefully.
"He's not my friend," he said. "I met him when you saw us. I didn't know who he was before that night. I didn't know he was your…" He stopped. Swallowed. "I didn't know. I swear."
Adriel shook his head.
He looked from Landen to Jenna, to the phone in his hand, back to Landen. His mind was spinning, trying to reconcile what he'd seen with what he was being told, trying to find solid ground in a world that kept shifting beneath him.
He wanted to believe him.
God, he wanted to believe him so badly it hurt. He wanted to let go of the fear, the suspicion, the voice that whispered you're being stupid again, you always fall for it, you always believe and then they laugh.
He wanted to step forward and fall into Landen's arms and pretend the last three days hadn't happened. He wanted to feel those hands on him again, that mouth, that voice in his ear telling him he was good, he was perfect, he was wanted.
But he just... couldn't.
Not yet. Not without being sure. Not without knowing this wasn't another trick, another game, another carefully constructed lie designed to break him open.
"I never lied to you, Adriel. Ever." Landen's voice was shaking now. Adriel heard it, felt it land somewhere deep in his chest.
"You are everything to me. I would never hurt you like he did. I would never…" He stopped. Swallowed again. His eyes were red-rimmed.
"I lo…" Landen stumbled. The word caught in his throat, seemed to stick there. He tried again. "I love you, baby. I love you so much."
The words hit Adriel like a wave.
Love you. I love you.
No one had ever said that to him. No man. Ever. Not once in his entire twenty-four years on this earth. He'd gone through life without hearing those words from someone who meant them.
Adriel's eyes were burning. He blinked, and tears spilled over, hot down his cheeks. He couldn't stop them. Couldn't hide them. Couldn't do anything except stand there and cry while Landen looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world.
Then Landen was right there. In front of him. Close enough to touch. His hands came up, pressed against Adriel's cheeks, cradling his face like something fragile, something worth protecting. His thumbs wiped at the tears, gentle and careful, even as more joined them.
"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Adriel," Landen said. His voice cracked on the words, broke apart and came back together. "The best thing."
Adriel's throat was too tight to speak. He swallowed, tried anyway.
"No one knows though," he managed. His voice came out thin. "You don't want anyone to know. Because I..." He trailed off, unable to say it. Unable to put words to the fear that had been living in him for so long. "You are ashamed, right?"
He was past feeling embarrassed now. Past caring how pathetic he sounded, how needy, how desperate. He was so tired. So tired of fighting, of doubting, of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
He wanted to believe. He wanted to pull Landen closer, keep him right there, kiss him until neither of them could think. He wanted to let Landen tear him apart and put him back together and make him forget everything.
But he couldn't.
He refused to be stupid again. Refused to let himself fall only to be shattered. Refused to be the punchline in someone else's joke one more time.
Landen stepped even closer. There was no space left between them now. His forehead came down to rest against Adriel's, the warmth of him, the closeness, the familiar scent that Adriel had dreamed about for three endless nights. It was almost unbearable.
"No," Landen said. "Listen to me. No. I have never and will never be embarrassed of you."
Adriel's eyes closed. The tears kept coming, sliding down his cheeks, catching in the corners of his mouth.
"I was trying to protect you." Landen's thumbs kept moving, gentle against his skin. "I didn't want anyone to say anything bad, or think anything bad about you being with me while working for me. That's all. I didn't want you to get hurt by office gossip."
A pause. Landen's breath was warm against his face.
"But if you want, I will tell everyone."
Adriel's eyes opened. Landen was looking at him. His eyes were red-rimmed, desperate, but there was something else there too.
"I want to tell everyone," Landen continued. "I want to shout it from the rooftops that you are mine. That I love you."
His hands tightened slightly on Adriel's face.
"I will send an email to the entire company professing my love for you if that is what you want. I will do it right now, Adriel. I swear to you, I will."
Then he moved. He pulled back just enough to reach for his phone; still in Adriel's hand, limp and forgotten.
He took it gently, his fingers brushing against Adriel's, and then he was typing.
His thumbs moved across the screen, composing something, his jaw set with a determination that looked like it could move mountains.
Adriel stared at him.
Watched him actually do it. Watched him start to write an email to the entire company, right here, right now, in the middle of Adriel's living room, because Adriel had asked. Because Adriel had doubted. Because Adriel needed proof.
Something in Adriel's chest cracked open.
He reached out. Took the phone from Landen's hands, tossed it aside on the sofa, not caring where it landed. Then he stepped forward. Closed the last inch of space between them. Grabbed Landen by the front of his shirt and pulled him close.
The kiss was desperate. Hungry. Three days of agony poured into a single point of contact, mouths crashing together like they were trying to make up for lost time.
Adriel's lips parted and Landen was there immediately, his tongue sliding in. The taste of him, familiar and right and home, flooded Adriel's senses and that ugly thing in him broke open. He made a sound against Landen's mouth, something between a sob and a moan, and Landen swallowed it whole.
Their hands moved without coordination, without thought. Adriel's fisted in Landen's shirt, pulling him closer, needing to erase every inch of space between them. Landen's hands were in his hair, on his face, gripping his jaw like he was afraid Adriel might disappear if he let go.
Somewhere in the background, Adriel was dimly aware of movement. Jenna, backing away slowly. Her hand on the doorknob. The soft click of the front door opening and then closing.
The thought flickered through his mind and then was gone, consumed by the heat of Landen's mouth, the press of his body, the overwhelming reality of having him back.
The kiss deepened. Changed. Became more urgent, more desperate.
Landen walked him backward, and Adriel went willingly, blindly, letting himself be moved. His legs hit the edge of the coffee table and he stumbled, but Landen caught him, held him, never breaking the kiss. They staggered together, a tangle of limbs and mouths and hands.
Clothes started coming off.