17. Emzee
EMZEECHAPTER 17
I managed to keep my composure about the Claudia/fundraiser situation while Ford’s parents were still over, for Ford’s sake.
The last thing I wanted to do was stand up for him one moment and then go on the attack the next over him not defending me.
But I couldn’t wait for the senior Malones to depart, so Ford and I could be alone again.
Because I was ready to unload.
As soon as we’d all said our good nights and Jacques and Pierre had left, I turned on Ford.
“I think that went…slightly better than last time,” he said.
“All things considered.”
“Why did you let your parents say that Claudia could help with the program?” I blurted.
He looked at me blankly.
“I…thought it was a good idea,” he said.
“Don’t you want the program to get more exposure? That’s what Claudia’s good at. Her family is even better connected than mine. She knows everybody.”
“But it’s Claudia ! Are you seriously going to stand here and tell me you think she has my best interests in mind?”
Of course I liked the idea of promoting the program, getting more support and attention focused on it.
And we could definitely benefit from more donations—and ideally more mentors.
But at the same time, I was concerned about what Claudia would do with something I cared about so much in her vengeful, perfectly manicured hands.
She knew how important See Yourself was to me.
I didn’t trust her one bit, and I really didn’t want her involved.
Ford frowned, as if the implications of having his ex-girlfriend throw a fundraiser for someone she despised were only just now starting to sink in.
“Shit,” he said.
“I didn’t even think?—”
“No. You didn’t. That’s the problem.”
Stalking down the hall to the bedroom, I tried to slow my breathing.
I knew my anger was clouding my judgment.
The thing was, it felt like we had just gotten Claudia’s ghost out of the apartment, out of our lives, and now she’d been invited right back in—and onto my turf, no less.
See Yourself was the one area of my life where I should have had full control.
But as far as the Malones were concerned, nothing, not even the nonprofit I had founded, was sacred.
The power was all theirs.
“Em,” Ford said gently, following me into the room.
I let Munchkin out of his kennel, where he’d been forlornly awaiting his liberation all evening, and he shot straight to Ford without so much as a thank-you slobber for me first.
“Traitor,” I murmured, shaking my head.
To Ford, I said, “I’m getting ready for bed.”
When I slid under the covers beside him twenty minutes and one hot shower later, I was slightly more calm.
Before I could say anything, Ford had turned to me and taken my hand.
I’m sorry,” he told me.
“I was just so focused on what a great opportunity it would be for you and the program that I wasn’t even thinking about Claudia. I understand if you want to call the whole thing off.”
Sighing, I shook my head.
“I don’t know. I feel like the ball is already rolling. It just makes me so anxious to have my nemesis in charge of anything to do with the nonprofit.”
Ford nodded, his eyes searching mine.
“I understand. Although at this point, she honestly seems to mean more to you than she does to me.”
For a second, I couldn’t process his words.
Was he trying to say that Claudia didn’t matter to him anymore?
That I cared more about their former relationship than he did?
“I meant what I said before,” he went on.
“I can get rid of Claudia if you want.”
“Okay…” I said, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“But before I do, maybe you can really think about everything you could accomplish with her and my parents’ backing. I know it sounds shitty, but we should take advantage of it. You and your mentees would have access to so many resources. Isn’t that the most important thing?”
“I will think about it,” I said, leaning back against my pillows.
Ford turned off the lights, and we settled in, but I couldn’t get comfortable, and I wasn’t even remotely tired with the way my brain was kicking into overdrive.
Ugh.
I hated to admit it, but Ford was right.
I was being unreasonable.
I couldn’t let my feelings for Claudia get in the way of something that could be genuinely beneficial to my organization in the long run.
Because as much as I disliked her on a personal level, I also knew that she was a pro when it came to hosting fundraisers and galas.
It was practically her superpower.
Sure, she’d probably use any opportunity she could to get back in with Ford, but she was probably going to do that anyway, fundraising or not.
After all, she had the rest of the Malone family on her side.
I should probably be grateful that she hadn’t been invited to dinner tonight.
The other (depressingly obvious) thing I needed to take into account was that my relationship with Ford wasn’t even real.
Our whole marriage was a sham—a sham with a ticking clock attached to it.
I had no right to be jealous and possessive about his exes.
Especially since there was no doubt in my mind that the minute the ink had dried on the divorce papers, Claudia would be all over him, offering him her “support.” It was inevitable.
Even though I hated thinking about it, I had to be realistic.
Did I want to work with Claudia?
Hells to the no.
Did I know—in my deepest of hearts—that she would be able to bring money and attention to a cause I would give my right tit for?
Yes.
There were just so many people we could help with this.
Mid-turmoil, Munchkin let out a cartoonishly loud doggie snore from his bed across the room.
Ford let out a chuckle, and then Munchie did it again, and before I knew it I was joining in with the giggles, Ford and I both laughing until we were gasping for breath.
“He sounds like the tiniest little chainsaw,” I said, which set off Ford all over again.
Once I had myself under control, I slid over to Ford’s side of the bed and climbed on top of him, nuzzling his neck as his hands came around to massage my back.
“Okay,” I said, sighing.
Ford paused.
“Okay what?”
Judging by the growing bulge in his pants, he had no idea that I was referring to the fundraiser, rather than suggesting we have sex.
Not that I was opposed.
“I’ll let the fundraiser happen. I’ll accept Claudia’s help,” I said.
“Your parents’ too. If they’re willing to help with See Yourself, I’d be happy to have them.”
He took a moment before saying, “I’m glad. I think it’s the right thing to do.”
I wasn’t exactly sure about that myself, but I hoped he was right.
While we were on the topic of his parents, however, there was one more thing I wanted to discuss.
“One more thing,” I said, just as Ford slid his hand down the back of my pj pants.
His hand stilled, mid-grab.
“Yes?” he asked.
It was clear from his tone that he was done talking.
But this was important.
“I don’t understand your relationship with your parents,” I said.
“Why you’re so set on pleasing them all the time when it seems like nothing you do ever makes them happy.”
“That’s not true,” Ford said defensively.
“It isn’t? They were nothing but disparaging tonight,” I pointed out.
“Your mom found something to criticize about everything—the deal you made, your new hire, even your headshot. And your dad, no offense, might be the most passive person I’ve ever met.”
Ford sighed, kissed my forehead, and then gently moved my body off of his.
Apparently any possibility of sex was now off the table.
“My parents have high standards,” he said.
“All Malones do.”
Then he rolled over, his back facing me.
“Why do you let them be so hard on you?” I asked, refusing to let it go so easily.
“I don’t let them do anything.”
“But—”
“You don’t know anything about my family,” he said harshly.
“Let it go.”
“Well, I’d like to,” I said.
“I’d like to understand.”
I held my breath, hoping he would talk to me.
Confide in me.
Like he used to back in high school.
And for a long, long moment, I thought he might.
But then he just let out a sigh.
“It’s complicated,” he said.
“End of discussion.”
Feeling dejected, I stared up at the ceiling, listening to his breathing smooth out, wondering if I’d ever get the truth about his family.
If I’d ever get the truth about anything from him.
Maybe it was time to stop hoping I would.