Chapter 29 Lachlan
LACHLAN
Those stunning golden, green, brownish, bluish, gray, ever-changing hazel eyes looked up at me as I moved inside her.
Robyn.
Something primitive, something base within me, recognized her as mine.
She belonged to me.
But I was at war with that part of myself, even as I tenderly took her for the second time that night, now in the privacy of her bedroom.
Every time the warring side that wanted to run took hold of me, I’d hear her words again, see her hurt, feel it deep in my bones.
This person came after me too. He actually killed someone. And I’ve barely seen you. I’ve been alone in my room every night since. While you were taking care of her.
Robyn Penhaligon was the toughest woman I’d ever met. I teasingly called her Braveheart, yet beneath the banter of endearment was sincerity. But she wasn’t invulnerable. The scars on her chest proved that.
And I’d abandoned her when she’d most needed to feel safe.
The thought was a painful scrape through my gut.
“Robyn,” I murmured her name like a plea and kissed her as I reached between our bodies to torment her like she tormented me.
At the sight, sound, and feel of her climax, I couldn’t hold back any longer. My hips jerked hard against hers, and I shuddered through my own release.
Spent, I fell onto my side but refused to let go of her. Despite our harsh argument earlier, Robyn turned into me. No barriers. No holding back.
She snuggled her face into my throat and while I liked her there, I needed more. Tipping her chin back, I kissed her again. Soft but deep.
Possessive.
Fuck.
I broke the kiss and swallowed hard.
Not since my father’s death had I felt so lost at sea.
“I was shot by a drug dealer,” Robyn announced randomly.
It took me a second, but I realized, no, it wasn’t random.
My fingers trailed down over her chest to the scars.
She was offering … herself.
My breath caught.
Reject the offer and run? Or stay … for once?
Our eyes locked, and the thought of hurting her was worse than any war battling inside me. “When?”
“Just over a year ago. It’s why I left the force.”
Swallowing hard against a vision of some junkie bastard shooting her three times in the chest, I choked out. “Tell me.”
And so she did. When she got to the part about her heart giving out, dying on the OR table, my own heart nearly stopped.
“You left because a job you didn’t love wasn’t worth your life?” I guessed.
Robyn hesitated, and I tensed at the crack in her voice. “That’s what I tell people.”
Turning her face to me with a gentle prod of my fingers to her chin, my voice was like sandpaper as I asked, “What’s the truth?”
Tears brightened her eyes, shocking me into utter silence.
She looked heartbroken. “I killed the guy who shot me. His name was Eddie Johnstone. A drug dealer from East Boston. I’d never killed someone before, and although it was self-defense …
it took me a long time to work through. I’m not even sure I have properly. My therapist said it will take time.”
A deep ache emanated from my upper chest. “Jesus, Robyn. I’m so sorry. But you must know it wasn’t your fault. And he was a criminal.”
“He was. He wasn’t a very nice guy. But he had a sister and a mother who loved him, and I took him from them.”
“He almost took you from your family.” From me.
“I know.” She reached up to caress my cheek through my beard. “I’m getting there. Slowly but surely. But I never want to be in that position again.”
I realized she had been put in that position again—when the masked attacker broke into the trailer. I tried not to think too hard on that and asked, “You see a therapist?”
Robyn nodded and talked about the months after the shooting. Bending my head, I pressed soft kisses to her scars as she told me about her recovery, about the therapy, the nightmares she still had sometimes, and about her sister abandoning her when she needed her.
I raised my head and saw the pain of that abandonment buried in the back of her eyes, and vowed I would never lose sight of that vulnerability in Robyn again.
I knew better than anyone that often those who seemed the strongest buried their pain a little deeper than the rest. Sometimes those who seemed the strongest needed the support of others more than those around them ever realized.
Past boyfriends, Mac, Regan, even her mother … they’d failed to make Robyn a priority.
I suspected it was the thing she craved most, even if she couldn’t admit it.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” The words were out before I could stop them.
Instead of flinching from my concerns, Robyn reached up to stroke my cheek, her fingers rasping against the bristle of my beard. “Tell me why you don’t want anything more than casual. Please.”
It was something I’d never said out loud before.
Something I wasn’t too proud of.
And to confess it to Robyn, the most fearless person I knew … “You’ll think less of me.”
“Try me.”
Pulse racing, the urge to remove myself physically from her was strong, and as if she sensed it or felt my increased heart rate, she slid her leg over mine, her strong thigh trapping me.
It was hard to want to move after that. “I’m not you, Braveheart,” I admitted. “I might have played an action hero on the screen … but I’m afraid I’m a bit of a cowardly bastard.”
“I don’t believe that.”
I huffed bitterly. “I … I lost my mum. Then I lost my dad. He was there, but without her, he fell apart. He wasn’t the man or the father he was before her death. Even though he got better over the years, he never moved on. People are supposed to move on, aren’t they?”
“He loved her very much,” Robyn whispered, emotion bright in her eyes.
“Half of him was here. The other half was with her. And then Aunt Imogen died before I lost Dad too.” I squeezed her waist. “If that wasn’t bad enough, I had to watch my brother go through the same thing.
He’s stronger than my dad ever was, but I’m my father through and through.
And there’s the fact that my great-grandfather lost his wife young in childbirth too.
His father before him lost his wife to influenza only six months after they were wed.
We Adairs seem cursed to lose the people we love.
” My grip on her tightened. “What a fucking awful existence my father had. I can’t imagine anything worse. ”
Understanding dawned on her face.
“Lachlan,” she whispered. Her lips parted as if she wanted to say more but didn’t have the words.
That’s because there were none.
Mine was a deep-seated fear and as much as this woman was under my skin … I wasn’t certain the fear wouldn’t win in the end.
“I’m a risk,” I said, owing her that honesty.
“Then I guess I’m a risk too.” She moved over me, pushing me back on the bed, straddling me. Her hair tumbled around her shoulders, tickling my skin, and I reacted instantly to the glorious sight of her naked body.
I was addicted.
“I can stay …” She pressed a kiss to my chest. “And rather than labeling ourselves something, we just see what happens.” She looked into my eyes. “Or if you want me to, I can go, and I promise not to hold it against you. What do you want, Lachlan?”
My body betrayed me, hands gripping her hips tight at the words “or I can go.”
Staring at this brave, sexy woman who had taken over my life, I knew what she’d do. She would face her fear head-on.
She inspired me.
I flipped her onto her back with such speed, she let out a cute squeak of surprise. Taking hold of her hands, I held her down. “Does that answer your question?”
Robyn grinned, and in a quick blur of movement, I found myself on my back again.
I stared up at the ceiling, dazed.
How the fuck did she do that?
As she moved over me, announcing it was her turn, I gave a bark of laughter and happily let her have at it.