Chapter 32 Regan
REGAN
While our mom expected way too much from Robyn in all things, she expected very little from me. I didn’t know what was worse—the pressure, or the lack of faith?
What had started out as a joyous reunion at Inverness Airport, a giddy drive to Ardnoch, and a lovely dinner with our mom and dad had changed somewhat the next day.
It was Christmas Eve, and while Mac would attend Christmas dinner with us, he’d decided to not be there on the evening of the twenty-fourth.
He’d offered to not attend Christmas Day, too, because he didn’t want to make Mom and Dad feel weird, but Robyn put her foot down.
It was her first Christmas with her father in years, and she wasn’t missing out.
Ery and Arrochar had also forgone Christmas Eve dinner with us.
Mom and Dad were, like almost everyone on the planet, charmed by Eilidh’s effervescent personality and Lewis’s reserved adorableness.
At the dinner table, I sat next to Dad. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed his big, solid presence in my life.
You only had to take one look at us to know where I got most of my genes.
Dad was a good man. His work got to him more than I liked, but that was because he was honorable, and unfortunately, sometimes the justice system wasn’t.
I know he often felt helpless, but he made up for it by being the best goddamn detective he could be.
I was proud of him.
Dad squeezed me into his side, telling me he missed me too. “You seem happy.” He grinned with those dimples he’d bestowed upon me.
“I am.”
“Good.” He kissed my temple and returned to his plate.
I knew that my being happy in Scotland must’ve been a scary prospect for Dad, but I believed he wanted the best for me, even if that meant there was an ocean between us.
“You’ll come stay the night with us at Robyn’s,” Mom said as we discussed plans for the next day, “after Santa’s arrival.”
Eilidh’s ears pricked up and she looked at me, her eyes big.
“I’m staying here,” I replied for more than just my mom’s benefit.
Mom frowned as she swallowed a bite of the steak pie we’d bought from the village butcher. “But it’s Christmas Eve. You should be with your family. We’ve come all this way, Regan. Don’t be inconsiderate.”
My spine snapped at her tone.
“Stace,” Dad warned quietly.
“I’m not being inconsiderate,” I replied calmly. “I promised Eilidh and Lewis I’d be here to open presents with them first thing in the morning, and that’s where I’ll be.”
“And what about us?”
I could feel Eilidh watching.
“Mom, the kids will be up super early. You won’t even be awake. I’ll come over after to open presents with you then.”
“You’re going away?” Eilidh frowned. “You can’t go away on Christmas Day! You have to come to Mummy’s with us, Ree-Ree.”
My plan had been to visit with my family at Robyn and Lachlan’s while Thane took the children to the cemetery to visit Fran’s grave.
They put flowers on her grave once a month, a trip they always took on the weekend and one I’d never taken with them out of respect.
They also visited every Christmas, New Year’s Day, and on her birthday.
“Mommy’s?” Mom frowned, having been told that Thane was a widower.
I shook my head at her to be quiet and turned to Eilidh. “Sweetie, that’s family time.”
“But you’re family!”
“Eilidh, don’t shout at Regan,” Thane admonished. “Tomorrow Regan will spend part of the morning with her family while we visit Mum. We’ll see her in the afternoon. End of discussion.”
He’d used the tone the kids never argued with, but Eilidh pouted dramatically and shot me an unforgiving look.
Shit.
Brodan thankfully engaged Mom, asking her in that flirty voice how it was possible a woman as attractive and as young as she could have two grown daughters.
Mom, as much as she loved Dad, was not averse to a handsome Hollywood actor fawning over her.
Despite Eilidh’s upset, I relaxed as the heat of Mom’s disapproval cooled under Brodan’s attention.
“They’re attached to you,” Dad muttered beside me, clearly referring to the kids.
“Yeah, we’ve grown close.”
“So what time can we expect you tomorrow?” Mom suddenly pushed.
“Mom,” Robyn huffed, “it’s Christmas. No schedules or routines. Let’s just enjoy it.”
“I would if both my daughters were bothering to show up.”
“For Christ’s sake, Stacey.” Dad glowered at her. “Not here.”
I glanced down the table at Robyn, and we exchanged a knowing look. Mom wasn’t pissed about me not staying the night with them; she was pissed I was here in the first place. She was pissed I didn’t check in with her as much as I checked in with Dad.
And she was pissed about the last ten years of my life in which I’d seemed to do nothing but disappoint her.
I hated it, because I’d missed my parents, but I was relieved when they left a few hours later so we could put the kids to bed.
Lewis was a great sleeper and he drifted off, no problem at all, even though I could tell he was excited about Santa.
Eilidh was … well …
“But I want to see Santy Claus!” she cried as Thane and I tried to settle her in.
“You need to sleep, Eilidh-Bug. Santa only leaves presents for good children who go to sleep when they’re supposed to.”
She considered this, pouted, and crossed her arms over her chest. “Not my fault if I can’t sleep.”
“But you can try,” Thane insisted. “And when you wake up in the morning, your stocking will magically be filled with presents and lying at the foot of your bed. And there will be more presents under the tree.”
Her eyes widened and she sprang at Thane, clasping his bearded face in her hands. “Daddy, I can’t wait! And I don’t wanna Santy not to leave me pressies ’cause I’m too excited!”
While I covered my mouth to muffle my amusement, Thane struggled not to laugh as he hugged her to him. “It’s okay, Santa will come, but you need to calm down, my darling.”
“I’m trying,” she whined.
In the end, I used a trick Robyn used to use on me. I picked Eilidh’s least favorite book and I read it to her in a soft, soothing monotone. She complained at first, but eventually her eyes drifted closed as she rested against her dad’s chest.
“She’s asleep,” Thane murmured eventually.
With a sigh of relief, he carefully maneuvered her onto her pillow and we slipped out of the room. Downstairs, as I drank most of the glass of milk the kids had left out for Santa, Thane sidled into me at the island. “So … your mother is a bit of a pain in the arse,” he opined bluntly.
Keeping my voice low, I shrugged. “I’m used to it.”
“You shouldn’t have to be.”
“She’s not awful,” I whispered back defensively. “We had a lot of good times with Mom growing up. She’s just … mistrustful. She always expects too much from Robyn and never—”
“Expects enough from you,” he answered grimly.
My pulse raced at his perceptiveness. “It is what it is.”
Thane leaned into me. “If she can’t see how bloody wonderful you are, she’s a fool.”
My stomach flip-flopped at his words, and I leaned in to kiss him. I meant it to be just a peck, but Thane grabbed hold of my waist and pulled me in for a deeper kiss. He groaned, trailing kisses down my throat. “Damn your period.”
I grinned, pushing him away playfully. “Just be glad it’s here.”
We’d been having so much sex, it was a wonder the odds hadn’t stacked against us regarding pregnancy, despite using contraception.
Thane chuckled under his breath, even though he wore the look of a frustrated man. He helped me eat the cookies the kids had left out and then we put the carrots they’d set out for the reindeer back in the refrigerator but left the plate.
The spirit of Christmas filled us as we tiptoed in and out of the house in our coats and boots, hauling in the gifts I’d wrapped and hidden in the annex.
All the family had dropped off the kids’ presents, too, and I arranged them prettily around the tree.
Thane’s tradition was to tell the children that their big present was from Santa and the rest were from him and their loved ones.
I placed my presents for them next to Thane’s and put Thane’s in the pile from his family.
He’d disappeared as I perfected the arrangement and snapped a photograph to send to Robyn.
The presents overflowed past the tree, and the bike Lewis had asked for was propped against the wall with a big red and green bow on it.
Eilidh’s big present from Santa was a fairytale castle as tall as her, along with dolls to go with it. She was going to adore it.
Excited about seeing the kids’ reactions in the morning, it took me a minute to realize Thane was watching me.
“What is it?” I whispered.
He shook his head, approaching the tree with a Christmas gift bag in his hand. “You just … you’re really into this.”
“Christmas is all about kids. The first year I realized Santa wasn’t real, the magic went away. But … this is the first time I’ve felt it since I was a child. I’m excited they’re excited.”
Thane stared at me, his expression unreadable.
“What is it?” I repeated.
He shook his head and placed the gift bag down near the presents. I could see a couple of wrapped parcels inside.
“Where did that come from?”
Thane turned and winked at me. “Santa.”
“Are those for me?”
He grinned. “I couldn’t not buy you a Christmas present or two.”
Staring at them greedily, I whispered, “What are they?”
His soft laughter filled my ears as he wrapped his arms around my waist, drawing me back against his chest. “You’ll have to wait until the morning to find out like all the other good girls and boys.”
Desire flashed through me, sudden and intense, and I blamed my damn hormones and the utter irony of how turned on I got when I couldn’t do anything about it.
Well … I could do something about it.
Turning around his arms, I looped mine around his neck. “We’re done here. Time for bed.”
“Already?” He frowned. “You don’t want to sit for a bit?”
“I’m tired,” I lied.