Prologue #3
“Never,” he answered harshly, almost like he was begging me to believe him.
“Never, Arro. Robyn has made it clear she wants nothing to do with me. I send letters and gifts every year, but they’re always returned to sender.
I … I can’t take back what I did.” He rubbed his hands up my bare arms as if soothing me.
He didn’t seem to be aware of his caress.
“I love Lachlan like a brother, and I love Ardnoch. I wouldn’t exchange that for anything …
but her. For her, I would exchange everything that made me happy to have her back in my life. I wish I had never taken the job.”
Tears filled my eyes for him. I didn’t know he was walking around with this much pain and regret inside him.
“Mackennon,” I whispered, reaching for his face, the prickle of his stubble scratching my palm as our gazes held.
“You can’t take it back. You can only move forward.
I wish I could turn back time for you, but it doesn’t work that way.
This is where we are. But it doesn’t mean we’re stuck here.
” I pressed into him unconsciously, and his hands dropped to my hips. “You can change the future.”
“I don’t deserve a future with her.”
Realizing he truly meant it, that he thought so little of himself, hurt. “You are a good man,” I said, my voice hoarse with emotion. “The best of men.”
He shook his head, but I captured his face in my hands.
“I’ll decide. And I’ve decided you’re wonderful. And I know I couldn’t have gotten through these last two years without you. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”
Mac squeezed my hips, expression darkening. “Arro …”
Then some madness came over me. I pulled his head to mine and crushed my mouth to his. Excitement made me tremble as I tasted the whisky on his lips. He grunted, his lips parting in surprise, and I took advantage, touching my tongue to his.
His groan vibrated through me, and he kissed me back.
Just like that, I was on fire, my brain fogged with nothing but lust and need for him. Years of pent-up longing burst forth.
Our kiss was wild, hungry, my fingers tangling through his dark hair, his stubble scratching my skin, his hands fisting in the silk of my dress, pulling it excruciatingly tight across my sensitive breasts.
Yes, yes, YES.
I’d never experienced desire like it.
I wanted his hands everywhere at once.
Mostly, I wanted them between my legs. No, his mouth, I wanted his mouth there.
I moaned at the thought.
Mac curled his hands around my shoulders.
And abruptly pushed me away.
I stumbled, hitting the back of his armchair.
Every inch of my skin flushed, my lips swollen.
Mac gaped at me like he’d never seen me before, his gaze dropping to my chest and darkening. He turned away, his hands clenched at his sides.
A glance down revealed my nipples were visibly hard beneath the silk of my dress.
My cheeks heated, but I refused to hide myself.
Instead, I glared at Mac’s back. “Will you look at me?”
He spun around, countenance dark with something I didn’t like, as he ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck.”
“Mac, it’s fine.”
“It’s not bloody fine.” He halted to glower at me. “I just mauled my best friend’s wee sister. My boss’s wee sister! Christ, you’re barely three years older than my daughter.”
I winced. “Don’t say it like that. You’re making it sound worse than it is. You’re thirteen years older than me, Mackennon. It’s not a big deal.”
“It is a big deal.” His voice lowered now, his expression softening, pleading almost. “Arro … Lachlan is the only family I have. I could never hurt him or you. This”—he gestured between us—“darlin’, it can’t happen.
It’ll never happen. I … my mind is in an awful place tonight, and I shouldn’t have …
we shouldn’t have. I don’t think of you that way. ”
Rejection sliced through me.
I didn’t want him to see.
I don’t think of you that way.
Okay. Well, now I knew for certain, right?
Had I just taken advantage of my friend’s vulnerability? The thought scored through me.
I didn’t want to lose him over this.
“Mac, I’m sorry. It was a kiss. We both had too much to drink. No one needs to know and it’ll never … it’ll never happen again. I’ll never do that again. I’m sorry. We’re fine. We’re good, okay?”
His eyes narrowed, studying me. It took everything I had to keep my expression neutral. Finally, he seemed to deflate with relief. “Nothing to be sorry for, darlin’. We’re fine. We’re good.”
“Well”—I mustered up a stoic attitude as I fixed my hair—“I better get back out there for the bells. You should come, Mac. Mingle. Take your mind off Robyn for a while.”
He nodded grimly. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
Leaving him, I felt abruptly cold out in the corridor. Dazed, I strolled back to the great hall, this time nodding at lingering guests. Mac’s taste was still on my tongue; my lips still pulsed from his kiss. My body still throbbed from unsatisfied desire.
Shake it off, Arro.
I could hear Lachlan’s voice booming as he gave his New Year’s speech, and just as I entered the great hall, he shouted from his position on the stairs, “May ye for’er be happy an’ yer enemies know it! Slàinte Mhath!”
Everyone raised their glasses and shouted back, “Slàinte Mhath!”
I waited along the edge as servers appeared with blankets for the guests. People started wrapping the faux-fur blankets around themselves and suddenly Lachlan was before me. “There you are.” He wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. “Time for fireworks before the bells.”
I nodded and let him lead me with the guests outside.
“Where were you?”
“I just needed a breather,” I lied. “This is all a bit overwhelming.”
My big brother cuddled me to his side. “I know, sweetheart. But it’ll be worth it, I promise.”
I nodded and stood with him in the driveway with the guests as a bagpiper played “Auld Lang Syne” in the distance.
Suddenly, a sharp whistling sound filled the sky seconds before an enormous bang. Golds and silvers and blues and pinks exploded in the dark, and the guests erupted in cheers and applause.
For a while, I was lost in the splendor of the display.
But I felt him before I saw him.
Turning my head, I looked at Mac as he took up position on my other side.
He held my gaze, remorseful, uncertain.
I didn’t want him to feel guilty about me.
He was already carrying around enough crap.
I wouldn’t be something he regretted too. I’d rather live with the rejection than that.
Reaching down at my side, I slipped my hand into his. “Friends forever,” I mouthed.
Mac’s gaze brightened, and he squeezed my hand in thanks.
And I looked back up at the sky, watching the fireworks, pretending that my heart wasn’t breaking with every single explosion.