Chapter 26 Eredine
EREDINE
“Well, well, well,” Anne-Marie said as I sat down at our regular Monday table in the staff lunchroom.
I raised an eyebrow, exhausted, and in no mood for their usual banter. “Well, well, well what?”
Jacinda frowned. “Are you okay? You looked tired.”
Gee, thanks. I shrugged.
“The well, well, well was for after all your protesting about just being friends, it comes to my attention that you’re dating Arran Adair.”
His name cut through me like a knife, and I tried not to wince as I speared a fork into my salad. “What?”
Silence overtook the table, and then Michelle spoke. “People have seen you in the village together. Kissing and all that.”
I shrugged again because I couldn’t bring myself to tell them I’d broken up with him.
“Trouble in paradise already?” Natalia asked softly.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
More silence, and then Michelle huffed, “Men are bastards.”
A rumble of agreement rounded the table. I lifted my eyes now, realizing they thought whatever was going on was Arran’s fault. “He didn’t do anything.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Anne-Marie waved her fork at me a little impatiently. “You’re dating one of the few sexy, eligible men in Ardnoch, you lucky cow.”
“We’re just in a tiff,” I lied. “Of my making.”
“Apologize,” Jacinda said, as if it were that easy. At my annoyed look, she chuckled. “You know, in the many years I’ve worked here, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a bad mood. You must be in love.”
I sucked in a sharp breath at the thought.
No.
I wasn’t in love with Arran.
I couldn’t be.
Surely, you had to have shared everything about each other for love to be a possibility?
And yet, that constant knot in my gut would not go away.
“It’s really hard to make yourself vulnerable to someone, isn’t it?
” Natalia said, her expression introspective.
“To have them know that their mood affects yours, their actions determine your day, their nearness affects your contentment. So much power to give one person. In the wrong hands, they could play you until you’re broken.
” Her gaze was sympathetic. “But we’re all a wee bit broken, anyway, so maybe it’s worth the risk.
Who knows? The right person might even heal some of the cracks. ”
Her uncharacteristically wise words settled over me—I think all of us at that table, in fact—and a sense of calm moved through me.
I knew Arran. While I couldn’t predict what would happen in our relationship down the line, I knew him enough to know he was worth the risk. And yes, I was terrified of opening that closet and letting all those demons loose again … but maybe they were doing me just as much damage staying hidden.
There was only one scenario, however, where they’d definitely result in me losing Arran.
And I was more afraid of that now than I was of the demons.
As the ladies fell into conversation, I pulled out my phone and typed a text.
I understand if u don’t want to talk to me, but I’d really like the chance to explain some things. Will u meet me at my place tonight? 7pm?
Taking a deep breath, I sent it.
I hadn’t heard from Arran before my next class started, and it took everything within me to focus on the yoga session when my attention kept drifting to my changing/shower room where my phone was situated.
The butterflies in my belly were raging by the time class ended and the last person left the studio. Hurrying into my private space, I grabbed my phone off the vanity, and relief flooded me. I shook as I swiped up the notification with Arran’s name on it.
I’ll be there.
Okay, it wasn’t a warm, fuzzy response, but he would be there. He was attempting to be there. Maybe we had a chance.
That was when it hit me what I had to do tonight.
Nausea rose up in me, and a tightness crawled over my chest.
A panic attack.
I slid to the floor, back to the wall, as I flushed hot from head to toe, my cheeks tingling as the tightness increased. Coaxing myself through it, I concentrated on correct breathing, reminding myself I was just having a panic attack, that I could control this.
Eventually, the tightness dissipated, and I was left exhausted by the adrenaline dump.
Thankfully, that had been the day’s last class.
So I sat for a while, trying to gather myself. Trying not to let the panic overwhelm my resolve to tell Arran the truth. Eventually, I eased onto shaky legs and grabbed my stuff to get out of there. Perhaps a little nap before Arran arrived would help me feel strong enough to face the past.
ARRAN
I am a glutton for punishment, I thought as I pulled into Eredine’s driveway. I’d spent the weekend and today convincing myself that after her treatment, the woman wasn’t worth the hassle. That I should forget about her and move on.
Yet I couldn’t erase the image of her trembling in the corner of her bedroom like a frightened animal. I knew for Lachlan to be protecting Ery that whatever happened to her was bad. But I wasn’t sure I was prepared for how bad.
And it killed me she was dealing with something big on her own.
However, it also brutally fucking hurt that she didn’t trust me enough to share it. That instead, she threw me out of her bedroom, her life, like I was nothing but a stranger.
Aye, that cut like a bastard.
Worse was the way my bloody heart jumped in my throat when I got her text this afternoon. The impulse to text back immediately was strong, but I gave myself time to think about it.
And ultimately decided I needed to give her this chance.
If it was more surface, shallow excuses, then no matter how I felt about her, I knew I had to walk. I couldn’t find myself in another situation where she lost her mind at me for God knows what.
I still didn’t understand why finding the dance shoes was such a big deal.
Tonight I hoped to find out.
Or we were over.
Maybe that made me an arsehole, but I couldn’t have a halfhearted relationship with Eredine. For the first time in my life, I wanted everything with a woman, but not just any woman. Her. Only her. I couldn’t settle for less. It wasn’t in my nature.
The lodge door opened as I got out of my SUV. She stood in the doorway in shorts and a tank, and I cursed the muggy summer temperatures because Eredine Willows’s gorgeous long legs were my Achilles’ heel. Fine. All of Eredine Willows was my Achilles’ heel.
Dragging my gaze to her face, my pulse picked up speed.
Worry strained her features, her pretty eyes wide as she stepped back to let me in without a word.
“You look like you’re going to be sick,” I commented as I walked into her living space. “Am I really that bad?”
“Arran.”
I turned to look at her as she closed the door.
“No banter, okay?”
I might have been irritated by that if she didn’t look seconds from bursting into tears. My fingers curled into fists to stop from reaching for her. “What’s going on?”
“Will you follow me, please?”
Confused, I could only nod.
Ery walked toward the rear of the lodge, and I wanted to protest. The last time I’d been in her bedroom wasn’t a scene I cared to repeat.
My eyes wandered over her slender back, her round arse, to her long, shapely legs.
Her hair swayed across the top of said round arse.
Even now, when I was hurt and angry, I wanted this woman more than I’d ever wanted anyone.
Not even as a constantly hard teen had I felt this pull toward someone.
I wanted to resent her for it.
She led me into her bedroom, and as I walked in and opened my mouth to object, my attention snagged on the familiar trunk. It was now sitting on her bed, the dance shoes laid on top.
I swallowed hard and looked at her as she turned to me, expression reading as panic. “What’s this?”
As if her legs couldn’t hold her any longer, Eredine practically fell to the edge of the bed.
“Eredine?”
She shook her head. “Maya,” she said softly. “My real name is Maya Washington.”
Shock humbled me, and I stumbled for the vanity table stool. Elbows braced on my knees, I scrubbed my hands over my face as I tried to process her confession.
Not that I hadn’t always known Eredine Willows wasn’t her real name. But I think part of me thought she’d never tell me her birth name.
I needed to know more.
Taking my hands from my face, I said, “I’m listening.”