Chapter 8 Brodan
brODAN
THE PAST
As much as I was enjoying my time in St. Andrews, I had to admit I missed the hell out of Ardnoch. I didn’t know if it was being away from the Highlands in general, or if it was missing the people who made home home. That included Monroe. It hadn’t gotten easier.
We’d both just started our second year at uni, and leaving her again after weeks of hanging out was utter rubbish.
So I was excited as fuck to come home for the weekend and see her.
Being apart from her for weeks on end was rough.
Not knowing how she was or what she was getting up to agitated me.
We checked in all the time, we texted daily, and we called each other every week, but it wasn’t the same.
She and I had been joined at the hip since we were five years old.
Being away from her was like missing a limb.
Arran and I were as close as any brothers could be, and I missed him, too, but it was different with Roe. At least I knew Arran was there, keeping an eye on her.
He wasn’t the only one, though.
I sipped at my beer, looking casual to the outside observer, when, in fact, my heart was fucking racing, every nerve end screaming.
All because Monroe had invited some friends of hers from the University of Highlands and Islands where she studied in Inverness.
One of them was all over her. Roe wore jeans and a tight-fitting Killers T-shirt that molded perfectly to her body.
My girl might be short, but she had curves that had been driving me crazy since we were fifteen.
Everything about Monroe was beautiful. Not just her body, her masses of red hair, or those gray eyes …
but her soul. She was the kindest, strongest, most loyal person I’d ever known.
Too good for me, or anyone, for that matter.
Including the arsehole she’d brought from uni who kept touching her hip, even though Roe stepped away every time he did.
“You sure you two are just friends?” Arran’s voice yanked my attention from Roe and the arsehole.
I frowned at my brother. “Of course,” I lied.
Well, it wasn’t really a lie. Was the day I’d made her come in the castle turret burned in my brain?
Aye. Every bloody detail. It had taken every ounce of control two summers ago not to make love to her that afternoon.
Sometimes, that day plays like a masochistic film over and over in my mind. Sometimes I fantasize we had sex.
But I hadn’t lied to Roe that day. I couldn’t be with her like that. If I thought it was painful to be away from her now, imagine what it would be like if she was mine completely, and then something took her away.
I rubbed my chest at the thought.
“You sure?” Arran pushed. “Because you’re staring at Luca like you want to rip off his head.”
“Who?”
“Luca. The bloke she’s talking to.”
I studied Arran. I forgot he knew all of Roe’s friends because he got to spend more time with her.
To our dad’s displeasure, Arran had decided against university and was instead flailing, directionless.
To be honest, I was worried about him. But at least he had Roe in his life.
I had hoped she’d keep him from getting into too much trouble.
“Roe and I are just friends,” I reiterated.
“Christ, I’ve known her since we were five.
It isn’t like that between us.” The image of her flushed, her eyes bright as they stared up into mine in wonder as she climaxed around my fingers, flashed through my mind.
My skin heated at the memory, and I chugged back more beer.
“So why do you want to kill Luca?”
“I know Roe.” I shrugged. “She doesn’t want this guy’s hands on her. I’m keeping an eye. I would do the same for Arro.”
“You have done the same for Arro and worse,” Arran reminded me, chuckling.
It was true.
Thane had put me and Arran in charge of intimidating our wee sister’s would-be boyfriends when she started dating.
One, we thought she was too young to date, but since we couldn’t be hypocrites and stop her from dating at the age we started having sex, we took the other path.
We didn’t want her seeing anyone who wasn’t strong enough to stand against the disapproval of her four big brothers.
I grinned. “Anyone new we need to intimidate?”
“Nah. She seems to have given up for a while. Focusing on school.”
“Good.” My gaze drew back to Roe. I hadn’t seen her in weeks.
I wanted her over here with me. She said something to Luca the Arsehole and then disappeared out of the room.
Probably to use the bathroom. The urge to follow her was real, but with Arran watching me, I didn’t want to give him proof that I’d lied earlier.
Instead I turned to talk with him and the group of friends he’d invited to the castle. Our dad never cared when we had people over, and even though he hadn’t seen me in weeks, he’d barely made an appearance. He greeted me last night when I showed up and then fucked off.
I couldn’t say it didn’t hurt, but I was used to it.
I knew my dad loved me. Loved us all. He just … it was like this huge part of him died when Mum died, so only half of him was here with us.
That was messed up.
Which was exactly why I planned to avoid that ever happening to me.
I felt it the moment Monroe came back into the room, and I willed her to come over to me. When minutes passed and she didn’t, I chanced a glance over my shoulder and searched the crowd. Luca had her practically pinned in the corner.
Was she seeing him, then?
Was that why she hadn’t come near me?
A rush of red-hot indignation and hurt flushed through me.
Jealousy.
Aye, it wasn’t the first time I’d felt the burn of that emotion.
In fact, it was jealousy that had driven me to touch Monroe when we were seventeen.
When she told me she’d lost her virginity to Phil Forrester, I honestly wanted to hunt him down and rip off his goddamn head.
It was bad enough she’d been dating the prick, every second torture, but to know that she’d slept with him …
I was still impressed with how calm and cool I’d acted when she told me, considering the turmoil going on inside me.
Then, when she explained how he’d treated her, I was pissed off for a different reason.
I wanted to show her that sex was supposed to be great.
The problem was, I’d learned a huge lesson I couldn’t seem to shake—I’d never been with someone I loved before.
It was better than great. With Monroe, it was a rush unlike anything I’d experienced.
She was all I could see, feel, think about.
It was the sexiest moment of my life. In fact, it had taken more willpower than I knew I had to pull myself away from her.
I had no right to be jealous of anyone Monroe slept with, considering I was pretty much the opposite of a monk. But I was jealous, nonetheless.
She’d always feel like mine.
Even if she’d never be mine.
Fuck.
I chugged back more beer and was about to look away from her for good when I saw her push Luca’s hand away.
He pressed her into the wall, and fury overtook me.
One second I was standing cool and collected with a beer in my hand.
The next I’d shoved the beer at Arran, jumped over the couch, and crossed the room in seconds to pull the fuckwit off my best friend.
“You want him touching you, Roe?” I asked, shoving him so hard he had to stop himself from falling.
Monroe’s face was flushed, her eyes glassy with alcohol and bright with irritation. “That would be a no.”
“Problem here?” Arran appeared at our side.
“Aye. This prick needs an escort off the property.”
We walked Luca and one of his buddies off the estate. The arsehole tried to taunt me into a fight by saying sexual shit about Roe. If it hadn’t been for Arran, I probably would have buried the bastard.
To say my adrenaline was up by the time we returned to the small party was an understatement. Arran strolled back into the room and over to the girl he was chatting up, while I immediately sought Roe. She wasn’t here.
Frowning, I checked the bathroom and couldn’t find her. Then the kitchen at the back of the castle downstairs, though I doubted she was there. The only other room on this floor she was as familiar with was my room, so I headed in that direction.
Sure enough, light poured from under the crack in the door. Our bedrooms in this wing of the castle were pretty massive. They were also difficult to heat, so I knew it had to be bloody cold in there.
Stepping inside, I paused at the threshold to find Monroe sprawled across my bed on her back, her long, loose red curls spread across my sheets.
Swallowing hard at the thrumming in my blood, I crossed the room to her.
Her tee had risen, showing off her flat stomach.
Little freckles scattered sporadically across her skin.
I wanted to kiss every single one.
Dragging my gaze to hers, I found her staring at me through low-lidded eyes. Her cheeks flushed. I smirked. “Had too much to drink, Sunset?”
“Maybe,” she murmured and then giggled.
I loved that sound.
Clenching my hands into fists, I sat beside her and patted her knee. “Maybe you should sit up before you pass out.”
With a groan, she did, but then rested her head on my shoulder. Her perfume tickled my nose, and I rubbed my hands on my thighs to force them to keep to themselves.
“Sorry about Luca.”
I tensed at the reminder. “Just tell me if you have anymore problems with that guy, okay? I know I’m not here all the time, but Arran is.”
“I know.” She sighed heavily and then slurred her words a little as she confessed, “I miss you so much.”
Taking her hand in mine, I laced our fingers together. “I miss you too.”
Lifting her head from my shoulder, she looked up at me, and I turned to meet her gaze. My fingers tightened on hers at the adoring expression on her face. “I love you, Brodan.”
Panic suffused me for a split second until I chuckled, forcing myself to play dumb. “I love you too, Roe.”
Her brow puckered, her nose wrinkling in that cute way of hers. “Nooo.”
“No?” I teased, trying to keep the moment light.
“No.” She rested her chin on my shoulder now, her eyes huge. “I’m in love with you.”
Fuck.
My heart hammered hard, racing toward her all while speeding away, as euphoria and dread filled me in equal measure.
“And I know you’re not ready for that, but I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten what you said …
and I’m waiting for you. I’ll wait for you to be ready.
To work through what loss has done to you until you’re ready to be brave.
To be with me. One day, loving someone like your dad loved your mum won’t scare you, Brodan.
And I’ll be here. I want to be the someone you love like that. ”
Pain cracked through my chest.
That was what I got for telling this girl everything.
And it hurt that she thought time would conquer my fears.
Before I could say anything, she reached up, cupping my cheek tenderly, before she pressed her soft mouth to mine.
For a moment, I was weak.
Because I loved Monroe Sinclair more than I loved anybody in this world.
I kissed her back. Just one more taste, I told myself.
But then I felt her chilled hands slide under my T-shirt, jolting me back to reality.
In my panic to end this, to stop her from wasting her life waiting for me, I immediately blurted out the lie, “I met someone at uni. I have a serious girlfriend.”
Monroe jerked back in shock, expression wounded and horrified.
Then she promptly threw up at my feet.