Chapter 33 Monroe
MONROE
Guilt and shame kicked my arse all the way down the street as I walked to meet Sloane at a café in the neighboring village of Golspie.
Although we’d texted, we hadn’t seen each other since the holidays, and we wanted to catch up without the nosy ears and eyes of Ardnoch watching.
Plus, Flora’s was always so busy on Saturdays, it made it hard to get a table.
Brodan was in research mode for the day, and Sloane had the afternoon off.
This proved to be a rarity between Callie, the housekeeping job at the castle, and the side gig of baking and selling cakes.
Today, however, Callie was spending the afternoon again with Lewis.
Thane and Regan were taking the kids for lunch and shopping in Inverness.
Which meant Sloane was free.
And I was glad, because I desperately needed someone to talk to.
This morning, hours after I’d asked Brodan to hold on to me and promised him the same in return, I’d opened my personal email to find I’d been selected for an interview for a teaching job in the Lowlands. Near Edinburgh.
A frightened part of me wanted to go to the interview. But in doing so, wouldn’t it make me just as bad as Brodan when we were kids? I’d be running from him like he’d run from me.
The difference was, I never treated Brodan poorly when we were teens.
When he returned to Ardnoch, he’d shown me a side of him that I didn’t like.
I knew now he didn’t like that side of himself either, but I’d be going on pure faith that he’d never treat me like that again.
Or that he wouldn’t one day give in to his fear and leave me behind.
Everything was wonderful now between us, but the rest of the world hadn’t intruded yet.
No one knew we were dating, but as soon as that hit the news, my face would be plastered all over the internet.
My anonymity—a precious thing I did not take for granted—would be lost. It didn’t matter if Brodan had retired from acting.
He was Hollywood royalty now. His name was on a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
I thought I’d figured this all out, but the interview invitation confused me all over again.
Mind whirring, heart thumping, and stomach roiling, I felt a headache coming on as I pushed into the quiet café down a village side street. A few other people were in for a cup of tea, but I spotted Sloane at a table in the corner, away from prying ears.
She stood up to hug me, and I gave her a tight squeeze back. “How are you?”
“A little tired,” Sloane answered, and I noted the dark circles under her eyes.
“You’re working too hard.”
Shrugging, she sighed. “I have to. I can’t stay on the estate forever. It would be nice to give Callie a real home.”
Concern filled me because if I couldn’t afford a place by myself in Ardnoch on a teacher’s salary, how was Sloane supposed to with the money she made?
As if she read my thoughts, she said, “I’m hoping if I build up enough business with my baking, between that and housekeeping, I’ll have enough for rent. ”
“And in the meantime, you’ll work yourself into the ground?”
“What can I get you, ladies?” asked the server, a woman around my age.
We ordered and once she was gone, I lectured like a big sister. “You’ll be no use to Callie if you exhaust yourself to the point you make yourself sick.”
Sloane gave me a weary smile. “I know. I just … I want to make it work for us here. I don’t want us to be scrimping and saving all the time.”
“You will make it work … but you have to take care of yourself too.”
“Okay. I promise I will try.”
“Good. Then I can stop lecturing you.”
“It’s nice you care enough to want to.”
We shared a warm look and then I launched right into it. “I need advice.”
“From me?” Sloane pressed a hand to her chest. “From this disorganized mess you see before you?”
Chuckling, I nodded. “I could really use a sounding board.”
“Okay. Then tell me all the things, and I will try to be helpful.”
“First, I need to give you a bit more background on me and Brodan.” I told her our story and explained as much as I could about our friendship and love for each other as teens, without going into too much detail.
I told her how it ended and what he was like when he came back into my life.
Then I explained about the interview and how I didn’t know if I should go for it.
“Brodan’s like a different man to how he was when he first came back.
He seems committed to Ardnoch, to me. He’s confided things I know he hasn’t told anyone else. And he’s told me he loves me.”
Sloane’s eyes brightened. “Really? He said, ‘I love you.’”
“Twice now. And I have not said it back.”
“Why haven’t you?”
“I’m afraid,” I admitted. “I’m afraid that another person I love will disappoint me. Will hurt me. He has the power to break me, and it’s scary.”
“Do you love him?” Sloane asked, tone serious.
Emotion almost choked me as I nodded.
“Thirty-two years is an awfully long time to love someone, Monroe. That won’t just go away because you decide to go away.
It will follow you, and I’m afraid you’ll regret not taking the risk.
I … if it were me, I would stay.” She reached over and squeezed my fisted hand.
“Plus, you’re my closest friend here, and I selfishly don’t want to lose you. ”
I covered her hand with mine. “Thank you.”
“Does that mean you’ll stay?”
I thought of where I was mentally and emotionally when I applied for the job down south. Then I considered what life in Ardnoch would be like if I took Brodan out of the equation. If he did decide life in the Highlands was too small for him. What would I be left with?
Friends.
Friends I hadn’t had before.
Sloane and Arran and Arro. My colleagues at school. Flora. Belle.
They were all part of my life now.
Ardnoch wasn’t home without Brodan, but it was something like that, even with him gone.
I just had to trust that I wouldn’t need to worry about that.
That Brodan meant it when he said he loved me.
That planning the house and taking my opinion into account in the design was because he was adamant I’d be living in it with him.
I want to, I admitted, heart aching.
I wanted to come home to Brodan every evening and lie in his arms on the couch, watching crap television and moaning about my day.
I wanted to make love to him in the dark hours of the night and fall asleep beside him, feeling cherished and needed.
I wanted what I’d had for the last few weeks, and I wanted it to last forever.
“Something tells me you just made a decision,” Sloane guessed, her gaze searching.
“I think I did.” Smiling at her through bright tears, I shook my head.
“I swear to God, that man is turning me into mush.” Exhaling, I waved a hand.
“Okay, less of that now. Let’s talk about you.
I don’t want to pry and you can tell me to mind my own business and I promise I won’t be offended … but why the Highlands?”
If Sloane had looked exhausted before, she suddenly seemed completely drained as she nodded solemnly. “Okay. What I’m about to tell you has to stay between us.”
I tensed but replied, “I know how to keep a secret, Sloane. I grew up in a village that made it difficult, so trust me, I’m a vault.”
She nodded, the muscle in her jaw flexing. And then she began to tell a tale that shocked and dismayed me.
By the end, I felt nothing but relief that she was here and safe. Both her and Callie.
I vowed, now that I’d decided to stay in Ardnoch for good, that I would do whatever it took to make sure Sloane and her daughter flourished here. To make sure they stayed protected.
My pulse raced like mad as I let myself into the cottage later that afternoon. I was doing it.
Even though I was still terrified, I was doing it.
I was going to tell Brodan that I was in love with him, too, and that I was staying in Ardnoch for good.
“You would not believe what it takes to launch a distillery,” Brodan announced as I shut the door behind me.
He had the fire blazing in the grate, and it warmed my cold cheeks.
Shrugging out of my coat, I felt myself deflate from being hyped up to tell him I loved him, only to be halted by his greeting.
He stood from the computer and gestured to it.
“Never mind the millions of pounds it’ll take, there are things to consider I never even realized.
For a start, the land we thought might work for the distillery will need investigating because we’ll need a consistent water supply from it all year round.
A distillery on one of the islands has suspended production a few times because of droughts on the island.
Land with a consistent water supply is a must.” He gestured emphatically, eyes a little wide with excitement or fear, or both, maybe.
“And there’s a five-year waiting list for the copper stills we’ll need.
I mean, we could probably shop elsewhere, but these are the best companies in the world, and we’ll want the best. And waiting for the best costs time and money.
Then we’ll need to finesse the whisky itself, get it how we want it, which will also take time, and then it needs a minimum of three years to mature.
We might as well build the main distillery while we create the actual whisky off-site somewhere smaller.
We’ll have to get around this copper stills thing because we can’t wait eight years to get it off the ground.
” He rubbed his forehead, suddenly looking exhausted.
All thoughts of telling him I loved him were put on hold as I rounded the couch to rub a soothing palm down his arm. “Hey, you know you don’t have to go ahead with this if you don’t want to. But … you have the money and the palate, Brodan. And you’re learning patience very quickly, handsome.”
Brodan’s expression softened and he cuddled me into his side. “I just … I’m a bit overwhelmed by the facts.”
“This whole venture would require time and money, and it’s out of your comfort zone … but you’ve done it before. A few things this year have pushed you out of your comfort zone. Look how those turned out.”
At my teasing, he smirked. “Aye, they turned out quite nicely, didn’t they?”
Thinking this was my moment, the perfect moment, I opened my mouth to say it.
To tell him. But the words got stuck, and before I could drag them out, Brodan pulled me down beside him on the couch.
“Now the other thing we’d need to decide is if we’d open the distillery to the public.
I want your opinion on a few things. Here, look … ”
Just like that, my moment was gone.
Or I’d choked on it.
Pushing my frustration aside, I forced myself to engage in the conversation.