Epilogue
I swore I wouldn’t get emotional, but damn, I can’t help it. It’s the end of an era, and it’s hitting me hard. When I wake up tomorrow, I will no longer be a serving member of the Royal Navy.
I couldn’t have asked for a better last day, though.
Standing on deck with my friends as the Queen Elizabeth sails into port amidst screams and shouts of Portsmouth’s finest as we celebrate the King’s birthday.
We’re all dressed in our military’s finest uniform, and the ship is decked out with celebratory bunting.
This is possibly one of my proudest moments.
Only second to the day I passed out as an officer.
There are still times I can’t believe I surpassed my goal of reaching Petty Officer.
Hell, I smashed it, and I really have Cleo to thank.
Her unwavering support gave me the self-confidence to put it all on the line and shoot for a higher rank.
If I’d decided to go for the thirty-year service I know I would’ve reached Commander, possibly Captain.
Alas, it isn’t meant to be. Not when I’ve had to be away from Cleo eight months out of every year.
I think there comes a point in everyone’s life when you know a change is needed.
Plus, being a Lieutenant Commander has been a true honour.
I’ve loved serving my entire career on HMS Queen Elizabeth alongside my best friends.
It’s been a privilege to guide new sailors through the first months of their careers on board what I believe is the best warship of its time.
I’ve seen Able Rates become Petty Officers and Warrant Officers.
I’ve watched my best friends develop and rank up alongside me.
Kit is the only one out of the group who outranks me, and that’s only by a matter of weeks.
She got promoted a month before me and has never let me live it down.
Cheddar was the first of us to leave the military. She decided to train up as an IT specialist and now works for a company which pays her an obscene amount of money. We see each other as often as possible, which hasn’t been a great deal, but that will change. She’s only a train ride away in London.
Boot made Petty Officer and was happy to stay in the Navy forever until she met Alice. They met in the US on holiday and that was that for Bootman. She put in her papers six months later and toddled off to start her new life. She and Alice ended up moving to Portsmouth last year.
As for Cleo and I, we’ve had over fifteen years of living a relatively separate life, and for the most part we have both benefited.
Our mutual support of each other’s careers is one of the things I treasure about our relationship.
I know that I could come up with a new dream tomorrow and Cleo would do everything in her power to make it happen for me, with unconditional support.
My dream is her. A home by the sea with Cleo as she writes articles for the local paper.
She decided to step back from investigative journalism the day I announced my early retirement.
We bought a small cottage in Devon, and Cleo immediately sought a job.
The Devon Gazette was over the moon to snag someone as prestigious as Cleo Carter.
It’s going to be a massive change, but I’m up for the adventure. Hell, maybe we can actually get married. It’s been over three years since we got engaged.
My eyes scan the crowd. Cleo is out there somewhere, waiting for me to officially retire my tub hat.
I’ve reminded her a thousand times I no longer wear that hat but an officer’s cap.
She joked I should steal it for our bedroom antics, and I won’t lie, I was tempted.
There’s nothing like the look Cleo gives me when she sees me in my uniform. I’ll definitely miss that!
The Marine Band plays as the ship docks. We’re welcoming friends and family on board to celebrate. I can feel my legs itching to move towards the gangplank. By the looks of it, I’m not the only one.
We stand at attention until Captain Pierce dismisses the ship. He’s been a truly wonderful captain to sail under. We all missed Morley when she left, but considering she’s now Admiral of the Fleet, and likes to visit way more than Cleo’s father ever did, we’re not short of visitation time with her.
Admiral Carter retired several years ago and made it his mission to make up for lost time with his daughter. Over the years they’ve had a somewhat awkward relationship, but that all changed when he gave up the uniform. Even Cleo’s mum gets on really well with him now.
Speaking of Cleo and her mum, I can see them pushing through the crowd of family members.
I shake a few hands as I make my way over to them.
Considering I’m technically still on duty, I can’t very well do what I want to do to my fiancée in front of the crew, so I settle for a kiss on her cheek.
Cleo has other ideas as she rolls her eyes, takes my face between her hands and snogs my face off.
Her kisses still have the ability to render me stupid. Cleo’s mum laughs at my dazed expression, and then I hear wolf whistles from behind that can only be from Kit. You’d think she’d know better.
Laughing, I scoop Cleo into my arms and hold her tight. God, I’ve missed having her close like this. An excited thud in my chest reminds me this is the last time I’ll ever have to feel that way. From now on, we’ll wake up next to each other every morning and go to bed together every night.
Perfect.
Tears fill my eyes as River holds me close. This deployment has probably been the hardest because we’ve been waiting for it to be over since the second it began. Nine months since we last touched each other, and now I can hold her as much as I want for as long as I want.
The ship is buzzing with excitement as other crew members embrace their loved ones. I know River and I aren’t alone in our joy, and somehow that makes the reunion all the sweeter.
Kit joins us and pulls me out of River’s arms, laughing at her best friend’s scowl.
Mum takes my place and pulls River into a hug only mothers are capable of.
I wished for River’s sake that her parents were here to celebrate their daughter’s last day in the Navy, but unfortunately, even after all this time, they’re still in the toxic relationship that isn’t a relationship.
River never wavered on her promise to cut ties if they couldn’t sort their shit out.
It hurt her to do it, but as we’ve discussed many, many times, the cut from the constant negativity and bitterness was the best thing for River’s mental health.
My mum was happy to step in and take over as helicopter parent number one.
Surprisingly, Dad happily joined in too.
He loves River and has taken to mentoring her over the past few years.
“Well, this is a pretty decent way to send you off,” Kit calls over the din.
Mum and River pull apart and smile. I can see tears gathering in my love’s eyes as she surveys the place she’s called home for over a decade.
“Pretty stellar, to be honest. Shall we grab a drink and then push off?”
Kit eyes me, knowing full well that isn’t the plan. “Sure thing. Ladies, we’ll be back with some refreshments shortly.”
Inside, my belly coils with nerves. It’s taken me this long to finally come up with a romantic gesture big enough to rival River’s surprise birthday visit back in the day.
As Kit takes River to grab the drinks, I look toward the gangplank for our guests.
Right on time, Cheddar, Boot, Alice, my dad, and Admiral Morley board the ship.
Dad and Admiral Morley are instantly surrounded by the ship’s officers, which I expected.
Thankfully, I’d already chatted with my good friend Captain Pierce, who is making his way over to grab them from their many admirers.
“Okay, it’s showtime,” Mum whispers in my ear. Biting my lip and sucking in a breath, I give my body a little shake to expel some nervous energy.
River hasn’t spotted the extra guests yet, and I need to keep it that way for a little longer. Kissing my mum on the cheek, I walk over to River and take her hand.
“Fancy a walk down memory lane?” I purr into her ear. Without giving her a chance to question my motives, I pull her towards the hatch which will lead us to the bunk I inhabited for a precious few nights.
River is still playing catch-up as I open the door and pull her in behind me. “Just like I remember,” I say. Of course I asked permission to enter somebody else’s bunk. It’s only for a few minutes anyway.
“Cleo, babe, we shouldn’t be in here!”
I pout. “I only wanted five minutes alone, baby. It’s been nine very long months.”
Her hesitancy melts in seconds and before I know it, she has me pinned up against the door. The kiss turns ferocious, and my hands wander down her uniform, looking for buttons to undo. However, my brain kicks in and reminds me we don’t have time for a quickie. God damn it.
Pulling back slightly, I bite down on her bottom lip before pushing her away. “Wow, I missed that.”
River pants against my lips. “You’re telling me.”
We kiss gently after that, simply reconnecting with each other. This is the last time she’ll stand in this bunk as a serving member of the Royal Navy. The last time she’ll wear this uniform in an official capacity. The last time she’ll be separated from me by duty and deployment.
And I’m ready. I’m so ready.
I know I need to get us back to the flight deck soon, but a few more minutes can’t hurt.
“We need to get back, Cleo,” River finally says. “I can’t wait to do this at home, but I’ve still got another hour until I’m officially dismissed.”
Sighing, I nod. “You’re right, and you should spend some time with the crew. They’re going to miss you.”
“Babe,” she croaks. A tear falls down her cheek and I catch it with my thumb. River is no longer a woman who hides or runs away from her feelings. She’s quite the opposite.
“Come on, Lieutenant Commander.”
A quick glance at my watch shows we’ve been absent for nearly fifteen minutes, which is plenty of time for my mum to get everyone organised.
As we approach the hatch which leads to the flight deck, I notice River’s eyebrows furrow. Understandable considering the noticeable silence.
My heart clenches when I see the crew lined up, giving River a well-deserved salute. Turning, I grab her hand and guide her along the deck towards Captain Pierce, who is standing with my father and Admiral Morley on one side, with Kit and Boot on the other.
“Cleo?” she whispers to me as I pull her along.
I stop us in front of the captain and turn to face her. She’s looking at everyone, utterly confused.
“I thought this would be appropriate,” I begin.
“Appropriate?” she echoes.
“You’re still a member of this crew for a little while longer,” Pierce chimes in.
“And there really isn’t a more suited place for it,” Admiral Morley adds.
“What?” River asks, looking at me. “Cleo, what’s going on?”
“Well, Lieutenant Commander Dawson, I thought your final act aboard HMS Queen Elizabeth should be marrying me.”
A choked laugh escapes her, and it makes me smile so hard my face hurts. She looks at Pierce, who is grinning widely. It’s quite handy that a ship’s captain has the authority to perform a wedding, don’t you think?
“It is pretty apt, isn’t it?” she finally replies, looking back at me.
There wasn’t anywhere I could think more perfect for either of us to make vows than on the ship that brought us together, and with the people who love us the most.
“So?” I ask, reaching up to straighten her cap. “Ready?”
“To marry the Admiral’s Daughter?”
“Yeah.” I laugh because even though my dad isn’t the acting admiral, that’s how River will always refer to me.
“Try and stop me.”
I don’t.