Chapter 12 The Sudden Collapse
I moved back home.
I kept Han Zheng under stricter control.
He took his medicine as prescribed, followed early sleep and early rise times, and maintained a regular diet. Then we waited for a suitable heart.
Han Zheng refused to let me get tested.
He said my heart was not suitable.
At first I thought he meant he would never use mine.
Only when I saw the test report did I realize.
It seemed he had known all along that our hearts did not match.
It seemed he always acted as if he knew his time was short.
He was detached and lifeless.
But I did not believe in fate.
I poured all the passion I had never shown into Han Zheng.
It was as if I loved life deeply.
Just when I had nurtured some vitality in him he fell ill.
One second he smiled and told me the weather was nice.
He wanted to walk with me.
The next second he collapsed onto me.
My blood ran cold.
I followed the ambulance like a wandering soul.
When Han Zheng woke his face was still pale.
His first words asked if I had cried.
He teased me with a light laugh.
"Didn't you say you would laugh? Why did you cry so loudly?"
"Isn't that what woke you?"
I wiped my tears and forced a relaxed smile.
Meeting Wen Ci at the hospital did not surprise me.
I knew he needed money because of his brother's serious illness.
But I had not known the feeling of guarding a critical patient then.
Seeing him again now I could empathize completely.
Sometimes when we met we chatted about the patients' conditions.
It was good to have someone to confide in.
I never mentioned it to Han Zheng for fear of misunderstanding.
I did not know how he found out.
Lying in bed playing with my hand he suddenly said.
"Jiang Zhong, if I died, you and Wen Ci should be together."
"With him you can smoke when you want, go far when you want, do whatever you want without worrying about others."
I wanted to scold him.
I wanted to blame him for mentioning death again.
Why did he never believe he could survive?
But the words did not come out.
Tears fell instead.
I looked optimistic but I was scared to death.
"Can we not talk about this?"
I was terrified.
Han Zheng was frightened by me.
He comforted me in panic.
"I won't say it, Jiang Zhong. I won't say it anymore."