Chapter 2
TWO
RóISíN
Zandaor Exlith-Orvanis-Orkith stank.
I led him through the ship, choosing a route to the nearest sauna, picking a path that would avoid the common rooms, especially where people were eating.
I wanted to do this job well. I'd gotten a free ride on this cruise in exchange for having crew shifts.
I thought I'd be cleaning toilets or something like that based on the work-trade job description.
Instead, my assignments had been laughably easy, mainly checking in on my fellow humans to make sure they were comfortable.
The weirdest one was that I had to go check on some guy who decided to mate with a Chyrrith male.
The Chyrrith wasn't there, as they wanted to make sure he could speak without him in the room, and I was given a knife so I could cut the guy free on the chance that he didn't actually want to be tied up.
He didn't want me to cut him free.
This assignment was exciting. Playing tour guide to a hot alien scout who had found our solar system, learning as much as I could about him so I could report about it - it was the kind of thing I always wanted to do.
"How did you become a diplomat?" Zandaor asked.
My second giggle took me by just as much surprise as the first one I had let loose when he first assumed I was offering to wash with him.
I cleared my throat, trying to pull it back together so I stopped acting like a fool in front of this gorgeous piece of alien eye candy who wanted to hang out in a hot tub with me.
"I'm just your tour guide," I said. "I'm not a diplomat. I mean, I always wanted to be one, but that isn't how my life went."
"How did your life go?" Zandaor asked.
"I had a bad fall in college, and I was in the hospital for a while and ended up failing my term," I said.
"I mean, the college wasn't cruel about it, and I didn't have medical debt as they do in some countries, but the student housing didn't have elevators, so I couldn't use my room on campus while I was recovering and had to move in with a boyfriend.
But then he wanted me to cover the rent, so I had to up my hours, and then I couldn't manage the workload, so I had to give up on something, and it just all cascaded from there, and twenty so years later this is where I am.
I couldn't even afford the discounted ticket to come on this trip.
I got in because of their work trade program.
I'd need a real education to be considered a diplomat. "
I'd also need some self control about blabbing my life's story to a new alien species that showed up on an alien singles dating cruise.
At least I left out the part about the boyfriend stringing me along for decades with the promise of a ring and a family, only to dump me, steal my cat, and marry someone else within a few months of the breakup.
Being a tour guide for a smelly, attractive, alien was one of the best things that ever happened to me in my entire life.
I had caught an initial whiff of it when the hatch to his small starship opened, and it became clear when he approached me, the green of his skin outlining the beautiful muscles of his strong arms, that he must have been in that confined space for quite some time.
Everyone was required to wash in the showers there before using any of the other facilities at the sauna, so hopefully that would take care of his strong aroma before I showed him the rest of the ship.
It wasn't that his smell was bad; it was just… problematic.
It wasn't the quality of the scent either; it was downright pleasant, like if umami had a scent, mushrooms simmered in soy sauce, layered with the strange combination of chocolate mint.
The problem was my very physical reaction to it.
Forty-six and starting to show the first signs of perimenopause, I was not in the habit of having my body suddenly prepare itself for imminent intercourse.
I couldn't even remember I got to this level of physical excitement without a significant amount of self stimulation.
But the second the full force of his smell hit me, it was all hands on deck, my rigging was hoisted and my decks were swapped and dripping.
I really hoped he wasn't one of those aliens that could smell arousal.
"You speak with Oame, but there is a difference in our cultures," he said.
"To my people, our education doesn't define us.
Education helps you succeed in niche-finding.
Our actions move us further in our niche-finding.
You are a diplomat because you are the first of your species I have met, and that.
You are niche-finding, being Exlith in your interaction.
If you regularly choose to be the one who interacts with envoys and ambassadors of other species, then you are a diplomat. "
His words warmed me. It was nice to think of a world where experience was just as important for taking on a job, though he hadn't described it as a job. That word, Exlith, didn't translate, but I recognized it as part of his name.
We passed a Norratar male in one of the hallways, unsurprising as I was leading him through an area designated for alien bedrooms. Humans had all their bedrooms in the same sections of the ship, with the rest of the aliens sectioned together, loosely clumped by species.
No one was restricted from any of the area; there were no locked doors preventing access to the hallways, but it was nice that it was easy to identify at a glance who had a bedroom in the area and who was coming to visit.
The ship culture had a very open and friendly attitude towards such things; purity culture didn't have much of a place on a singles space cruise designed to allow humans and aliens to meet, but given that some of the aliens had courtship rituals that involved breaking and entering, being able to identify who was supposed to be where at a glance was a basic security measure.
I tensed as I recognized the male. He was a persistent fellow, with black and white spots, who seemed to take my attempts at politely excusing myself from his company as a social challenge to keep the conversation going.
I knew it wasn't because he was that interested in me in particular.
I'd at first been taken in by his attention, but had been too embarrassed to let him see my bedroom when he tried to invite himself back to it.
Then I'd gotten word that he was happy to share his affections with any female on board, approaching his quest to find a mate with a gotta catch 'em all attitude, and that made up my mind for me.
I couldn't for the life of me remember his name. I'd never been particularly interested in casual hookups, and being out of a two-decade-long relationship didn't change that. I braced myself and began thinking about how I could end the conversation that hadn't even started yet.
Especially because the Norratar could smell arousal, and he was sure to comment on my current worked-up state if he caught a whiff of me through the pungent odor Zandaor was putting out.
But I didn't have to worry about it.
The Norratar male's nostrils flared, twitching, and his ears went flat down on his head.
He tried to suppress that sign of displeasure by forcing them back up, but as we got closer, his nose twitched again, then his nostrils closed completely, and his tail made a few sudden jerks.
A few steps away from us, he lost all pretense of politeness and slapped his hand over his muzzle as he staggered back to press himself against the wall as if he were trying to get as far as possible away from us as we passed.
"What is that smell?" he sang out in tones of dismay.
I suppressed a smile and wondered if I could bottle Zandaor's scent to wear as a perfume or borrow an unwashed exercise shirt of his and wear it around.
I felt a twinge between my legs and shifted, uncomfortable and a little surprised at my physical reaction to the thought.
It had been a while, so it wasn't surprising I got a little twangy at the first hint of arousal, but still, this was getting ridiculous.
"Apologies, that must be me," Zandaor Exlith-Orvanis-Orkith said, giving a broad smile that showed all of his flat teeth.
The other male removed his hand to flash a grimace of a smile with all his teeth showing, a clear reaction to Zandaor's expression.
"Norratar view teeth as a sign of aggression, and they engage in ritualistic combat," I explained. "If you wish to be perceived as non-aggressive, it is important to smile at them with your lips closed."
Zandaor Exlith-Orvanis-Orkith sealed his lips closed but maintained the smile. "If that ritualistic combat extends to friendly sparring, I would be happy to engage in that in a suitable setting."
"Not if you stink like that!" the Norratar gasped out, abandoning all pretense of politeness, before he tensed his legs and crouched. That was the only warning we had before he leaped down the corridor, a huge bound that took him well away from us.
I coughed as I tried to swallow my laugh before it echoed down the hall.
Last thing I needed was that male to feel like I was any more of a challenge.
"I didn't realize my smell would be that offensive.
I often smell after an Exlith-Orvanis, but I've never gotten such a severe reaction," Zandaor said, his forehead wrinkling with concern as he glanced over at me.
"I did notice a strain on my hygiene facilities during this one, so perhaps that is the source of the problem.
Is that why you suggested bathing with me?
To ensure my scent was acceptable to those on board? "