20. Elliott #3
“Knocked on the door,” I said. “I couldn’t explain it to him either. He began walking me back, and then it suddenly started pouring rain. We ran to the barn to wait it out.”
My friends looked at each other like they didn’t know what to make of me.
I don’t know either, I thought, burying my red face in the teacup.
I glanced over at the couch where Ben, Trey, Jackson, and David were having a heavy discussion about something.
I got up and joined them, flopping down next to Keane. Resting my head on his arm, I looked up at him. “Thanks for the tea. I’m sorry I scared you. I really don’t know what came over me.”
“Don’t give me those puppy-dog eyes,” Keane said, obviously not willing to give in easily.
“What is it?” Riku asked the group on the sofa. “What are you talking about so intensely?”
Ben, David, Trey, and Jackson all traded looks.
David spoke. “Well, we were just thinking that Elliott’s behavior seems…familiar.”
Keane frowned. “What do you mean?”
David looked at Jackson, who said, “What El just explained sounds a lot like how we’ve felt at one time or another.”
Sitting up, I asked, “Like you just had to do something and you didn’t know why?”
Licking his lips, Trey said, “More like we just had to see our alpha, and nothing was going stop us.”
I frowned, trying to piece that together. Meanwhile, my friends all started talking at once.
“Oh-h-h,” Solomon drew out the word.
“No way.” Zeke looked at me. Riku was staring at me as well, his eyes knowing.
“Oh!” Ren belatedly exclaimed, clamping his hand over his mouth and turning his wide eyes to me.
“Would somebody like to fill me in?” I asked.
“When we first mated, we felt the same thing you just felt. We still do, only not as strongly. We had to near our alphas. When we weren’t, we were miserable.”
Frowning, I said, “I wouldn’t say I was miserable. Besides, Jet and I aren’t mated.”
“Something happened between you, though. Right?” Zeke asked.
“Well, yeah. We didn’t have a choice, you know. It was better than the alternative.”
The way they were all looking at me, I knew they’d misunderstood.
“I meant…” Suddenly, I didn’t want to say it. I didn’t want to talk about Edge. “I’ll tell you another time, okay?”
“Sure,” Solomon said, patting my back before settling on the other beanbag.
“Okay, so you and Jet had sex,” Camp said. “But you didn’t mate?”
“I wasn’t in heat! And he wasn’t in rut, at least not full rut. He’d only been off his suppressants a couple of days.”
“You mean you guys just did it—like, faked it?” Trey asked.
“We couldn’t exactly fake it. Those doctors were watching from another room. We had to have sex.”
“I’m sorry, El,” Ren suddenly said, looking as though he might cry.
Rubbing my hands down my face, I sighed. How could I explain this properly while not embarrassing myself to death or giving them the wrong idea?
“Yes, knowing the doctors were watching was difficult and embarrassing. It helped that they were so clinical about it. But I was so thankful that Jet was there, plus I was responding to him, so the fact that they were watching from somewhere was easier to block out. I was so concerned about the fact that Ben and I had tried to heal my heats before I left. If I couldn’t go into heat, I didn’t know what they’d do to me. ”
Ten sets of eyes turned on Ben, who gave a wan smile and a shrug. Evidently, he hadn’t told them about that.
Thanks, buddy, I heard him say in my head.
I couldn’t hold back a smile as I looked at his annoyed expression.
“You did what?” Camp asked.
Talking over him, I said, “But I managed. It wasn’t like my heats—no agony of longing and hours of despair.”
“No pleasure?” David asked.
Incredibly embarrassed, I couldn’t help but get defensive. “Yeah, there was pleasure. But sex is pleasurable, right?” I looked at the mated omegas, as they were the only ones who would know.
The four of them looked from one to the other until I started to wonder if they could have a telepathic discussion even though three of them weren’t omega x.
Annoyed, I said firmly, “So, you see, Jet and I did not mate.”
“El,” Ben said. “When you…ma—have sex with your alpha for the first time, the heat isn’t the same. You’re desperate for them, but there’s no agony and longing because, well, he’s right there with you.”
Jackson took over. “Yeah, like, you want him really badly, and you’re out of breath and hornier than hell like when you’re in heat. But it isn’t torture. It’s extremely good sex.”
“And afterward,” David said, “You want to be with your alpha all the time. If you aren’t, you feel like a piece of you is gone.
Feelings of insecurity and being unsafe build and build until you’re so agitated, you don’t know what to do with yourself.
Eventually, after you’re mated a while, that feeling diminishes to a bearable level.
Right now, a part of me wants to be with Maddox, but the part that wants to be with my friends can override it. ”
Jackson nodded agreement. “But, El. When Carter and I did it for the first time, he was on rut suppressants, and I didn’t go into a full heat. My mom said that for all intents and purposes, we were mated. Jackson marked me with a tattoo later.”
“Didn’t you get pregnant that first time?” Ben asked.
Jackson nodded.
I felt like I’d just gotten onto an elevator only to plummet fifty feet to the ground.
Putting a hand to my chest, I felt my heart racing and my breathing quickening.
“Elliott, calm down,” Keane said, touching my leg.
I turned wide eyes to him. “I…we…I…” I stopped, unable to form a simple sentence.
“We don’t know anything for sure,” Trey said, sliding off the couch to sit in front of me on the floor.
“Yeah, let’s just table this conversation,” Keane said, moving to straighten two of the sleeping bags.
“Yes, of course,” Ben said, getting up to prepare a bed for himself. One by one, all my friends did the same before curling up to sleep.
Keane lay beside me, covering us up with a light blanket and clasping my hand.
After a moment, I slipped my hand out of his.
Opening his eyes, he whispered, “Anything wrong?”
“No. I just don’t want to be touched right now. Sorry.”
“S’okay.” Keane closed his eyes again.
My mind wouldn’t stop. I doubted I’d be able to sleep. What my mated friends had said made me incredibly uncertain about what had happened between me and Jet when we’d had sex. I couldn’t deny that the urge to see him was growing again.
What if only I formed a bond and not Jet? That thought was worse than the idea of being mated to him. I didn’t want to be an unwanted mate.
I didn’t sleep until the wee hours of the morning, and, even then, not deeply.