Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Sienna
I stare down at his hand wrapped around my wrist.
Lucas’s fingers are long and strong, the knuckles lightly scarred from a lifetime of fights I’ll never know about. His thumb rests exactly over my pulse, and I know he can feel it hammering.
I try very hard not to let any of what I’m feeling show.
“There is nothing going on between Lydia and me.”
His words echo in my skull, and they should feel like relief. They should feel like a door cracking open. Instead, they feel like a second slap, even harder than the first.
Because if he’s not with Lydia, then the humiliation in that library wasn’t about protecting another woman. He didn’t kick me out to spare someone he loved. He kicked me out because kissing me embarrassed him. Because he was ashamed of kissing me, specifically.
My throat closes.
I had made peace with the other version during my walk back from the library last night.
I had built myself a whole, little, graceful narrative in those corridors: He’s in love with someone else.
It’s tragic, but I’ll bow out with dignity.
I’ll find someone who actually wants me.
It was a story I could live with. A story that let me keep my pride intact.
But he just ripped it in half.
Breathe, Sienna, I tell myself.
I pull in a slow breath through my nose and turn around.
Lucas is standing too close. He has not let go of my wrist. His shirt is slightly rumpled, his hair mussed, but I refuse to look too closely at any of that. I lift my eyes to his face instead.
He is watching me as if I may detonate.
Smart man.
“So,” I say, my voice coming out steadily in a way I’m proud of, “you’ll humiliate me in front of any woman.”
His brow furrows. “What?”
“Any woman,” I repeat, louder. “Any random woman who walked through that door, you would’ve pushed me away like I was some horrid thing you didn’t want to be caught holding.”
“Sienna, how did—”
“How did you humiliate me?” I cut in, mimicking what I’m sure he was about to say. “Is that what you want to know? Let me help you. You had your tongue in my mouth one minute, Lucas, and the next, you were telling me to leave, like I was some drunk girl at a bar who’d been a mistake.”
His face changes. That unmoving, composed mask he wears falters, and for one clear second, he looks deeply uncomfortable.
“That isn’t what—”
“It’s exactly what it was.”
“I couldn’t have anyone see you like that.” His voice is rough, and his hand is still on my wrist. “Sienna, you are in a delicate position in this pack. You are here as an official representative of Moonvale. Lydia is my household coordinator. If it had gotten out that I—”
“That you what, exactly? Kissed me? Your fated mate?!”
His jaw drops open, but no words come out for a few seconds. “I’m sorry,” he says finally, quietly. “I’m sorry I upset you.”
I stare at him.
I don’t know what to do with this man. Either he’s looking at me like I’m a stray cat he needs to shoo off the porch, or he’s kissing me like the world is ending. And then, he’s apologizing in that low, careful voice that makes my stomach flip traitorously.
My wolf is yowling inside me, half with fury and half with a softer emotion that I refuse to examine.
I pull my wrist out of his grip. He lets me. I walk a few paces away from him because I need the space to breathe. Standing that close to him is messing with my head.
I look up at the birch trees. At the scattered sunlight on the water. At the moss. At anything that isn’t him.
Then, I turn back, and whatever he sees in my face makes him press his lips together and remain silent.
“Why did you kiss me?”
He blinks once.
“You don’t want this bond. You’ve made that painfully clear. So, why did you kiss me, Lucas?”
“It was unintentional.” He says it stiffly, like he’s reading a statement into a record.
I let out a loud laugh. I can’t help it. It bursts out of me because I am genuinely delighted at how absurd that sounds.
“Unintentional,” I repeat. “So…you, what, unintentionally fell on my mouth? Unintentionally held my face? Unintentionally ran your hand through my hair?” I tilt my head at him.
“You must be the clumsiest alpha I have ever met. Has someone looked into that? Do you often just trip and land tongue-first on women’s faces? ”
His jaw tightens so hard, I can see the muscle jump. Color rises along the sharp line of his cheekbones.
He is humiliated.
Good. Welcome to the club, Alpha Steele. I’ve been a member for a while.
Except I can’t quite enjoy it as much as I want to, because the sight of Lucas Steele actually looking embarrassed is doing nothing good to my insides.
I drag my palms over my still-damp hair, suddenly tired. So tired.
“Lucas, just tell me the truth,” I say, and I hate how small my voice gets. “Why? Am I lacking something?”
“No.”
It comes out of him fast. Immediately. Like the answer was already sitting at the front of his mouth. Like there was no scenario in which he was going to let that question hang in the air between us for even a breath.
I feel a hot, unwelcome sting behind my eyes. I blink it away. “Then what is it?”
He doesn’t answer. He purses his lips, one hand flexing at his side. I watch him search for something to say, watch his throat work, watch whatever is caged in his chest rattle the bars once and then go quiet again.
Nothing. He gives me nothing. Just stares at his feet.
“You know what?” I say softly. “I’m glad you didn’t answer that.”
His head snaps up.
“Because any excuse you gave me”—I keep my voice level—“I would’ve had to pretend to respect it. And I don’t. I don’t respect any of this.” I gesture between us. “Only a weak man runs like a coward from something the fates decree. And I don’t like my men weak, Lucas.”
His eyes flash. For a second—for one delicious, dangerous second—I see his wolf looking out at me from behind them. Dark and wounded and furious.
I turn away before I can let it affect me. I start walking toward the tree line. I can feel him following me at a distance.
I call over my shoulder, sweet as honey, “Don’t worry about the bond, Alpha. There are plenty of men to choose from. I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you much longer.”
I make it maybe twenty paces into the trees. Then, I hear it.
The sound of a fist hitting bark. Hard. Hard enough that something splinters. A low growl follows, a sound that is not quite human and not quite wolf, tearing itself out of a prison that has been holding too much for too long.
I don’t turn around. I don’t give him the satisfaction. But I let myself smile. A slow, serene, dangerous little smile that he cannot see.
I lift one hand and twirl a damp curl of my hair around my finger as I walk. My wolf is practically purring inside me, the hurt from a minute ago already banked under a warmer and more useful emotion.
He punched a tree. Over me. Over the idea of me with someone else.
I step over a fallen log without breaking stride.
I don’t chase men. I never have. My mother raised me better than that, and my own pride wouldn’t let me even if she hadn’t.
But I know how to make a man chase me.
And Lucas Steele, with all his discipline and his control and his carefully constructed walls, has absolutely no idea what he has invited into his territory.
He wants to pretend the bond isn’t there? Fine.
He wants to pretend I’m just another visiting official? Fine.
He wants to kiss me senseless in a library and then tell me it was “unintentional”? Oh, Alpha.
I smile wider as I take in the forest around me.
Let’s see exactly how unintentional it remains.
By the time I get back to the estate house, my hair is mostly dry and my resolve is steel.
Lydia is waiting for me in the entrance hall with a tablet in her hand and a polite, composed smile that tells me nothing about what she is thinking. If she noticed I was gone for two hours without telling anyone, she has the good grace not to mention it.
“There you are,” she says brightly. “I’m getting your office ready. You’ll be able to check it out later this morning.”
“That sounds great.” I give her a bright smile. “I’m just going to freshen up and then get breakfast. See you in a bit.”
Lydia nods and leaves. I stare after her. I know she likes Lucas; there would be no point in her denying it. It was all over her face yesterday. The fact that she can still smile so politely after witnessing Lucas kissing me makes me wonder how he explained it away.
I head to my room. After taking a shower, I grab some breakfast and explore the estate grounds. A Silvercrest pack member points out where Lucas’s office is, and I watch the open window idly. He’s not inside, but according to the gardener I asked, he almost always is.
I thank the man and walk away.
Lydia is waiting for me again when I walk back inside. “I have your office ready whenever you want to see it.”
“Lead the way.”
The space is on the second floor of the west wing, two doors down from a small conference room.
It has two tall windows, both wide open; a heavy desk; filing cabinets; and a credenza with a coffee machine already set up.
Someone has put fresh flowers on the desk.
Someone has also thought to leave a small basket of Moonvale-roasted coffee beans for me, which is a thoughtful touch I’ll remember.
“It’s perfect,” I tell Lydia, and I mean it.
“It’s easier for you to have your own space that you can actually work from,” she says. “Alpha Steele suggested this corner office.”
I make a noncommittal sound inside my mouth.
“Now,” she continues, tapping her tablet, “about the pack members assigned to assist you. Lucas said you could select two of our people to work with you for the duration of your stay. Administrative support, runners, general assistance, whatever you need. I have a list of available candidates with their backgrounds. Would you like to review them now?”
“Please.”