Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Sienna
The ceiling has become blurred.
My eyes are throbbing, but I can’t close them. Because whenever I do, I see Lydia putting her hand in Lucas’s. I see the smile on her face.
I always told myself I wasn’t a coward. You can’t succeed in life if you run away from your problems. You have to face everything head on. But today, I broke my most sacred rule.
I ran away.
I am in the nearby human town, on the bed in a hotel room with the curtains pulled. My shoes are still on. My tears are all dried up—another rule I broke tonight, never to cry over a man. Or because of one. Ever since I met Lucas Steele, I’ve been breaking a lot of rules, it seems.
Outside the window, a car pulls into the parking lot. A child laughs. A door slams. Normal life continues at its normal speed.
Inside this room, I cannot feel my fingers.
She took his hand.
I stare numbly at the ceiling. My shoulder still burns from where Lydia brushed against me in her hurry to get to Lucas. To get to my fated mate.
The cheer going up around them was loud enough that, for a couple of seconds, I could not hear my own heartbeat.
“About time,” somebody said.
About time.
I wet my cracked lips, and my tongue tastes salt.
“Liar,” I whisper hoarsely at the ceiling. “She was your woman all along.”
I can hear him in my head from that day at the lake. His voice harsh and low behind me. “There is nothing going on between Lydia and me.”
I let myself believe it. I allowed myself to have hope. I was convinced that whatever was holding him back from accepting our bond, I could find a way around it. That I could make him fall for me.
Fool.
“You just wanted to humiliate me,” I tell the ceiling.
Another tear slides sideways off my face. I don’t bother wiping it; the hair around my temple is already wet.
My phone rings somewhere on the bed beside me. I want to ignore it like I have the other calls, but I recognize the ring tone. It’s my alpha.
Hand shaking, I pat around the blanket till I find the phone.
“Darius, this is not a good time. Is it urge—”
“Sienna!” Violet says into my ear. “Are you okay?”
I close my eyes and turn onto my side. “I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Because you sound like crap.”
I roll onto my back again, throwing one arm over my eyes. “I always sound like this. You’re only now noticing.”
“Sienna…” The worry in my friend’s voice has me swallowing a sob.
I sink my teeth into my lower lip, my voice rough. “This is really not a good time, Violet.”
“I know,” she says quietly. “We heard about Lucas’s engagement.”
My teeth find the inside of my cheek, and I bite down hard.
“The circular went out an hour ago,” Violet continues carefully. “To every pack in the region. Darius just got off the phone with him. He had to call to offer congratulations.”
A watery sound escapes me. “Tell Darius he sucks.”
“I heard that,” comes Darius’s voice from the background, and I can’t find it in me to worry about it. “Give me the phone.”
“I don’t want to talk to him.” I curl onto my side again. “Don’t give him the phone, Violet.”
“Sienna,” Darius says into the phone, and I squeeze my eyes shut.
“I don’t care if I was rude to you.”
“I’ll allow it this time.” His tone is patient and almost gentle. He only ever speaks to Violet this way. “Where are you?”
“I got a hotel room for the night. Just wanted to get away from the Silvercrest pack for a while. No big dea—”
“Do you want to come home?”
Home. The word hits me under the ribs like a small detonation. Moonvale. My apartment. My friends. The corner coffee shop. The pack house. Anne’s wine. Violet’s laugh. Ethan from archives winking at me in the elevator. Home, where people actually want me.
“Yes,” I whisper, tears in my voice. “More than you know.”
“I can send someone to take your place as liaison,” Darius presses. “You do not have to do this.”
I close my eyes. “Violet told you, huh?”
“You should have told me,” Darius says sternly. “I may be your alpha, but you are important to Violet. I would have looked out for you, Sienna. Come home. I’ll reassign the position to Ethan. I’ll tell Lucas we need you here. I’ll handle it.”
I can see it now. Me, crawling back to Moonvale in the middle of my first big assignment because my fated mate was cruel to me.
I’m supposed to represent my pack. I beat out two older, more experienced men for this job. If I go back now, I’ll be proving everyone who didn’t think I earned this title right. If I go back now, Lucas Steele will be satisfied that he broke me and put me in my place.
He doesn’t know what my place is. I will never let anybody dictate that.
I sit up so fast, the room tilts. “No.”
“Sienna.”
“No.” I drag in a shaky breath, forcing my emotions down. “I worked too hard for this position. I am not leaving because of a man. I will not give him the satisfaction.”
The other end is quiet for a long stretch. I can barely hear Violet’s voice off to one side, low and urgent, saying words I don’t catch. Darius is silent for the whole of it.
When he speaks again, his voice has changed. He sounds proud. “If that’s what you want, you’ve got our full support.”
“I won’t let you down.” I wipe the remaining tears from my eyes. I’ll force this grief somewhere deep and box it up so that it never resurfaces.
Darius clears his throat. “When this phase of the merger is over and you do come back, there is no shortage of eligible males in this pack. I will find you a good mate.”
A strangled sound escapes me. “I don’t need my alpha playing matchmaker for me.”
Violet’s voice cuts back in. “Ethan’s a good option. He’s attractive. He’s steady. He’s filthy rich.”
“Violet.” Darius’s voice goes flat. “Since when do you find Ethan attractive?”
“Oh, calm down. Sienna, come home. Ethan and you—”
I shake my head, my heart still aching. “I appreciate what you two are trying to do, but you know it doesn’t work like that, right? Lucas is my fated mate. Was, I suppose. He wasn’t just some random guy who…”
I can’t finish the sentence.
Violet is silent, and then Darius speaks. “It’s not going to be easy, but once the fated mate bond disappears, it won’t feel as bad. When this is over, I’ll make sure you don’t have to cross paths with Alpha Steele again.”
I nod even though they can’t see me. Their words may be of little comfort, but at least I don’t feel so alone anymore. And I’ve been reminded of my priorities.
I pull myself to the edge of the bed and swing my legs down. “I’m going to handle this. I’m going to blow off some steam tonight, and then tomorrow, I’m going to come back and do my job.”
Once the call ends, I sit on the edge of the bed with my phone in my lap. Silence roars in my ears. My reflection watches me from the mirror over the dresser. Swollen eyes. Pale mouth. Hair a tangled mess.
I look at that woman for a long time.
“No,” I tell her.
I stand up, go into the bathroom, and turn on the shower as hot as it will go. I strip off the blue blouse I chose so carefully this morning—the one I picked because some small, traitorous part of me had thought, “He will see me in this today.” I ball it up and throw it in a corner.
I step under the spray and scrub my makeup off harder than I need to.
After rinsing my hair, I cry the last tears while the spray hits my face.
And when I get out, I’m done. Cold-eyed, I look at myself in the mirror.
I’m not a bad catch, and if my own fated mate can’t appreciate that, then that’s on him.
Like Alpha Darius said, there are plenty of eligible males out there.
Standing in front of the mirror, I gaze at the new woman in the glass for a full minute.
Sienna Carter. Youngest chief strategic advisor in Moonvale history. Daughter of a woman who never let a man dictate her mood. Friend of a luna. Wolf in her own right. Not some limp thing for any alpha to discard.
I lift my chin. “He does not get to break you,” I tell the mirror.
The woman in the glass nods back.
I call down to the hotel’s concierge and ask them for the number of a local clothing store.
The boutique picks up my call on the second ring, and I order a flirty dress in my size and high-heeled shoes from the store next door.
The girl is sweet enough to offer to buy me some makeup when I ask her where to get some specific items. The wonders of small towns.
By the time my purchases arrive, the sun is already setting, and I’m starving. The dress fits me perfectly: a deep red blouse with just enough cleavage to make it sexy, above a dark pencil skirt that hugs my thighs.
I do my hair with my fingers and leave it loose. After lining my eyes with dark pencil, I paint my mouth the same red I wore the night Lucas first kissed me. I don’t allow myself to feel the ache that is a persistent throb within me. I don’t let my wolf whimper.
I glance into the mirror one more time.
I look expensive and unbothered. I look like a woman who has never cried in a bathroom in her life.
When I leave the hotel, I take a taxi to a small shop on the main street, where I make one small purchase.
And then, I go to a bar.
The cab pulls up and comes to a stop. I pay the driver before getting out. As he speeds away, I stand at the bottom of the path, my high heels hooked around one finger and strung over my shoulder. I look up at the looming estate house.
It’s the crack of dawn, pink light spilling over the hills and mist curling through the lower fields. The air is cold on my exposed arms, but I don’t bother putting on my jacket. I don’t really feel the chill.
I don’t really feel anything. Just tired, in both body and soul.
Gravel crunches under my bare feet, and I ignore the pinpricks of pain. A tune I can’t name is being hummed under my breath. It’s been going on for a while.