Chapter 5
CHAPTER
FIVE
HAVING FUN WITH CHARLIE
I t took until Thursday for my first study session with Charlie, between his schedule and mine. In the meantime, I ended up with a sore ankle because Coach had wanted us to end our suicide runs in the gym by sliding into the wall, and I fucked up. I didn’t even give too much of a shit about the ankle—I’d rolled it, not sprained it—but a player who couldn’t slide properly? That made me look like a real dick. The worst part was having to rest up for a few days. I didn’t realize how much I relied on my runs until I was stuck inside, trying my hardest not to bounce off the walls. But by Thursday I was on my feet again—and right back into weight training and running. Those days off meant that I’d feel it tomorrow though.
Before classes, I sent a text to Charlie.
Hey, do you want me to get sodas and snacks for when you come over?
He replied when I was in class.
I can’t come over there. Don’t be stupid.
I frowned at my phone screen while I composed a reply.
Is this because I’m a Kappa? That’s so dumb!
I added a cry-laughing emoji to emphasize just how dumb it was, and then waited way too long for Charlie to answer. There weren’t even any little dots though. He wasn’t typing a reply.
Charlie?
Bro?
Wow. I mean, I’d been banned from Alpha Tau because I’d been a dick with that whole prank thing, but I didn’t know why that meant Charlie couldn’t visit my place. Was the rivalry between our fraternities really that serious? I got an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I thought of the angry guy in the Hawaiian shirt. Maybe it was. I hurriedly typed out another text to Charlie.
Want to meet in the library instead?
I waited for his reply.
The library is good, yeah.
I let out a slow breath, feeling like I’d dodged a bullet, even if I wasn’t exactly sure why there had been a bullet there in the first place. Which, when you think about it, was even more impressive than dodging a bullet you were aware of.
We arranged to meet at eight, which would only give us an hour before they closed the study rooms, but at this stage I’d take it. I’d tried looking over what I’d learned so far, and I was still confused. Why were people biting their thumbs? Was it a Shakespearean sex thing? It was just one of many questions I had—the most important of which was “why am I taking English Lit again? ”
I spent a little longer in front of the mirror that night before I went out, making sure my hair was perfect. Then I decided it just looked like I was desperate, so I messed it up again and grabbed my bag and left before I could overthink it again. It wasn’t like this was even a date. It was a tutoring session.
When I got to the library, Charlie was already there waiting. He was wearing a pink striped shirt that didn’t go with his hair, like, at all . He flashed me a wide smile before taking me through to one of the study rooms. It was pretty bleak, with utilitarian gray carpet, a table and chairs that seated four, a display screen, and not much else. It was obviously a product of the Gulag years.
I didn’t care, though. I pulled out my laptop and my copy of Romeo and Juliet , along with the study guide for it that I’d picked up. It hadn’t been much use so far, but I was confident Charlie would help unlock its mysteries.
“Hey,” I said. “I didn’t actually bring chips. I have protein bars though.”
“I’m good. I ate at work.”
“Okay.” I sat down. “Um, is it cheating to use a study guide?”
“No.” Charlie wrinkled his nose. “The clue is in the title. It’s for studying.”
I took a deep breath and caught the scent of something familiar. “What smells?” I asked.
Charlie flushed as he sat down beside me. “That might be me?”
I leaned over and took a sniff. “Yeah. You smell like fried dough and powdered sugar and hot ovens.” I inhaled again because it was fucking delicious.
Charlie tapped the logo on his ugly shirt. “I work at a donut place.”
“Oh, man . How do you not like, eat everything ?” I grabbed a protein bar out of my backpack and tore it open. Then stared at it balefully because it wasn’t a donut. It looked like shit, and I knew from experience that it tasted like it too.
“Wow, your eating plan is really doing a number on you, isn’t it?” Charlie asked.
“Yeah, but it’s easier to stick with it than to stop and try to start again. Nash had a burger and fries last weekend, and he told me he dreamed about nothing else for days afterward.”
Charlie didn’t laugh. “Oh. Did he?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Like, it’s funny, but I feel for him.”
Charlie looked at my study guide. “Let’s get started then, okay?”
“Sure.” The change in subject felt abrupt, but Charlie was making time for me here when he didn’t have to, so I wasn’t going to complain if he didn’t want to shoot the shit. “I, uh, haven’t read the whole study guide yet.”
“Did you watch the movie?” he asked me.
That seemed like a trick question. “Is that allowed?”
Charlie huffed out a little laugh. “Yeah. You should watch the movie. And there are graphic novels too. Like, don’t rely on them for the dialogue and everything because sometimes they’re condensed and stuff. But just to get an idea of the plot so it’s easier to follow along with the play later? Sure.”
“Oh! Maybe I will watch it then. Anything that helps, right?”
“Right,” Charlie said and flipped the guide open.
It turned out that even though when I’d read through the guide by myself it had made no sense, with Charlie holding my hand so to speak, I had more of a clue than I’d thought. Since I hadn’t made it through the whole play yet, he ran me through the entire storyline and let me tell you, that ending was a wild fucking ride, even if I apparently should have seen it coming.
After I had a grip on the basics of the plot, we started to pull apart the whos and whats and whys. It helped that Charlie was super enthusiastic and encouraging. Like he was really good at this whole tutoring thing. You could tell he wasn’t just doing it for the money, you know? He wanted me to do well. He asked the kind of questions that got me to look at everything that was going on in a scene, and he told me lots of interesting historical shit that provided context and helped the story make sense.
It turned out Shakespeare was a lot like baseball. Once you understood the rules, you were able to follow the game.
And when I made one of those connections and Charlie smiled at me like I was the smartest guy in the room? That was better than hitting a home run.
Sitting next to Charlie, studying and talking and laughing with him, I lost all track of time. I jolted in my seat when his phone went off.
Charlie glanced at the screen. “Study rooms are closing in five.” He grabbed his books and started packing his backpack, and I followed his lead. I was more confident about finishing my assignment than I had been at the start of the evening. “Thanks for tonight.”
Charlie smiled. “You did really well, Tanner.”
“That’s all on you. Otherwise I’d still be over here trying to figure out if the thing about the light coming in the window meant they’d left the curtains open.”
“But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun,” Charlie recited quietly—and turned my entire world on its head in the process.
Holy shit, why hadn’t anyone told me that hearing Shakespeare was a whole other thing than reading it?
Because on paper that line had struck me as kind of cheesy, honestly. But when Charlie said it in his soft drawl? Suddenly I got it. It was romantic as fuck. The yearning in his voice made a shiver run down my spine, and my chest ached in the best of ways.
I wanted what Romeo had—minus the dying, obviously.
Charlie tilted his head, watching me closely. “Tanner?”
I couldn’t speak—but maybe I didn’t need to.
Charlie stepped into my space just like he had at the party, biting his bottom lip. The atmosphere between us had shifted, and his expression told me he felt it too. The overhead lights caught the red of his curls and made them gleam like copper, and his pale skin glowed.
He was beautiful.
Charlie reached out one hand and traced a fingertip over my collarbone. The simmering tension between us became a living, breathing thing. “Tanner?—”
Whatever else he’d been going to say was lost when I darted forward and kissed him, a brief clash of lips.
He froze for a second and then surged toward me, hands gripping the front of my shirt, and kissed me back. His lips were warm and soft against mine, and when he tilted his head so our mouths slotted together and slipped his tongue inside my mouth, everything around us faded away—my aching muscles, the hum and click of the fluorescent lights, the background noises of the library—all of it.
Because Charlie was finally kissing me again, and it was fucking incredible.
He tasted of frosting and soda, and I chased the warmth and sweetness with my tongue. Charlie moaned against my lips and tightened his grip on my shirt, and in a fit of bravery or insanity, I wasn’t sure which, I grabbed his hips and backed him against the wall, bracketing his body with mine.
Charlie broke the kiss long enough to let out a startled laugh. “That’s so fucking hot,” he said, eyes bright, before he draped his arms around my neck and his mouth claimed mine again.
Note to self—press Charlie Mercer against any and all flat surfaces.
The kiss was hungry and messy, and stubble rasped against my jaw. The heat of his skin soaked through his hot pink shirt, and I wanted to stay there forever, cocooned in his sugar scent and kisses, but moments later we were interrupted by his phone chiming again .
He groaned against my mouth and gave me one last, lingering kiss before sighing.
“We have to leave.”
“Yeah.”
I let go of his hips and stepped back, and Charlie moved to the table and scooped up his backpack. He turned to me, running his free hand through his hair. “So, um. That was kind of amazing.” He shot me a crooked grin.
I grinned right back and before I could overthink it, I blurted out, “Wanna go out sometime?”
Charlie’s smile faltered.
“I really like you,” I said before he could tell me no. I wasn’t sure where all this confidence was coming from, except I’d already missed one chance with Charlie, and I wasn’t about to let it happen again. So I pushed the point, and didn’t let the look on Charlie’s face put me off. “And I kind of feel we deserve another chance, since we’d never gotten summer together. Plus, you’re really cute.”
He kinda smiled but kinda not? It was a mix of amused but also upset, like in a movie if a guy was in a horrible accident, and he says, “Doc, am I ever gonna play the violin again?” when he has no hands. And the doctor laughs at the guy’s plucky sense of humor, then has to break it to him that his whole family died in the accident. Or something like that. Shakespeare had probably done it a lot in his plays but, you know, better than that and with a bunch of words I didn’t understand.
“Why the hell did you have to be a Kappa?” he asked.
That sounded like a no.
“Uh,” I said. “Hold on a second.” I grabbed my copy of Romeo and Juliet and turned the pages back to the balcony scene we’d just read. “Just wait.”
Charlie wrinkled his nose and looked at the toes of his shoes, like maybe that would be less embarrassing for both of us.
“No, it’s right here,” I said. “Just past this hand and foot bit. Here it is. ‘ What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. ’” I closed the book. “That’s relevant, isn’t it? Like, I got it right?”
Charlie’s mouth twitched as he looked at me. “Are you saying we’re like Romeo and Juliet?”
“Kind of?”
“And you know how that story ends, right?’
“I do now, yes,” I said. “But that’s because they were dumb.”
“They were dumb?” His brow creased, but he was still listening, and I could work with that.
“Yup,” I said. “Me and you, we won’t get caught.”
That twitch of his lips again. I might have missed it if I wasn’t watching for it. Not like it was a hardship to stare at Charlie’s mouth though. The only thing that made it difficult was having to divide my time between his mouth, his eyes, his hair, and the scrunched-up skin on his nose when I said something stupid. I liked all of them.
“If we do get caught, it would make things really awkward for me,” he said.
Which was closer to a yes than it had been.
“Okay,” I said, my chest fluttering like I was in the box, bases were loaded, and I’d already hit two strikes. This was make-or-break shit. “What about this? We fool around some, but we keep it on the down-low. Neither of us have time to date anyway. And it’s not like we’re gonna walk down Fraternity Row holding hands or anything.”
It wasn’t what I wanted, not really. I didn’t want Charlie in secret, but if that was the only way he’d consider it, then I’d take it.
“This is a terrible idea,” Charlie said. “I should say no.”
Which was normally what I said right before I agreed to something dumb. I could only hope Charlie was wired the same way. I held my breath .
“Ugh.” He exhaled heavily through his nose and tugged a hand through his hair, making his curls bounce. He looked adorably cute, which was probably not the correct response for me to have when he was clearly going through a small crisis. “Tanner... this is ridiculous !”
Not a yes, but still not a no.
“You were my first kiss with a guy,” I said. “At Kennedy’s party, I thought we were gonna have the best summer, you and me. I thought we were gonna hang out and make out and, I dunno, that by the time I got to college my rainbow pin wouldn’t be a lie.”
His brows rose.
“No, not a lie. I don’t know how to say it properly. Just, I wouldn’t just be gay in theory, you know? I’d be gay because I’d done stuff.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “That’s not how it works. You’re still gay even if you’ve never done stuff.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said. “Just... I wanted to do stuff. With you, specifically. Because I like you, and you’re cute. Anyway, after my phone got broken at the party, do you know what happened? I went home, and my mom yelled at me for not getting out of my wet clothes in the mud room, and all I could think about was how this was supposed to be my best summer ever. With you .”
It wasn’t exactly Romeo’s speech to Juliet, was it? But Charlie held my gaze, and his cheeks turned pink. “I wanted that too. And I also… haven’t done stuff.”
“Really?” I couldn’t help the note of disbelief.
A blush rose on his cheeks and extended all the way down his throat. “I’m not exactly fighting guys off with a stick. I’m nobody’s idea of a wet dream, Tanner.”
“You’re mine,” I said before I realized how embarrassing that was to admit.
His blush went neon, and he looked down at his shoes again. “Oh.” Then, quieter, he said, “Same. You, I mean. Like, you have that pretty face and blond hair and you’re kinda built, and when you move you’re all sleek, like a tiger, and I’m going to shut up now, before I embarrass myself further.”
He blew out a long breath.
I stepped forward, buoyed by the knowledge that Charlie thought I was hot. I put a finger under his chin, tilting his face up enough that he was looking down at me instead of his shoes. “I don’t think you’re embarrassing yourself. And I still wanna do stuff with you.”
His face was warm against my touch, and my breath caught. He was blushing—I’d seen it, but I didn’t know I’d be able to feel it too. All at once, everything felt close and still and heavy, as though this moment was building toward something big. Like the sky right before the lightning cracked and a summer storm rolled through.
And then he let out a shaky laugh and said, “Why the hell not? It’s a stupid idea, but why the hell not?”
“Sometimes stupid ideas are the best,” I said. “Like the guy who decided to stick a hot fry in his sundae? Who would have thought that was so amazing until he did it?”
“That’s a terrible metaphor for what’s going on here,” Charlie said, but he was smiling.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I mean, you’re hot and salty, right? And I’m very, very cool.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re making it worse.”
“Now you’re just proving you’re salty.”
“No, you’re proving you’re obsessed with junk food.”
“Only because I can’t have any. But hey, at least I’m getting to make out with a snack.”
Charlie burst out laughing. “Holy shit. You’re such an idiot.”
But he said it so happily that there was no way I could get offended by it. It just made me laugh too.
And then our laughter faded, and the moment felt weighty with anticipation all over again. We were standing so close, gazes caught. There was electricity in the air, the lightning building.
Before I could lean in and close the gap between us, there was a knock at the door, and a middle-aged man poked his head into the room. “Y’all done in here?”
“Yessir,” Charlie said, stepping back quickly to put some space between us. He cleared his throat and shoved the last of his books into his backpack before slinging it over his shoulder.
I grabbed my bag, and we got out of there, weaving our way through the tables with a few scattered occupants and stepping out into the warm summer night.
We walked back together. I caught Charlie sneaking peeks at me a few times—usually when I was doing the same to him—and we grinned at each other like idiots. It was as we approached the turnoff to Fraternity Row that his pace slowed, and he turned to face me.
“This really does have to stay under wraps, right?” he said, his tone serious.
My stomach gave an unhappy lurch that I ignored. “Yeah, sure. If—if that’s what you want.”
He nodded. “We’re smarter than Romeo and Juliet, remember? We’re playing it cool.”
And then he crossed the street and walked away without a backward glance, and all I could do was watch him go.