Chapter Thirty Two
Sunnyside Rehabilitation Center — Upstate Massachusetts
Five days until the Election…
“And here I thought I had problems,” Carter said as he kicked my ass in yet another game of speed. “Though I’ve gotta admit it’s kind of nice not being the family fuck up for two seconds.”
I shot him a glare as I gathered up the cards. “You know we can just sit in silence for the rest of this visit instead.”
Truthfully, I hadn’t really even felt like coming, but just because I felt numb to the world didn’t mean I needed to take it out on Carter who was finally allowed to have in-person visitors.
It was also a nice break before I was supposed to fly into Pittsburgh this evening for tomorrow’s last minute rally before the election next week.
“Hey, I’m just trying to bring some levity to a shitty situation, Lennie, don’t take it out on me,” Carter said, holding his hands up defensively.
He at least looked better than he had in years.
He had gotten a haircut, trimming back his formerly shaggy curly brunette hair so that it was cropped close to his head. The hollows of his cheeks were now less pronounced, probably thanks to the consistent diet and mealtimes that the rehab center provided.
He also just seemed more at peace than he did before.
I had never gotten to visit Carter during one of his rehab stints before, so I had no basis for comparison, so I didn’t know if this was some sort of special rehab-specific glow that would wear off once he got back into the real world or if it was actually working, but it was nice to see either way.
“Sorry,” I grumbled, reaching down to give Ginny, who was stretched out across my feet, a pat.
She had been my constant and only comfort over the past two weeks as I was dragged around the east coast on my mother’s final stops on her campaign tour and kept under her watchful eye.
I hadn’t even been allowed to keep my cell phone. Not that that would have helped me anyways because it had taken me all of two seconds to realize I’d never gotten the guys’ phone numbers.
How stupid was that?
They had been my constants for so long that I had never needed to text or call them because they were always there.
Now all I had was a gaping hole in my chest where I’d cut off the bonds and a numb feeling where the full scope of my emotions were supposed to be.
“Lennie,” Carter said, putting his hand over the hand that was still fiddling with the cards. “Look at me.”
I did so, albeit reluctantly.
There was no judgement on Carter’s face, just empathy and worry. “I’m proud of you, kid.”
“Proud of me?” I asked with a scoff. “For what? Pissing off Mom, getting smeared in the press, and getting grounded at the ripe age of twenty-six?”
I’d never been grounded in my life but somehow being grounded as I approached thirty was so much worse.
“For doing something just for you for once. I always felt bad that you always seemed to drop everything for everyone in this family. Between me and my shit, Mom and her politics, and hell even Grandpa and Grandma if they needed you. Half the time I thought you were going to eventually have your own mental breakdown and end up right here in rehab next to me.”
I considered it for a moment. “I don’t think pills would have been my drug of choice.”
“Oh no, definitely not,” Carter chuckled darkly. “I always pegged you more for going on a drunken bender and shaving your head, a la Britney Spears.”
“Thanks,” I told him dryly. “I’m glad to see your sense of humor hasn’t left you in your sobriety.”
Carter shrugged magnanimously. “If we can’t laugh, then we’ll cry.”
We sat in silence for a bit after that, me fiddling with the cards and Carter looking out of his bedroom window at the peaceful forest that surrounded the center.
“So,” he finally said, looking at me again. “What’s your game plan, kid?”
“What do you mean?”
Carter looked at me like I was an idiot. “Well? Are you just going to let Mom rule your life forever?”
“No,” I said firmly.
“Really? Because it looks to me like you are resigning yourself to a life where you and Mom are going to live your life out together forever, no pack necessary.”
We both shuddered at that thought.
“That won’t happen,” I said firmly. “It’s impossible now.”
Carter’s gray eyes narrowed at me. “What do you mean it’s impossible now?”
I froze, realizing what I’d just said.
Carter, like the rest of the people around me, also took scent suppressants. His suppressant intake was a part of his rehab program, but like the people on my mother’s campaign he hadn’t been able to smell the change in my scent.
But I’d just put my entire foot in my mouth and he was way too perceptive for me to try and lie my way out of this one.
With a sigh, I tugged the neck of the light sweater I was wearing away from my neck, revealing Dallas’s bondmark on my collarbone and watched my brother freeze as he stared at it.
“Lennon Beatrice,” he said using my middle name. “What the actual fuck is that on your body.”
“You can’t tell Mom,” I hurried to say, worried he was about to hurry over to the landline phone on the wall and call her in order to snitch.
I should have known my brother better though.
“No, I sure as hell won’t be telling her because she’s liable to yeet those bonded alphas of yours straight into the damn sun, holy shit,” Carter said as he continued to stare at the mark. “You sure don’t do anything by halves do you, little sister?”
I shrugged one shoulder. “They’re my scent matches. I love them.”
Carter scrubbed both hands over his face.
“Dad was right, Lennie. He used to say that you were going to be the one to surprise us all and he was really fucking right. Are you feeling all right? You don’t feel sick being so far away from your alphas?
Christ, I don’t know about any of this shit as a beta. ”
It didn’t feel great to be away from them. The gnawing loneliness and insomnia made me feel nauseous most days and my appetite had yet to return fully, but I didn’t want Carter to worry about that right now.
So instead, I just offered him a weak smile as my answer and changed the subject.
“If I ever get the chance, I want you to meet them. Really meet them.”
Carter let out a huff. “The last time I saw them they were glaring at me and telling me to get my shit together.”
“You mean when you were in the middle of a relapse?” I asked, my voice dry.
“I didn’t say they were wrong about their attitude,” Carter shot back with a sniff.
We exchanged grins, the expression making my face ache a bit as someone knocked on Carter’s door.
“Miss Holloway? It’s time to head to the airport,” Agent Kidwell, the head of my new-old Secret Service team, said from the other side of the door.
She had been the second-in-command when Agent Brady had run my team and it was nice to have a familiar face around along with other old agents from that same team, but they weren’t who I wanted to see.
It had also made me realize the closeness I had felt to my former team had mostly come from the grumpy old man who acted like a surrogate uncle to me and he would never be returning.
“Damn, already? You just got here,” Carter complained.
“Sorry,” I said with a sigh as I stood and planted a kiss on his cheek. Ginny dutifully followed at my heels as I headed for the door. “Pittsburgh calls.”
“Lennie,” Carter called, his voice suddenly soft.
I turned to look at my brother, seeing him look so lonely still sitting at his little two-person table with the deck of cards still clutched in his hands.
Despite Agent Kidwell waiting outside, I rushed over and pulled him into a tight hug. “You’re doing great, Carter, I’m proud of you.”
“Me too, kid,” he murmured into my hair, clutching me hard. “Good job finally finding something you really want. Dad would be so proud of you. Fight for it—it’s time for Mom to face some demons of her own that she’s been ignoring and using you as a shield to run away from.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
But Agent Kidwell was already knocking again and Carter was giving me a shove toward the door.
Two days later we were back at the White House counting down the days to the election. My mother had barely any time to sleep or eat, let alone time to police my every movement, so I was finally able to move around without her breathing down my neck at every turn.
That meant I could finally get out for a walk around the grounds without what felt like fifteen agents following me, instead it was just myself, Agent Kidwell, and two other agents from my new team.
“Isn’t the weather nice?” I asked the woman who was following me and Ginny at a respectful distance.
“It’s fine, ma’am,” she said, her tone clipped and short.
Professional. Just how it was supposed to be.
She used to be more friendly when I was younger and Brady was in charge, but now that she was in charge and I had embarrassed myself on a national scale with my Secret Service team, I guess she was trying to keep me at an arm’s length.
I was tempted to make a joke about reassuring her that I wouldn’t try to jump her bones, but decided against it.
“Come on, Ginny,” I said, clicking my tongue as the happy cocker spaniel, now almost fully grown, jumped happily around my feet.
The White House was still decorated for the fall so massive pumpkins were still strewn about the lawn and cheerful hay bales dotted the gates, making everything look far happier than I felt.
I wondered how the guys were doing. Did their apartment even get trick or treaters? I couldn’t imagine any of them, save for maybe Brooks and Zeke, passing out candy.
Hells, I was pretty sure that if any kids saw Maverick or Dallas they would go running in the opposite direction because those two alphas could be seriously imposing if they wanted to be.
The thought made me laugh quietly to myself, though it only lasted for a moment before the numbness settled in again.
I shouldn’t even be here right now in this damn place.
We all should have been back at the house on the Cape, strengthening our new bonds and learning how to live together as a pack.
Reaching up absentmindedly, I touched Maverick’s mark on my shoulder, Zeke’s mark on my arm, Brooks’ mark on my breast, and then finally Dallas’s mark on my collar bone.
For some reason I kept focusing on that one the most. It was the newest of the bunch, but not by much, but my instincts kept telling me to pay attention to it like it could disappear if I didn’t keep rubbing at it.
Shaking off the odd thoughts I continued my winding path around the White House, eventually ending up in the Kennedy garden again. It looked different in the light of day and the windows that had been shot out had been quickly replaced, probably within the same day they had been shattered.
“Miss Holloway!” a familiar voice called.
“Senator,” I heard Agent Kidwell warn. “You don’t have permission to speak with Miss Holloway.”
Turning, I found Senator Adams approaching with his hands tucked into the pocket of his jacket pockets and a cheerful look on his face despite my Secret Service agent looking like she was about to take him out.
I frowned at her words. Since when was I barred from even speaking to people?
“It’s okay,” I told her.
“No ma’am we’re under orders—”
I drew myself up to my full height. “I told you it was okay. I know Senator Adams and he has been a friend of my family for longer than I have been alive. If you need to go and tattle on me then you can run along to my mother and do so, leave the other two agents here on your way out.”
Kidwell’s face flushed an angry shade of red.
“Senator Adams,” I said, my voice lightening as I gave him a bright, practiced smile as I linked an arm with his. “Do you want to join me on my walk?”
My heart was pounding in my chest.
Had he come here to find me? Did he know something about the guys?
“Are they okay, Senator Adams?” I asked as soon as we were out of earshot of the agents behind us.
“Please call me Willis, sweetie, especially considering we’re family now,” the senator said, his blue eyes twinkling as he glanced over at me.
I practically melted with relief against him. He knew everything and I finally had an ally on my side that I could talk to.
“Willis,” I said, testing the name out. “Please tell me they’re all right.”
“Well, that’s a bit complicated, sweetheart. They miss you and want you to be together as soon as possible. Your grandfather is helping them a bit with hospital things…”
“Hospital things?” I asked abruptly with a frown. “Why would they need hospital things?”
The man’s expression turned sad and the bond mark on my collar bone started to ache.
Fifteen minutes later and I was bursting into the middle of my mother’s meeting with her cabinet secretaries.
“Lennon what on earth—?” my mother began, her face shocked.
“You need to let me go to them. Right now.”
My mother’s expression turned angry. “No, I already told you that you have to wait until after the election.”
I picked up a vase and chucked it, watching as it shattered satisfyingly against the wall.
“Heavens!” I heard one of the cabinet secretaries mutter as they lowered their heads in case a projectile came flying at them next.
“I don’t care if I have to come back here afterward, but I am leaving this damned White House today and I am going to the hospital and you can’t stop me,” I told her, grabbing another glass object.
Everyone in the room flinched.
“Lennon—” my mother held her hands up but I flung the picture frame like a frisbee.
Then I shrugged my way out of my coat, not caring who the hell knew about my bonds anymore as I tugged my shirt down to show her.
The people in the room ogled the bite mark on my collar bone.
“I am going to the hospital right now, Mom, and I don’t give a rat’s ass what you have to say about it.”