Chapter 21
Twenty-One
I, Carrion (Icarian) – Hozier
THREE WEEKS LATER
K ip and I were training.
I’d asked him if he wanted to be my sparring partner for a few months, to help me brush up on my combat. I hadn’t loved having to ask him that, but the amount of ex-special-ops soldiers were in short supply in Jupiter, Maine, and no way in fuck was I going to ask my brother.
I’d expected some ribbing from Kip, or at the very least some questions.
Though he’d surprised me. He’d agreed to it without teasing or questions, training me dutifully, showing me everything he knew.
His schedule was less than reliable now that he was a husband and father, but he always ensured to make time for me once a week. Because that’s the kind of man Kip was, underneath all the inappropriate jokes. He was a good one.
And as much as I hated to admit it, I needed the help of a good man. Or at least the ear of one. One who had experience in deadly situations.
My brother was out for obvious reasons. And no way was Elliot getting anywhere near the situation. He didn’t have the training or experience Kip had, but he’d try to interject, getting himself killed.
That wasn’t happening.
Burying my head in the sand wasn’t either.
Not after Jasper’s most recent visit. The time to stop fucking around had come.
The time to stop fucking around had come with the dead body in the woods.
And I’d been trying. Behind a computer screen.
There was only so much that could be done there.
It had eventually become glaringly obvious that I had to get my hands dirty. Bloody.
Kip and I were done sparring for the day, both of us toweling off and drinking our respective waters, though I had trouble keeping mine down at the prospect of the conversation we needed to have.
“That shirt is ridiculous,” I remarked, looking Kip up and down.
The muscle tee he wore dipped so low that his nipples were exposed on either side.
“You look like a douchebag gym bro. Which you used to be, but now that you’re married to my best friend, you don’t need to flaunt that .
” I waved my hand. “Especially with me. I’m not buying what you’re selling.
” I wrinkled my nose. Kip was an arguably attractive man, but I considered any sexual feelings about him … icky. The man was basically my brother.
“I’m not flaunting it for you.” He puffed up the aforementioned chest without shame. “It’s for my daughter. She’s a nipple girl.”
I choked on my water, sure I’d heard him correctly but assuming he was having trouble forming sentences thanks to the year-long buildup of sleep deprivation.
“She likes nipples, to calm her to go to sleep,” he clarified. “And I like to give her easy access.”
My mouth hung open, trying to understand that but failing.
I wasn’t a parent, but I knew kids did weird shit.
And that most men would likely not allow their daughter to fondle their nipples to sleep.
Clearly, this was not true for Kip. He would do anything for his little girl. Including surrendering his dignity.
“Okay.” I felt the corner of my mouth tipping up.
My half smile didn’t last for long, as I prepared to do the one thing I swore I’d never do, especially not to an alpha man who cared about me.
“I’m in trouble.” The admission was more difficult than ripping my own teeth out.
To his credit, he didn’t smile with any kind of satisfaction. In fact, the proverbial jokester looked incredibly somber. “I know.”
Confusion ripped through me. “You know?”
“Not the specifics.” He sipped his water.
“Although Rowan and I did consider using our contacts to dig into your life to figure out what the fuck had you running back here.” He cracked his neck.
“We thought better of it. I value my balls where they are, so I convinced your brother that you would’ve come to us if you needed our help. ”
I owed Kip a thank you for that. I didn’t know how talented their ‘contacts’ were, but if Rowan had gotten even a whiff of what I was really involved in, there would be no getting him off my back.
“I’m not here for your help,” I rushed to explain. “I’m here because in order to get myself out of it, I’m going to put all of you in danger. If I’m successful, which I plan to be, nothing will happen to any of you. If I’m not, then my goal is to let them take me down before anything else happens.”
Kip winced, taking off his cap and running his hand through his hair. “Fuck, Cal,” he whispered. “It’s that bad?”
I nodded, grateful he wasn’t spouting all the protective bullshit my brother would’ve. Which is why I didn’t go to him. I knew Rowan would try to fix things, put himself in harm’s way in order to protect me. That wasn’t happening.
“You have to let us help.”
Maybe I spoke too soon.
I shook my head. “You can help me by being extra on guard while I sort this shit. Anyone strange in town, any tails you pick up, you treat as enemies.” I wiped sweat from my brow. “I am not afraid of death, Kip, but I’m terrified of having to bury my family because of my choices.”
My voice shook, even as I used all of my strength to keep it steady.
Kip looked out at the waves, shoulders tense, knuckles white around his water bottle.
“Does Elliot know?” he finally asked, looking back at me.
I picked my cuticles. “No. He’ll try to get involved in something that is way out of his depth and would get him hurt or killed. I’m not letting that happen.”
“If it were Fiona?—”
“We’re not talking about you and Fiona. And you are trained to do all this shit. Elliot is not.”
I didn’t add that Elliot had only just recovered from being caught in a burning building by a fire set by the man I used to sleep with. Kip might’ve remembered Jasper as a teenager, but he didn’t know him as a man. I intended to keep it that way.
He gripped the back of his neck. “You don’t need to be trained by Uncle Sam to protect your woman, Calliope.”
“And I’m not a woman who needs a man to protect her, Kip.” Indignation bled from my tone. “I am going to handle it.”
He wanted to argue. I knew he did. Because he loved me. Because as progressive as he was in many ways, he was still unable to kick the notion that it was the man’s job to do the protecting. Every fiber of his being was calling on him to do that.
But Kip also knew me and had plenty of demons of his own. I prayed he’d understand why I came to him. Why I’d decided that he, of all people, would understand my need not to drag family members into the situation for fear of losing them.
“You cannot die, Calliope.” He suddenly sounded hoarse. “I don’t for a second doubt your ability to take on any bad motherfucker out there. But you cannot let anything bad happen to you. I’ll never forgive myself.”
I nodded, though my skin stung from his words hitting my body. Kip already had plenty of ill-gotten blame on his shoulders over the death of his wife and child. “I don’t plan on it. But if I do, it wouldn’t be your fault.”
He shook his head. “You’re putting me in an impossible position. Lying to my best friend. A man I respect. My wife. Since I know that she’ll try to interject herself into this shit too, and I’m not letting that happen.” His voice became flat, he sounded determined, his expression grave.
Kip did not fuck around when it came to Fiona’s safety. And though he’d never say it out loud, never fully admit it to even himself, he would sacrifice me in order to keep his wife safe. Something I was immensely happy about. It was my safety hatch.
“Hold on to that,” I pointed at him. “The thought of you saying something and it hurting your wife. Because it will. If you let anyone catch a whiff of anything we’re discussing, they will involve themselves.”
It was cruel of me to use his past against him, but I had to be cruel to protect everybody I loved.
This was just the start.
“You need to get this shit handled soon.” Kip narrowed his eyes at me, mouth a flat line. “Because there’s only so long my big mouth stays shut. Only so long you can keep the wolves at bay.”
“I’m aware,” I nodded, swearing I could hear those metaphorical wolves scratching at the door.
Time was not on my side. And it was past time to set my plans in motion. Whether or not I was ready didn’t matter.
My next task was not one that was cruel, though I expected a battle.
We were at Elliot’s place. As we were often these days. Rowan’s held all of my possessions, had a larger closet, an ocean view, more space, a much larger bathroom. Though all of my numerous skin care products were cluttered on Elliot’s small, single sink. Creature comforts I was used to.
Yet I voluntarily stayed there, in Elliot’s small space with a meager closet and a criminally small bathroom because I liked it much better there. Because I was with Elliot. His cottage was somehow becoming a home that a 1,000 square foot penthouse hadn’t been in a decade.
If we ate a home-cooked meal, he cooked. Since my efforts consisted of putting together a cheese board or a toddler-friendly meal which was usually mac and cheese or crackers.
Otherwise, I ordered in, dined out or ate cans of tuna.
Since Elliot was well enough to be back on his feet, back in the kitchen, and back on the boat, he’d thrown himself back into all of it.
I’d forbidden him from going back on the fire team.
Something we argued about since men were unsurprisingly surly about being told what to do by protective women. Wasn’t that a treat?
Eric was on my team for the time being, giving Elliot an additional week off which Elliot groaned about.
He healed fast, though his broken ribs were still paining him, the bruises only just fading. I’d memorized every scratch, every bruise, intending on reproducing them on Jasper’s body.