Chapter 26
T he next morning Amelia awoke alone in her hospital room, confused but feeling better. She reached for the remote for the television, but Maggie arrived before she could turn it on, a bakery box tucked under one arm.
“Hey, you’re awake. I had some croissants delivered for us.”
“Oh, my lands, you’re precious,” Amelia said, reaching eagerly for a chocolate croissant.
“How are you feeling?” Maggie asked.
“Good but foggy. Everything yesterday seems like it was being pulled through a layer of tulle. Did they give me something for the pain?”
“Enough to take down a pregnant rhino, apparently,” Maggie said.
“Oh, no, did I embarrass myself?”
“No, you were cute. The embarrassment came from other quarters,” Maggie said. “Do you remember the doctor being in here?”
“Vaguely. He said I had an ovarian cyst, right?”
Maggie nodded. “He also told us his theory on why it ruptured.”
“Why it ruptured…” she mused, thinking. “He said vigorous activity and something about Ethan…oh, oh no. I’m so sorry you had to hear that.”
“Sisters don’t have secrets,” Maggie told her.
Amelia quirked an eyebrow at her. “Really?” Maggie was holding on to a treasure trove of secrets.
“Okay, not secrets like that,” Maggie amended.
“Was Ridge in here, too?” Amelia asked.
Maggie nodded, and Amelia groaned. “Don’t worry about it. After so many years in the navy, there’s nothing he hasn’t seen or heard. Besides, with the way those two are with the competition thing, my biggest concern is that Ridge is going to try to one up Ethan by rupturing a cyst on both of my ovaries.”
Amelia laughed and clutched at her stomach. “Oh, don’t, it still hurts when I laugh.”
“Sorry,” Maggie said. They finished their croissants in companionable silence before she spoke again.
“Was Piedmont also here, or was that a dream, as I’m desperately hoping it was?”
“Piedmont was here. Good news, you guys broke up, and I’m fairly certain I let him down easy,” Maggie said.
“Thanks. And sorry.”
“Don’t mention it.” She paused. “So, you’re married.”
“I wasn’t aware you knew that part, too,” Amelia said. “I guess we really do have no secrets.”
“Weren’t you going to tell me?” Maggie asked, trying not to sound wounded.
“I would if I thought it was going to stick,” Amelia said, using the back of her hand to swipe at her eyes.
“What makes you think it won’t?” Maggie asked.
“Come on, Maggie. You know him.”
“Yeah, I do, and I’ve never seen him the way he is with you. And Ridge has known him forever, and he said the same thing. Besides, who could let go of a catch like you?” Maggie reached for a tissue and handed it to her. “Come on, Amelia. Pull yourself together. Know your worth. If Ethan knows a good thing when he sees it, he’ll get himself together. And if he doesn’t, there’s nothing you can or should do to change his mind.”
“You’re right,” Amelia said, wiping her eyes. “It’s been a long, exhausting week.”
“I know, but you’re home and safe and loved and everything is going to be okay, I promise you,” Maggie said.
Amelia nodded and reached for the bakery box again. “How come you only got four?”
“I thought maybe you wouldn’t be hungry after being sick,” Maggie said.
“Why? My stomach didn’t rupture.”
“I’ll bring you something else on the way home from work, if you’re still here. If you get out early and you need a ride, call me and I’ll come get you.”
“I’ll be fine. Stop mother henning me,” Amelia said, hugging her tightly.
“I think we can both agree you’ve given me good reason this week to be a tad overprotective,” Maggie said.
“Maybe a bit, but I’m fine now, I promise. I’m done rupturing, both physically and emotionally,” Amelia said. “How was France?”
“Beautiful but totally confusing. I could definitely have used your language skills,” Maggie said.
“They kind of came in handy for me this week, too,” Amelia said.
“Oh, right the CAR and Cameroon used to be under French rule,” Maggie said.
“Your inner nerd is showing,” Amelia said.
“You’re the one with the inner nerd. Mine is on full display at all times,” Maggie said.
“Sometimes I forget,” Amelia said. “But that reminds me. You’re due for a refresh.”
“Of what?” Maggie asked.
“Everything.”
“Why can’t I find one look and stick with it forever?” Maggie asked.
“You know how Aunt Pat has a Dorothy Hamill and all her clothes have shoulder pads?”
“Yes.”
“That’s why,” Amelia said.
“Fine, but you’re going to have to fix it with Ridge. After he saw the bills from the last refresh, he turned on ESPN and went catatonic for four hours.”
“So?”
“So that’s his equivalent of eating his feelings. He didn’t want to be angry I spent so much, but he couldn’t get on board with it, either. Combining finances is tricky business. I thought I was frugal and conservative, but the man has a twenty-year plan for our spending and all these flowcharts for kids’ college and retirement and paying off our mortgage.”
“Sounds intense.”
“It is, but it’s also nice, to be taken care of, to know he’s thinking and planning for our future.”
“You guys make it look so easy,” Amelia said.
“I’m glad you think so. We love each other, and we’re best friends, but we still have to work hard on our relationship. Love’s a verb, not an automatic guarantee. We have to choose each other every day in a thousand different ways, and I’m way, way more selfish than I realized.”
“You’re not selfish at all,” Amelia protested.
“That’s because you’re not married to me. Believe me, it’s ugly. But he loves me anyway, and that’s the miracle of marriage.”
“I want to be like you when I grow up,” Amelia said.
“What a coincidence; I wish I had been like you when I was a kid,” Maggie said. “Call if you need anything. I can be here really quickly.”
“I will,” Amelia promised. They hugged once more, and Maggie left. Amelia turned on the television and drifted back to sleep. When she woke again, Ethan was leaning in the doorway, a giant sack slung over his shoulder.
“Are you starting the deliveries early this year, Santa?” she asked.
“What’s up, Snoop Dog? Are you still Willie Nelsoning it?” he asked.
“It’s possible they made my dose a tad too high yesterday,” she said. “What’s in the bag?”
“Maggie suggested I pick up a few things from your apartment.”
“I think that bag contains more things than I actually own,” she said.
“I’ve seen your shoe collection, so I know you’re lying,” he said. He entered the room and sat on her bed, setting the bag on the table beside him.
“Don’t ask me to give up my shoes for you, Ethan. I’ve known them longer,” she said.
“What would you give up for me, if I asked?” he mused.
“Anything, if I believed your reason was sincere,” she said.
He reached into the bag and handed her a toothbrush. She squealed. “You are the best, thank you.”
“If a toothbrush makes you that happy, you’re too easy,” he said.
“I’m pretty sure the doctor confirmed that for everyone last night,” she said.
He groaned. “I was hoping you were too doped up to remember that part.”
“I really wish Maggie and Ridge hadn’t been here to hear it. Now he and I can’t make eye contact for six weeks.”
“The TMI rule,” he added.
“Exactly. Hey, good news, though. They came in early this morning to tell me everything else was clear. No apparent jungle diseases.” She paused. “Also, I’m not pregnant. I asked them to do a blood test to make sure.”
“Was that a particular concern for you?” he asked.
“Yes. I mean, it’s not exactly in my nine-month plan. I finally just got enough in my savings account to cover an extra month of rent. I’m not yet what you’d call financially stable. I’m still getting established in my career, I live in a one room studio…the reasons not to become a mother right now are endless.”
“You know I’d support you. I wouldn’t leave you or our child out in the cold,” he said.
Our child. Despite not being ready, she shivered at the effect the words had on her. “I also didn’t want to be pregnant for your sake.”
“My sake? Why?”
“Why? Because I don’t want you to feel trapped. Or, worse, feel like I’m the one who trapped you,” she said.
“That’s what you think, that I’d feel trapped?”
She nodded.
“You know what my reaction was when the EMT mentioned pregnancy as a possibility? Unmitigated glee. I suddenly had the chance at something I didn’t know I desperately wanted. If anything, I feel bad because I’m the one who trapped you.”
“What are you talking about? You didn’t trap me.”
“I pushed you into a marriage you weren’t ready for,” he said.
“You were trying to take care of me, to ensure we had a place to stay,” she said.
He put his hand over his eyes. “Please don’t say that. It makes me feel even worse.”
“Why?” She tugged his hand away from his eyes.
“I would never marry someone for the sake of a mission, never marry a woman for a place to stay. We could have stayed in any house in that town if we flashed enough money. Was it nice and convenient to get out of the rain? Yes. Did I feel safer staying at a parish house? Yes. Was it necessary to marry you that night for any reason?” He shook his head.
“Then…why?”
“Because I’m an all-or-nothing person. I either stay on the ground or jump out of the plane. The thought of getting into a relationship, of dating, of arguing, of slowly trying to combine my life with someone else’s, of giving someone control, of sharing my space, the thought of everything that could go wrong, it scared me. Bad. I didn’t want to fail at that, and especially not with you. But all of a sudden that night I saw a solution, a way out. We could skip all the dating and jump right to the marriage. It seemed like such a good plan at the time.”
“But now you don’t think so,” she surmised.
He shook his head.
“Oh. I guess there’s nothing we need to do, since we aren’t technically married,” she said. She blinked quickly, trying to push back the tears. There would be time to cry later. For now, she would be calm, stoic, reasonable, mature.
“Or maybe we could come up with a new plan,” he suggested.
“I’m listening.”
“I brought you something else.” He reached into the bag and handed her a toaster. “You’re right, it’s basically all I have, and it’s not much, but if you want it, it’s yours.”
“That’s the plan? To give me your toaster?” she asked.
“The toaster and a few less tangible things. I was thinking maybe I could suck it up, act like a man, and date the woman I’m in love with, the woman of my dreams, my wife. And maybe after a proper time of getting to know each other, of courting you and taking you on dates, of calling you for no reason other than I miss the sound of your voice, of kissing you because you’re pretty and I want to, of trying to figure out why my apartment smells like dirty gym socks and how your apartment is the size of a closet yet miraculously holds ten thousand pairs of shoes, maybe get re-married in front of our friends and family, legally and officially.”
“I’m starting to like maybe,” she said.
“Yeah?”
She nodded. “And you’ve nearly convinced me.”
“Nearly’s sounding better to me, too. What can I do to take it over the top?” he asked.
“Ethan, since the moment I met you, we’ve had this explosive chemistry, a crazy attraction that scared us both with its intensity. To counteract it, our relationship turned into a giant game of trying to outdo each other, of one upmanship. And so I guess what I need from you is to hear those three little words, the three words I know you’ve never said to anyone else.”
“That’s it? You want to hear me say the words?”
“I need to hear you say the words.”
“If I say them now, are you going to need me to keep saying them?” he asked.
“No, say them once, and that will be enough,” she prompted.
He took a fortifying breath and closed his eyes. “You beat me.”
“That was even better than I dreamed it would be,” Amelia said. “Now kiss your secret wife, sailor.”
He reached for her, but didn’t kiss her right away. Instead he spent a while looking at her, studying her face, smiling. “This is going to be fun,” he declared.
“Always,” Amelia agreed. He kissed her then, but a minute later she pulled away. “But it’s kind of a big deal, our marriage in Cameroon. How are you with keeping secrets?”
“I do all right,” he said. “Is that what you were thinking while I was kissing you?”
She nodded. “Were you hearing giddy laughter?”
“The giddiest,” he said.
“It’s really hard to turn off my brain,” she told him.
“Let me help you try,” he said and, setting aside the toaster this time, he reached for her again.
A while later she pulled away from him again to say two words in a breathless whisper: “Mission accomplished.”
Thank you for reading The Angel and the Agent.