Chapter 13 Stan
THIRTEEN
STAN
Her eyes widened at the offer, one tentatively made when I was rarely tentative.
Hesitation put you in a grave faster than you could beg an enemy, ‘Shoot me.’
But with her, after what she’d endured because of me—Dead To Taube’s words would leave more of a lasting impression than a gunshot wound—I knew to tread carefully.
Kitty’s fingers trickled over mine. I thought she was going to pry my hand off her thigh, but she didn’t. Instead, she bridged them together. That gesture ran in deep contrast to her pensive expression.
I accepted that, in similar circumstances, Luciu would have taken Jen to one of our warehouses and shown her how we punished men who dared hurt her.
Hunter would pull a similar stunt with Aurora.
But Kitty wasn’t Jen, and neither was she Aurora.
She’d dedicated years of her life to becoming a physician assistant.
Do no harm.
Okay, that was the Hippocratic Oath, but the principle remained. She wanted to help people, cure people, heal people—not slay them.
“After you finished in the shower, I was going to start an argument.”
“You saw the knife,” I said flatly.
“I did. But that compounded what I’d seen after you’d started cleaning up—you had blood on your shirt.
You’d killed someone. Their blood was touching you and had maybe touched me.
” She sucked in a breath. “I-I guess I thought I could keep things separate. At least, mentally. I do it with Cade and Lucas all the time. But that was naive of me—”
“No, it was a choice. One you were well within your rights to make,” I interrupted.
“Burying your head in the sand and deciding to take up residence there, permanently, is definitely a choice.
“How can I demand that you tell me what’s happening one day, then the next want you to hide it from me?”
Carefully, I reasoned, “Some women prefer being kept in the dark.”
“That’s their choice.” Her fingers toyed with mine, and I took that for the reassurance it was. “I’ve done a lot of stuff in my life that’s bad, and I guess becoming a nurse was my penance for that. Me trying to right wrongs.”
“That’s how redemption works.”
“Yes, but it doesn’t make the world outside my doors any safer.
And I took that stance from a privileged position—if anyone hurt me, I knew my brothers would fuck them up.
That’s not how atonement works.” Her brow puckered.
“If you asked Father Reilly if I knew what atonement meant, he’d say that I was a heathen he only lets into his church on Sundays to appease my ma. ”
“Apparently, some of the lessons stuck,” I taunted.
“I like where we’re going, Stan. I do. Mostly, I didn’t want you to touch me again if…you know, but I was being a hypocrite.
“I knew what your job entailed before we met. I could have walked away, but I chose not to, and after last night, I’m glad I didn’t because I want more of this.”
“Us?” I waited for her nod.
When she gave it to me, I stood and stepped into the water, earning myself a shriek from her as it surged over the sides onto the floor.
“Jesus, Stan.” She laughed as I plunked myself opposite her in the oval-shaped bathtub.
I patted my lap, loving her laughter, grateful for it because she still could. “Come here, duci.”
“Stan? What on earth is going on in there?”
Because my mother didn’t believe in boundaries, she opened the door. Her concerned expression turned amused when she took in the sight of both of us, decently covered, Kitty halfway to straddling my lap.
“Stan, is this really the moment for seducing your girlfriend?”
“It’s fine, Lauren. I was only going to sit on his knee.”
“You modern girls.” She hummed. “How are you, dear?”
“Aching. Sore. But relieved to be here.”
Matri’s gaze flickered over to me. “You’re taking care of her?”
“Of course.” I scowled. “You expect differently?”
“No, but I know what you and your brother are like. What I expect is for you to go off half-cocked and start a fight when what Kitty needs is for you to be by her side.”
While I cringed because she had a point, Kitty answered, “He’s being very thoughtful, Lauren.”
“If you say so, dear. Would you like something to eat? If you’re aching, then stay in the water. I can bring a tray.”
“You wouldn’t mind?”
“Of course not.”
Kitty, shyly, asked for some breakfast, and I, unshyly, requested, “Four eggs, a stack of pancakes, bacon, sausage, and beans, please, Matri.”
Her eyes lit up with joy. “Of course! Right away! Do you want some black pudding?”
“We have some?”
“Yes. Do you want hotel toast?”
I beamed at her. “Please. With extra marmalade.”
Once Matri dashed off, Kitty sidled her way onto my lap with a wince.
“She seemed really happy you were hungry.”
“She’s a feeder,” I dismissed.
“She doesn’t need to cook for us.”
“She isn’t. We have staff.”
“You like black pudding, huh?”
“I do.” I gently tapped her wrinkled nose. “I prefer the British blood sausage to the Sicilian version.”
“And beans?”
“British staple. We spent our summers in England and took up a lot of their traditions, more than Patri would have liked.” My lips quirked. “Good times.”
“Hotel toast?”
“Toast with butter and orange marmalade. Also a family tradition.” I settled my arms around her waist. “I can share. Your fruit salad wouldn’t feed a mouse.”
“Yours, on the other hand, would feed a house.”
“I’m hungry!”
She tsked but eased back against me, giving me more of her weight as she tried to get comfortable. Eventually, she sighed.
“What is it, liunissa?”
“I’m fighting my inclinations.”
“To?”
She peered at me. “You’re one of a kind, Stan.”
“I am?”
“Yes. You could have made that about sex but you didn’t.”
“You’re in pain, Kitty. Gésu, if you think my dick is twitching right now, you’re crazy.” I cupped her cheek, keeping it soft so that I didn’t hurt her bruises. “This is more. That means I care more about your welfare than getting my cock wet.
“Which, technically, it is now, and all it took was me climbing into the bath with you.”
My comment had her smile widening, but it faded fast. “I want to see him suffer. He was going to rape me, Stan. He didn’t. I stopped him, but…” I allowed her to hesitate and let the silence fill the space between us until, eventually: “Vengeance makes for a poor companion.”
She was right.
Luc, Aurora, and I were only in the States because of vinittas. We’d had different plans mapped out for ourselves before everything had gone to shit and I’d fucked up our world by getting into drugs.
Then, of course, I’d made things worse by making drugs.
For an intelligent man, I was a dumbass.
“That’s a very smart mantra to live your life by,” I assured her, rubbing my hand over her arm, hoping I could soothe her.
“It won’t stop you, will it?”
“It can’t. But that doesn’t mean I won’t make better decisions.”
She toyed with the bandage on her wrist. “Just because it’s smart, doesn’t mean I don’t want it.”
“Will it be enough for me to enact vengeance on your behalf?”
“That’ll make me a hypocrite again. I don’t want that.”
“No, but you don’t need to be in the front row when I take out that fucker either. You can know that he’s gone without witnessing it firsthand.
“I wanted to give you that option because anything you want, anything you need, Kitty, you can have. Capisci?”
Eyes round, she let that truth settle before, eventually, asking, “Would you help me wash my hair?”
“Of course, liunissa.”
Thankfully, I’d grabbed a ton of products from the cabinets, so I leaned over the edge of the bathtub and blindly fielded bottles to her. She huffed out a laugh as I did. “This shampoo will be fine.”
“You sure? I can get out.”
“Honestly, Stan. It’s great. Probably costs half my paycheck.”
It took some maneuvering, but we made it work. I snagged the showerhead attached to the faucet and carefully ran it over her hair before shampooing, rinsing, and then stroking conditioner through the wet locks.
It was at that point that Matri bustled in with a tray in her hands.
“Stan, it’s time to get out—” She paused when she saw my ministrations, and I almost groaned at the misty look in her eyes.
“I’m Kitty’s seat!” I retorted, needing her to not start crying on me now.
We’d noticed that if Luc or Hunter did anything that reminded her of our patri, she was not only more likely to cry, but to find solace at the bottom of a wineglass.
She sniffed at my declaration. “That nonsense might have worked on your father, but not me, son.” Once I’d rinsed the conditioner, she flicked her hands at me in a ‘shoo shoo’ motion.
Kitty, no protection from my devious mother, merely snorted as I obeyed her nagging by carefully depositing her in the tub. I clambered out of the water and sunk to the floor again.
When Matri placed the tray over my lap, she snagged a small dish with fruit, granola, and yogurt in it and passed that to Kitty.
“Thank you, Lauren!”
“Oh, no bother, dear.”
“No, because someone else prepared it,” I mumbled.
Matri squinted at me. “Did you say something, Custanzu?”
When Kitty chuckled, I didn’t care that I was getting the stink-eye.
I’d take Matri clipping me around the ear if it made Kitty smile.