Chapter 22 Stan
TWENTY-TWO
STAN
Playlist recommendation:
Do you really want to hurt me? - Nessa Barrett
I half-expected another guard dog to be on the front door. But Cade and Lucas weren’t waiting for me when I arrived, and from the stillness of the building, I didn’t think anyone else was in either.
Maybe not even Kitty.
The prospect of her leaving home to avoid me, considering her state, had me wishing I’d double-dosed Dante with C-L-O. That I’d made his death take days, not hours. That I’d really made him suffer.
I might have swiped her keys earlier, but she could have put the chain on her door. Her barring me entry wasn’t an issue I’d have forced. Not after what she’d heard.
Fuck, I could only imagine what she thought of me.
And underlying the tension that set my teeth on edge was the fear that this would be it.
Her breaking point.
Utilizing enough caution that I didn’t jostle the tray in my hand as I took the stairs three at a time, I thought I was home free until I found Raisin sitting outside her door.
“I don’t have time for this,” I snapped.
She bounced onto her feet. “Make time.” Her finger jabbed me in the chest. “I don’t trust you, Valentini.”
“That makes you a wise woman.” Her lips parted at my admission. “I don’t need your trust, Raisin. I just need you to back off so I can go and take care of your sister.”
“I’m watching you—”
I gritted my teeth. “I only want the best for her. No matter what you think.”
“I trust you with her for a night and she comes back to us half-dead—”
“No,” I spat. “I understand you want to put the fear of God into me. Fuck knows the rest of your family has lined up to do it too. But no matter how many times your ma threatens my balls, your brothers promise me death, and you vow to watch me, it’ll never stop me from loving her—”
“Loving her? Ha! You barely know her. Or… don’t you?”
Her sneer had me looming over her. “We met in the hospital. Once in the ER. Once when I was being discharged from a ward. Once in the airline lounge and then we were seated together during the flights to Mexico. Look for conspiracies elsewhere, Raisin.” I reached around her and shoved the key into the lock.
When she still didn’t budge, my shoulders drooped.
“You’re a good sister. A loyal one. And if I were in your shoes, I’d make the same threats.
“I fucked up with her safety. But I’ll never let it happen again.”
“You can’t promise that.” I wasn’t surprised that her voice broke.
“I know. I can’t. And that’ll be my waking nightmare for the rest of my life.” I bowed my head. “I don’t deserve her but I’ll spend whatever time God gives me trying. That’s all I can promise.”
Silence hovered between us until, eventually, she sniffed and stormed over to the staircase, stomping away without another word.
Taking that as a reluctant acceptance or, if not, a momentary lapse in judgment, I braced myself and turned the key.
When it clicked and unlocked, I pushed my forehead onto the door.
Half-expecting the chain to be there, I felt only relief as it opened.
Anticipating the dead air from an empty apartment, I approached hesitantly, but when I walked in, I heard the soft sounds of a TV.
I found her in her bedroom on the bed, lying horizontally at the foot of it. She’d stacked pillows under her head so she could stare dead-on at the hockey recap from a game I knew she’d already watched last night, because she had them on back-to-back.
My relief that she was here, that she hadn’t locked me out, didn’t stop me from demanding, “Why didn’t you pick up when I called you?”
“Because I didn’t want to deal with you. Plus, it’s charging and I didn’t feel like moving.”
Her dull tone filled me with concern, but I shucked it off as I headed toward her.
Her gaze tripped over the tray, and because she didn’t sit up when she saw the coffee order—one Neev told me via text was her ‘go-to’—I knew ‘deep shit’ made the Mariana Trench look shallow in comparison to how badly I’d fucked up.
Admittedly, a coffee order was a crappy peace offering.
Maybe I should have gone with diamonds?
“How much did you hear?”
“Everything.”
“About—”
“Which part of everything don’t you understand?”
“You can’t say anything, Kitty.”
“What’ll you do, Stan? Dose me with C-L-O too?”
Again, I cringed. Fuck.
With a wince, she straightened, groaning as she sat taller then held out a hand. “Pass me that bottle of pain meds over there, please.”
Obeying, I gave it to her, watching her as warily as a mouse would a cat that was licking its chops.
At the moment, she held my future in the same hands that wrung the bottle of pain meds like she wished it were my neck.
“FUCK!” she screamed when the child safety lock bested her.
Cautiously, I approached the bed and snagged a hold of the bottle. Opening it, I tipped some pills onto my palm and passed her three.
“Thank you,” she muttered sullenly.
“Water or coffee?”
Her dead-eyed stare glanced off the coffee I’d brought her. “Water, please.”
Reaching for the tumbler I’d filled this morning, I passed it to her at the same time as I set her coffee on the nightstand.
She heaved a sigh before taking the meds then shoving the tumbler back at me.
A better man would have asked her if she wanted me to leave.
But I’d proven to her that I wasn’t that.
I’d never be that.
In all honesty, I figured she’d have to invoke Aidan O’Donnelly Sr.’s wrath to make me go. Even then, Luc would have to get involved because—
“The worst thing about this is that I can admire your talents.”
Kitty practically yanked me out of my head with that statement.
“What kind of brain must you possess to produce such powerful drugs?” Her laugh was bitter. “The nurse in me weeps because I can only imagine what you’d have created if you weren’t in the mafia.”
“I’m trying—”
“Don’t lie,” she snarled.
“It’s not a lie. This shit takes years to develop, Kitty. We’re talking about my cure for Red, right?”
“No. We’re talking about everything. About this goddamn C-L-O that you had up your sleeve.
Fuck, he broke so quickly. The practical uses of a drug like that…
in a smaller dose…” She gingerly covered her face before whispering, “What kind of monster am I? How can I be impressed? How can I want to read your notes? How can I want—”
With a care the world didn’t know me for, a world that thought I was nothing more than a bumbling shitkicker, the fists to my siblings’ brains, I pressed a hand to her knee. “You can read them.”
“I shouldn’t want to!” she screeched. “I’m a nurse, Stan. Don’t you get it?! I don’t want to hurt people. I want to heal them. But I’m clearly crazy because a natural response to hearing you break a man’s mind should not be the urge to check your R&D notes!”
“Did you know that Sicilians believe we are born with the kiss of our soul mate on our lips?”
She shifted her hands, her engagement ring winking at me like an obscene promise, so she could aim a scowl at me. “What are you—”
“We have to recognize that kiss,” I interrupted before she could finish.
I snagged one of her hands and anointed her fingertips with a soft peck, relieved when she didn’t try to slap me.
“I recognized that kiss, Kitty. Maybe you did too. Maybe that’s why you can forgive the unforgivable.
Why you’re curious and not scared of me. You know I’d never hurt you—”
“You said you’d hurt the women in Dante’s family.” She dragged her fingers out of my grip. “Does that not count as cheating in Sicily?”
Her sneer had me growling. “We do not cheat in my family.”
“So they were empty words? Bullshit. Words mean nothing in this world. Only actions. I might not know a lot about being in the mafia, but I know that you have to back your bullshit up or it means nothing.”
“The Valentinis are not known for that.”
“What? Having stables of prostitutes?”
“We care for—”
“Fuck that, fuck the fucking patriarchy, and fuck you too!” she shrieked. “Do not come in here and think you can drown me in the same bullshit you sprayed onto that sick fuck.
“The past week has been hell. Seriously, hell. I’ve lost my father and a brother, learned my sister was being groomed and murdered the bastard, yet this manages to beat that. I didn’t know if I’d survive, if I’d be seeing Da and Vinny sooner than I ever imagined, and that’s on—”
She bit back the word.
I heard it. Even if she didn’t finish.
YOU.
Kitty sucked in a breath, hissed as that must have hurt her injured ribs, then bit out, “My da cheated on my ma.”
It took a second for me to catch up.
“What?”
“You heard me.” She plucked at the hem of her sleep shorts. “No one knows, I don’t think. Only I saw them together. By accident. In a car. Down an alley.” She turned her fierce glare on me. “I won’t be cheated on.”
“I have no intention of cheating on you,” I immediately soothed. “And I’m sure as fuck not a rapist, Kitty. Jesus—”
“Not ALL men?” she jeered.
“Not this man. You have my word, Kitty. I swear. On my goddamn honor.”
“Your honor’s skewed.”
“It is.”
She fell silent, her eyes screwed tight like she wasn’t only fighting me, but herself.
I didn’t break the silence. Just awaited judgment.
Eventually, she ground out, “I want to see your notes.”
And I inhaled. Deeply. For the first time since that confrontation with Taube.
“On C-L-O?”
“On Red too. Anything else psychotic you have in the pipeline because a mind like yours doesn’t stop and you clearly need a keeper.”
I recoiled. “A woman’s version of Red.”
A cold laugh escaped her. “Equal rights, Stan?”
“My version. It’s proprietary information—”
Her chin tipped up. “You’ll have to trust that I won’t steal your formula like I’ll have to trust that you’re not going to step out on me to subjugate your enemies’ women.”
“I didn’t mean that. My soul is yours, liunissa. What’s a bunch of research by comparison? I only meant that no one has seen my notes. Not Luc. Not Rory. Don’t bring it up with them, please.” Her shoulders sagged at my easy compliance, so I took a chance to rumble, “You should get some rest.”
“Now is not the time for you to be telling me what to do. I’m sick of the pain and tired of it hurting whenever I breathe and I have weeks left of this.”
“I know—”
“No, you don’t. I’m tired of hobbling around like I’m ninety when I dare get up to pee and relying on someone else to grab me some water.” She rubbed her temple. “I want to sleep, and leaning against you is the only way I get any rest, goddammit.”
“I can work in the—”
“No. Stay with me.” It was a demand, and fuck if that didn’t make me sag with relief. Not only because she hadn’t thrown me out, but because she was living up to her nickname.
My liunissa could maul me, tear off my balls, claw at me—anything. But she could never leave me.
How the fuck would I live without her?
“Of course I’ll stay.”
“At least if you’re here with me, then I know you’re not out torturing someone or making something heinous to torture someone or—”
Letting her burn off her righteous funk, I kicked out of my shoes, tossed my jacket on a dresser, and then carefully ambled onto the too-small queen that was just perfect for us.
Apart from now—each jostle of the mattress had her flinching in pain, so I settled behind her, Kitty propped up against me, in a position that had become natural since she’d returned home.
Pain stopped her from putting distance between us, but I didn’t rest my hand on her stomach.
I didn’t have a death wish.
Not anymore.
Not since she’d come into my life.
“Great news about the Stars making it through to round two of the playoffs,” I murmured, hoping that’d cheer her up.
No dice.
“The Bulldogs—”
“Do you know how I killed that Albanian guy?” she answered instead.
“You sliced his femoral artery. Luc told me. He admired your cutting skills.”
“You should probably remember that I know where the major and minor arteries are, the veins, your weak spots… You ever hurt me, Stan,” she vowed, her tone seething, “and I’ll make you bleed out.”
A wicked light appeared in my eyes, one that she couldn’t see because of our position. “I expect no less of a Valentini woman, liunissa.”
She grunted, and neither of us mentioned the erection that dug into her side until I tipped my hips back.
“You’re lucky I didn’t throw my goddamn ring in your face.”
My.
I could work with that.
“I’m lucky to have you lying in my arms, period.”
That gained me a harrumph.
Then, eventually…
“Thanks, by the way, for Cade. Not. Ma was in here chirping about the state of his arm.”
“He ambushed me as I—”
“I’m sure he did. Next time, no broken bones or I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I can tell you’re the baby of the family. That’s why the snake bite exists.”
“The snake bite?”
“Yes. Where you pinch another person’s arm. Here.” She tried to pinch mine.
“Oh! And it hurts?”
“On people with more than 6% body fat, yes.” She tsked again. “You’re dating the eldest daughter, Stan. Be smarter about punishing my dipshit younger siblings, would you?”
I closed my eyes.
‘You’re dating the eldest daughter.’
Not past tense.
Present.
I didn’t deserve her.
But like the fucker I was, I had no intention of backing off.
I burrowed my nose into her hair and felt her relax against me. Felt it when she slept. And I tumbled along with her.
Because she was mine.
I was hers.
Period.