Chapter Twenty-Five #3
I can tell he is annoyed, but I don't know what else to say.
I don't know why he's annoyed. He was the one who had initially told me that I wasn't to expect anything. Now he’s trying to tell me that I could expect him to be there for me at any time for any reason? Shit. That’s something only your parents or your very best friend in the world says, not your friend with benefits at the beginning of the friends-with-benefits relationship.
There's an uncomfortable silence between us, but I'm going to ignore it for now. The singer changes the song to one I know, and I start clapping my hands.
"Oh my gosh. I love this song. I love Nina Simone."
"It's a good one," he says, and I try not to sigh deeply.
I'm not going to let his pissy mood annoy me. Not after the evening started out so nicely.
The waiter hurries back to the table with our drinks and a little bowl of peanuts. "I'll be back," he says. "Enjoy."
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah?" he says, looking at me.
"What's the name of the drink?"
"It's called the fruity peacock."
"Oh, okay. And are you going to tell us what's in it or…"
"Oh, no. Our mystery drinks, we never say what's in them. We don't want anyone to steal them." He grins. "Enjoy.”
He heads away, and I look over at Kingston, who shrugs. We pick up our glasses and cheers before both taking a sip.
"Mmm, this is delicious." I lick my lips. "But I have absolutely no idea what's in it."
"I think it has rum and maybe pineapple juice." He takes another sip. "There's something else in here, but I just can't tell what it is."
"Right? But isn't it delicious?"
"Very," he says, nodding.
I take another sip then close my eyes and listen to the singer.
I feel like I've been transported back in time to the 1940s and I'm here with my mobster boyfriend, doing something illicit and illegal.
It feels kind of cool. It feels kind of fun and I realize that I've missed this in my life.
I've been so focused on trying to save money to go and see the world that I haven't been enjoying the here and the now.
My eyes widen, and I look over at Kingston. I'm surprised to see that he's staring at me, a weird expression on his face.
"Hey, everything okay?" I ask him.
"Yeah. I was just listening to the music," he says as if I hadn't just caught him staring at me.
"You know what I realized?" I say as I take another sip of my drink.
"No. What?"
"I realized that I don't live life for now. I live life for tomorrow, and I don't want to do that anymore."
"I'm glad to hear it."
"You know what I want to do right now?" I ask him.
"If you say you want to make love, I can make it happen. I'll just—"
"Nope. I want to dance."
"You want to dance." He wrinkles his nose, and I laugh.
"There's a small dance floor over there. I'm sure they wouldn't mind."
"I'm sure they wouldn't." He nods. "But I'm not much of a dancer."
"Isn't tonight meant to be our fun night where we just do things that we wouldn't normally do? Wasn't that the whole point of this?"
"So, you're saying if I dance with you tonight, I can take your anal cherry?"
"No!" That's not exactly the same thing."
"I know." He grins. "Come on." He puts his drink down and stands up before heading over to me. "May I have this dance?”
He offers me his hand, and I beam at him. I take his hand, stand up, and he whisks me over to the little dance floor. I can see that all the band members are excited and happy that we started to dance.
He pulls me into his arms and we slow dance back and forth to the sounds of the jazz singers singing. The saxophone player has a solo, and it reverberates through the room in a warm, melodic way. I press my head against Kingston’s shoulder and close my eyes. I can feel the alcohol hitting my brain.
This is nice. His body feels warm and hard and comfortable. I smell his cologne and try not to shiver at how it makes me feel inside.
I'm falling for Kingston Chase.
It hits me suddenly, with a crashing impact, like a freight truck on a highway crashing into you headfirst, and I'm not sure what to do.
It's only the first night of our new relationship, and I'm falling for him.
I'm seeing him in a completely different light and I don't know if that's a sign for me to pull away and run as far as I can, but I don't want to.
I know he and I are not going to end up like Max and Lila.
I know that he's not my future husband, and I know he's not looking for a relationship.
I'm not going to lie to myself and pretend that he is.
But I also know that I've never felt like this before in my life.
I've never been with someone that makes me feel so many different emotions and so many different firsts.
And I don't want it to end. Not yet. I don't want to run away because I’m scared he could break my heart.
I don't want to run away from what could possibly be a life-defining relationship.
Maybe I need a broken heart to really feel like I’m living. Maybe this is going to be the start of my journey. Maybe this is where my life actually begins. Maybe it doesn’t matter how long it lasts, but maybe it only matters that I have this moment.