Chapter 47
Remington
“Daddy, can you read me a story, please?” Canyon looks up at me from my bed, her eyes half closed. I can tell that she is tired, but she’s not ready to sleep yet. She reminds me of myself when I was a kid. Always wanting to be involved, even as a youngster.
“What story would you like me to read?” I ask her, sitting at the edge of the bed.
I touch her face gently, and she gazes up at me with such love and devotion in her eyes that I make a promise to myself that I will always be there to protect her.
She's my little girl. My daughter. I feel ashamed for having required so many DNA tests before I met her.
I feel ashamed for not wanting to meet her right away.
I hope I haven't damaged her emotionally.
I hope she doesn't feel rejected or less than.
I hope she knows that I would do anything for her.
“Um, Harry Potter, please?” She points her little finger like it's a wand.
“I don’t know,” I say, pausing, trying to remember what I know about the books. “You may be a little young for Harry Potter. I will have to check the age range for the books.”
I sound like a dad. A real adult. How did I get here?
I think of Juniper and how she had faith in the fact that I'd be a good dad from the beginning.
I think of her blue eyes. The coquettish looks she gives me.
I wish she was here, and immediately, a cloud of confusion hits me.
I have entered a strange world, and I do not know the layout at all.
“But Mommy reads me Harry Potter all the time.” Canyon pouts. “I love it.” She reaches over and grabs my hand. “And I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, too, Canyon.” I say the words.
They sound foreign coming from my mouth.
I look down at my daughter, at her small face, her big brown eyes, and her hair splayed across the pillowcase.
She gives me the sweetest smile, and my heart melts again.
I feel like I'm a father in a Christmas movie.
This moment is almost too good to be true.
“Do you love me enough to give me a hundred dollars?” Canyon grins cheekily, and I burst out laughing.
I love that she's not some cookie-cutter perfect daughter.
That would make me feel like I had to be the perfect dad, and I know that even on my best day, I can never be perfect.
I'll never be the perfect dad or boss, but I can try my best. I want to give Canyon all the love I never really felt from my dad.
He was there for me. Provided for me. But we never had that father-son relationship that made me feel like I was his whole world.
“Canyon, we don’t just keep asking for money.” I don't want to tell her off, but I want to teach her right from wrong.
“But I want to get this shell necklace that I saw, and—”
“Canyon, I thought you wanted a story more than money?”
“I do want a story, but I want a hundred dollars, as well.” She folds her arms together. “Why can’t I get a hundred dollars? Last time I asked, you only gave me $20.”
“Are you going to be some sort of grifter or gambler?” I ask her. She looks at me with a blank expression. I know that she doesn't know what those words mean. “You have to work for money, Canyon. You are far too young to need a hundred dollars.”
“I bet you Juniper would give me the money if I asked her.”
“I doubt it very much,” I say. My mind drifts to my assistant again. “But do you know what she might do?”
“What?”
“She might write you a story. Juniper is a writer. Maybe one day she will read you one of her books. Or maybe she'll write you one.”
“Oh, I want her to read me a book. Where is she right now? Can she come over and read me my story tonight?”
“Oh, it’s late. She’s probably in bed,” I say, looking at my watch. “It’s already 9:00 p.m., and I know your bedtime is meant to be 8 P.M.”
“I don’t have a bedtime. I’m a big girl. Plus, Mommy says that—” She pauses, and her lips tremble.
“What’s wrong?” I say, my heart stopping for a second.
“I miss Mommy.” She blinks rapidly. “I mean, I’m a big girl. And I like being here. But I miss Mommy.” She lets out a deep sigh. “But I know she is going to be the best magician’s assistant in the world. And she told me that when they come and do a show in New York, I can go every single night.”
“Well, that sounds awesome. When are they going to do that?”
“She says that she doesn’t know because Boudini is not that great of a magician.
He can only get shows in other countries.
But she thinks that, if she’s the best assistant in the world, she can make him better.
And if she makes him better, then she can work in New York.
” She grins at me. “At least, I think that’s what Mommy said. ”
“Your mom said that to you?” I ask her. I’m surprised that Karen would have such a detailed conversation with Canyon. I don’t like it, but I’m not sure I have any place to say anything about it.
“Well, no, she didn’t say it to me. She said it to her friend, Carlos, because he was upset that Mommy was going to Asia, and he got angry. He was shouting and saying stuff like, “Don’t you love me?””
“Who is Carlos?” I say, frowning, hoping his anger wasn't directed toward Canyon.
“Oh, Mommy’s friend. He’s normally really nice.
I think he was just upset because he was crying, and he said, 'This is the end, this is the end.’ And she was like, 'My career means more,’ or something like that.
And then she said to me the next day, ‘It is important to be a strong, independent woman and never have to rely on a man for money because sometimes you rely on them and then they don’t give you money.
And then you are stuck and you can’t buy anything. ’”
I stare at her for a couple of seconds. I don’t like the fact that Karen has had this conversation with Canyon, and I’m not sure what place I have to discuss with Karen the sort of conversations she has going forward.
I haven’t even been a father for a week yet.
I let out a sigh. I will have to deal with the complications later.
“I can tell you a fairy tale that I heard when I was a little boy.”
“Okay.” She yawns. Yyou mean like Cinderella? I’d like to be Cinderella one day and marry Prince Charming and live in a castle and have lots of dresses and—” She pauses. “Well, I don’t want the stepmother part because she was mean.”
“Well, you’re very lucky, then. You don’t have a stepmother. I’m not married.”
“Do you think you’ll get married?” she asks as she rubs her eyes.
“Um, I’m not sure.”
“Do you think my mommy will get married?”
I pause for a second, wondering if this was going where I hoped it wasn’t going.
I really didn't want her to ask me if I was going to marry her mom because there was no way in hell that was going to happen.
But I don't want to hurt her feelings. “I'm sure if your mom wants to get married one day, then she can.” To someone else.
“I want to get married when I'm older and have lots and lots of dogs.”
“Dogs are always loving,” I say, nodding.
“Will you get me a dog?”
“Well, I live here in an apartment and—”
“But you could get a house and get a dog.”
“I could,” I say, slowly, “but—”
“I'm tired,” she says, yawning. “Can we talk about this tomorrow? I think I want to go to sleep.”
“Of course, Canyon.” I stand up, give her a kiss on the cheek, and tuck her in a little bit more. “Sweet dreams.”
“Night, night, Daddy,” she says. "I do want my story tomorrow, though, and we can talk about the dog some more."
I walk out of the bedroom and close the door slowly and head to the living room.
I grab the two pillows that are on the couch and put them behind my head.
I stare at the TV screen and the bright colorful images.
The Disney Channel is still on, but I don't turn it.
My life has changed so much, yet it's never felt more meaningful.
I pick up my phone without even knowing what I'm doing and scroll through until I see Juniper’s name.
I stare at my thumb on the screen for what must have been at least three minutes before I press call.
The phone rings, and Juniper answers with a loud yawn.
“What is it, Remington?” She hiccups and then starts giggling.
My heart jumps for joy for some unknown reason.
“What are you doing, Juniper?” I ask her as she continues giggling. “Are you drunk?”
“I am drunk. I had, like, five strawberry margaritas, the best strawberry margaritas in my life.
And I think I'm going to move to Mexico so I can have them all the time.
And I may or may not be going on a date with this gorgeous waiter, Marco, who asked me out, even though I said he wasn't going to ask me out. "
"Sorry, what?”
“Skye and Lila were like, ‘This guy is going to ask you out.’ And I was like, ‘No, he's not, but then he did.’” She giggles some more and then hiccups loudly. “Oops, I'm so drunk.”
“What is going on here, Juniper?” I try to process all the information she's just given me. An uncomfortable feeling sits in the pit of my stomach. “You're moving to Mexico?” I ask the first question that's in my mind.
“No, goofy, I'm not really moving to Mexico. I was just saying that because I really enjoyed the strawberry margaritas. And, well, margaritas are Mexican.”
“So, were you just joking about this guy, Marco, or—”
“No, he was our waiter. He was very tall, very good-looking, and he had these really vivid green eyes.
Like, for a moment, I thought they were contact lenses, but I don't actually think they were. Anyway, he took forever to bring us our first drinks, and he said that the bartender made a mistake. And so, I—”
I pause and release a small sigh. “How long is this story going to be, Juniper?”