38. What it takes to realise
38
What it takes to realise
Talon
W hen I woke, I was stiff as a board, every muscle in my body aching. I groaned, turning and reaching my arm out to the side, the shoulder where Kaine had been when he’d whispered to me last night. He’d probably still be asleep. Nidori and I were the early risers.
There was nothing there.
“Kaine?” I murmured, forcing my gritty eyes open. He wasn’t beside me.
I sat up, groaning. My cloak was folded neatly at my feet.
I was alone.
The sound of the waves crashing on the shore and the seagulls calling far above were the only things I heard.
“Kaine?” I said again, louder, pulling myself to my feet. I had to burn some magic to get rid of a few of the aches. He’d drunk my blood last night. I frowned, remembering.
It’s better this way .
I sank to my knees as I realised what he had meant. Nidori was gone, and now he was, too.
Every muscle in my body froze as if, perhaps, I could stop this moment from continuing by sheer willpower. I squeezed my eyes shut, not even letting myself breathe. My mind was spinning frantically as I tried to reject the thought.
My lungs started to burn, and I finally gave in, gasping as the spell broke. Time was continuing, and I was here. Without them.
I knelt on the rock, gazing out at the lapping waves. I still didn’t move. Every once in a while, thoughts floated to the front of my mind.
It must be late, likely close to midnight.
I guess I should be glad he didn’t stab me before he left.
I should go , a voice within me urged. I needed to go and find the temple, find the relic.
And yet, I sat on the rock, staring at the sea.
What was the point?
It was so shitty; how little say we had in any of this.
Me, Nidori, and Kaine, three kindred spirits on opposing paths. For all of us, those paths had been dictated by every other fucking person our whole fucking lives.
Fuck what we wanted; we were faced with impossible choice after impossible choice.
Kaine, his one chance at life forcing him to leave me and Nidori behind.
Nidori, trapped by her kin, forced to kill her own kind to stay free.
Me, forced to choose between my own death and Kaine’s.
They had to win. I had to win. The thoughts spun around in my head, spreading bitterness throughout my very soul .
I wished I had just died when the nagai had bit me. Then, at least, I would have been spared the hell of waking up alone on this shitstain of a morning.
What a miserable view.
Cold spray was already making me damp, and the only thing I could see were rocks jutting from the water and thick mist, clinging to every surface.
Finally, I stood, wanting to see if anything had changed with Nidori. I pulled on my clothes, stiff from the salt water. Most of my things had been lost at sea, only my sword and the salty clothes on my back remaining. I retraced my steps on the beach until I reached the tangle of plants and vines that had enclosed her and Leihandra yesterday.
It was unchanged, impenetrable.
I rested my hand on top. “Nidori…” I needed her now. Needed her unwavering optimism, her sweet, naive belief that everything would work out. “What do I do?”
Nothing happened. It was just me, talking to a pile of plants on the beach.
I imagined her patting my arm with a smile.
“You could start by standing up.”
“Right. One thing at a time.” I breathed, sending a silent thank you to pretend Nidori.
I’d made it this far. The next right thing to do was to just leave this beach. I’d take the next step after that. And the next.
“Good luck, little bean,” I said, bending down and pressing a kiss on her cocoon.
I trudged up a steep, narrow path that cut up the cliffs. I pictured Kaine clambering up, lips set in a thin line as he tried not to look down .
Had he thought of me? Wished I was there to steady him like I had before?
The thought was painful. It didn’t matter. He was gone, and within the next day, one of us would be dead. Or worse.
The cliffs ended, and I stood on a grassy field at the top. It stretched along the edge of the island, as far as I could see before the fog swallowed it up. I blinked, trying to make out shapes ahead of me.
I sighed, unable to make sense of any of it. I had a hard enough time finding my way when it was clear.
Whatever. I looked down, to find an old, worn path cutting across the field. I’d follow that, I decided, wherever it wanted to take me. The universe brought me here, and if it wanted me to finish this quest, it’d have to do the rest of the work itself.
It was eerily quiet as I walked along in the dark.
I felt like my ears were straining, trying to make out something other than the sound of my feet trudging along the ground.
Was that a noise? I looked to the side, but nothing was amiss. Dark shapes were looming ahead of me, but as I walked closer, they formed into nothing but trees.
My ears must be playing tricks on me. I took two steps forward as I thought I heard Nidori’s laugh up ahead. Was it her? Had she been healed?
I stopped, listening intently, but heard nothing.
I gritted my teeth. Get it together , I told myself. I kept going forward, determined to not lose my focus again, no matter what phantom sounds and shapes came to me. Just follow the path.
I heard another rustle—surely, I hadn’t imagined that sound?
A figure stepped out of the trees ahead of me, cloaked in a bright crimson robe. She was slight, willowy, with long hair in thick black ringlets. Her face had dark skin, with an elegantly hooked nose, full cheeks, and luminous honey-brown eyes.
“Hello,” she purred, lowering her hood and looking at me inquisitively.
I glanced at her feet; they were bare.
Cassandra.
My hand darted to my sword, but before I could draw it, I felt a wave of adoration envelop me. It eclipsed the cloud of hopelessness I had been wallowing in, leaving me with a pleasant…emptiness. My hand dropped limply at my side. My eyes went back to the woman. Or perhaps she was a Goddess? She was perfect, either way.
“You weren’t going to attack me, were you?” she said, her mouth turning down in a frown.
“I- I apologise,” I said, sinking to my knees as she approached. My eyes fell to the ground and cheeks burned in shame. There was just…her. Cassandra. It was simple. Peaceful.
“You have good instincts,” she said approvingly, and I looked up again, hopeful that she wasn’t angry. She tilted her head to the side, pupils dilating, then clasped her hands together. “Hmm…you have a familiar face.”
Surely not. I would have remembered meeting her before. She stepped closer and peered at me. A smile slid onto her face, and I smiled as well, overjoyed that she was happy.
“I know where I’ve seen you. When I scried for my wayward slave, you were at his side.”
“You…saw me?” I asked, amazed.
“Yes. You have some rather distinct features. But here you are now. Alone.”
Her voice sharpened on the last word. I blinked .
“Where is he?” she snarled, gripping my shoulder and digging in her sharp nails. I cringed backwards.
“I don’t know.” The thought tugged at my mind, but I recoiled as it hit a painful feeling. “He left me this morning. He’s making his way to the tower.”
I nodded at the tower, visible through the trees.
“What could he possibly need with that place?” she asked, her tone slipping back to sickly sweet.
“He’s looking for the relic,” I breathed. “So he can summon Cirae by cutting his brand. Then he’ll receive his blessing. He’ll be free.” Something stirred in my mind again, demanding attention. It was important. But my thoughts felt so slow. It was so much work to think. Much easier to relax and enjoy her presence.
“Hmm. That is most unfortunate,” said Cassandra. “We can’t have that, can we?”
I shook my head, a cold sweat breaking out on my brow. Couldn’t we? We couldn’t have… his freedom. The thought gnawed at me. Whose freedom? It was something to do with the pain...
I started as her hand gripped my face, nails digging in hard enough to draw blood. I whimpered. She had said something, but I had missed what it was. She gripped my face, drawing my attention back to her.
“I said, we need to hunt down Kaine.”
His name clicked everything into place. He couldn’t return to her vile clutches. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to keep hold of the thought. It was important . It was worth the pain.
I blinked, my mind coming back to me with a sickening lurch as her charm slipped.
Terror seared through me as I looked up at her. Her eyes narrowed, but before she could do anything else, I summoned a burst of light, illuminating the clearing .
She cried out, stumbling back from the blinding flash.
I ran.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit .
I needed to find Kaine, to warn him. She was here and she knew…everything.
I ran, heart pounding, unsure where I was planning on going. I just needed to move , to try and find him.
The purpose shifted the dark clouds in my head, and I felt a new clarity settle over me.
Fuck the universe.
I knew what the next right thing to do was.
I couldn’t believe it had taken me this long to realise it.