3. Tori #3
The other half turned out to be the Funhouse Maze, full of twists and turns and glowing fluorescent lights, room after room of glow-in-the-dark landscapes, tunnels, mirrors, and galaxies splashed across the floors.
There was also a game where you chased colored lights for points.
I didn’t even realize I’d been clinging to Gavin’s arm the whole time until we were finally out of the place and back on the pier.
I was completely out of breath, and couldn’t stop laughing despite how brisk the air had gotten, how bracing the wind was.
“That was so fun!” It had been so nice to get outside my own head for a while.
Gavin grinned, and gently let my arm go. “My mom used to take me and my brother Frank here when we were little. We used to race to see who could get out of the maze first.”
“Well thanks for showing me,” I said.
We had a quiet moment, just smiling at each other contentedly. It was so relaxed between us, so warm. So different from what I had been experiencing with Stefan these past few months. Here was someone who was kind to me, who asked for my opinion, who listened to me. Who seemed to genuinely like me.
I broke our gaze and realized a single snowflake had dropped onto my coat. And then another. And then two more. “It’s snowing,” I said. “I told you! First snow of the season.”
We looked up at the sky and watched a million little flurries come down, catching the light from the pier attractions as they floated toward us like feathers.
I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, letting the soft flakes tickle my face.
When I laughed, I realized Gavin’s lips were almost brushing mine, the heat of his mouth so close I could feel it.
I imagined myself tilting closer, closing the gap between our lips and finding out what kissing Gavin felt like, seeing if I could lose myself in it—but suddenly all I could see was intense green eyes, dark hair, that chiseled jawline. Stefan.
I pulled away abruptly.
“I can’t,” I said.
“I’m sorry, Tori. God, I’m an idiot. You just looked so…” Gavin shook his head, running a hand through his hair, and I could tell he really hadn’t meant to lose control. “No excuses. That was strike two. I better put you in a cab.”
We walked down the pier wordlessly, until we finally reached the street where the taxis were queuing up.
“Listen,” I said, as my cab pulled forward. “I had a great time. Let’s just forget about the…what happened. Water under the bridge.”
He nodded. “Still friends?”
“Of course.” I smiled and ducked into the back of the car. “Maybe we can do this again sometime. Invite the others, too.”
“Yup. See you in class.”
I gave a final wave and rolled the window up, burrowing into the warmth of my coat in the backseat.
As we pulled away from the curb, I turned to watch him.
He stood there, hand still raised in goodbye as tiny snowflakes drifted onto his shoulders.
I couldn’t believe what a complete idiot I was being.
Here was a kind, handsome, smart, and equally studious man who liked me, word-nerdiness and all.
Why couldn’t I like him back? Why couldn’t I kiss him?
Why couldn’t I go out with him and have fun without guilt?
But try as I might to get lost in my not-date with Gavin, I still hadn’t been able to erase Stefan from my thoughts.
All night I’d been thinking about his kiss.
His cock. I told myself that it was normal to feel like this, to have confusing, conflicting emotions, to desire him physically and emotionally even when I knew who he really was. What he was capable of.
But I still hated myself for it.
It wasn’t fair. I never would have followed through with my marriage to Stefan if I had known what it really meant. But they had all kept the truth from me—my father, Konstantin Zoric, Stefan himself—all of them had obscured the reality of what I was agreeing to.
My brain knew this.
My heart on the other hand…
My heart seemed to be having a much harder time letting go of the fantasy I had imagined on the night of my eighteenth birthday.
The night where I had been dressed like a princess and promised a fairy tale wedding.
A romantic future. A marriage of possibilities.
I had considered myself and Stefan a team, working together to break free from our fathers’ machinations for our respective futures.
I had never imagined that Stefan was part of those machinations.
That he was just as much the enemy as my father was.
A tear slipped down my cheek and I quickly swiped it away.
I was tired of crying over Stefan, but I couldn’t help myself.
A part of me was still grieving for the fantasy that had died.
The fantasy I had built out of a look from a handsome man across a ballroom.
The fantasy I had built from a kiss. From a promise.
It had all been nothing but a lie.
My mind knew it. My mind knew exactly what had happened, what was still happening—and exactly how fucked up the whole situation was.
I just needed to convince my heart of the same.