Chapter 25
Two days later, Tilly was still struggling to know what to do. Her head was all over the place, and all she could think about was Ambrose, his proposal, and how much she’d longed to say yes, but had known she could not.
It was after the night he’d rescued her that her feelings for the man had become clear. She loved him. All this time she’d been verbally sparring with the Ambrose, and the outcome had been love, which still shocked her, but she could no longer deny what was in her heart.
But then, she’d known the emotion was strong when he’d touched her that day in Lolly’s Bookshop. The things she’d allowed him to do, and the feel of his hands on her body, would never have happened had her heart not been involved.
“I’m doomed to live out my days as a lovelorn fool,” she muttered, pacing around her room as she’d done for days.
Tilly had never loved a man before Ambrose. This she knew, as the emotion was almost savage inside her when she brought him to mind, a place from which he was never far.
He was conceited and had a maddening need to always be right, but then, so did she. Theirs would have been a life filled with verbal confrontations and fierce love, and she would have relished every moment. Her heart broke anew every time she thought about him and what she’d given up.
She’d have to leave London and never see him again. There was no other choice. But first, she’d have to leave her father’s town house, which she had not done as yet, and today was that day.
Tilly had sent word to Margaret that she was still not herself, and the reply had been that all was going well at The Iris with the new maid and Ruby settling in well.
Barnaby had earned a special place with everyone too.
Margaret had finished with Please take your time, Miss Wilson, after such an ordeal.
There is no need to return to The Iris before you are ready.
After washing and dressing, she made her way to her mother’s favorite morning parlor, where she and Father often took their tea. Entering, Tilly found them seated together, reading a newspaper.
Would she and Ambrose have done that? Stop, Tilly. No good can come of what-ifs.
“Hello, dear. Come and join us,” her mother said. “We are pleased to see you are up and about today and not closeted in your room.”
“A slight relapse after the abduction. There is nothing to worry about. I feel a great deal better today.” She had become an excellent liar.
Weak sunlight filtered into the lovely room, lighting up the soft cream walls. Gauzy rose-hued fabric draped a large window, and a rug of apricot-and-cream stripes sat in the middle of the polished wooden floor.
“So you will no longer avoid society and The Iris, but be part of it again, Tilly?”
“I-I was not avoiding it, Father, as I have just explained,” she stammered with little certainty, because they were right. That was exactly what she’d been doing.
“Which is completely understandable were it true,” he said, holding her eyes until she lowered them.
“Sit, child. We need to talk,” her mother said.
“I was going to—”
“Sit,” her father said in a voice he rarely used, but when he did, the recipient tended to listen.
She settled on the edge of the chair across from the sofa they shared.
“Now tell us, what is going on with you?” he asked.
“Need it be more than the abduction?”
“Yes, and your mother and I believe it has to do with Lord Talbot. I had thought Mr. Howard may be the cause, but when he left, according to your mother, you were not pale and looking like you’d seen a ghost, as you were before she ushered your second caller from the house.”
“Oh well, the thing is…” Her words fell away, as she was unsure what to say.
“Come, we do not have secrets,” her mother said.
“Lord Talbot asked me to marry him, and I refused,” Tilly said slowly. “I’m sure you understand why.”
“Lord Talbot proposed, and you refused him?” Her father appeared stunned at that.
“I cannot marry a man who is to be an earl one day. Surely you see that?” Tilly protested.
“I’ve always believed him a man of outstanding character and have heard nothing nefarious in connection with his name. So why can you not marry him?”
“Father, you cannot be serious. You know why.”
“Tell him the truth, Tilly. He may surprise you, and if he doesn’t, then he is not the man for you,” her mother said.
Now it was Tilly who looked shocked. “I can’t believe you said that. We have hidden my identity for years, and now you want to trust a man with the knowledge. A man who could ruin us if he told anyone.” Her voice was now high-pitched and panicky.
“Do you believe he would?” her father asked.
“No.” The word was more a sigh. “He is a good man.”
“Do you care about Lord Talbot, Tilly?”
She remained silent.
“I’ve watched you with him over the past few years. When you and Violet are talking, he always joins you, as if he wants to be close to you both—or just you.”
She stared at her mother. Could she be right?
“There is an awareness between you, Tilly, that is undeniable to anyone looking,” her mother added.
“Do you love that man, daughter?” her father asked.
“Yes,” Tilly whispered. “But I have refused his offer, and that is that. So I will leave London for your country estate, Father. I must of course ensure The Iris is running smoothly and does not need my assistance before I do so, but I wish to retire from society.”
“No, Tilly. Talk to Lord Talbot,” her mother said. “You owe him that.”
“I can’t,” she said, regaining her feet. “This is for the best. I should never have entered society—”
“No,” her father argued, denying her words. “You’ve enjoyed being part of it.”
“But I was never going to marry, and you both knew that.” But then she looked at them and saw the truth. “All this time, you both wanted me to marry?”
“We saw no reason for you not to, Tilly,” her mother said.
“My birth—”
“Would not matter to a man who loves you.”
“But this world we live in does not work that way. It is all about bloodlines and appearances.”
“True,” her father agreed. “But love changes everything, and our hope for you has always been a love match.”
She couldn’t believe what they were saying, but one thing she did know was that they were wrong. Even love could not change what she knew to be true. She was the baseborn daughter of a maid.
“I need to go to The Iris. We shall talk more about this later.” That would definitely not be happening, but it would appease them for now.
“Very well, but think about what we’ve said, Tilly,” her mother conceded.
“Tilly.”
She stopped walking away and looked at her father.
“We love you very much, and not a day goes by that we are not proud of you. Never, not once, have we doubted the decision we made to keep you.”
She managed to nod through the tears and then left, closing the door softly behind her. Running down the stairs, she reached the front entrance to find Verity and a young footman, Heath, waiting for her.
“The carriage is outside,” Verity said impatiently.
“Right. Sorry to keep you waiting,” Tilly said, as if it were in fact her maid who was the one who frequented society, and not her.
She pulled on the coat Verity held and then stood for her to tie the silk ribbons of her bonnet, which she was more than capable of doing herself but apparently always got crooked. Lastly she took her gloves and jammed her fingers into them.
“Right, then. Let us leave for The Iris.”
They walked outside into yet another gloomy day. It seemed London was determined to match her mood lately.
“Tilly!”
She turned to find Violet stepping from a carriage and waving at her frantically.
“You two get settled in the carriage. I will not be long,” Tilly said before walking toward her friend.
“How are you?” Violet asked after a hug. “The club is fine. I have been there daily, and the others, too, have been ensuring things there are running smoothly.”
Her friend was pink-cheeked and radiated happiness. In that moment, Tilly loathed her for that, which was beneath her.
“Thank you, Vi. That was very kind of you.”
Her friend frowned at the stilted tone. “What’s wrong?”
Of course she could not tell her because Ambrose was her brother, and she would not put Vi in the middle of this. If he chose to tell her, then so be it, but she would not.
“I think the abduction has taken more out of me than I thought.”
Violet could see through a lie at ten paces, so Tilly kept her expression calm and hoped she bought the story she’d just told her.
“No, I think there is more to this than you are telling me, and we do not keep secrets from each other. What’s going on, Tilly?”
“Nothing,” she said. “I’ve told my parents I wish to leave London soon, Violet, and after I am sure The Iris is in good hands, I will do so.”
“For how long?” she demanded.
“I won’t be coming back.” The words were almost too hard to speak. Two of the people she loved were here in London. Her parents, of course, would join her, but Violet and Ambrose would not, and she would miss them with a deep ache of longing for the rest of her life.
“I understand the abduction was terrifying, Tilly, but to leave and not come back? I don’t understand why you would take such a drastic measure, especially now you have The Iris.”
“I have made my choice.”
“Has something else happened?”
Violet tried to grab her hand, but Tilly stepped back out of reach.
She could not break now, or she would expose the large crack down the center of her heart that she knew would never heal.
“What is going on?” Violet asked again, advancing on her. “Talk to me.”
“I must go, as I have an appointment. I will see you before I leave. Goodbye, Violet.”
“Tilly!”
She ran to the carriage then and climbed inside, closing the door behind her. Only when it was moving did she allow the tears to fall. Verity’s hand waved a handkerchief before her. She took it and sobbed all the way to The Iris.