18. Graham
GRAHAM
“You know what your problem is? You make people uncomfortable,” my brother tells me. He slings an arm around my shoulder.
“No, I don’t,” I snap at Spencer. “People like me.”
“Your girlfriend”—he uses his two index fingers to make quote marks—“looks supremely uncomfortable in all those photos she posted.”
“She always looks like that. She doesn’t like taking pictures. I think it has to do with her mother, to be honest. I need to convince her to move out. I think her mother is tanking her self-esteem.”
Spencer’s staring at me.
“What?” I feel defensive. “I had to go to therapy after… everything. So did you.”
“Yeah, but I thought you hated this girl. She’s blackmailing you and keeping you from living out your kidnapper fantasies.”
“Can you shut up?” I grab him.
He and I are early at the venue in the historic hotel to set up for the Haven Foundation fundraiser. The silent auction items are in the drawing room off of the ballroom. Candles light up the stone terrace that leads out to the rose garden—a winter wonderland sprinkled with freshly fallen snow.
People are starting to show up in their finest evening wear.
“Weren’t you only here to talk to the owners of Northwell Medical Group?” I snap and turn to my brother.
“Sweet. I’m talking to them, then I’m out of here. Going to Monaco for the F1 race.” He salutes me.
It hits me suddenly as I stare out over the beautifully decorated historic hotel ballroom—I’m completely and totally fucked if anyone finds out I kidnapped Dani.
And it’s not just me who will suffer. Everyone around me will be collateral damage as well. The Haven Foundation, all the people they help. My family. My brothers.
Ethel, who cochairs the Haven Foundation to combat trafficking of women and girls, lightly touches my arm.
“There’s my big strong cochair.” She’s already tipsy.
“It’s always nice to have a man involved in these things.
” She pats her shellacked white beehive updo.
“I wish more men in this city would get off their behinds and actually give back to their communities. But then, if men took initiative like that to be a positive force for good, we wouldn’t have to have a trafficking charity, would we? ”
She beams at me.
“You’re such a good man. Nothing like your father.”
I swallow. She likes to say that, and it usually makes me uncomfortable, but tonight? I just feel like screaming to the room that I’m a fraud.
“I’m so happy,” Ethel continues, “that you’ve found a girlfriend. We’ll have to get photos of you two for the newsletter. Where is she, by the way?”
For a second my heart skips, and I wonder if Dani’s come to her senses and gone to the police.
But then I see her, there at the top of the stairs into the ballroom, looking over the quickly growing crowd.
I can’t stop staring at her as she grabs a handful of her dress, pulling it off her shoes as she glides down the stairs.
“Ah, young love!” Ethel says dreamily.
“You look beautiful. I’ve never seen you in a gown before.” I greet Dani.
The gown’s bodice isn’t as sexy as the one I saw her in at the department store. The V-neck bodice is black velvet. The full skirt is brocade, with little bits of gold thread that catch the light of the crystal chandeliers above. Her hair falls in soft waves over one shoulder.
She looks like a doll.
And I want to take her home and keep her on a shelf.
“Don’t get used to it. It took a million years to get my hair to do this,” Dani says dryly.
I lean in to kiss her temple without thinking, and then freeze, like I broke a rule I forgot existed.
“Sorry,” I murmur to Dani.
“It’s all right,” she says, flustered.
“You guys are so cute together!” Hannah snaps our photo.
“Get one of the two of us.” Ethel motions us in.
Then there’s half an hour of photos with big donors, photos with the board, photos with special guests. Photos with Spencer while he makes Dani giggle and makes me want to murder him.
“God, taking photos is exhausting.” Dani fans herself.
“It is, isn’t it? It really shouldn’t be.” I smile at her.
“It’s like, what do I do with my hands? Am I smiling too much? Do my eyes look too serious? What is everyone else doing? Wait, don’t look around because then you’ll look crazy in the photo.”
Her hand is still resting on my arm as we walk slowly toward the bar.
“You don’t have to worry, though. You always look amazing in photos.”
“I appreciate you braving the camera. It’s for a good cause.” I hand her a glass of wine. “And since you didn’t make any untoward comments, I’ll even carry your snack plate for you.”
“A kidnapper running an antikidnapping charity? I would never.”
“And here I thought you were a nice, sheltered girl.”
“Are there custom sugar cookies that say ‘Save Me’?”
“You are horrible.”
“Yeah, I guess I’m not so nice.”
“You’re mad about the ‘nice’ comment, aren’t you?”
“Oh, no, of course not,” she says as I carry her plate to an out-of-the-way bench. “That’s just what every girl wants to hear—her boyfriend saying she’s nice.”
I trail my finger along the artfully arranged wave of her hair.
“Don’t worry. I know you’re pretty depraved. Only a lunatic orders pizza to her kidnapper’s house.”
“You two bicker like an old married couple.” Hannah beams.
I jump back, panicking. What did she hear? But my half sister just snaps more photos.
“Graham, smile! Dani’s smiling.”
“Because Dani’s drunk.”
“Ethel said you need to come get ready for your speech.”
Dani looks around. “Your mom doesn’t come?” she asks delicately.
I stiffen.
Hannah sighs.
“No, I think she just—you know—after she was… Well, after surviving what she went through, I don’t think she really wants to think about it, you know?”
I’m holding my breath. My siblings and I don’t have conversations about that. When my half-siblings were older, Frank sat them down and told them… what happened. But me and them never talked about it. I certainly didn’t talk about my experience, because it doesn’t matter. I’m not the victim here.
“I’d better go.” I turn abruptly on my heel before they can say anything. I hate these events. I’ll never stop being involved in the charity, but I hate these events. Hate having to relive my mother’s pain, even the sanitized version.
Staring out over the crowd in their finery, I try to put on a good front as I shake hands with Ethel and set out my notes.
There’s Dani, next to Hannah. She’s got more of the mushroom, Gruyère, and thyme tartlets catered by Grey Dove Bakery. I’ll make sure to have some sent to Svensson’s Investment on Monday.
I suddenly wish I hadn’t brought Dani. I don’t want her to know. I don’t want her to see me like this. Not as a monster. Weak.
When I clear my throat, the noise echoes around the room. This is why people show up—not because they care, but because they want the spectacle. After all, how often do you get to hear the sordid tale straight from the mouth of someone born into captivity in the cellar of a madman?
“Almost thirty years ago, my mom was driving home from school. It was late. There was a football game, and she played clarinet, so she was in the band. She was rear-ended, and when she got out of the car, that was the last time she saw the Camaro she’d spent all her waitressing money to buy.
She didn’t see another sunrise for nine years.
What strikes me the most is the unfairness—how unfair it was for her to lose her senior year of high school: prom, senior skip day.
And then her twenties. College, study abroad.
Going to bad parties and passionately arguing with professors.
She missed all of that. Instead, she was forced to live in the dark, her survival at the whim of a madman. And she had me, and I’m no substitute.”
I stare at Dani, wondering if this makes her hate me.
She is listening, her face serious, her eyes shining during my speech as I talk about my mom getting kidnapped.
“While her story is sensational, there are millions of women and girls who go through the same thing and don’t have bestselling books or HBO specials letting the world know their stories.
We’re here to help them tonight, and thank you, everyone, for your support, financial and otherwise. ” I nod to the applause.
Dani’s waiting for me when the speeches are done. Part of me hates it—doesn’t want her pity. Her disgust.
She takes my hand when she sees me. Squeezes it.
“I guess I shouldn’t have made those jokes earlier. I’m sorry.” Her nails trail lightly over the back of my hand. “It’s not a joking matter. I know better than that.”
I nudge her. “See? You’re nice.”
“Not nice at all. I feel terrible,” she moans.
“You’re the first person who’s made jokes to my face about it.”
“I’m going to hell.”
“Sometimes the dark humor is good.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better. I’m going to plan a nice date for you.” She doesn’t realize that she says “date,” just keeps talking. “I promise. No family members.”
I latch onto the word like it’s a candle in the darkness. She wants to go on a date. A real one. She does want me after all.
Hannah trips up to us and hands Dani a glass. “Signature cocktail! Also, they have ‘Spend the Day with Ryder O’Connell.’ You can even stay at one of the skyboxes in the Direwolves stadium, and there’s free food. But I need you to spot me like an extra fifty grand? Please, Graham?” she begs him.
“Since when do you like hockey?”
“Hockey is big right now.” Dani fishes the cherry out of her glass and pops it in her mouth. “Hannah, I already give money to this charity. I’m not supposed to buy things from them too.”
“Dani!” Hannah pleads. “I thought we were friends.”
“I already have a hot guy in my life. I don’t know if my nerves can take another.” Dani wraps an arm around my waist.
Everything fades away to gold, and all I can think of is her. She’s soft and warm, and I’m teetering on the edge of an abyss I swore to myself I’d never fall into.
“—hot dogs on Friday, but you have to be careful because Dad burns them.”
“What?”
“I told Dani that Mom and Dad want you two at the cabin this weekend.”
“Aren’t you going to the Hamptons?” I ask Dani.
“She’s not going to the Hamptons. It’s the dead of winter. Don’t worry, Dani, it’s not like a crappy cabin. It’s nice. Graham bought it for our mom. It’s on the lake. You in or not?” She pulls out her phone. “Mom’s going shopping tomorrow.”
Dani looks at me, wide-eyed. “I… um…”
“Fair’s fair. You had Graham over at your parents’ house.” Hannah nudges her.
“Oh gosh, he told you about that?”
“It was a trial for him.” Hannah is pretending to be serious. “You owe him. Big time.”
Dani chews her lip, worried. “I’m not really an outdoorsy person. Camping’s not my thing.”
I don’t know if I should be relieved or sad she’s not coming.
Relieved. I’m definitely relieved.
“You have to come. You can’t be one of those girlfriends who steals the guy away from his family,” Hannah warns her in a pretend-threatening way.
Dani stammers, “Oh, well… I don’t want you all to think that. A relationship should be the blending of two families.”
“Fantastic! Make sure Graham comes early on Friday so we can do the cookout! I’m calling Bridgie now.”
“See?” I hiss at Dani as she sucks down her cocktail. “You’re too nice.”