23. Dani
DANI
“It’s working!” Piper crows the next morning in the coffee shop at the base of the Svensson Investment tower.
“What? No, it’s not. Graham’s furious with me. He screamed at me and told me to get out.”
“It was a sexy threat.”
I blow on my vanilla latte.
“All that hard muscle and sinew suffocating you,” Piper purrs.
“I bet losing your virginity to him wouldn’t suck.
I bet it would be amazing.” She sighs. “I lost mine to Theodous Thornton. Remember, on the hockey team? Then his mom came in to scream at him for jacking off into the family heirloom blanket and saw me. At least Graham would order you a caviar service and champagne after fucking your brains out.”
“Or he’d just, I don’t know, lock me in a dungeon. His dad is Stuart Richmond.”
“A man who wears ten-thousand-dollar suits is not locking people in a dungeon. Unless it’s a sexy dungeon.”
“It’s just—” I lower my voice because there are always coworkers around. “Kraig thinks he’s dangerous.”
“Duh, yeah, he’s dangerous. He’s a billionaire. He’s six-foot-five. He’s oozing testosterone. But he’s not going to be dangerous to you, because he likes you.”
“What if he is?”
“You know what I think?” Piper moves my plate of egg bites and leans forward.
“I think that you’re scared. Don’t argue with me!
Your whole identity is about being a virgin.
You think that if you lose it, then you lose an important part of yourself.
That’s perfectly normal. But we’re going to have to take that part of yourself and bash it with a hammer, because I want you and me to have our kids at the same time so that we can raise them together. ”
“I just think maybe I need to go back to his house and tell him I’m taking the money.”
“No. Self-actualization is more important than money.”
“Is it?”
“Yes. You can’t quit now. Now we know that he is attracted to you.”
“Is he?”
“I see the way he looks at you. There’s something there.”
Piper is so sure.
I’m not.
“The Make Graham Jealous plan worked. You need to follow through. Emphasis on need.” Piper narrows her eyes.
“I’m not doing another summer with you where you’re hemming and hawing about your future and ‘I don’t want to go talk to this guy’ and ‘What if that guy who’s inviting us on his yacht wants to have sex with us’ yadda yadda. ”
“He did want to have sex with us.”
“And if you’d gone for it, then you would be an experienced sexual goddess right now instead of considering losing your virginity in a bathroom with the security guard versus the rich hot guy with a penthouse and a credit card with no limit.”
She takes a sip of her latte.
“You wanna know what else I think?”
“Not really,” I moan.
“I think that you’re scared that you’ll like it.”
“I won’t like it.” I sigh. “I mean, I don’t know, maybe I will. But it just seems like something I need to really think about. Maybe make a pros and cons list. What if I get an STD?”
“You mean like a baby?” Piper raises an eyebrow.
“That’s not an STD.”
“It’s one that I wish you’d get. You could quit Svensson Investment and live the high life.”
“See, this is why I need to think about these things,” I argue. “Maybe I’m not ready for a baby. I always said I was going to go to therapy first.”
“You’ve been watching therapy on social media. That’s good enough.” Piper grins. “So, baby names?”
I’m still trying to calm down when I get back home that evening from a very contentious meeting with the accounts managers. I didn’t even order dinner, just left the office in a daze.
Hopefully, Gran picked up a chef last night. Ooh, a pasta chef would be nice. I could go for some lasagna.
“Hurry up!” Piper drags me into the house. “Your mom and dad will be back from the Caroways’ soon. They’re having a cocktail party. They wanted me to come, but Gran and I are staging an intervention.”
“I don’t need an intervention, I need ravioli.”
“You need to get laid. A virgin? My granddaughter? Those tits? This is a travesty!” Gran hollers when she sees me.
“You told Gran?” I shriek at Piper.
“I thought we were cool!” Gran rails. “I have men in and out of this apartment. I could have arranged something!”
“She wants a nice experience, Gran. You know Dani’s a romantic.”
“Romance is for children.” Gran shakes a fist. “You’re on a tight timeline. V-Day is upon us.”
“Did you tell her about… you know?” I hiss.
Piper shakes her head subtly.
In the living room slash Piper’s bedroom, Gran’s got several ominous-looking bags and boxes.
“We gave Graham the one-two punch. Flirting with his stepbrother was a genius move, Piper.” Gran gives her a little bow. “I have taught you well. Now.” Gran regards me. “Take off your skirt. Let me see what we’re working with.”
“I already shaved! I don’t need to strip.”
“You can’t be shy, girl. When you go to his penthouse tonight, you need to be ready to strike a pose. Let him know you’re down for him to blow off some steam.”
“Can we have this conversation tomorrow?” I beg. “I’m hungry.”
“No time like the present. You have to fall on that dick with arms wide open. You’re my granddaughter.
You’re a sex goddess at heart. When I was your age, I’d already slept through half of Wall Street,” Gran says proudly.
“Now. I’ve done a lot of research into Graham Richmond, and I know what makes him tick. ”
She pauses for dramatic effect.
“He has a kidnapping kink.”
I want to puke.
“She means she listened to the audiobook of Fifty Shades of Grey,” Piper assures me. “And only part of it at that, right, Gran?”
“I’m gonna finish it at some point. I have a lot on my plate. Maxwell needs a place to stay while he’s waiting to get called up to the NHL from the minors.”
“Wait, he’s living here?” Piper makes a face. “How old is this kid, Gran?”
“He’s legal. I checked. Let’s keep it down. He’s asleep.”
Gran bustles around to the boxes.
“I’ve got you all ready to go.” She throws a white dress with a poufed skirt and a lacy sweetheart neckline at me.
“I’m not wearing this. It looks like a communion dress.”
“Amen.”
“No, take it from me and Mr. Grey over here.” She waves the paperback at me. “All those billionaires are perverted at heart. Now, Piper, this dress needs boob tape, but we don’t want to nail the windows closed if we’re trying to commit insurance fraud, am I right?”
“She’s going senile. Mom is right.”
“Dani, you’re just going to have to go au naturel.”
I shriek as Gran pulls off my top.
“Gran!”
My bra chooses that moment to give up the ghost.
“I told you, girls as well-endowed as us cannot have a front-close clasp.”
I’m busy trying to stuff myself back together as Gran pulls out nail scissors and starts coming after me.
“There are hairs on those titties. You can’t scare the man off. He’s a billionaire, not a werewolf.”
“Don’t cut off her nipple, Gran. She’s going to need that!”
“I’ve got it, just stop moving…” Snip! “There! You don’t want to wax these things. That is a recipe for disaster, let me tell you.”
Gran’s back digging in the boxes as I stuff myself into the white dress.
“Nice little surprise once he makes it past the snipers.” She tosses a tiny scrap of lace at me.
“This better not be from your wedding dress. I wanted to wear that!”
“It’s a thong. Get with the times.”
“I’m not wearing that.” I hand it back to her.
“Going commando! I like your spirit, girlfriend!”
“Now, I’ve got you handcuffs, a blindfold, a ball gag.” She stuffs them in a white tote. “Piper, do you think she’s coordinated enough for these ankle cuffs?”
“Absolutely not.”
“You’re right. I’d better keep these for me. You need to come to my Strong is for Seniors workout class. Uzman leads it. He’s a bodybuilder and is fiiiiine.” Gran whistles. “I always tell him there’s so much eye candy here the workout doesn’t do anything.”
I feel faint.
“Now, we aren’t going to get you reverse-cowgirl ready in an afternoon, so you really need to play into the ‘I’m a helpless little virgin, throw me down and have your way with me,’” Piper tells me.
“She’s right. Don’t get too complicated with him.” Gran does a sexy shimmy that I’d look like I was possessed by an alien if I attempted. “Throw the handcuffs at him.”
“What if he says no?”
Gran hands me a milky-white dildo in a package that screams, Take Her to Pound Town! It’s got blue sparkly veins.
“Tell Graham to use that on you then, if he’s so afraid. A little friendly competition and you’ll be pregnant by Monday.”
“I literally can’t,” I gasp.
“It’s easy to use.” Gran pushes the button on the side of the package that says TEST ME!
The thing starts vibrating and singing.
I scream.
“Is this the one that spurts out fake jizz at you?” Piper peers at it.
“You shouldn’t squirt things up your vagina,” I groan. “That’s a health issue.”
“Your virginity is a mental health issue.”
I stuff it in my bag.
“I’ve got some vodka shots for you for the ride over.” Gran adds them to my bag of shame.
“I can take the subway,” I tell her weakly. “Probably could use the exercise.”
“You’re not taking the subway in the middle of the night wearing no panties and with a purse full of sex toys.”
I’m three mini vodkas deep into the Uber ride when I crawl out of the car at Graham’s building.
“I’m doing it!” I pep-talk myself when I’m alone in the elevator. “I’m going to lose my V-card tonight! I’m an adult. Adult women have sex. This is not a big deal.”
It’s only the single most important day of my life, aside from my wedding day.
Which, honestly, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe it would make sense from a minimize-anxiety standpoint to have my first time and my wedding on the same day. You know, kill two birds with one ball of anxiety.
I knock back another of the mini vodka bottles and gag at the medicinal taste.
I hope cum doesn’t taste like that.
“Oh god.” I hyperventilate. “What if it goes in my mouth. Oh my gosh, what am I doing? Who am I kidding. I’m not ready for this. This is such a terrible idea.”
The doors open at the penthouse level.
Graham’s front door is big and black and scary in front of me.