Chapter 26 Clem
clem
I stare at the brick building housing Frostline Auto Garage, working up the nerve to go inside.
It’s bigger than I pictured it. The entrance door is in the center of the building, with oversized white garage doors on each side.
A car with a banged-up rear bumper sits in front of the garage to the right, which I assume is the auto body side.
I don’t know why I’m here, why I can’t get the “argument” with Dax out of my head, but it stole all my creativity. And I won’t get it back until I make things right. Though I’m not sure that’s even possible where we’re at.
I practiced my speech I’m going to give to the person at the counter about why I’m here instead of calling. Long as my voice doesn’t give me away, I should be able to sustain the lie.
I turn off the van’s engine, check myself in the rearview mirror, and climb out.
Butterflies dance in my abdomen. Here goes nothing.
I pull open the glass door, but no bell or other noise announces me.
A woman around my age, give or take a few years, sits at a desk behind glass.
As if she can sense my presence, she looks up and stands, greeting me at the counter with a smile.
“Hi, welcome to Frostline. Do you have an appointment?”
“No. Is Dax here by any chance?” First line of my speech delivered flawlessly. Let’s hope the rest of it goes as well.
The woman—Meredith, maybe—eyes me over her glasses. I can guess what she’s thinking as she looks me over. “He is. Who should I tell him is here?”
“Clementine.”
She does a double take, trying to place me. “As in Willa’s sister?”
I hadn’t prepared for her knowing who I was. Time to go off script.
“Uh, yeah. That’s me.” I could stop and do small talk, but I prattle on, needing to get to Dax as fast as possible.
Or more like needing to get away from her as soon as possible.
“Dax told me to stop by anytime my car had an issue, and well, the engine’s making some knocking noise.
Just want to make sure it’s safe to drive my kids around, you know? ”
“Sure, of course.” She extends her hand. “Meredith Dixon. It’s great to meet you. I adore Willa. She and Beckett make a great couple. She’s exactly the type of woman he needs in his life.”
“Yeah,” I agree, because it’s true. They complement each other so well. “If Dax is busy, I can wait.” I motion my head toward the chairs.
“I’ll check in with him. Between you and me, he’s in a mood. He swears it’s not a woman, but I can think of no other reason he’d be so irritated.”
“Does he get irritated by women often?” As if the script hadn’t flown through the window, the question spews from my mouth without a chance to think it through. How is this my business, and why would she answer it?
Meredith cocks her head to the side. “Come to think of it, no. But earlier this week he was giddier than usual, and today he’s throwing stuff.
Guess there’s a first time for everything.
” She shrugs as the back of my neck heats.
Wonder how much other information I could glean from her. Maybe if I play my cards right . . .
“Clementine? What are you doing here?” Meredith and I rotate toward Dax’s voice. A set of grease-stained coveralls obscures his clothes underneath. Who knew I’d be into that look? Though I’m certain Dax could pull off any look, and I’d be putty in his hands.
“Engine. Knocking noise. Checked out.” I could slap myself for spewing such nonsense. Not even a complete sentence, but a bunch of words strung together.
“Come again?” Dax asks with a chuckle.
I’m sure he doesn’t mean the innuendo, but damn if I hear it. Stupid brain. Except this time, I’m determined to keep my words inside.
I try again. “There’s a knocking sound in my engine. Remember you told me to stop by anytime I needed something looked at?”
His head bobs, completely going along with my fabrication of the truth. “Oh, yeah, sure. Why don’t we go for a short drive so I can hear it?”
Not only does he go along with it, he adds embellishment. Why does he have to be so unavailable?
“Great.”
“Be back in ten, Mere.”
He ushers me outside and holds out his grease-stained fingers. Once I’m sure no one can hear us, I say, “The engine’s fine,” handing over the keys.
“That’s why I suggested the drive.”
“Would that not be the usual protocol?” I wonder.
“I certainly wouldn’t invite the customer to come with me for the ride, but yeah.
I’d take it for a short spin, see if I could identify the noise before I put it up on the lift.
” Even though he knows the truth, he still makes me get in the passenger seat as he climbs behind the wheel, adjusting the seat to accommodate our height difference.
“What’s the real reason you’re here?” He starts it up and slips his belt on.
I follow suit. Guess we’re keeping up the charade.
“To apologize.”
That gets his attention, and he whips his head to me. Thankfully, he hadn’t yet put the van in drive. “For what?”
“I said some not nice things earlier.”
“Nothing that wasn’t true.”
“True or not, I didn’t mean to be unkind. To hurt your feelings.”
His jaw clenches. “You didn’t.”
“You sure about that?” Maybe I didn’t “hurt his feelings,” but it upset him.
He leans his head against the headrest. “I never wanted to feel trapped in a relationship nor wanted more than a few nights with the same woman. I’ve never considered what settling down could look like for me.
” I don’t know how I know, but he’s not done, so I wait him out.
“Then I met you, Clementine. Spent time getting to know you as a friend. And suddenly all I wanted was to do nice things for you, spend more time with you and your kids, be a man you could lean on. Which is stupid and idiotic and every other word meaning the same. You’re right that we could never be more.
But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt in here. ” He taps his fist against his heart.
“Why me?” It’s the only thing I can think to ask that makes any kind of sense.
“You’re magnetic to be around. You’re a great mom. You’re beautiful. You make me laugh. You’re talented beyond measure. You make me want to be a better man. For you. For your kids. For myself.”
With so much sincerity in his tone, I can’t look at him as he praises me.
He’s not saying it for my benefit. He’s saying it for his.
He truly believes these things about me.
With my baggage and all, he wants to be better for me.
However, I like how he added himself. Even at the end.
It means he’s serious about the change because he’d do it for him, too.
That’s the only way genuine change happens—when the person wants it for themselves.
“That’s a lot of reasons,” I whisper, not trusting my voice.
“Give me time. I’ll come up with more.”
Not once in all the years of our relationship did Keith ever say he’d do better for me, for the kids, for himself. He was unabashedly himself, one reason I thought I was in love with him. He was who he was. Until that wasn’t enough.
Could Dax really change? Is he a man capable of that?
Do I dare take a chance he’d be different?
Do the things he says he’ll do? All I have to go on is what he’s shown me.
And the Dax I’ve gotten to know over the past few weeks is in contrast to what others say.
Could that be who he truly is? Can I put myself out there again, put my kids on the line for them to be let down again? My heart warns me to be wary.
But maybe it also doesn’t all have to be decided in one day.
I don’t have to put full trust in him in this moment.
He can earn it as we go, continue to show me the man he can be rather than telling me.
I can let him in piece by piece, without going balls to the wall from the get-go, the lesson I need to learn.
What that means for our relationship, I’m unsure. But do people have all the answers from the start? I’d guess not. Like being a parent, you learn as you go. Sometimes you mess up, make mistakes, cry yourself to sleep, dust yourself off, and try a little harder the next day.
The same can be said for relationships. He’s not asking me to make a lifetime commitment today. He’s asking for a chance to see what could develop. I can give him a chance without being fully invested. He’s not asking me to prove my love and devotion to him.
“What if we explored whatever this is between us more? On the condition that we take it slow, see how it goes, not getting completely invested from the start, but see how it develops?” Would he want that? Will he agree to exploring more, taking the chance he could change?
“What are you saying?”
I shift toward him. His face is a mask of curiosity layered with disbelief.
“I’m saying,” I pause, tamping down the warnings from my head, “that living in limbo with you sucks, but going back to being friends without the benefits would also blow. Maybe we can try something different. I’m not sure what to call it.
I’d have to look it up in my trusty dictionary, but I’m sure I can find what I’m looking for.
And if not, we forge a path of our own. It’s kinda my way anyway. ”
“And if I mess up?”
“Maybe we don’t go into it thinking you will.
Or maybe we go into thinking we’ll both make mistakes, but somehow we’ll work through them.
Maybe don’t take another wife or anything.
” Shit. I didn’t mean to bring up my ex or imply I’d be his wife.
I’m not sure which of those reasons causes his eyes to widen, his face to redden, and his fingers to curl into fists.
“You speaking from experience?”
“Um, yep,” I say, embarrassed.
The only person who knows about Keith is Willa. I didn’t even tell Mom and Dad. Now I’ve just blabbed it to Dax. Great.
“The dude had another wife?” he spits out, clearing up the confusion of what made him angrier.
I put my hand on his arm, not prepared for this conversation now or ever. “Apparently, one wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.”
That’s the wrong thing to say.
If steam could billow from Dax’s head, the car would be full of it. “Fuck that, Clementine. That’s not about you. That’s about him. Don’t you dare think it’s your fault. Not even a little.”
“But—”
“But nothing. A guy who can do that to a woman is trash, plain and simple. But a guy who does that to you? To your boys?” He pounds the console, making me jump. “Scum. The lowest of the low. Whatever the hell is worse than that. That’s on him. Him, you hear me?”
I didn’t expect him to be so defensive. It’s certainly not why I told him. That slipped out. But now that he knows, I’ve never seen him so angry. Especially on my behalf. What’s that about?
“Thank goodness we’re separated by hundreds of miles, otherwise I’d punch him for treating you so poorly. What the hell?”
I’m sure I’m not supposed to be turned on by how angry he is, but I can’t help it. The man is fired up, and it’s downright sexy. If we weren’t in the parking lot of his business, I’d be on his lap, begging him for an orgasm.
Probably two.
“Yeah, he’s an asshole, hence why I left him last year.”
His head cranes my way. “When you first showed up.”
“Didn’t quite make the best first impression, but it had been a drive after finding out.”
“And yet, I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”
It’s my turn to be surprised. “Right, sure. Your brother made you come to the cabin to take care of his unhinged soon-to-be sister-in-law. I can only imagine the thoughts going through your mind when you showed up.”
“I wondered what made you do it. What could have been so bad you packed up your kids and drove over a dozen hours on freaking Christmas to get here? Finding out your husband has another wife would do it. I’m surprised you made it in one piece.”
I chuckle. “I often wonder the same. I’ve never been so angry and gutted in my life.
It’s not like he was the best husband and father, but I never assumed he’d be so crazy to stoop to this level.
I didn’t even know this level was possible in real life.
TV and movies, sure. But real life? And yet, it is. Because here I am.”
“Even more of a badass than I realized. That had to have been scary as shit, too. Driving overnight with two kids? That takes balls, Clementine.”
I shrug. “Or a woman who’s been driven to the brink of insanity. Take your pick.”
The ringing of Dax’s phone interrupts the moment, giving me a reprieve from having to share more of one of the worst days of my life.
“It’s Meredith. No doubt she’s been watching us this whole time.
” He swipes to answer. “Yeah?” I can’t hear the other end of the line.
“She was explaining what the noise sounded like. We’re on the way now.
” He hangs up, running his fingers through his hair, tangling it up.
As if his appearance needs to be sexier. “Got time for a little joyride?”
“Sure thing.”