Chapter 42
42
I wait to act until it’s late enough that I know most of the institute will be asleep and the village empty. As I make my way down the reenabled elevator, the view through the glass is dark with only an eerie glow from the bioluminescent lichen clinging to the cave formations.
I don’t know why I’m so sure of my dream, but I am. I’m sure of something else as well: My goals are different from the Families’.
Kor may have helped heal Rafe, but he was willing to shoot him and take Hilde captive. The Grand Master has backed all his decisions.
It’s time for me to admit that I belong at Genesis. With the person who does share my goals. We may have had different paths to the same conclusion, but we both want Maker society and provincial society safely learning from each other. After I take care of this Hilde situation, I’m going to tell him everything.
And then I’m going to kiss him again.
Together Michael and I will come up with a plan to make both the Makers and the Families start doing things differently. But I’m done being a pawn for the Families. I’ll let them think I still am, but it’s time I trust myself to do things my way.
The elevator doors slide open, and the train platform is abandoned and silent as I make my way out to the submarine. I use my Sire glow to illuminate the inky black cove. There’s no sign of the events of a few hours ago. The footprints have been washed away by the sea. So has all the blood. The submarine appears untouched. I suppose the Guard is planning to deal with it later.
The waves are so loud that they drown out all other sound. Which is why I don’t hear the other elevator or the door.
But a reflection in the water alerts me that I’m no longer alone on the beach.
I turn, and Kor is standing behind me with his own Sire glow. Alfie and Roman and the other two men move quickly toward the submarine.
“I thought you were locked up,” I say, my stomach sinking. I’m happy to see that none of them have been harmed, but something’s not right.
“Our other operative did what you failed to do and released us.” A motor growls as the submarine powers up.
“I had a plan. I would have freed you.”
“I believe you,” he says. He steps toward me and takes both my hands in his, our Sire glows blinking out. But we’re close enough that I can see the pleading in his eyes. “I should have believed you earlier. Now that I understand the risks associated with the gas, I see why you had to interfere. I was arrogant and overconfident and should have listened to you when you were in a position to know better than me.”
Dissonant emotions clash within me. I’m tuned to assume Kor is well intentioned, and here he is, apologizing.
But I know that if he has Hilde, none of his words matter.
“You had said you’d found another universal donor Sire. You drank her blood to get your strength back earlier.” When they were in the sub, Grey’s attention couldn’t have stayed focused on Kor the whole time he was rounding up the other men and all the weapons.
Kor nods.
“Is she in the submarine?”
“No, just refrigerated blood pouches.”
Ah. So the dream was more… metaphorical.
“Is she safe? Is she being treated well?”
“Yes, Ada, I swear. She’s agreed to donate willingly and has been very helpful in assisting me with my treatment.”
A small percentage of the tension in my shoulders releases. I don’t like it, but at least I know Hilde is safe for now.
Kor continues. “We need to leave before anyone notices we’ve been released. Are you coming with us?” His hands squeeze mine tightly, possessively. But I’m not his sidekick anymore.
I shake my head.
“Please come.” His voice cracks. “I won’t let anything like this happen again. I trust you; I’ll make sure the Inner Chamber and the Oculus trust you.”
He’s looking at me with the same sad smile that’s broken a million hearts. He fully believes his own performance, but I don’t.
However, if he’s ready to trust me, I can use that trust to get what I need.
“No. I think I can be more useful to you here for now.” It’s actually he who will be useful to me. Good thing I’ve had a lot of practice lying.
Movement by the station draws my eye. Someone’s there, but night cloaks them in darkness. A shrieking wind ghosts the shore, and I shudder against the chill.
The shadowy figure steps forward. “Ada?” an all-too-familiar voice asks. I pull my hands from Kor’s, my heart in my stomach.
A torchlight flicks on, revealing Michael’s horror-stricken face. “What are you doing here?” he asks, voice hollow.
He knows what I’m doing. He heard what Kor said. I know he heard; I can tell from the look in his eyes. Disbelief, fear, anger.
Heartbreak.
“Ah,” Kor continues. “You two seem well acquainted.”
“What’s going on?” Michael whispers, shadows playing over his face. The face I was just holding between my hands.
“I can explain—” I choke on a sob.
Why did this have to happen now? Right when I’ve finally decided where I want to be. Because of him. Because of the beautiful world he’s shown me.
He’ll never forgive me.
Kor is still speaking, but nothing could make me care about what he’s saying. I stare into Michael’s torch-lit eyes, and seeing all that betrayal aimed at me, I feel actual, physical pain in my chest.
“Aren’t we lucky for recruiting him?” Kor is beaming at Michael.
Wait.
What?
“Prometheus arranged our introduction.”
His words don’t sink in. It’s like he’s speaking another language. Like my brain isn’t receiving enough oxygen to think, to be able to put the pieces together.
How could Michael be a spy? He’s the most honest person I know.
He’s also the person most likely to want to help provincial people.
Kor is looking back and forth between us with confusion. Then realization dawns. “Oh, I see. I was under the impression you liked the blond one?”
Michael still hasn’t said anything. He hasn’t tried to deny it. Why isn’t he denying it? My throat is tight, and I feel lightheaded. I need him to deny it.
In the darkness, I can’t tell if the crashing in my ears is the waves or my rushing pulse. I can’t tell if it’s sea salt on my tongue or my own tears.
“Ada,” Kor says. “We have to go now. Last chance.”
I want to stay right here, where it’s too dark to see the truth. Where the wind and water can steal reality and drown it with the tide. But that’s not an option. The options are to go back to the Families with Kor. Or to stay with the Makers but without Michael as my ally… or as anything else.
Only a few moments ago I was so sure that I knew where my allegiances lie. But now? Everyone I choose seems to be on the wrong side.
But my decision isn’t dependent on Michael. My beliefs haven’t changed. The plan isn’t ruined, only altered.
I’m too raw to do more than shake my head.
“If that’s what you want.” Kor leans down and kisses me on the cheek. Then he relights his Sire glow, which illuminates his face like an angelic halo. “Goodbye, Ada.” After one last fervent glance, he heads to the sub.
Michael and I stand in silence. The hull of the submarine creaks as it begins to submerge, spraying water in our direction.
“You’re a great actor,” Michael finally says, droplets of water glistening on his hair in the dark. “I thought it was real.”
But he’s the actor. I see it now. How I have indeed been too young for him all along. A naive girl, so easily manipulated into thinking I knew who he was, when I really had no idea. The memory of his kiss that had been warming me now feels like ice. I want to claw through my stomach and pull out the feelings that have taken root.
I rekindle my Sire glow so we can talk face-to-face. “I’m surprised you agreed to betray your home,” I say.
“The provincial world is a beautiful place, and it deserves to share our knowledge,” he replies stiffly. “You successfully convinced me of that.” His jaw twitches.
“But… you know they’re the ones who took Hilde? That they’re going to use her for her blood?”
“How do you feel about that?” he challenges.
This question feels like a trap. I can’t jeopardize my plan by making the Families, or their spy, doubt my commitment.
“I’m just surprised that you’re okay with their methods.”
“I understand doing what has to be done for a worthy goal,” Michael says.
There had been a spark of hope inside me that maybe Michael’s involvement was some kind of farce. But with this response, the spark flickers and dies. If Michael is willing to abandon Hilde to the Families, then he’s not the person I thought I knew.
“Were you doing the same to Vanguard?” he asks. “Using him like you used me, as a means to an end? A prince sure is a powerful tool to have in your pocket.”
I feel sick. “It wasn’t like that. With either of you.”
I shouldn’t have said that. I should make him think it was all strategy. But despite what he now believes, Michael’s the one person I’ve never been good at lying to.
He lets out a humorless laugh. “Sure. You just happened to be in Florence the same time we were tipped off to a Sire in danger.” He throws up his hands. “I was so stupid! As if I would just coincidentally run into my perfect girl!” He turns and starts walking toward the station.
His perfect girl. I can’t tell, even now, if this is part of some act. I can’t tell if his hurt is real or just another manipulation. I can’t trust anything about the version of him I thought I knew.
Either way, I now need to pretend to be his ally. I walk after him, practically running to keep up with his long gait.
“Michael, I did all of this for my world, which is hurting and needs a better chance.” I blink as we enter the station, adjusting to the light. “I never meant to hurt you. I lied about why I first came to Genesis, but not about anything else. Our relationship—”
He cuts me off. “Ada, you can’t expect me to believe anything you say now that I know the way you operate.” He says it as if I sicken him.
I didn’t know that I had any heart left to break, but something inside me is cracking and leaking, slowly poisoning my insides.
“The way I operate?” I follow him into the elevator. “How could you think my actions are worse than what you’ve done? I’ve known you—this place, these people—for a few months , but this is your home . Bloche has been your mentor for years. You’re the only one he trusts with his council key. And that thing is a master key for the whole institute. I bet that’s what you just used to help them escape. Am I right?”
The elevator doors slide closed, trapping us together in the confined space.
“And how did Korach even know I have a council key?” Michael snaps accusingly. “A fact that he was fully aware of when he approached me to work together. How did he also know that I have files, in my private office, containing the location of provincial Sires?”
I feel a wave of shame.
Michael looms beside me, and his eyes flash as he continues. “I had wondered, and now I know that he only knew because you seduced me to spy on me.”
Anger quickly replaces my shame, and I almost slap him. “I never seduced you. If anything, it was the opposite.”
“That’s ridiculous. I worked hard to maintain appropriate boundaries.”
“So did I!”
“It doesn’t matter.” Michael’s impassioned gaze moves from my face to the wall. “We have a job to do. From what Korach said, it sounds like you attempted to dissuade them from coming here?”
I nod, staring at our matching closed-off expressions in the reflection of the dark glass, the passing flicker of glowing fungi a sinister parody of romantic candlelight.
“Me too,” he says, all businesslike. “I only agreed to free them if they committed to never dismiss my concerns for my people’s safety again.”
That may be so, but he still let them keep Hilde.
The ride seems endless as we silently fidget next to each other.
When Michael speaks again, it’s practically a whisper. “When Prometheus put me in touch with Korach, I accepted his offer because of you. You’re the one who told me to stop making excuses and do something. And you were right.”
I did tell him that. But I would never have wanted him to betray his friends and family or willingly be part of activities that I can’t stomach the thought of being a part of myself. The fact that he had that in him at all means that his kind and loyal persona was all a mask.
He lifts his hand to chew his thumbnail, and I instinctively reach to stop him. We both still as our hands touch.
I speak before I can stop myself. “Why does this hurt so much?”
He releases a long breath and says, “Because we lied to each other, and trust is lost.”
I turn my face so he doesn’t see me cry.
“Don’t cry,” he says softly. He steps closer and tilts my chin back toward him, then swipes his thumb across my wet cheek. “Part of me thinks this is all an act, yet I can’t bear to see you cry.”
My body reacts to him as someone familiar, something it wants. It hasn’t caught up with what my mind and heart know to be true. He steps even closer, and I don’t push him away, not when he cups my face in his hand, not when he skims his thumb across my bottom lip. Not when he leans into my ear and breathes, “Maybe being on the same side isn’t such a bad thing.”
For a second I almost believe him. Almost forget that we aren’t actually on the same side. My lips tingle with the memory of his mouth, my body primed to slip right back to where we left off.
I could rise on my toes and kiss him now. I could do the very thing he’s just accused me of doing and use our connection to secure his trust.
But I don’t want this version of him.
I don’t.
His gaze smolders with anger and want, as if he could punish me with a kiss, vent his anger with our bodies.
It would be hot.
And heartbreaking.
I look away.
Michael steps back and clears his throat.
When we exit the elevator, he says, “We’ll go straight to Bloche. I have a plan to explain how they escaped.”
“I have one too,” I say. Because I do. But it doesn’t involve him. “It’s better if you seem unconnected to any of this. Your cover is more important than mine. Let me take care of it alone.”
He raises his brow, but there’s no dimple to be seen. “Okay, we’ll do it your way. Your manipulations have gotten you this far.”
It’s like a knife through my heart. And with each step we take toward the institute, I feel it twist deeper.