Chapter 6
SIX
There was no one, no sign of entry. With the knife still in her hand, she made her way back upstairs and opened the linen closet, the largest and most obvious place for someone to hide.
Nothing. Lowering her weapon, she placed her hand on a wicker hamper inside.
A memory sprang back to her. She remembered Finn giggling after a bottle of wine, telling her he had squirrelled away a thousand pounds, folded into sports socks in the bottom of the hamper.
‘For emergencies,’ he had whispered, showing her where it was hidden.
She had thought him foolish, tutting at the cloak and dagger nature of his hidden treasure as they tumbled into bed.
It didn’t seem quite so funny now. Lifting the lid, she dug beneath the sheets and found the sports socks, and there, coiled inside, was a roll of cash.
Nina snatched it to her chest. Closing her eyes, she offered up silent thanks.
‘For emergencies,’ she whispered into the night.
Nina slipped back into the bedroom. As dawn broke, it brought some clarity with it. It would only be more damaging to them all if they hung around and waited to be evicted from the house. They had to get out immediately, just pack up and go. But where?
A thought came to her as she splashed her face with cold water and cleaned her teeth.
Asking someone to put all three of them up for a while might be too much, but surely the boys’ friends wouldn’t mind having one of them to stay.
She detested the thought of separation from her kids, especially when they were so bruised.
The idea of not being able to keep an eye on them horrified her – but if it meant they got to stay in the area, giving her the breathing space to figure out their next move before school started again after the half-term break, then it might be worth it.
Whichever school it was they would now attend. There was a lot to do.
She wandered from room to room; the disarray hit her hard, leaving her winded but also determined.
Bastards. She pictured Mr Ludlow sneering.
Nina closed the kitchen door and dialled Kathy Topps’s number.
She wandered the long, empty room, waiting, swallowing the nerves that filled her up and threatened to make her chicken out and end the call.
‘Nina,’ Kathy answered, as if she had half been expecting her call.
‘Hi, Kathy. I’m not disturbing you, am I?’ She closed her eyes, picturing the Topps family seated around a dining table that was paid for, enjoying an organic breakfast whilst chatting about the fun they would have over the holiday.
‘Not at all.’ Her tone was a little clipped.
‘How are you?’ Her voice filled the empty airwaves. It perturbed her; Kathy was usually such a chatterbox.
‘Good.’
‘This is a bit out of the blue, Kathy, but I was wondering if I could ask you a massive favour?’ She drew breath and rehearsed what she wanted to say in her mind: ‘Could I take you up on the offer of shared tennis lessons with Henry, and could Declan possibly stay with you for a week or two? Just while I put things in place, figure out our next move?’
Nina opened her mouth to speak, but Kathy broke in. ‘I can save us both a lot of trouble, Nina. I can guess at the favour you want to ask, and I’m afraid the answer is no. And frankly it’s made me feel most uncomfortable that you would even consider asking. It’s not the done thing.’
‘I . . .’ She screwed her face up in confusion.
‘Are you going to force me to say it?’ Kathy asked.
‘Force you to say what?’ To Nina it felt like they were having parallel conversations.
‘Money, Nina! You are obviously after money.’ The woman let the accusation hang in the air.
‘No . . . I . . .’ She tried to form a response. Her childhood had taught her that to ask for money was shameful; to ask for help, a job, a hand, was one thing, but money quite another. Nina felt her cheeks flame at the suggestion.
Kathy spoke quickly, condescendingly. ‘The Kings Norton community is a small one and people talk. Jayne Rutherford’s sister-in-law works in the accounts department and, well, let’s just say that people are aware of the situation.’
This was her worst nightmare, to be spoken to like this by Kathy and to know that her peers were discussing her, judging her, as not quite good enough, failing, as if she were once again the girl in the shoes that didn’t quite fit.
Nina found her voice. ‘I don’t know what people have been saying—’ she began, before Kathy interrupted.
‘Primarily that you can’t pay school fees and the boys are having to leave.’ Her diction was sharp, each word like a dagger that cut.
Nina felt anger rising. How could she contain the gossip before it got back, unfiltered, raw and accusatory to Connor and Declan via their friends, before they had a chance to fully process their situation and before she had come up with a strategy?
‘I can assure you that is not entirely true and I am absolutely furious that the school thinks it’s okay to give out such private information about its pupils. It’s unbelievable.’
‘You are probably right, but I think the implication is that the boys are now ex-pupils,’ Kathy pointed out.
‘Do you know what, Kathy? I expected better from you. I was calling to see if Declan was still invited to join Henry for his tennis lessons.’
‘Well you can forget that.’ Kathy cut her off. ‘I was thinking it might be good for the boys to form a friendship for the new term, but there’s very little point if Declan isn’t going to be there. You know what Kings Norton boys are like. A very close bunch. Outsiders are not their first choice.’
‘God, Kathy, what a horrible, horrible thing to say to me. My boys have been at that school since they were three years of age, they are not outsiders!’ She felt the blood rushing to her face.
‘You brought my boys home on the day their dad died, you came to his bloody funeral, hugging me, offering condolence while drinking his wine! I can’t believe this.
Do you really think that bankruptcy and tragedy are contagious? Is that what you are worried about?’
As Kathy drew breath, Nina interjected. ‘You know what? You can shove your tennis lessons up your arse, Kathy. Declan would rather do anything than play with Henry, the unsporting little shit.’ She hung up and stared out over the pool. Her body shook with adrenaline and something close to triumph.
She thought about Joe Marsh-Evans, a little boy in Connor’s class who had left school suddenly and without explanation when they were about five.
What had she done? Called Joe’s mum to see if they were okay?
Enquired as to his whereabouts so he and Connor could still be friends?
No. She had simply crossed him off the invite list for Connor’s birthday party.
She thought about Joe, possibly for the first time since he had left, and felt a wave of sickness.
It crystallised a thought in her mind: not only how she needed to raise her kids to show kindness to others, but also that no matter what, and no matter where, she and her boys would stick together as outsiders to face what may come.
The boys had come down from their rooms to the kitchen.
Nina banged the counter, making them both jump.
‘Okay.’ She drew their attention and tried to sound assertive.
‘Firstly I think you should stay home today and we should use the time to make a plan.’ She spoke loudly and positively, hoping that might be infectious.
She didn’t want the boys at the rumour mill of school.
‘I have been thinking a lot over the last few days and spent most of last night mulling over our options. And I think we need to leave Bath and go somewhere new. Start over.’ She indicated the French doors at the back of the room, as if the future beckoned on the other side of the swimming pool, and in a sense it did.
‘Leave Bath?’ Declan asked in a tone that suggested she might be crazy.
‘Yes, leave Bath. I’m thinking that if you are going to have to go to a new school, then let’s find a new place where you can be whoever you want to be and no one knows where you have come from or what has happened. Starting over, it will be like shedding skin.’
Connor let his head hang forward. ‘What I want to be is the winger for the Kings Norton College first team. That’s what I always wanted and I nearly had it. I nearly had it, Mum.’ His face seemed to crumple as he rushed from the kitchen and back up the wide staircase.
Declan wrinkled his nose at her, ‘I don’t mind where we live, Mum, but I don’t want to go anywhere really cold, like the North Pole.’
She felt the unfamiliar sensation of laughter bubbling on her lips in the midst of this nightmare. ‘Oh, Dec. I love you so much. What would I do without you?’
She watched her youngest run into the garden.
With Connor still ensconced in his room, Nina felt suddenly very much alone.
The silence of the room taunted her. What wouldn’t she give to have the noise of family life, the sounds of extended family, around her right now?
Even to have her gran’s loud scolds echoing off the walls would be something – proof that she were not in this on her own.
‘I am here for you. I want to be the first person you call, always.’ Her sister’s words were loud in her mind.
‘You know where I am if you need anything.’ Well, she did need something – a bit of advice, a sounding board.
Nina picked up the landline and dialled Tiggy, wary of the reception she might get after how they left things.
‘Hey.’
‘Hi, Tiggy.’
‘It’s good to hear from you.’ This she knew was an olive branch of sorts for how her visit had ended, a drawing of a line in the sand, keeping communication open. ‘How’s it going? How are the boys doing?’