Chapter Eight #2
Unbeknownst to us, all we’ve managed to do is put a Band-Aid over a wound that’s still festering. We thought time alone would heal it, but it’s only added to the infection.
The thing about death is that it’s never final. The end of someone’s life is merely the start of a quiet suffering that spans generations.
I can’t bring Taron back to Tavion any more than I can bring Chi Chi back to my mom or Tanya back to Dani and myself. I can’t bring them back and I can’t make it right, but the cycle of staying silent about those we’ve lost in the hopes of easing our heartache has to end.
“What do you wanna know?” I ask.
His head snaps in my direction. “Really?”
“Ask away.”
As I turn down another street, I watch as every question he’s ever had about his dad floats to the front of his mind. He scratches his head with indecision as if my offer will turn back into a pumpkin at any moment and he’ll lose his opportunity.
“Take your time,” I add. “I’ll answer any question you have.”
His shoulders relax a bit. He’s grown into a formidable young man, molded in his father’s image, but when he looks at me like this, all I see is the little boy he used to be.
The five-year-old who forced me to walk around with him wrapped around my leg.
The seven-year-old who was overjoyed to be cast as a tree in his school play.
The ten-year-old who learned the hard way that he was deathly afraid of roller coasters.
“What was he like?”
“Hmm,” I ponder as I reverse into a parking spot at a diner close to Tee’s house.
“He was unintentionally funny. Like he wasn’t the type to crack jokes, but he would just say the most off-the-wall stuff in earnest, and it would crack everybody up.
He also loved anything to do with ghosts.
” I switch the car off. “Wanna hear how he forced me to help set a trap for a ghost he swore was living in his grandparents’ house? ”
His eyes widen as his grin stretches from ear to ear. “Absolutely.”
After our impromptu breakfast where Tee unleashed all the questions he’s been holding in his whole life, I take him home and wait for Sammy to get there.
It felt good to talk about Taron, to remember him.
For so long, whenever I thought about him, the only thing I could picture was his lifeless eyes and the blood covering my hands.
Thinking about him has me thinking about Our Place. Taron, Sammy, and I spent so much time there growing up. It’s where Sammy and Taron first met. Our best memories spawned there. He would hate the fact that Tee has never stepped foot inside that building.
I look to the ceiling with my hands in my lap. Maybe this is the reason Tanya is sending us on this excursion. So she doesn’t become the next Pandora’s box buried in the back of our closet.
Sammy comes through the door in light blue scrubs. Her eyes are puffy and her blowout looks worse for wear. “Where is he?” she asks.
“Upstairs playing 2K. I stopped and got you this,” I say, pulling an energy drink from behind my back.
Her eyes twinkle with joy. “You beautiful man.”
She goes to take it, but I pull back at the last second, my eyebrows pinching. “But you’re gonna save it for later because you’ll be going to sleep soon, right?”
She shakes her head and pretends she’s about to step on my toe before grabbing the can out of my hand. “Sleep. Ha. What is sleep? I gotta get some studying in before class later. And I have to discipline your godson.”
“Well, before we get into that. How are classes going?”
“Good, good. I’m just tryna figure out how this is the same twenty-four hours we’ve always had in a day.”
“Can’t be, right?”
“Can’t be. They’re putting crack in these hours or somethin’ now, because I can’t keep the fuck up.”
“How can I help?”
She casts a sidelong glance at me.
“What?”
“You know what. You’re helping plenty.”
In my eyes, paying for Sammy’s tuition will never be enough. That’s the very least I could do. “I beg to differ.”
She huffs, grabbing a coconut water from the fridge for me. “I’m not gonna argue with your fat-headed self.”
“That’s good to hear, because you might not like what I have to say next.”
I tell her about my conversation with Tee concerning his dad, some of the questions he asked me, and what I shared with him. The color drains from her face the longer I talk.
She buries her head in her hands, lifting it when she feels my hand against her shoulder. “I’m failing him.”
“Sammy. No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am. My baby was hurting and I couldn’t see past my own pain.”
“You’re grieving.”
She rolls her eyes and taps her foot impatiently. “For sixteen years?”
“There isn’t a timeline for grief. Matter fact, I don’t think grief ever stops.
The ones left behind carry the loss around until it’s their turn to leave this Earth.
It never gets easier, you just get used to the ache.
You learn to rebuild yourself around it because it’s impossible to be the same person you were before. ”
“I was never supposed to do this alone.” Her eyes shoot over to me. “No offense. I just mean parent-wise.”
I take her hands in mine. “Don’t apologize to me.
You’re right, you weren’t supposed to be alone, but you’ve done an incredible job.
” Sammy is a damn good mom. There’s never been a time when Tee hasn’t been her number one priority.
She learned how to be a mom while learning how to be an adult and her own person.
“You raised a good kid. He’s insanely smart with a good head on his shoulders and a heart of gold.
I know we see a lot of Taron in him, but he is who he is because of you.
Taron was the soil but you are the water that feeds him so he can grow. ”
Tears stream down her face. “Thank you. And thank you for looking out for him.”
“It’s my honor.”
“So, what do I do? Every time I try to talk about him, it’s like my heart is cracking all over again.”
I’m not an authority on how to handle this. Penelope and Paris can attest to that. I have nothing to offer except my truth. “Maybe you don’t have to hide that from him anymore. If he’s telling you he can handle it, believe him.”
She promises to consider my words, and I promise to support whatever plan she comes up with before leaving.
“Dani, long time no see,” I greet her with a smile.
When I ran into her earlier while she was with that Disney villain–looking motherfucker, it was bittersweet.
I hated seeing her arm wrapped around his, but I liked the surprise of running into her.
Sometimes, I think about the night she walked into my gallery.
Of all the women in the world Arnold could’ve dated, he picked one that brought Dani waltzing back into my life.
I spent the next three years praying for serendipity to intervene again, for a coincidental run-in away from the prying eyes and ears of our friends, because I knew she’d never meet up with me if I simply asked.
I didn’t even know what I would do or what I would say if I saw her.
Maybe we could’ve restarted our friendship or maybe I would’ve gotten on my knees and begged her to give us another chance.
I didn’t know, but I didn’t care either.
I just wanted the possibility. Today was the first day my wish was granted.
Her lip curls. “Shut up, Micah.”
I smile as Bailey’s roaring laugh sounds from the kitchen. Moments later, she walks into Tanya’s living room with her notebook and tablet. “Damn, what’d you do, Chopper?”
I shrug. “I have no idea why I’m being greeted with such hostility.”
Dani side-eyes me.
Bailey looks back and forth between us. She turns to Dani. “I will turn a blind eye if you choose to hit him.”
Before I can needle her anymore, the doorbell rings and Dani rushes off to answer it. She comes back with a tall woman who has a cheery smile and looks like she might be Indian. “Micah, Bailey, this is my assistant, Nisha. Nisha, this is my cohost, Micah, and his sister, Bailey.”
Nisha greets me warmly, but there’s a shift when she connects with Bailey. The moment their hands touch, their eyes snap up to each other’s and hold. It goes on for so long I feel like I’m interrupting. I’ve known Bailey for her entire life, and I’ve never seen this look on her.
“Uh, sorry,” Nisha says as she slowly extricates her hands from Bailey’s. Her focus switches back to Dani and me, though her body language still appears off. “Let’s talk gala, shall we? For catering, how about the service you used for the Promesa launch?”
Dani’s eyes light up. “That food was amazing. That’s perfect. Can you set up a meeting for us so we can check their availability and go over menu options? We would want something completely different than what we had for Promesa, so I wanna make sure they can accommodate.”
“Yep, I’m typing up an email now.”
“And for music, are we thinking live entertainment? I might know some people,” Bailey adds.
“Who you got?” Dani asks.
“Depends on the vibe. Since we decided to host at Spring Hill, maybe something soft like Janessa Howard?”
“Ooh she’s fire,” Nisha applauds. Janessa Howard is a classic violinist who’s also known on TikTok for her violin covers of hip-hop tracks.
“And so fine!” Bailey fires back. The women share a laugh. “But there’s also Laydee, Nash, McKay Alexander.”
“Do you mind reaching out to all of them? Not sure which way we wanna go yet, but it’d be good to know who’s available, interested, and what their rates might be,” Dani says.
Bailey nods her agreement, making a note on her tablet.
This has been the last hour of my life. The planning meeting that was supposed to be for the four of us has really been the three of them firing off ideas and feeding off of each other’s energy while I just sit here.
My last suggestion of having exotic animals was met with judgmental eyes, so I’ve since shut up.
Tanya said go big or go home, but the women told me to take my ass home.