Chapter 16
The next morning, I woke early and lay in bed checking emails and reading the news on my phone, trying to get past the thought that Tara was asleep in the adjacent room. When I went downstairs to make myself some coffee, I saw Mom at the kitchen table with a steaming cup of tea.
She looked up from her phone and smiled. “Couldn’t sleep in either, huh?
“No. Good morning.” I walked to the coffee machine and turned it on. “Everyone’s still asleep?”
“Yes, it’s Durga’s day off. She’ll probably go see her daughter later.” She paused. “Do you want to eat? I can make paratha.”
“No, Ma, I’m not hungry. And you don’t have to cook. I can make some eggs for everyone later.”
She smiled. “Never thought I’d hear a sentence like that from you.”
We returned to reading on our phones after I settled down by her with my coffee, but I caught her stealing glances at me.
“What do you want to ask me?” I said, my eyes still on the phone.
She looked at me. “Nothing.”
“Ask. We both know you will, sooner or later.”
“How well did you know Tara when you were in Baroda?” she asked as if she was trying to frame the question just right.
I put my phone down and looked at her. “Well.”
“And?”
“What do you want to know, Ma?”
“Do you like her?” Her eyes were steady on me, as were her hands gripping the phone.
“There’s no simple answer to that.”
“It’s a yes or no question, Sameer.”
I sighed. “Yes. But it’s complicated.”
“Because of Aarti?”
“It’s not just that. Tara has been burned and doesn’t trust me.”
“What do you want?”
“I want her, Ma.” I met Mom’s eyes with conviction. “But I cannot will her to want me, can I? I also know what happens if I break it off with Aarti prematurely.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can still hear people whispering about us, Ma. About you and Dad.”
“But this isn’t about our past, beta. It’s about your future.”
“But I’m so close to making it. No one will ever dare talk down to you again.”
“What are you going on about?” Mom’s brows creased in genuine confusion.
I told her everything that had been weighing me down. “I want to give you back the life you deserve, the life Dad promised and didn’t deliver.”
“Oh, my child! Come here!” I pulled my chair closer to hers and put my head on her shoulder. “People will always talk. Haven’t you learned that yet? Even when we had everything, people talked. They talked about us behind closed doors. After it was ruined, they just found the gumption to say it to our faces. But you don’t need to carry that burden, my baby,” she said, patting my head. “That’s our burden, mine and Pavan’s. I got the life I chose. I was foolish and blinded by love. But you can’t live my life for me. You need to figure out what’s good for you, what you want.”
I pulled myself away and looked at her. She took my hand between her soft ones. “Your reaching the top, whatever that means, guarantees nothing. Not for me, and neither for you. Your father was at the top when we lost everything. You need to ask yourself, what are you chasing?”
“But I’ve worked so hard, I can see the summit. Was that all for nothing?”
“Then let’s finalize your wedding plans. Aarti said you’re dragging your feet. That will clinch it, right?”
The familiar pain of a cold clamp around my heart made me squirm in my seat.
“That’s what I thought. You want to use Aarti to get ahead, to get something you think I deserve while depriving yourself of the happiness you want. Then what? You’ll cast her aside? How long will that take, and will Tara keep waiting for you? Aarti deserves better.”
The truth hit me like a lightning bolt. Dad had used Mom and her money to get ahead, and Mom deserved better. I had spent my days trying to become the man that my father wasn’t, but that’s exactly who I’d molded myself into. I was my father!
“You’re clutching my hand too hard,” Mom cried, and I dropped it. She brought it to my cheek. “Don’t hold on to the wrong things, beta. I saw how Tara looked at you last night, and I’ve never seen you this happy with Aarti. I choose happiness for you.”
“I choose happiness too. For me and for you.”
“I made my choice, Sameer. If I wanted the world, I wouldn’t have married your father. I would’ve married the man your grandfather chose for me. He was a royal descendant, and he promised me the world.”
“Do you regret not marrying him?” I surprised myself with this question, but Mom didn’t flinch.
With a steady gaze, she answered, “I didn’t know that man, so I can’t say with certainty I would’ve been any happier with him.”
“Do you regret Dad?” I found the courage to ask.
This time, she allowed herself to exhale. “No,” she said quietly. “I’ve raised two strong, wonderful kids with him. And despite everything, he’s always respected me, my person, and my intellect. He’s always trusted me, and that’s something you should know.”
I gaped at her, trying to bring myself to accept her logic. But it was her marriage, her life, and she had the right to decide how she felt about him.
Her bright smile shattered my daze. “What I’m saying is, you can hate him all you want, but you don’t have to hate him for me. I can do that myself.”
Of course he respected her, she was brilliant, smart, and witty.
I placed a kiss on her hand. She crossed her arms delicately and said, “Now, tell me about Tara.”
I held nothing back. Well, except for how hard we fucked. “She saved me from who I was before. She saved my friendship with Amar. If it wasn’t for her, I would’ve drowned after what happened in India. She’s my anchor to this world and myself. I want her, Ma. I need her in my life.”
“Talk to her, beta, and resolve it. I hate seeing Aarti’s happy face when she’s with you.”
I nodded and dragged my hand over my head. “I wish I hadn’t agreed to go along with Dad in this sham of a relationship.”
Her stern glare shut me up. “There’s a lot I dislike about your father, but you can’t blame him for this. He didn’t force you. He didn’t knowingly push you away from Tara and toward Aarti. This was your choice, your doing. Don’t blame others for your own bad decisions like he does.”
I lowered my gaze to the table. She was right. She was always freaking right. This one was on me.
“What do you think of Tara?” I asked quietly.
That brought out Mom’s bright smile, like the sun peeking from behind a dark cloud. “She’s smart, successful, and lovely. And she knows how to keep you humble,” Mom said with a soft chuckle. “She makes you happy. What more can I ask for? I especially liked how she stuck it to your father,” she whispered.
“Oh yeah, she’s got a smart mouth, that one.”
“Morning.”
I zipped around with a start when I heard Tara’s voice behind me.
“Good morning,” I said, but threw Mom a nervous look.
How much had she heard? Judging by the bright smile on her dewy face, not much. In the light of the morning and the conversation I had just had with my mother, I felt a renewed kinship with her. I felt closer, but that could’ve been because she was wearing one of my pajama sets, swimming in them like a cute vixen. My insides turned warm at the thought of her full breasts brushing against my clothes.
“Coffee?” I asked.
“Yes, please.”
“Come, sit.” Mom pulled a chair next to her. “I hope you slept well.”
“Yes, I slept soundly. Thank you for everything.” I’d never seen her this shy and restrained. “Thank you,” she said to me when I handed her a freshly brewed cup.
“Don’t be so formal, Tara,” I said, now emboldened by my mother’s approval. “Consider this your home.” Mom couldn’t hide a chuckle at my words.
A little later, Amar came downstairs, and Mom made him her special spiced chai. We sat at the table, the full house giving me a weird sense of déjà vu. Just a fleeting glimpse, like I’d been here before or maybe dreamed about this moment. Mom, Tara, and Amar bonding over morning tea, their laughter flooding the entire house in a soft, golden light.
We decided to get breakfast on our way back to our apartments. When Tara went upstairs to get ready, I continued chatting with Amar and Mom while Dad had his tea. His good mood from the previous night had carried over to this morning. Seeing Amar usually softened his remorseless heart.
But when the topic of our conversation veered toward relatives in India, I knew we were only moments away from Dad bringing up my wedding. I excused myself and sprinted up the stairs, two steps in a stride, and caught Tara scrambling away. She stopped and turned around when I reached the landing.
“Hey,” I said. She was still in my night clothes. “Did you need something?”
She quickly scanned the stairs behind me. Then, in a hushed voice, said, “I was looking for a bath towel but was too embarrassed to come ask for it.”
“Oh, I’m sorry! Mom asked me to put a set in your room last night, but I guess I forgot after I changed the sheets.”
She smiled. “No problem.”
“And you don’t need to hesitate. This is Amar’s home, as good as yours. Here…” I stepped over to the linen closet in the hallway and pulled out a set of fluffy towels.
“Bath, hand, and a washcloth.” I beamed.
She pressed her lips together. “Impressive!”
“Mom taught me that.”
“Hmm, I never would’ve guessed.”
We shared a quick chuckle before she approached and took the matching set from my hands. “I was beginning to think I made a mistake staying over, but you and Aunty made me feel right at home this morning.”
“Yes, Mom’s amazing that way,” I smiled back. “Hope you were comfortable last night.”
“Everything was perfect. And thank you for the toothbrush and toiletries.”
“Except I forgot the towels.”
She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “I forgive you.”
“Oh? That’s mighty generous of you.”
Her eyes creased with a heartfelt smile, then drifted downward to the towels.
“Tara, I’m sorry for being a jerk these past few days. I know you’re angry, but it was never my intention to upset you.”
She looked up and shook her head. “I don’t want to carry this anger any further, and I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn’t have gone off on you in the presence of your family and Aarti.”
“We’re both hurting.”
She stepped away. “Yes, and it needs to stop. I’m happy for you, Sameer. Aarti is phenomenal, and she really likes you.”
I wondered if this was my moment to breach the confession that I dreaded. “I was wondering if we could talk about that, actually.”
She shuffled before setting her weight on her right foot. “I need to tell you something too.”
“Now?”
Her reluctant nod coincided with her phone ringing in the room. “It’s probably Sujit,” she said as her fingers curled tight around the soft cloth. “Let’s talk after the opening this Friday. I’ll be a nervous wreck until then.”
I smiled in reassurance. “Your art is the last thing you need to be nervous about. I wouldn’t have bought your painting unless it was worth it.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You know you lost all credibility when you bragged about buying that Selfia.” Then, with wide eyes and a gasp, continued, “Oh my god, promise me you won’t put mine in the same space where you hang that hack-job! Ah, my dignity just suffered a massive blow.”
I smiled. “When did you become this dramatic?”
She shrugged. “Another survival tactic.” Her phone had stopped chiming, and she hung around a moment longer.
“You don’t need to worry about surviving anymore, Tara. You’re thriving.”
The exuberant smile that blossomed on her face took us both by surprise. She quickly replaced it with the fake one I had taught her years ago. “I’ll see you at the opening?” she asked.
I thought I spotted a hint of anticipation in her eyes. “Yes, I’m looking forward to seeing your other two pieces.”
She put up a warning finger. “Don’t try to buy them. Let others have a chance to own a Tara Kadam original.”
I raised my palms. “I’ll try, but I can’t promise. If I like them, I’ll outbid the hell off others.”
She rolled her eyes. “Funny, but no one is dying to bid on my work yet.”
“It’s only a matter of time.”
Her dark eyes gazed into mine so hard, I felt my heart take a tumble. “Let’s talk next weekend. Does that work for you?”
I nodded, and we both retreated to our rooms in silence.