CHAPTER 32
Sybil
“I’m sorry, by the way.” His voice rumbled through me.
I set my chin on his pectoral and looked up at him. “For what?”
He sighed long and hard. “The auction. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I wasn’t thinking. If it’s too hard, it’s not worth going. You can watch it on TV, too.”
I tapped my fingers on his chest, a beat keeping time with my thoughts as I searched for the right words.
“It’s not your fault,” I began. I needed him to understand that.
Inviting me wasn’t the catalyst here. “This is just part of the process. I get stunned when things catch me off guard, like a bird that flew full speed into a window they didn’t know was there. ”
He scoffed. “Yeah, but I put the window there by inviting you to this big event. I should have known better, planned better.”
I smiled at that. “No. You didn’t put the window there. Trust me. It’s been there a long time.”
His voice fell to almost a whisper. “I just… I can’t bear to see you hurting.
I’d rather die than witness that anymore.
Nothing is so important that you should feel that way.
It’s not worth it, like you said. If you’re not enjoying it, then there’s no point—and don’t do it because you feel obligated for my sake, or anyone’s sake. Never do that.”
I nuzzled my cheek against his chest. “There’s a part of me that wants to do these things.
I should be excited. I want to be a part of these events and enjoy them.
You and Bee are making this easy for me.
While there’s always going to be a battle on my part, having you both there makes all the difference.
You’re offering me support that I’ve never had before.
You’re willing to catch me if I fall. I don’t think you know how good it felt when you tossed your net out today and brought me back.
It’s not always like that for me. Usually, I’m alone. ”
His arm tightened around me. “As long as I’m here, I will always do that. I will catch you. I can help.”
My heart soared at that. Although I still feared trusting anyone, I had to try. “I have to do the auction. I’ve gotten this far. If I back out, things will only get worse. My mind can’t get a taste of surrender.”
He was nodding. “I understand. That makes sense.”
“What I need is to stay grounded, get through it, and emerge on the other side with a whole new neural pathway leading the way out. It’s like punching little skylights into the dark places of my mind.”
He chuckled.
I continued, “It hurts, but it’s effective. I’m going to feel pain sometimes in order to get stronger.”
His fingers trailed up and down my hip, the sensation electric. We sat there for a long time, letting the words sink in and become permanent. This was the tipping point, and I’d reached it. For the first time, I could see a way out of the bell jar—and the path wasn’t lonely.
I wanted all of Nash, but I felt his reluctance.
I wasn’t fragile, not when it came to sensuality.
He should know better by now, especially after reading The Montana Man books.
I was twenty-eight, and well aware of how the world worked, maybe even more aware than most with how much time I’d spent reading spice.
I was ready. I would not stop him if he tried.
He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “What more can I do to help?” he asked.
I wasn’t good at asking for help of any kind, so I didn’t know what to tell him, but I made an attempt. “Already, your simple presence is enough. Like today. But, I also don’t want you sacrificing yourself to do so. So, don’t do that. That won’t help me feel better.”
His attention was rapt, as though eager for guidance.
I let my fingers trail down his abs, which were gorgeous.
“You pulled me out of it today. That hasn’t happened before, not that fast. You alone are enough.
That’s all I need.” I rolled until I was on top of him, chest against his.
His fingers trailed down my sides. A distinct hardness formed between us.
My center ached at the feel of his erection; the sensation captivated me. I tried to play it cool, but I was desperate to feel all of it. How soft would it be, or hard—and just how big?
He must have noticed the wistful smile on my face. “What are you thinking about now?” he asked, fingers massaging their way up my back.
“Nothing,” I teased.
He tickled my ribs.
I squealed, attempting escape.
He stopped. “Your laugh is infectious, you know that?” he added.
“I knew I’d messed up last night the second you went quiet, and that spark left your beautiful eyes.
You were quite the chatterbox until then,” he teased—sarcasm laced his voice.
“I thought we’d have to buy duct tape to shut you up.
” He held my wrists to prevent me from giving him a playful slap.
“How many times do you leave the house a year?” he asked. “I know you left for the PERL show, and you had no choice about the fire, of course. How long had it been before that?”
I tried to think. “I often go for walks at night.”
He grumbled. “I’m not sure that’s a smart idea.”
I ignored him. I knew he was just being protective. “But other than that, yeah, the show, which my friend drags me to twice a year. I usually group my doctor and dentist on a single day, and Dr. Cat goes with me. But nothing other than that. Not since the failed school experience.”
“Wow.” His eyes were enormous and round. “So this auction is a big deal. I mean, it’s obvious that it is, but knowing this really puts it in perspective.”
I nodded. The comment should have caused my gut to lurch, but it didn’t. He’d said it in such a way that it didn’t feel like a jab or a reminder of how scary it was.
I settled into him with a long, relaxed sigh. My feeling of control was returning, a tenuous thing the last several days. Looking around, I remembered that all my clothes were in a heap in the bathroom.
“So, is your plan to keep me here by withholding all clothes from me?” I challenged.
He winked. “It’s not the worst plan you’ve come up with.”
“Well...” I let my legs fall to either side of him as I slid down his body, closer to where the hardness between us was located. “I’m not sure I’m ready to get up yet, anyway.” I pouted, showing more of my playful side. “I could use some more coaxing.”
He chuffed and his pupils blew wide at that.
I grinned and pressed my breasts against him. Holding his gaze, I whispered, “Just because I’m quiet, doesn’t mean I’m shy.” I rolled my bare center over his boxers, right where I hoped he wanted it.
He swallowed. “I just—oh God,” he cut off with a moan, voice thick.
I bit my lip and sat up, his eyes sweeping over my breasts and lower. The gentleman he was striving to be was gone. Rolling my hips again, I loved the way he bucked at the contact. His hands pressed down on my thighs, pushing me harder against him.
I kept watching his face as I stopped moving. I slid off and to the side of his torso. He tried to stop me, but I was small enough to slip past him while he was addled.
“I have never—” I began, trailing my hands down his—yes, eight, abs, “—gotten the chance to be this close to the real thing. Do you mind if I—” I paused and slid my fingers below the hem of his boxers, eliciting a shiver as his core tightened.
Having found what I was looking for, I took stock of what this new experience offered.
Nash was a big guy, though I didn’t have anyone to compare him to.
His shaft was hard yet soft, and his skin warm.
I slid my hand up his length—as I’d read many a heroine do—finding the tip, which was wet with precum.
His breathing increased, his hand finding my breast as he pinched my nipple. The sudden nip of pain surprised me, but the pleasure of the moment overshadowed it.
I gasped.
Wetness pooled between my legs, and I felt the overwhelming urge to be filled. It was a natural desire I hadn’t expected, as though our bodies knew how to fit together on instinct.
My breathing quickened, and I released my grasp on him, working to remove his boxers as I rose to my knees, letting him watch as I pulled them down his legs and tossed them on the floor.
“You’re so gorgeous,” he hissed as I crawled back up his legs, settling between them with a devious smile on my face.
With an unobstructed view, I wrapped my hands around him. I stroked once, curious to see how he’d react to my touch. He jerked in pleasure. This was a whole new world to me, and I was 100% engaged.
My lips parted, wanting a taste as another bead of precum dripped from his tip. I licked it slowly, surprised by the saltiness. Licking it again, even slower this time, I could hear his breath hitch and shudder.
He moaned; the deep and raspy sound encouraged me to keep going. Hips rising, I could tell he was eager for this. Taking a fortifying breath, I let his tip glide into my mouth and across my tongue, taking it as far back as I could—which wasn’t much with his size.
“Fuck, Sybil,” he cursed.
I swirled it in my mouth like a lollipop, enjoying the way I was winding him tight.
“Sybil, I can’t,” he admitted on a strained exhale.
His hand reached into my hair, helping to guide my mouth up and down his cock a few times. I hummed with the pleasure it brought me.
“Holy hell, you’re going to be the death of me,” he groaned.
I giggled with my lips around him in challenge.
His hand, warm and rough, grasped my arm. I released him with a pop; the sound echoing as he hauled me up his torso. My body dragged over him until we were almost face to face, his hot, wet erection settling between my legs and his crown nudging my entrance.
The moan that left my mouth was unbidden. The pressure felt otherworldly, my nerves twitching at the feel against my clit. I could already sense the orgasm building.
I rocked against him, unable to help myself. “I’m on birth control,” I breathed out, wanting him now; wanting him like this. “Helps with my anxiety,” I explained, feeling the need to justify.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “I’ve never done this bare before.” His wet cock rubbed incessantly along my opening, both his hands cupping my breasts. “But with you, I want to feel you—possess all of you.”
Looking down at him, his eyes hooded, and features gentle, I nodded with desperation. Hair fell into my face, draping over his chest as he shivered from its touch.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he added.
My head shook once. “I’ve used a vibrator for years; you won’t. I’m not fragile.” A laugh tried to escape, but it came out more like a keening chuff. “You know the books I read. You don’t need to treat me as if I’m made of glass,” I panted.
At that, I felt his tip, soaked in our combined arousal, notch into me of its own volition, seeking connection.
My head rocked back, hair dragging over my breasts and shoulders until it grazed down my spine and tickled the top of my ass as I sat atop him. My skin was buzzing, and I cried out.
“Oh, fuck,” he grunted.
He went slow as I lifted on my knees, letting him guide me downward, inch by glorious inch. My mouth fell open at the feel of being stretched more than ever before. He cupped my face to bring my eyes back to his, running a thumb across my bottom lip. I bit down with light pressure.
It took some patience on both our parts, but soon he was deep inside me, bottoming out.
My body relaxed to his size, and the pinch of pain subsided.
I fell against his chest as he moved out and back in, setting a schooled and careful pace.
His large hands controlled my hips, fingers wrapping all the way around to my behind, adding a roll to the building rhythm.
Finding a slow but steady dance, we sought each other’s mouths, tongues tangling at a similar, slow pace that further deepened our connection. I couldn’t believe this was happening, and I couldn’t believe how good it felt.
He released one of my hips and moved his hand between us, his fingers finding my clit. He gathered our combined wetness and circled his thumb with a gentle pressure that made liquid heat gather in my belly, nerves taught with pleasure. I felt myself grow wetter with every stroke he made.
Nash sat up, abs tightening as he rolled us over and set me on my back, pressing my legs farther apart. We never parted; his length buried deep. The added weight of him between my thighs brought me right to the edge, my orgasm teetering.
His pace increased as I urged him harder into me, showing him I could handle it—I wanted it. He grunted, one hand on my breast as he grasped the headboard with the other, bottoming out with every thrust, my hips rising to meet him.
The tingling sensations funneled to a pinpoint before exploding in a euphoric wave of heat unlike anything I’d ever felt before. A breath screamed out of me, pleasure crashing in relentless waves. The delicious torture of it making me cry out.
I could hear him swear from a distance, his movements growing wild until he gave a final, loud grunt, our voices echoing in the room. Heat spilled into me, a foreign but satisfying sensation that only made my orgasm that much better.
Never in my life had I imagined sex would be this good. Behind closed lids, a kaleidoscope of color burst like fireworks, a silent explosion of light and energy unlike anything I’d experienced before. I gasped at the brief sight, wondering if it was real.
He planted kisses all along my collarbone as we descended from the high.
His hot, sweat-slick body collapsed onto me.
For a long while, he lay there like deadweight, and I soaked in the feeling.
Every nerve ending buzzed with our nearness, as though reaching out to fuse with him.
Still inside me, I wrapped my legs around him, locking him against me and not wanting to let go.
He chuckled into the crook of my neck.
“Can we just stay here forever?” I whispered. “Can we pretend the world doesn’t exist?”
He nodded. “As long as you want, Sybil. Forever.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, a knot forming in my stomach.
I had secrets to confess, but the lingering fear of rejection was a heavy weight.
After the auction, I would tell him everything.
The thrill of the night would make it easier to bear.
We’d have said everything, leaving nothing unspoken.
I would possess Nash, and he would possess me.