51. Submersion #2
The night had deepened, the sky above us a vast expanse of stars partially obscured by wisps of cloud.
The only light came from the lanterns hung on our boats and from windows we passed.
The entire place looked like something out of a dream.
The sounds of the celebration faded behind us as we moved deeper into the village, replaced by the gentle splashing of water against wood and the occasional call between boats.
"This place is unreal," I said softly, trailing my fingers through the cool water alongside the boat.
Xül hummed in agreement, his gaze moving between the canal ahead and my face. The lantern hanging from our prow cast golden light across his features, softening the angles and highlighting the curve of his lips, the line of his jaw.
“What do you say we go off on our own adventure?” he asked.
I raised an eyebrow. “Was this your plan the whole time?”
He smiled. “Perhaps.”
“Well, let’s go then.”
He steered us away from the lights and music, down a smaller canal that branched off to the east. We passed beneath a low stone bridge, emerging into a wider section of water bordered by weeping trees whose branches trailed in the canal, creating a natural archway.
We drifted into the center, where the water opened up into a perfect circle surrounded by the graceful trees. Moonlight filtered through their branches, casting dappled patterns on the water's surface.
Xül shipped the oar, letting the boat drift to a stop in the center of the pool. The only sounds were the whisper of leaves in the gentle breeze and the occasional splash of a fish breaking the surface nearby.
"There are moments," he said quietly, "when I come here, when I almost forget what I am."
"An escape," I said, understanding immediately.
He nodded. "This place exists outside of that world. Untouched by the politics of Voldaris and the schemes of the Twelve." His gaze lifted to the stars above us. "But I don’t belong here. Not now."
"Because you're immortal," I said, the realization settling heavily between us. "And they're not."
"Because we have responsibilities that extend far beyond this village," he corrected, though his expression told me my first assessment had struck closer to home. "Beyond any single place or time."
I looked down at our reflections in the water below—two figures close but not touching, suspended between earth and sky. Just as we'd been since that night—existing in the same space but somehow miles away from each other.
"It must be difficult," I said softly. "Having a foot in both worlds."
"Only because I can’t seem to find the strength to give one up," he replied with a wry smile.
“Is it that black and white? Must you give one up?”
"My duties to Voldaris will always call me away. No matter how many times I return, I will always be a visitor."
I thought of the family that had welcomed us so warmly, of Nuri's stories, of the easy way they had folded me into their traditions despite knowing I was just passing through. "They love you anyway," I said. "Even knowing you'll leave again."
"That's the cruelty of it," he replied, his gaze moving to the stars visible through the willow branches. "Knowing they'll welcome me back each time, even as the faces change, as those I know grow old and die."
The pain in his voice was so raw, so genuine, that I moved without thinking, shifting to sit beside him on his bench. The boat rocked precariously with my movement but steadied as I settled next to him, our shoulders brushing.
"Is that why you stayed away so long?" I asked. "Because it hurts to come back?"
He didn't answer immediately, but he didn't pull away either. "Partly," he admitted finally. “Though it is also nice to be seen as something other than a prince or a god.”
"I see you, Xül," I whispered, unable to retreat now that I'd come this far.
“I know you do, Thais.” He turned his head towards me, his shoulder tapping mine. “It’s the only reason I trust you with all of this. With them.”
“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked, frustration suddenly bubbling up.
“Taking you on a pleasant midnight boat ride?” he questioned, biting back a smile .
Anger simmered. “You know exactly what I’m asking you. Why are you dancing with me? Why are you introducing me to your wonderful family? Why are you making me feel these things that I shouldn’t? Why, Xül?” I tried to steady my voice.
His gaze sharpened on me. It was a rare moment when the prince of death was speechless. Even more so when his eyes told me he knew exactly what he wanted to say but was holding back.
So finally, I turned that anger into bravery. "This thing between us. Tell me it's just in my head, and I'll never speak of it again."
His jaw tightened, the muscle there jumping with tension. "It's not just in your head," he admitted, the words sounding as if they'd been dragged from him against his will. "But that doesn't make it wise, or right, or possible."
"Does that matter?" I challenged. "If we both want it, why can’t we have it? Even if it’s just temporary?”
“You don’t know what you’re asking,” he said, his voice low.
“Both of us are racing toward fates that we cannot escape. Soon, all gray area will be gone, taking our agency with it. And then we’ll always wonder. I don’t want to spend the rest of eternity wondering, Xül.”
"You think it's that simple?" His hand came up to trace the line of my throat, barely touching. "You think I can just take you like some common whore and be done with it?"
The crudeness of the words contrasted dramatically with the gentleness of his touch.
The truth was, I wanted more of him. All of him.
Every piece he could give me. I wanted to beg him not to marry Nyvora, to convince him that he deserved happiness just like everyone else.
But it was impossible. It could never be, not really. Not in this world, and not in the next.
And then there was the possibility that I wouldn’t survive long enough to see him with her anyway.
That vengeance would claim me long before any wedding bells rang through Voldaris.
But we could have this—this one moment where we forgot about everything else— everyone else except each other. And perhaps that would be enough.
"If that's all you can offer me, I still want it," I decided, my voice growing bolder. "I could die tomorrow, Xül. I could die days from now in the next trial."
The sound he made was half growl, half groan. "Fuck. You have no idea what you're saying."
I reached up to trace where the column of his throat disappeared beneath his shirt, gratified when his breathing hitched. "I want you."
"Stop," he commanded, though he leaned into my touch.
"Do you really want me to?" I whispered, moving closer despite the precarious rocking of the boat.
"You're almost there, Thais," he warned. "You're going to drive me so far that I forget every rule, every duty, every reason why I should keep my hands to myself."
"Good," I breathed.
“You don’t understand, Thais.” His eyes burned into mine. "This can never just be physical for me," he said. "Not with you. And you deserve so much more than half of a man promised to someone else."
“You couldn’t even stand to be in the same room when another man expressed interest in me.”
Xül’s jaw ticked.
“Because none of them deserve you. No one ever will,” he nearly growled against my ear. “Even me, Thais. Especially me.”
“I don’t care that you’re engaged. I know you don’t care for her. I know she only wants what you can provide for her.”
“That’s not the only problem, Thais. I don’t just want your body. I want all of you. Every single piece. If we go there, it will ruin me for the rest of my life.”
I stilled, soaking in the promise of his words. They were everything I wanted to hear, and yet the most terrifying things that had ever been spoken to me.
"There are things about me that you don't know," he said, his voice nearly cracking. "Things that could make you change your mind. I might be a selfish bastard, but I'm not that selfish. Not with you."
Xül might have had his secrets, but I had my own. And I didn’t intend on sharing them either. At least for now. Secrets were something I could live with.
The boat rocked violently, water sloshing over the sides. Xül reached for me, pulling me flush against him as the small craft tilted just enough. Suddenly we were both falling, tumbling into the dark water.
The shock of cold closing over my head jolted me from the heated moment. I kicked upward, breaking the surface with a gasp. Xül emerged beside me, braids heavy with water.
For a moment we simply stared at each other in shock. Then, unexpectedly, Xül laughed—that beautiful sound. Despite myself, I joined in.
"Smooth move, starling," he said, blinking droplets from his eyelashes.
"You're the one with sub-par balance," I countered, still laughing.
Our overturned boat drifted a few feet away. Xül swam to it with powerful strokes, flipping it right-side up. He turned back to me, extending his hand.
"Come on. Let's get you out of the water before you freeze."
I swam to him, taking his offered hand. But instead of helping me to the boat, he pulled me closer, until we were face-to-face in the water.
All trace of laughter vanished as our eyes met, suspended in the dark water beneath a canopy of stars. In this moment, with the village lights shimmering in the distance and the weight of everything momentarily washed away, I saw him clearly. I saw the way he looked at me.
"Fuck it," he said, and then his mouth was on mine. I gasped against him, my arms wrapping around his neck as his encircled my waist. The kiss was desperate, hungry, as if he'd been starving for this as long as I had.
My legs wrapped around his waist instinctively, and he groaned into my mouth, his hands tightening on my hips. Water lapped around us, our bodies half-submerged, but I felt nothing but fire.
Every touch, every shared glance, every moment of tension between us had been leading to this—this inevitable collision of wills and want and need.
"Whatever this is, whatever it costs, I want it," I whispered against his lips, the words a vow I couldn't take back.
His hands moved to cup my face, his eyes searching mine. "Are you sure?"
In answer, I pressed myself against him, feeling his hardness through our sodden clothes. "I've never been more certain of anything."
How could I explain what this meant? That after months of fighting to survive, of learning to kill, of hardening myself against the world, I wanted nothing more than to surrender to him.
Without warning, he moved us toward the shadow of the overhanging willows, where a small, secluded inlet formed a natural alcove.
The water was shallower here, only reaching his waist as he stood, still holding me against him.
"Here?" I asked, surprised by his boldness.
"I can't wait another bloody moment," he growled.
His mouth found my neck, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses to the sensitive skin there. "You taste like starlight and sin," he murmured against my throat.
The raw desperation in his voice mirrored my own, the need that had been building between us finally too strong to deny.
I'd imagined this moment in so many ways—sometimes tender, sometimes rough, sometimes desperate—but none of my fantasies had captured the overwhelming intensity of finally being in his arms in this way.
His hands found the hem of my borrowed dress, now a weight clinging to my skin. With impatient movements, he gathered the fabric, pushing it up and out of his way. The cool night air against my newly exposed skin made me shiver.
"You're so beautiful," he murmured, his gaze raking over me. "Every part of you."
His hand slid between us. A satisfied sound rumbled in his chest as his fingers explored, drawing gasps and small moans from my lips.
"I've known pleasures both divine and profane. But never—" he said, while his thumb began a maddening circle around my clit. "Never have I wanted anyone the way I want you."
I reached out, fumbling with the ties of his trousers, desperate to feel him. When my hand finally closed around him, hot and hard, his breath hitched. The power of that—of knowing I could affect him as deeply as he affected me—was intoxicating. I could fucking drown in that feeling.
"Show me, then." I whispered.
He went completely still, grip turning almost painful. Then a sharp edge slid across my throat. His teeth.
"Not here," he murmured. "Not like this. I need you properly. All of you."
I felt the familiar tingle of magic in the air as he ripped open a portal with a sweep of his hand, never breaking our connection. The silvery light illuminated us for a moment, casting our shadows across the water's surface.
Without a lick of strain, he carried us through the shimmering doorway, my legs still locked around his waist, his arms supporting me.
The peaceful village disappeared behind us as we stepped directly into his quarters at the Bone Spire.
The portal closed with a soft hiss, leaving us in the dimly lit room, water pooling around his feet on the stone floor.
In three long strides, he crossed to his bed and laid me down on the dark sheets. He loomed above me, water dripping from his hair onto my face as he stared down.
"Now," he said, his voice a dark promise that made me shiver with anticipation. “Are you ready for me to ruin this perfect body until you're addicted to the way I make you feel?”