60. After the Collapse #2
"She exists outside normal temporal constraints." He closed the book carefully. "Or she's powerful enough to perceive across time itself."
“Well, that’s only mildly terrifying.”
He set the book aside. "I really hope that this was just some random anomaly."
"What if it's not?"
"We've been focused on Olinthar. On getting him out." His voice was controlled, but I could hear the edge beneath. "But if something from Vaerhuun is stirring—that's not political. That's existential."
"You're afraid."
His eyes snapped to mine. "I'm practical. There's a difference."
The silence that followed felt heavy, charged with unspoken accusations. I traced my finger along the markings etched into the table's surface, memories of the past weeks flooding back.
"I find it funny that we're discussing the end of the world," I said finally, "when I can barely look at this desk without remembering..."
His expression softened. "I know."
"Everything's so complicated now." I looked away, unable to hold his gaze .
"Thais..." The way he said my name held a weight I couldn't decipher.
"No, let me finish." I took a breath, forcing myself to meet his eyes. "We've both kept secrets. We've both had our reasons. But now, with everything that's happening—the domain breaking, the forging tomorrow—I don't want to leave things unsaid between us."
He studied me for a long moment, the hostility fading from his expression. "Do you think you could forgive me?" The words came unexpectedly as he ran a hand down his face. "I don’t know what I’ll do with myself if you can’t."
I looked into his eyes. My heart—the wretched thing—it needed the same. I needed for things to be right with us again, or at least as right as they could be.
"Only if you forgive me too," I whispered.
"For what it's worth, hurting you is the worst thing I've ever done," he murmured. "I don't plan on repeating it. Ever."
"And I wasn't thinking—wasn't thinking about what it would do to you if our plan went sideways."
"It would have ruined me. I need you to know that."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too, starling."
We fell into a shallow silence.
“I’ve dreaded this. I hate this is how we’re spending our last night.” He seemed to look past me. “Even as I knew it was approaching, I hoped it would never come.”
“That doesn’t sound so practical,” I observed.
“The thought of you losing you…” He trailed off. “I don’t know if I can bear it. Not truly.”
Our eyes met, and I saw a fire burning within them.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came.
What did he expect me to say? Of course this was hard.
Everything remained unresolved between us.
There was no clean break, only jagged edges.
His words were painful and unfair, yet everything I wanted to hear.
“Don’t say things like that,” I whispered. “It makes things so much more difficult for me. I need you to accept it, Xül. And stop playing this game with me.”
His eyes narrowed. “So you think you could be done?” he asked. “Just like that?”
“We both have to be. You know this.”
In one fluid motion, he turned, backing me against the cool stone wall. His hands came up to frame my face, fingers sliding into my hair, thumbs brushing my cheekbones with a tenderness. Every fiber of my being was screaming for me to pull away.
"What if I call it all off?" he whispered, eyes searching mine desperately. "What if I refuse to marry her?"
The question hung between us, impossible and electric. I stared at him, unable to find words, my heart thundering against my ribs.
"You can’t just change your mind now." I pushed against him.
"Tell me it wouldn't matter to you," he demanded, his eyes blazing. “If you tell me to walk away, I will. But not until I hear you say it.”
"No!" I shouted, but my voice cracked. "It has to be you. You’re the one who has to choose to walk away. So do it."
He pressed his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. "Then tell me to fight for this. For us."
"You know I can’t," I said, but the words hurt as they fell out. "It will ruin everything. That’s what you’ve been saying the whole time. You can’t just change your mind like this. Not now. Your father won’t allow it."
"My father be damned," he growled. "All of them be damned."
“You don’t mean any of this Xül. You’re scared. It’s getting real. You’re realizing I’ll be gone tomorrow.” I tilted my head, willing for him to hear me. “You will regret this later. And I won’t allow it.”
“Stop trying to reason with me.” His fingers tightened in my hair. “This is going to break me, Thais.”
“Xül—”
“You don’t understand.” He cut me off. “I love you, starling. I’m in love with you. ”
My heart seized. Love.
I took a deep breath, and then whispered, “but is that enough in the face of everything else, Xül? Is it really?”
“You’re not the only one of us with a hypocrite as a father. Mine chose love over duty—nearly sent the entire realm crashing down around him.” Xül inhaled, moving closer. “And I’ll be damned for eternity if I’m not willing to do the same. I’d burn Voldaris to the ground for you.”
I couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. The raw confession stripped me bare, left me defenseless against the tidal wave rising in my chest.
He surged forward, his lips finding mine with a desperate hunger. His hands left my face, sliding down to my waist, pulling me against him. I gasped against his mouth as our bodies pressed together.
"Xül," I breathed as his lips trailed from my mouth to my jaw, then down my throat. "If you mean this?—"
He groaned against my mouth. "I’d wage wars for you," he murmured, his breathing ragged. "I won’t hide from it anymore. I’m done doing what everyone else requires of me.
Done. I’m choosing me now. And I’m choosing you.
Tell me that you want this too," he murmured against my neck, his hands already working at the fastenings of my dress. "That you’ll be mine."
In answer, I pulled his face back down. My fingers tangled in his braids. It was everything I wanted. The taste of him, the feel of his hands on my skin, the strength in his body as he lifted me, my legs wrapping around his waist.
"You’re the only thing I’ll ever want," he confessed between kisses. “I’ll be yours for as long as you want me, Thais. Eternity is a long time, and I know I’m asking a lot of you.
And that there’s a chance that you’ll change your mind, a year from now—a thousand years from now.
” He paused, looking directly into my eyes.
“But when that day comes, my heart will stop.
It will only ever beat for you, Thais. "
“I’m yours, already, Xül.” I murmured. “I have been for a while.”
"Tomorrow, I tell him everything," he growled, fingers digging into my thighs. "After the forging, I'm done being his puppet."
"He won’t take it well," I warned, already breathless.
"Probably not," Xül replied. "But I’ve played his games for too long. Now I'm taking what I want." His gaze raked over me, hungry and possessive.
When our mouths collided, it wasn't with tenderness but with bone-deep certainty, teeth clashing, tongues battling for dominance. I bit his lower lip hard enough to draw blood, and he groaned into my mouth, the coppery taste making my head spin.
He lifted me effortlessly, hands gripping my ass as he carried me across the room. With a violent sweep of his arm, he cleared the massive desk, sending scrolls and inkwells crashing to the floor. He tossed me onto the polished surface, the wood cold against my fevered skin.
"We certainly have a proclivity for desks, don’t we starling?" he murmured, teeth grazing my ear. "During every tedious council meeting, every negotiation—all I could think about was that night."
"Then what are you waiting for?"
His eyes darkened as he reached for the fastenings of my shirt, fingers working impatiently. "I should rip this off you," he muttered, tugging at the delicate fabric.
"Do it," I challenged, arching into his touch. "I want to hear it tear."
A wicked smile curved his lips before he gripped the bodice and yanked, the sound filling the room. The rush of cool air against my exposed skin made me shiver, but it was nothing compared to the reverence in his gaze as he looked at me.
"Fucking perfect," he growled, hands immediately finding bare flesh.
I reached for his own shirt, frustrated by the complexity. "Get this off," I demanded. "Now."
He chuckled darkly, the sound sending shivers down my spine. " So impatient." But his own hands moved to help, tearing at fasteners until he could shrug out of it.
The sight of his bare chest made my mouth water.
Bronze skin stretched over hard muscle, his broad shoulders tapering to a narrow waist in a perfect V.
His abdomen was a landscape of ridges and valleys that tightened with each breath, and a tantalizing trail of dark hair disappeared beneath his waistband, drawing my gaze down.
A wicked thought flashed through my mind. I pushed against his chest and slid from the desk, dropping to my knees before he could stop me.
His sharp intake of breath was immensely satisfying. "Thais?—"
"Shhh," I interrupted, looking up. "I want to taste you."
The muscle in his jaw ticked as I traced my lips over his erection straining against the fabric of his trousers. "You're playing with fire, starling."
"Good," I replied, freeing him. My eyes widened at the sight of him. "I want to burn."
I wrapped my hand around him, unable to fully encircle his girth. "Tell me how you want it," I demanded, giving him a teasing stroke. "Do you want it slow and gentle?" I demonstrated with a feather-light touch that had him hissing through his teeth.
"Harder," he ground out.
I increased the pressure, maintaining an agonizingly slow pace. "Like this?"
A growl rumbled from his chest. "You know damn well that's not what I want."
"Then tell me," I taunted, deliberately provoking him. "I want to hear you say it."