Chapter 18
My dreams that night were filled with him but instead of pulling away and saying it was dangerous to want him, he kissed me and I relished it.
I pushed my hands into his thick auburn hair and wrapped my legs around his hips.
His kisses went from my mouth down to the swell of my breast. Then his nose brushed along my neck and his lips grazed the hollow.
He paused until a sharp sting—teeth sunk into my neck. I screamed.
My blood poured down his lips, his chin. But it wasn’t him anymore. His beautiful face was replaced with a monster. Those bright blue eyes were as red as a crimson rose and he laughed, hideous and cruel.
In my nightshirt, I ran through the dark woods.
The white fabric was half covered in scarlet and glistened in the moonlight.
My bare feet carried me swiftly over the moss-covered forest floor.
“Now we can be together forever.” His voice wasn’t the same.
It was dark and grim. I breathed too fast. He gained on me. I felt his fingers curl around my arm.
Then suddenly I was in my assassin attire with a sword in my hand. I whirled, blade point at his throat. “Vampire bites don’t change me!”
My eyes widened, my arm shook. It was Vander again. Truly Vander. Beautiful as the rising sun, dark as an endless night. The predator I’d always known he was. “Vander?”
He held up his palms, face crushed in agony. “Bonecarver, it’s me. You wouldn’t kill me. I promise I’ll keep your secret.”
“My secret? What about yours?”
I splashed water over my face in front of the mirror.
I tried to shake off the nightmare, but it clung to me like a sticky spider’s web.
I lifted my chin, dabbing the moisture off with a cloth, staring at my reflection and the iris that had blackened after that cruel day.
Like a poisoned scar for all the world to see.
I stepped out of the bathing chambers to find Vander waiting for me at the end of his bed.
My heart flip-flopped at the memory of him reading the sensual passages of my book aloud.
The image of him lying on top of me, hand over my mouth, intermixed with my dream, and the chase.
The way his face had shifted to something monstrous chilled my blood.
I rubbed my forehead as if it would scrub that terrifying dream from my thoughts.
He gazed at me almost sheepishly—a way he never had before. As if he was trying to puzzle something out but didn’t want the answer.
The sun came out from behind a cloud and brightened our room, lighting him up from behind, making him glow, bringing out the deep red in his dark hair.
And that was all it took to wash away the sinking feeling in my gut.
This was Vander, not the monster from my dreams, and I could no longer deny that some part of me desired him.
His words stirred me even now. If you were having those kinds of fantasies about me, it might get us into trouble.
Shit. I realized I was staring at him and quickly looked out the window. Was it trouble I wanted?
“So...” He took a deep breath and, maybe for the first time since I’d known him, he was uncertain, vulnerable.
He’d always been unsettled and guarded, and he still was, but last night had shifted something between us.
I knew he’d wanted to kiss me but was it more than that?
Did he want a relationship beyond what we had?
No, that was a line of thought I couldn’t go down.
It would only end in heartache. He and I were from different worlds.
When this apprenticeship ended, and it would, so would this attraction.
On his part, at least.
It’s dangerous, and I won’t allow it to happen. Was that why the deep recesses of my mind had conjured him up as the thing I feared most? To protect me from heartbreak?
If I passed my apprenticeship, we would no longer be forced to spend all our time together. Life would return to normal for him, and he’d go back to partnering with Ghost for missions. It made me a little nauseous to consider him with her and myself with someone else.
“How did you sleep?” He finally broke the silence.
“Not great, actually.”
“Bad dreams?” he asked. Something about the way he said it, it was as if he knew.
I stared and goosebumps rose along my spine.
“Yes.” I thought back to my conversation with Celine on the rooftop during the last game.
Some scholars had mind powers. Vander was from a scholar family and could have joined their guild.
He’d never given me any indication that he could read my thoughts, but how would I know?
He said a mind reader hadn’t been born in seventy years.
.. Unless he was one of them and never told anyone.
“Well, that’s too bad because we’re still training today.” The intensity between us fluttered away, blown out like a lit candle wick.
“I expected to.” It was back to business as usual.
I wasn’t sure we would talk about what happened, not that anything truly did.
I was probably thinking more of it than him.
But If you were having those kinds of fantasies about me it might get us into trouble, coming from Vander, was different.
He didn’t say things he didn’t mean just to flirt like Kace did.
“We made a pact yesterday to kill all vampires. I think it’s time you learn the sword so we can actually do that. It will be our focus for the next several weeks. You’re decent with a knife now and can throw an axe and starblade on target.” He half smiled. “I don’t know about a moving target.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m working on it.”
“But the sword is the most crucial weapon for an assassin.” His shoulder brushed mine as he passed, and he disappeared into the closet for a moment.
I bounced on my toes, waiting for him, and when he emerged he held a thin and long object wrapped in cream cloth.
He set it on his bed and unraveled it to reveal a sword.
The silver blade was thin and slightly curved.
It wasn’t as long as his, maybe two and a half feet.
The hilt was gold, with the handle wrapped in red leather.
I’d seen many weapons in my life, and I knew a well-made sword when I saw one.
This was extraordinarily expensive, made by a master craftsman.
“This was my sister Oriana’s. I think she’d be happy for you to have it. She’d be pleased to know her sword was being used against our enemies.”
Every muscle in my body tensed. This must be important to him, and I didn’t feel worthy of it yet. “Are you sure? Maybe your other sister would want it.”
“She doesn’t. She’s a scholar, and she said it reminded her of Oriana’s death.” He lifted it off the bed and angled the handle toward me. “I don’t want it to sit in the closet forever.”
I tentatively took hold; the leather was soft and comfortable. I put some space between us and held it in both hands. I raised it up and side to side. The weight was perfect, not too heavy. “I could just borrow it until I get another. You don’t have to give it to me permanently.”
He half smiled. “If that’s what you want.
For now, I would like you to use it. Good swords aren’t easy to come by.
We could go to the armory, but any sword they’ll give us wouldn’t be as nice as this one.
When you’re a fully fledged assassin and you want to, you can have one custom made if you’d rather do that. ”
“I’ll think about that when I get to that point. Thank you for letting me use your sister’s sword. It must be special to you.”
“At the end of the day it’s a weapon and you need one.”
My days were filled from dawn until dusk and time seemed to move faster.
At first, my hands and arms ached from holding a sword for so many hours a day.
When I wasn’t sword fighting, I was sparring or running on rooftops and occasionally venturing outside the wall.
I had bumps and bruises all the time. But eventually the soreness became strength.
The calluses on my hands stopped tearing open.
The warm days of autumn turned cool. Weeks turned into months, but I still felt like a complete novice.
Vander held his sword at the ready. “Again.”
I struck out, and he hit. The blow stung my hand and nearly knocked my weapon out of my grip. He swung at my head, and I ducked. I swung back; he parried and lightly tapped the flat of his sword on the side of my neck. “Dead.”
I groaned.
“Again.” I came at him first. He blocked and kicked my feet out from under me, my back smacked into the ground, stealing my breath, and his sword point pressed to my chest. I swore quietly and watched my breath cloud in front of me.
The sun was out but winter was here and my fingers had gone numb.
Was I ever going to be good at this? Months of work and I felt like I was on my ass more than my feet.
He was relentless too. There was no softness to him during our sessions, rarely ever playfulness. He said if he was easy on me, I’d die.
“On your feet.” He held out his hand, tugged me up, and we went at each other over and over. “If you think this is hard, imagine a vampire that shadow walks and your sword goes right through him.”
“How do we train for that?”
“You don’t until you face one. Trial by fire.”
“Why didn’t those vampires we fought in Emberfall shadow walk?”
“Many of the wildlings don’t know how. The older ones figure it out.”
I nodded. “Again.”
He smiled. “Perhaps if you actually beat me one day, I’ll take you to see your family.”
I grinned and smashed my sword into his, then he shoved me on my ass again.