The Assistants

Prologue

You’ve probably heard of my former boss.

And even if you haven’t heard of him, he has influenced you, I promise.

Ever watched the all-day news or seen a big blockbuster summer movie?

Him. Do you read the newspaper? What about one of those glossy magazines with magenta cover lines like Dirty Talk Hot Enough to Make His Boxers Combust?

Him. Odds are, if you exist in the modern world, Robert owns all or a portion of the media you consume.

He hovers around number thirty-five on the Forbes billionaire list. I was his assistant.

All important men have assistants.

That’s the first principle I want you to remember.

Do important women also have assistants?

Yes, of course. But men rule the world. Still.

That’s the second principle I want you to remember.

Men still rule the world. Not because this is some feminist manifesto, but because it’s a simple fact essential to how this all started.

And that’s what everyone wants to know—the reporters, the bloggers—what they all want to know is how we did it.

How Did Two Little Girls Outsmart the Most Powerful Man in New York?

That was the Upworthy headline. I’m thirty years old; Emily’s twenty-eight.

My five feet four inches on tippy-toes brings down the average, but Emily is a solid six foot something in heels.

Not so little. What Upworthy meant was “powerless.”

A BuzzFeed story read: Modern-Day Robin Hoods Look More Like Charlie’s Angels. They Photoshopped us into swimsuits and put guns in our hands.

Gothamist dubbed our network the Secretary Sisterhood of Thieves! (Exclamation theirs.)

Rumors, all of it. Internet chatter. No one knows for sure what actually happened.

So, let me make this perfectly clear. It wasn’t stealing, really. And it was almost by accident that we discovered just how much money there was out there for the taking.

That’s the third principle I want you to remember. There is enough money.

There is so much money.