Chapter 14
Mason
I open my eyes, confused as to where I am. This room does not smell like my own. It smells like jasmine and mint. Exactly like Viv.
Opening my eyes, I realise Viv is lying with her arm across my waist and her head on my chest.
I should have removed this shirt. I want to feel Viv’s skin against my own.
“Stop fidgeting,” she says, half asleep, with a hint of annoyance in her voice.
“Sorry, Princess.” I wrap my arms around her and kiss her on the forehead. Here in this moment, it’s like I have died and gone to heaven.
I am beginning to let my guard down around her.
Being with Viv is different than any other relationship I’ve known. When she left, it felt like I had lost another member of my family. I’d seen her as a little sister, but ever since that magical moment on the couch in her apartment ten years ago, I knew in my heart of hearts that I need to have her.
She had been mine to look out for and keep safe when we were younger, but everything has changed. I’m still meant to look out for her, but now I want to keep her safe because she is mine. And it’s time I claimed her as such.
I don’t want to hurt her or have her see me as the monster I am, but I don’t want to let her slip through my fingers again.
The way she is lying on my chest, she doesn’t seem to realise how dangerous I am. And I’ll keep her from knowing for as long as I can.
I just want to be with her in every way possible.
I am already in way too deep with agreeing to this plan of hers and even though I loved Sal like my own father, I hated the man he made me into. There are times where I feel like everything he has done up to this moment has ruined my fucking life.
Long gone is the carefree teenager I was. The teen who looked out for Viv as a kid, who helped her with everything. I became the man I am now because her mother took her away from me– took away my purpose– and her father turned me into his killing machine. I went along with his plan and training because I had nothing else.
Now that Viv is back in my life, I have something to live for.
I glance over at the clock sitting on her bedside table: one in the morning already.
“Mason?” Her voice is barely a whisper.
“Yeah, Princess?” My hand moves up and strokes her hair. What in the world is she going to ask?
“Stay with me?” She opens her eyes slightly and lifts her head to look at me.
“Anything for you.” Shit .
A stray hair falls out of the messy top knot it was pulled into earlier today, gliding over her cheek. Her body shifts upwards and she leans in towards me. Her lips brush against mine.
I have to resist, I can’t give in, but I can feel the monster gnawing, trying to free itself. I don’t want to hurt her.
Her hand glides over my cock, and she lets out a little moan, her lips vibrating against mine. I find myself shifting to readjust myself. These fucking dress pants are starting to irritate me now. I need her hands on my skin.
I can no longer resist.
My mouth, crushing against hers. Her body leaning into me as her leg snakes around mine. Her hand sliding up over my pecs before stopping at the base of my neck. Taking her wrists in my right hand, I hold them above her head. Her back arches into me.
I don’t have my usual tools and toys that I like to play with. I am going to have to make do with what I have around her room.
I let go of her wrists and slide my hand down her body, her hands remaining in place above her head. My hands feel their way down to the hem of her dress and underneath. Curling a finger under her underwear, I slide them off her hips and down towards her knees.
I push up off the bed, kneeling by her feet as I pull her lace underwear down until they are completely off and in my hand. The lace is sheer, weightless — something that is meant to be seen more than worn. Her eyes, watching me with heated passion as I glance between her and the lace in my hand. I drop her underwear on the bed and, with one knee, I pry open her legs and she spreads them willingly. “Fuuuck,” I breathe.
I don’t deserve her. She deserves more than this monster that is slowly being set free.
I don’t want to hurt her, but I can feel the monster wanting to come out and play. I hesitate briefly, clamping my eyes shut to try and refocus. Now is not the time to go killer mode.
“Please, Mason.” Her eyes focus on me now, watching. “Please.”
The scent of her arousal drifts up into the air, her chest rises as her back arches and I feel my cock twitch.
Her eyes watch as I tie her hands gently, before lifting towards the headboard and securing her arms. She looks over to me again. Her bed has narrow slats in the framework, which makes it easier. I do still wish we were in my room though, at least I could use the leather cuffs and have her fully open for me to use at my will.
My eyes focus on her body, watching her chest rise and fall as she breathes. This woman is a fucking goddess. The smoothness of her skin — I am pulled towards her, I can sit here all night and worship her.
Her head lifts as she observes the tie around her wrists and then looks at me with a smile.
“Viv, please tell me now.” I look at her with a pleading look in my eyes, worrying about what may happen. “Do you want this?”
She nods. Her back arching, hooded eyes watching me, her body shivering as my fingers slide over her skin. The way she trusts me fills me with worry.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen, I can feel it gnawing from the inside and I don’t want to hurt you,” I began.
“You won’t hurt me, Mason, I know you won’t.” She smiles at me again; her body pushes up against me.
She is so damn beautiful. Can I go through with this, knowing that there is the potential that I will hurt her? Have her look at me differently, or for her to run from me? “You may think I won’t, but you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”
Her expression softens and her tongue wets her lips. “I know you enough to know you won’t.”
I close my eyes for a moment before looking at her. She is still wearing that red dress that clings to her body and accentuates her curves.
She isn’t wearing a bra underneath and her nipples harden under the touch of my hand up her leg. I still have my right leg placed between her legs and as I lean forward, I whisper in her ear, “How important is this dress to you?”
“Rip it, ruin it, I don’t care,” she breathes. “I just want you.”
That is all the instruction I need. I run my right hand up her left leg, over her hip and up to her right breast. I lightly pinch her nipple through the fabric of the dress. Her body arches into my touch. I run my tongue down her jaw line, my lips grazing along her chin.
I want her so fucking bad right now, to be on her, inside her, but I have to be patient. I want to play with her more than anything else.
My hand is moving from her breast to the base of her neck. I have to be careful and need to remain in control of myself. I want to be a man she can feel safe with.
“Stop thinking and just do,” she commands.
Her voice catches me off guard and I freeze for a split second. I lean away, looking down at the dress, her leg lifting and curling around my own. The dress has thin straps that loop over her shoulders and the only way to remove them is to break them. Glancing down at her through hooded eyes, I linked my fingers through the straps, ripping them off in one fast movement. She jumps slightly at the motion, but only for a moment before I hear a whimper come from her throat. Fucking hell. It’s that sound alone that sends me over the edge.
The dress rips from top to bottom in an easy movement and is thrown to the floor.
Her naked body lies before me. Leaning forward, I kiss her neck, following an invisible line to her collarbone and down her stomach.
It has been years since I have been with a woman. The last time I was with someone, my control issues got the better of me and I had almost choked her until she fell unconscious. After that moment, I swore off fucking anyone.
Viv is squirming around on the bed, only her hands are restricted. I have no intention of her touching me tonight. It is going to be all about her and when I am done pleasing her, I am going to walk away. Just stick to the plan. What fucking plan , I think to myself as my hand explores her body. You have no fucking plan . I wish the voice would shut up and leave me alone.
“If you don’t stop moving around,” I growl, “I’ll have to find something to tie your feet up too.”
She looks at me with a wicked grin. Her leg moves upwards again. “Alright, you asked for it.”
I find the dress that I had ripped off her just moments ago and tear it in half again. Standing at the base of the bed, my cock straining to be free from my pants, I stare at her naked body in front of me. I take hold of her left ankle, wrap the fabric around her ankle and foot, and tying it to the bottom bedpost, repeating the same motion for the right. As I pull the fabric tighter around her leg, she lets out a surprised squeal. But I have tied the dress in a way that it isn’t going to hurt her if she moves too much.
Kneeling on the bottom of the bed, her body moves with the motion of the mattress compressing. She is so gorgeous. “What do you want, Princess?” I look at her, my eyes taking in all of her to save to the memory bank for later.
“Touch me,” she whispers.
“As you wish,” I smirk.
My hands run up her legs, tracing the lines of her hips and up to the base of her breasts. Her eyes flutter closed at the touch. Pinching her left nipple in my right hand, I bring my lips down to her other nipple, nipping at it with my teeth. Her body instantly responds. “Oh Mason,” she moans.
Something about her moaning my name does something to my body. If I could get any harder, the zipper of my pants would burst. I slide my hand under her hips, lifting them towards my face. My lips trail down her body to the inner part of her thigh.
My teeth nip her clit, and she flinches. I reach my hand down to undo the button on my pants, needing to release the pressure pushing against the not-so-stretchy fabric.
I am hungry for her. I need to taste her.
My tongue runs up her slit, her taste short-circuiting my brain. “Fuuuck baby, you taste better than my wildest dreams.”
I have to have every part of her, I can’t get enough. She pushes her hips up towards my mouth and, even tied up, she is still able to move enough to grind against my face. I growl against her wet pussy, my left hand running up her body again, playing with her breast, and my right runs up and down the wetness of her slit.
My tongue flicks her clit as I slide a finger inside her. I start with one to see how tight she is, but she only moans and, with a breathy voice, she begs for more.
How many times has she done this before? Her body is responding to every movement. She is confident in her body.
I slide another finger inside her. My eyes watch her as I suck at her clit. Her head rolls back into the pillows. Moans fill the room, the scent of her arousal making my mind go crazy. I am going to come right here in my underwear if I’m not careful.
“Oh Mason, don’t stop.” Her voice is becoming shaky as my fingers move against her G-spot. “Please, fuck… please don’t… fuck… don’t stop.”
I feel the walls of her needy cunt starting to clamp down on my fingers. Her body is starting to convulse. She is close and I’m going to get her there.
“That’s it, Princess,” I growl. “Come for me, come all over my fingers.”
Her body shakes under my touch. With that one command, she lets out a scream as she comes.
My fingers now wet with her juices, I bring them up to my lips and lick my fingers one by one. A popping sound rings out as each finger heaves my lips. “Mm, so fucking sweet.” My voice is deep, full of lust. “What do you think, sweetheart?”
I place my fingers against her lips and she parts them, allowing me to slide my fingers into her mouth. “So fucking hot,” I groan as she sucks her juices right off my fingers.
“So sweet,” she breathes. “Now fuck me Mason, please, I’m begging you.” Her eyes plead with me.
I stand up off the bed, looking down at her nakedness, allowing my eyes to trail towards her wet, needy cunt. I rip my dress shirt open, buttons flying, before I slide out of my pants. The second they hit the floor, I kneel on the bed again, moving my way up. My right hand plays with her clit again, making her already-sensitive body move toward me.
“You want more, do you, sweetheart?” I kiss her collarbone, up her jawline, to the bottom of her ear. “How much do you want more?”
Her hips push up against mine, my cock jerking, knowing she is so close to me. “I want it all,” she moans. “I want you.”
My hand moves from her pussy to her throat and I squeeze gently. “You will always have me.” My hand tightens again slightly against her throat. Does she like it? “I will always have you bound, exposed and at my mercy. You will lose yourself in me and I will make you mine with every scream.”
I feel her throat bob under my hand as she swallows. My dick pushes against her, still restricted by my underwear. “Beg me for it,” I whisper.
“Please, Mason,” she starts, and then her eyes open and she looks at me. This time with a look of fear. “Mason… you’re… choking…”
She doesn’t have to finish that sentence, I know exactly what I’m doing. I release her throat and she inhales a large breath of air.
“No, no… I can’t…” Panic slowly sets in. “Not again…”
She wriggles against her restraints, trying to work them loose. “No, Genevieve, you need to get the fuck out of here.”
My breathing becomes faster, flashbacks of the guy on top of me, hands wrapped around my throat. I am panicking. What have I done? I became too caught up in the moment.
I free Viv’s hands from the headboard of the bed and run out the door. I don’t care who sees me, I run. I run up the stairs and into my room and straight to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me and locking it.
I can’t do it. Not again.
I am a fucking monster. Why can’t she see that? Why did she have to push my limits? I’m not ready for that.
I need help and maybe she is the one to help me, but not tonight, not yet.
* * *
It took a few hours sitting on the bathroom floor in the dark, the cool tiles against my body, hyperventilating, to calm myself down.
It’s the first panic attack I have had in a long time and I know if I am fighting the panic, a blackout is soon to follow. I have to stay as calm as possible. I have to stay away from her, at least inside the bedrooms. I can’t risk that happening again. I never want to hurt her.
I know what started my control issues and why I felt the need to dominate to the point of sending someone into unconsciousness, but Viv is too precious to me to hurt like that. She is all I think of when I am lying on that floor and I know those blackouts stem from my anxiety. It is a fucking bitch and I hate it.
I never used to get anxious in the bedroom, scoping out a job, or taking down a target. It was always professional.
Until about six months ago. The guy caught me off guard. It was a lot like the other night, scoping out Carlos: he had beaten his wife while I watched him. I couldn’t let that slide but what I didn’t know was that someone in our watch group had tipped him off, and even though it had only been myself and Lennox at that house that night, the guy had been drinking and I later found out that he was drinking with an ex member of Murwood. After being pinned underneath this guy, his hand wrapped around my throat, I could feel the world around me going dark. It had been that moment that I had decided that I would work alone.
The anxiety of being given away again always kept me from working with others. It is where my control issues come from.
I hear a light knock on the door of my room. I ignore it. I do not want anyone to see me in this state. No one knows about this, except Lennox and now the boss and I am going to keep it that way. Lennox was the first to witness my blackouts and I appreciate him for keeping them quiet, until now.
“Mason? Are you in there?” Viv’s voice calls through the doors. Thank fuck I locked it . If I stay quiet, maybe she will go away.
Another knock. “Mason, please, just let me in.”
The sound of her voice causes my heart rate to spike, the room spinning as I try to calm my breathing. Fuck, not again.
“Fuck off Viv,” I call back to her. She won’t leave otherwise. “I don’t need you fucking hanging around. Just leave me the fuck alone!”
“No Mason, I am not going to leave.” She bangs on the door. “Just let me in.”
“No. I don’t want you around, I don’t need you around, what part of that don’t you understand?” I growl. I am going to regret this but I need her out of here right now. I am lucky I can’t see her face. “We only need to make appearances when others are around. I gave you what you wanted and you saw who I am. I need to be alone and away from you.”
“You are a fucking asshole, Mason,” she spits at me through that door. “I hope you know that”. My bedroom door slams shut as she storms off down the hallway. I hear her feet fading into the distance. I am just glad she left now so I can calm myself down. I don’t need another blackout.
But I can’t.
The panic is rising again, my skin is crawling and my breathing is short. I am starting to hyperventilate and there is nothing I can do to stop this now.
My back against the wall, all I can feel is a hand around my throat, a crushing feeling against my chest, and then the sounds around me become muffled before everything goes black.