Chapter 35
THEA
“You look pale,” Liza says as I enter the laundry room.
Without responding, I step over to the massive pile of linens and begin folding. My mind is going in a dozen different directions.
“It’s fine.” The lie comes naturally, automatically. Sometimes, I find myself a little scared at how easily I’m able to deceive these days. “Just tired.”
“You’re not just tired,” she says, “you’re pregnant.”
“It’s—”
“Sit,” she says. “I don’t understand why you’re still working. You shouldn’t be on your feet so much. Besides, you are no longer a maid here.”
“I know, but I can’t just sit and do nothing. I’m bored out of my mind,” I tell her.
She eyes me, giving a nod to the chair in the corner. I sigh and finish folding a towel, then sit.
“How far along are you?” she asks quietly.
“Eight weeks. And how did you even know?”
Liza offers a weak smile. “News travels fast among the staff. Can’t say I don’t blame you for not telling me.”
“I’m still processing it myself,” I admit. “Only two people besides the doctor know, and one of them found out by accident.”
“After the way I treated you, I don’t deserve to be on the sharing end of any good news you have. Speaking of which, this is good news, right?”
“Yes. It’s very good news.”
She nods, pleased to hear it.
“Good. It should be. Sissy was the same way—a surprise, unplanned. But she’s been the joy of my life, even with the way things are now.
” An expression of longing forms on her features, but it holds for only a moment.
She clears her throat. “Anyway, the first trimester is always the hardest. Your body’s adjusting to so many changes.
You need rest, not to be folding and dusting. ”
“I’m getting plenty of rest. Besides, like I said, I’m bored.”
“I get it. But it doesn’t look like you’re getting plenty of rest. From where I’m sitting, you look like a woman carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.”
The observation is uncomfortably accurate.
“It’s just… I’ve been thinking about Sylvie.”
“Your friend from the auction?”
“Yes. I asked Amanda to look into what happened to her, if she’s alive, if she’s still with Kolya.”
“Thea—”
“I know that it’s dangerous. And I know that Gabriel wouldn’t approve. But I can’t just pretend that she doesn’t exist anymore. I can’t leave her behind, especially since she’s only in this mess because of me.”
Liza sets down the linens she’s in the middle of folding and looks at me directly. “You didn’t leave her behind. You were taken. Big difference.”
“Is there?”
“Yes.” Her voice is firm. “Both of you were caught up in forces you didn’t understand. You were drugged, terrified, and barely conscious. Gabriel saved you. And what happened to Sylvie, that’s on Kolya. Not you.”
I don’t know what to say. I stare off into space, remembering the way Sylvie’s face looked as I was dragged off, her cries following me.
Liza moves closer, her expression softening. “Listen to me, Thea. I know guilt. I’ve carried it for seven years—guilt about abandoning you, about failing you, about being too much of a coward to stay and fight. But guilt doesn’t save you; it destroys you.”
The words should comfort me, but they don’t. I’m carrying too much tension, too much worry.
“What if Gabriel can’t end this?” I ask quietly. “What if Kolya wins?”
Liza goes very still. When she doesn’t respond, I keep talking.
“Amanda said something earlier about women who fall into Kolya’s world, about how they sometimes don’t ever come back.
And that got me thinking about how powerful someone has to be to be able to make someone disappear like that, how much control they would have to have. ”
“Thea—”
“Hasn’t Gabriel been fighting Kolya for twenty years? Maybe longer?” The words come tumbling out, all of the things I’ve been fearful of, all the anxiety. “Twenty years! If he could’ve taken Kolya down, wouldn’t he have done it by now?”
She’s quiet for a long moment.
“Well, you’re right about one thing. Kolya Sokolov is powerful, but he’s also smart.
Careful. You don’t get to where he is by being careless.
He’s survived this long because he doesn’t make mistakes.
” A pause. “And because he’s utterly ruthless.
He eliminates threats before they become problems, like he did with your family. ”
I shift in my seat, suddenly feeling worse about it all.
“I’m not trying to scare you, Thea. I’m trying to prepare you for reality. Gabriel is as good a man as you can be in a world like this. He’s strong. He cares about you. And he’s the reason you’re still alive. But Kolya… Kolya is a monster. And monsters are very, very hard to kill.”
The words settle over me like a chill.
“So you don’t think Gabriel can win?”
“No, I’m not saying that. I think Gabriel will do everything in his power to protect you and the baby. And I’m sure he’ll fight harder than he ever has before.” She meets my eyes. “But I also think that you need to prepare for the possibility that it might not be enough.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that Kolya’s been playing this game since before you were born.
He’s outlasted rivals, survived assassination attempts, and consolidated power.
He’s the kind of man who can give orders to murder children as they sleep in their beds and think nothing of it.
But you, being here, being alive, that’s the closest he’s ever come to losing. And he won’t stand for it.”
My hand moves unconsciously to my stomach. Liza flicks her eyes there for an instant before bringing them back up to mine.
“The baby changes everything. For Gabriel, for you. You’re not just fighting for your own life anymore. And I’m sure you’re well aware that if Gabriel fails, and Kolya gets to you—”
“Stop.”
“He won’t kill you quickly. He’ll make Gabriel watch. And then he’ll eliminate any trace of the Fetisov line once and for all.”
“Stop.”
Liza falls silent. My heart is racing. I step over to the window. Outside it looks peaceful, secure. The high walls that I hated when I first came here I now feel grateful for.
“Why are you telling me this?” I ask without turning around.
“Because I failed you once, and I don’t want to do it again. Because you deserve the truth, even if it’s terrifying.”
I turn to face her. “The truth is that Gabriel will do anything to keep us safe.”
“I don’t doubt that, but it might not be enough.”
“What’s the alternative?” I ask. “Running? Hiding? Spending the rest of my life looking over my shoulder?”
“Maybe. If it means you get to live, that the baby gets a chance at a normal life.”
“There’s no normal life for me. Besides, running didn’t work so well for you, did it?”
The jab hits and Liza flinches.
“I’m sorry,” I say immediately. “That was—”
“True.” She smooths her apron. “It was true. Running was the cowardly move. But it did keep me alive. Kept my daughter alive. Then again, look at me now. That’s the thing about this life—it never stops chasing you. And one day, it’ll catch up. It always does.”
She sighs heavily, as if she’s not quite sure what else to say.
“I’m sorry to scare you. But maybe this will help you understand me just a bit better, what I did and why.
I was so scared for Sissy. And as much as it hurts that she’s not a part of my life now, I sometimes wonder if it’s for the best. Just be careful, alright?
Whatever you do. Don’t forget that Gabriel’s just a man, and even men with the best intentions can still fail. ”
For a moment, I think she might start crying. But instead, she turns and leaves.
Liza’s words were like a splash of cold water to the face. But ones I needed to hear, nonetheless. I’d never seriously given thought to the possibility that Gabriel could lose, that he could fail to protect me and the baby.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I’ll deal with it.
Because tonight, I have a date with the man I’m falling in love with. And I want to savor what could be the final night of normalcy before the storm clouds I see gathering on the horizon finally arrive.