Chapter 18 #5
“Elizabeth, I am most certain that I am in love with you. I adore you… ardently. I can’t think of anything but you!
I cannot eat. I cannot sleep! I have tried my utmost to resist these feelings of adoration for you, yet they persist. I have tried to forget you, but I cannot.
I know that I should not feel this way, for it is a simple reality that you are, socially at least, below me in every conceivable way.
Your family has some land but is relatively poor.
You have no title, no lineage to speak of, no connections to any of the truly great families.
Most of your family is poorly mannered, and your mother is foolish, shrill, and constantly calling attention to herself.
Yet, despite all these terrible and serious misgivings, I still love you!
I am willing to risk my entire reputation for you because my love for you is so strong!
Does that not indeed prove how pure and deep my love must be?
That I would sacrifice so much simply to share my life with you must be taken as a considerable honour!
Do you have any idea how many women compete for my attention, Miss Bennet?
Dozens and dozens. Beautiful women! Women of the gentry!
Women of families with titles! Worthy, truly worthy women!
But I want none of them. I only want you!
So please, I offer you my hand in marriage.
There is only one logical choice, which is to accept, of course.
As only a second daughter, you risk penury if you do not marry well.
I could save you and your family from all of that!
I offer you my hand, freely and happily and despite all my terrible misgivings. ”
He reached out his hand.
Elizabeth stared at his hand as if it held a dead rat, a look of disgust written upon her face.
Elizabeth would have laughed if Mr Darcy's tone had not been so utterly sincere.
He was absolutely convinced of his superiority, and he considered loving her and then offering marriage to her as some sort of noble sacrifice on his part.
Indeed, he expected credit for it! It destroyed any humour she might have found in the absurdity of his proposal as such.
“Mr Darcy, believe me when I tell you that I have absolutely no interest in you and your pursuit of myself.
You have caused my dear sister heartbreak by directing Mr Bingley to reject her.
Then you have insulted my family, insulted their manners, and have insulted me by stating quite clearly that to marry me is beneath you.
It is a sacrifice you are willing to suffer because you ‘adore’ me so!
Oh lucky me! Fortunate Miss Elizabeth Bennet! "
"Please understand, Mr Darcy, that I can make 'sacrifices' too, and the last thing that I would want to do is to damage your precious and mighty reputation by tainting it with an association with my lowly family.
So, I will willingly sacrifice my marriage to you to save you the lifelong embarrassment of marrying a Bennet daughter.
Is that not noble of me? To risk penury for your sake!
That is very big of me, do you not agree?
"I see that I was correct in my first impressions of you and your pride.
Your arrogance is truly insufferable! You think yourself better than me!
Because of what? Land, money, titles! What of character?
My character is what you are truly in love with, and it does not come with titles, or land, or a family with impeccable manners.
There is only the family that I love and me.
If you loved me, if you truly loved me, then you would love them all, and you would not mention material things or manners at all, for they do not matter so desperately when it comes to love. "
"It is truly a shame, Mr Darcy, because I thought I was developing some respect for you. I thought I was beginning to see another side of you, a better, less pompous, less superficial side, a kinder, a warmer, and a far more decent side of you. Apparently, I was… sadly mistaken,” she said as her voice drifted off and tears began to roll down her cheeks.
“Please Miss Bennet…”
"I am sorry, Mr Darcy, but I cannot, and I will not accept your proposal."
For a few moments, Mr Darcy remained perfectly still, unable to believe what he had just heard.
"You refuse me?"
"Yes."
"I confess that I did not expect such an answer."
"I am sorry if I have disappointed you, but I cannot marry a gentleman who thinks so little of me and of those I love."
"You misunderstand me, Miss Bennet. Everything I have said has been honest. I have struggled against my feelings because I know how different our situations are. Your family, your connections, and the expectations placed upon me made such a match highly imprudent."
"So, despite my inferiority, you were willing to make the sacrifice of marrying me?" Elizabeth asked, unable to conceal the irony in her voice.
"I merely wished you to understand what I have had to overcome."
"And you wished me to be grateful for it?" she replied. "Mr Darcy, if this is your idea of a declaration of love, I cannot imagine a less flattering one."
His pride, already wounded by her refusal, overcame his better judgement.
"You cannot deny that there are serious objections to such a marriage. Your mother is loud and ill-bred, your younger sisters are sadly lacking in propriety, and your connections are not those a gentleman in my position would naturally seek."
Elizabeth's cheeks flushed with indignation.
"I had not realised that you thought so poorly of my family."
"I merely state the truth."
"No, sir. You state only your own prejudice."
For a few moments, neither of them spoke.
Then Elizabeth looked at him steadily.
"Since we are speaking with such frankness, allow me to ask you something. Was it you who persuaded Mr Bingley to leave Netherfield?"
Mr Darcy hesitated only briefly.
"Yes."
"You admit it?"
"I believed I was acting for the good of my friend."
"You separated him from my sister without even taking the trouble to know her."
"I was convinced that Miss Bennet did not return his affection."
“You could have asked her. You could have asked me.
She liked Mr Bingley a great deal. She simply did not wish to appear too forward and unseemly.
That is the sort of restrained behaviour of which you approve.
Instead, you judged her without understanding her character or even her situation.
You believed yourself entitled to decide the happiness of two other people based on little else than your own prejudice. "
Mr Darcy remained silent.
"And there is something else," Elizabeth continued. "What have you done to Mr Wickham that has reduced him to his present circumstances?"
At the mention of Wickham's name, Mr Darcy's expression hardened.
"I shall not discuss Mr Wickham."
"That answer tells me all I need to know."
"No, Miss Bennet. It tells you nothing."
"It tells me enough."
Mr Darcy looked at her for a long moment.
"I see that nothing I can say will alter your opinion of me."
"No, sir."
He bowed stiffly.
"Then I shall trouble you no further. Good afternoon, Miss Bennet."
"Good afternoon, Mr Darcy."
Without another word, Mr Darcy left the parsonage, disappointed and heartbroken.
Elizabeth, for her part, was left stunned and deeply distressed. She wept for several hours, unable to understand why she felt so miserable. She hated Mr Darcy more than ever. Yet, for some inexplicable reason, she could not bear the thought that he might now hate her in return.
◆◆◆
Mr Gardiner arrived as early as he could to visit his friend Eleanor. He knew that the conversation awaiting them would be both long and deeply emotional, so he had informed his assistant that he would be taking the day off.
"Eddie, do come in, my dear friend. I have wonderful news to share with you. I am to be married tomorrow!"
At that moment, General Marcus Sinclair entered the drawing room, and Eleanor continued, "This is my future husband, General Marcus Sinclair. He was my betrothed twenty years ago, and we have at last found one another again."
"Mr Gardiner and I have met before, my dear. It is a pleasure to see you again."
Mr Gardiner returned the lovers' greetings, though for a moment he scarcely knew what to say.
It had suddenly become clear to him that the two people standing before him were Elizabeth's parents.
Until that very moment, he had believed Ella's betrothed to have died twenty years earlier.
What, then, had truly happened all those years ago?
As he looked at them, he saw nothing but happiness. On the following day, they were to be married at last. How could he possibly reveal the truth now and shatter their joy?
‘What am I to do now?’ he wondered in despair.